A Beautiful Catastrophe - Chapter 177

[Music Recommendation: “Blue & Grey” by BTS (instrumental only)-available in Youtube or Spotify] ~ Please listen to it in a loop while you read this part to experience the utmost beauty of this chapter ~

A few moments later, Hora, Crystal, and Verrill arrived. Then, we all went home together. Since Callan would be sleeping over, Verrill decided to do the same. Now, all three boys were busy doing their project in Kaiden’s room.

Meanwhile, us girls were holed up in our own rooms. Crystal wanted to bond but she had tons of meetings lined up for the night—one with her modelling agency, another with her classmates to discuss a group project, and I forgot the other thing she mentioned. Hora had a lot of homework lined up too so that left me alone in my room. On the good side, I had more “me” time. I needed it to arrange my thoughts.

“Haaaaahh…” I sighed deeply as I slumped my body to the bed and stared at the ceiling. “Soooo… What are you gonna do, Sena? What’s the plan?”

First—regarding time traveling. Yeah, I wanted to arrange my thoughts on that one first of all. I never really gave it much thought before. All I ever cared about was how to live my life differently because I wanted to be happy. This time, I wanted to live for myself, following my dreams, and experiencing things I never experienced before like love. Now that I’m living how I wanted to live, I couldn’t be more thankful for everything and for whatever reason I time traveled.

But then… all the good I was seeing was for “me”. What about the others that had been affected by my decisions and changes I made in my life? Best sample was Kaiden’s destined lover, if there ever was one. In my past life, I didn’t have a lover so I suppose that was how my love life was destined. But now that I got Kaiden for myself, what about his destined lover or supposed-to-be lover? Whether it’s Sarah or somebody else, what would happen to their love life? Would they be living a miserable life because of what I did? Same goes for my writing. What if that award I got, and the movie adaptation, what if somebody else was supposed to have it instead of me?

Somehow, it felt like I’m stealing someone else’s spot in this lifetime. Was I allowed to do that? Or more than allowing, should I even be doing that? What would happen if I do so? What’s the cost of all these?

As I pondered about my existence and it’s repercussions, a throbbing pain ached my heart. There was this stinging uneasiness, fear, and guilt once again. I felt scared. Scared of knowing that I’m messing with how things were supposed to be, scared knowing what exactly it was that I already affected, and scared of the possibility that I might need to leave all these changes behind.

Hours passed with me just thinking. I didn’t notice it was time for dinner and Hora had to fetch me in my room. We all ate dinner together then went back to our rooms to continue doing whatever we were doing. When I came back, I took a bath and decided to go to bed for some sleep since I knew I wouldn’t be able to get answers from my questions. Unluckily for me, I couldn’t sleep a wink. I tossed my body around the bed, tried different positions, closed my eyes and all, but still, sleep didn’t visit me.

“Ugh… Please, my mind and body, cooperate with me. I need to sleep.”

Knock! Knock! Knock!

A sudden knock disturbed me from my thoughts. I immediately got up hearing Hora’s voice calling my name from outside the door. She opened the door herself and closed it after coming inside.

“Sena, are you planning on sleeping already?” Hora asked as she walked towards me. “Did I disturb you?”

“No, not really. Actually I’m not sleepy yet, just trying to. And you? Are you having trouble sleeping too?”

“No. I just finished all my homework and I wanted to talk with you. I’ve been wanting to since earlier but you seem to need a bit of time.”

“Huh? Why? And what is it about?” Did I look miserable during dinner? Or in the car while we were on the way home?

Hora sat beside me on the bed and looked me in the eye. There she was again, trying to read me. And as usual, she could really read me. I think I really need to improve my lying and acting skills.

“Yes?” I asked Hora, nervous as to why she was suddenly quiet.

Sighing, she started, “Sena, if there’s anything bothering you, you can talk to me, okay? I believe we promised not to keep secrets from each other?”

Badump! Badump! Badump!

I knew it. Of course she noticed me. I noticed her, too, during lunch. Maybe I could also ask her about it.

“Yes, I know. But this… thing I’m worried about is—hmm… Answer me first though. During lunch, what happened? Why did you seem cautious of Silky? Did you two fight? Or is it something related to Aunt Vora?”

Hora flinched and her eyes widened for a split second.

“That’s—uuuhhh…” she struggled to find the right words, “Well… let’s just say there’s a bit of contradicting opinions on something.”

“Can you give me more details?” I asked carefully, not sure if it was okay to pry in their family matter. Even if we’re best friends, I still respected her privacy should she want to keep some things about her family a secret.

Hora bit her lips and hesitated. It must have been something she couldn’t share with me. Noticing that, I quickly retracted my question.

“Nevermind that. It’s okay. I hope you both resolve it soon. You look too angelic to be arguing with someone, even if it’s family,” I jested and chuckled.

“Riiiight,” Hora agreed and smiled awkwardly. “Sorry about that. But Sena, answer me now. What happened today? You don’t look okay. Was it because of Silky?”

“No, not Silky—”

“Then it’s Sarah.”

This time, I’m the one who flinched.