A Beautiful Catastrophe - Chapter 175

[Music Recommendation: “Interweave” by Chewie Melodies (Genshin Impact OST) – available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

Later on, lunch time finished and we all went back for our next classes. No thanks to my stupid thoughts, I spent the rest of the afternoon debating with myself.

‘Sena, you’re thinking too much of it. There’s no way that’s the case. I mean yes, you used them as reference for your story’s main leads but this is life—it’s different.’

‘But they look so good together—and such a perfect fit. If I’m an outsider, I would even mistake them for lovers if I saw them near each other or just standing beside each other. And anyone you’d ask will say the same thing for sure.’

‘So what? What if they look good together? Not everyone who looks good together ends up with each other, you know.’

‘Yeah, that’s true but still… am I even worthy of someone like Kaiden? I’m just a normal girl compared to him. He and his family are way out of my league. Oh my goodness, why did I only notice this now? I’m really shameless aren’t I? Maybe this is what those girls who bullied me felt? That I’m not worthy of him? It does make sense… I really am not—’

‘No, no, no! Stop it! Don’t think negatively like that. What matters is that Kaiden loves you, right? You and not anybody else.’

‘But that’s just because he hasn’t met other girls like Sarah. I just got lucky meeting him first and being close. Once he cures his mysophobia, he will be more open to other people, too. Honestly, I don’t know why he fell in love with me. And is it really love? What if it’s just because I’m his first female friend and he’s mistaking friendship with love? Or it’s just infatuation?’

‘Sena, stop it!’

‘But… but… What if in the future, we end up breaking up? Because I’m not good enough? Or worse, end up hating each other?’

‘No. You’re thinking too far ahead. Just do your best in loving him and I’m sure he won’t leave you.’

‘No. I can’t be too sure about that. Anything can happen. And besides… in my past life, I really didn’t have any love life. And I didn’t meet Kaiden. W-what if… I’m really not the one for him? What if… instead of me, it’s actually Sarah? And now that I messed with how things are supposed to be, Sarah will lose her destined person? Or worse, I might be affecting something I shouldn’t be affecting with my actions? Oh nooooo.’

Yes, that’s true. What if I really was messing with destiny?

Little by little, my heart sank into the abyss of fear, guilt and sadness. Why didn’t I think of it before? Were my actions really acceptable? What if all this time… I’m being too selfish? After all, this new life… I wasn’t supposed to be here. I wasn’t supposed to attend college, my dad was supposed to leave us, I was supposed to be working, and all that. I had only seen the good side of things ever since I reincarnated and I’m really thankful for that but what if… I’m destroying something I shouldn’t be?

As the class went by and our professor continued class, I suddenly felt chills run down my body. Fear crept within my heart. I unconsciously looked around, checking my whole surroundings for I didn’t know what reason. Perhaps, it was my own body’s way of asking if I should even be there?

Just when I thought that today would be a normal day without anything special going on, “that” just had to happen. Well, it wasn’t entirely bad. Actually, it’s good to meet new friends. It’s just… me. I got a bit insecure of myself and started comparing myself with Sarah until my thoughts went deeper and now, I wasn’t so sure anymore what to think. What’s worse, I had no one to ask or inquire of these questions I have. Was there ever anyone like me who went back to the past and changed events? Was I allowed to change them? Ughhh… it’s all too frustrating.

“Senara,” Marie called me, disturbing me from my circle of thoughts. “Hey, earth to Senara?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. W-what is it?”

Marie stared at me for a few seconds trying to guess what’s wrong with me. She then shrugged her shoulders probably thinking of letting me go, much to my luck. I noticed that she wasn’t the type to pry much which was good. I sucked at lying and I’m not sure if I should be opening up my recent thoughts to her or to anyone at all. She’d think I’m a lunatic.

“Hmm… It’s nothing,” she replied. “The professor said that the yearly Writing Contest will start next week, July 26th, Monday—in case you’re interested. It’s open to all but of course, most participants will be from the Writing department.”

“Right. The one in the posters. There’s a couple of them I have seen since the start of classes in June.”

“Yeah. It’s a yearly thing so they have the schedule fixed. Here’s the mechanics,” she said while handing out a flyer. “The professor kinda gave it earlier to pass for everyone. You were busy in your dream world so you probably didn’t notice—but here’s your copy.”

“I’m sorry about that. And thank you. I’ll think about it if I will join or not.” Ugh. My replies were so out of place, like my mind. “Are you joining?”

“Hmm… Maybe not. I’m not sure. In case I join, I might end up writing smuts since one of the mechanics for winning is popularity.”

“Huh?! Write what?” I blurted out, shocked by what she just said.

“Ha-ha-ha! I’m kidding. It sells though. Some authors decided to write smut books for money instead of nourishing their writing talents.”

Wow. That’s new. I didn’t expect Marie to say such things. It’s true though. In my past life, there were so many books and web novels filled with smuts to the point there’s barely any plot anymore. They were basically written porn. Even so, it’s true that many still read them and they would really sell—sometimes even better than other books who were actually written better, with more passion, and with an awesome plot. Sad but true. The people of the future would only become more and more liberated and there’s nothing we could do about that. After all, it all boils down to personal preferences. I mean anyone could read anything they like.

Now that she mentioned it… I wonder how authors who wrote amazing stories felt when their book got beaten in sales or popularity by smut books that had a crap plot? There were books with both smut and a good plot and those were great, but most often than not, they’re just a bunch of books with the sole purpose of entertaining readers in “that” area.

Wait a minute… Did she deliberately say that to distract me from my own thoughts? Was this her being nice to me? Oh, wow. Thank you Marie.