A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Chapter 54

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His sorrow was more heavy than I expected. He slept on the table every day, and his homework was either random or copied.

I couldn’t stand him, so he asked him to skip class during the evening self-study. The two ran to the lotus pond of the school to listen to the frog or toad.

I asked him how much he liked Tong Yunzhu, why he liked Tong Yunzhu, and Yang Jun spoke completely without a foreword. After a while, he said sadly that he liked Tong Yunzhu, and did n’t understand why she did n’t like herself. Like her, don’t care who she is with.

I said, “You think you are better than that little rogue, but why should you be sure of your excellence? Because you have good grades, you will definitely go to a prestigious university in the future, and you have a brighter future. But if you start to get tired of falling in love now, If you study, your grades will decline, you wo n’t be able to pass the prestigious universities, and you wo n’t even be able to pass the key points. What qualifications do you have to think you are better? Tong Yunzhu plays well while playing outside, and she controls her life Okay, this kind of girl certainly looks down on boys who ca n’t control her life. If you do n’t like her, you should study hard, because if she has been in the cloud sooner or later, how can you use the future life to be buried in the cloud? You should study hard and prove that you are a strong person, so maybe she will like you someday in the future. ”

Yang Jun was very dissatisfied with my logic, and asked with a twist, “What if I hate her?”

I sneered: “Then you should study harder. Only then can you succeed in the future, live better than her, and step on her feet.”

Yang Jun was fooled by me and looked at me innocently. I waved my hand: “I’m just your friend. The obligations I have fulfilled have been fulfilled. You are going to be decadent and degenerate. I won’t say anything more nonsense. Anyway, how to go the road, only you can decide, in this world, if you do n’t love yourself, no one will love you! ”

After Yang Jun meditated silently for a long time, he suddenly said: “When I first heard that you were with Zhang Jun, I felt that you would be under a lot of pressure. Now I suddenly feel that Zhang Jun is also under a lot of pressure.”

I wondered: “What do you mean?”

Yang Jun shook his head, staring at the dark places in a daze, his face no longer sad to hide. At this age, because she likes purity, so sadness is also pure. Because of that sadness, Yang Jun seemed to have grown up a few years suddenly, no longer a year ago. When I first met him, I was careless.

Growth always seems to be accompanied by pain, is it because scars can only be scarred? When layers of scars are wrapped around our hearts, we become less susceptible to injury, no longer easily moved, and grow up.

Yang Jun and I listened to the frog’s cries by the lotus pond, and walked back at ten o’clock.

The next day, Yang Jun started to be full of energy again, shouting to surpass Lin and still with me, Lin still pursed his lips and said, “Don’t talk empty words, come here.”

The three of us chased me, and I rushed to prepare for the mid-term exam.

I reviewed it very seriously and comprehensively. Even the most annoying politics can be reversed. I still do n’t have enough English, but according to the usual feeling of doing questions, I subconsciously think that this time there should be improvement.

When the ranking of the test results came out, the class teacher was very excited: “I have good news to tell you that there are nine classes in the whole year and the top ten in the grade, our class accounts for three.”

The students swiped their eyes, and all of them turned their attention to our triangle.

“First of all, I want to congratulate Luo Qiqi, she is the first class in our class and the first in the grade.”

My classmates started to applaud. I opened my mouth and could n’t believe it. Although I felt that my English papers were done well this time, I felt very different from the previous test. And the two first goals are achieved simultaneously. God seems to be deliberately testing me, not giving me a gradual process, but suddenly throwing me from the darkness of despair into the gorgeous light.

The class teacher made everyone quiet, and then said: “Lin is still the second in our class, and also the second grade.”

The classmates in our class began to applaud again, Lin still looked back at me, and there was a light of joy and excitement in his eyes. I was worried for a moment, worrying about how she thought about my victory this time. Now I know that she is happy for herself and for me.

“Yang Jun is the third in our class and the tenth in grade. Congratulations, congratulations!”

Yang Jun shook his fist and shouted loudly: “Finally in the top ten of the grade.”

In his cry of venting, I truly accepted the fact that I had become the first grade of middle school, because this achievement was hard-won. In my life, I realized the joy of harvesting for the first time, and I was so happy I couldn’t say anything. I only knew that watching Yang Jun and Lin still giggled.

Time has passed, and haste has been for many years. I have forgotten many things, but I still remember the joy of that time. From that time to now, after years of hardening, many of my views have changed, but I always think that only The success after hard work is the real success, and only such success will bring real joy.

In the afternoon after school, Zhang Jun smiled as soon as I saw it, and he seemed even happier than me. I knew he must have known the news. I was interested in asking about his achievements, but I was afraid that it might not be ideal.

He took the initiative to report: “Under the supervision of your little supervisor, I also achieved the best record in history, from the 78th grade of the last semester to the 35th grade, but I have just moved a little bit and you have reached the best Going ahead, my pressure is too great. ”

I smiled and threw my tongue out: “All you need to do is turn stress into motivation.”

Zhang Jun sighed with a smile: “I first found out that you are a strong woman.”

I asked: “How is Guan He?”

Zhang Jun shook his head: “Not very good, some decline, third in the class, more than twenty grades.”

“That’s nothing, probably not played well.”

Zhang Jun laughed: “There is really no one can compare with you, only rising and not falling.”

I smiled bitterly: “How can things in the world be so easy? The setbacks I have experienced are not enough for outsiders.”

Zhang Jun laughed, even if he didn’t believe me, I was too lazy to explain.

Zhang Jun asked me: “I took the first grade, how about skipping class tomorrow afternoon to celebrate?”

“Okay!”

The next day, the two of us escaped from the afternoon class, went to the newly opened ice skating hall to skate on the ice, and ate dinner and watched the movie together. Although I won the first grade, but his progress is greater than me, so both of them are very excited and have a great time.

The joy of the mid-term exam was quickly diminished by daily study. My life is still at two points and one line, but with the addition of a figure of Zhang Jun.

In the first year of high school, I was used to being alone and arranging my time in an orderly way, but Zhang Jun was in high school. At first, he just walked with me after school, but he came to pick me up even after school. We had to be together on the weekend. Unconsciously, he gradually eroded almost all of my extracurricular time.

At the beginning, I was also happy to be with him every minute, every second, but day after day, when all my time was occupied by him, when I found out that I was playing with Zhang Jun and Zhang Jun ’s friends, already It’s been a long time since I played Lin Lin, Yang Jun, Shen Yuanzhe, Horseshoe and Horsepower; when I found out that my life was completely dependent on Zhang Jun, I began to feel a little depressed. Occasionally, I tentatively asked him if I could go out with Shen Yuanzhe on weekends, he would be surprised to say: “Usually you are busy studying, we can only talk when we go to and from school, finally there is a weekend, you Would you rather go out with your classmates than with your boyfriend? “I felt his displeasure and could only dispel all thoughts at once.

After New Year’s Day, everyone started preparing for the final exam.

I’m under a lot of psychological pressure, because the results of the mid-term exam can be understood as a leap from quantitative to qualitative change, but it can also be understood that I suddenly got **** luck and played extraordinary. Can the final exam take the first place, I I was not sure, because I was not sure, so I worked hard.

The psychological pressure and the exhaustion of my brain made me more urgently need to be alone, so I had to talk to Zhang Jun and tell him what I thought. Before the final exam, we only meet on weekends. Usually, I want some independent space.

Zhang Jun is not very understandable. I explained to him that at some point, I still need friends and classmates. Maybe when I was out of school, I originally wanted to discuss math problems with Lin, but because you are waiting for me, I do n’t It ’s nice to talk to her, and she ’s embarrassed to come to talk to me, and sometimes, I am very tired, I need a space alone, do nothing, say nothing, do n’t want anything, and quietly blow Hair dryer, look at the stars, dazed.

I don’t know if Zhang Jun really understood my idea, but he agreed with my request.

The results of the final exam came out. I was the first grade. Lin still fell back to the seventh grade. Yang Jun was the thirteenth. Zhang Jun was still in his thirties. Guan He ’s score fell to more than thirty.

During the New Year, Zhang Jun and I went to Teacher Gao’s house together. Teacher Gao was very happy: “I have been looking forward to the two of you coming to the New Year together. The three of us can meet again and have a good chat together.”

My face was hot and I lowered my head. Zhang Jun smiled when he saw me blushing.

Maybe what Teacher Gao originally meant was not what I thought, but when she saw our reaction, she immediately understood. She did n’t behave as fearful of early love as a normal teacher. Instead, she was happy for us. While cutting apples for us, she said with a smile: “I think you two are weird. I used to take cram lessons and participate in competitions together. , The relationship should be better than the other classmates, but you two do n’t care about anyone, but every year, you always leave one forefoot and one hind foot, and make an appointment. And when you chat with me, you are always the same. The other party ’s news, if I am right, you must not accidentally ‘encounter’ every year. ”

Facing Teacher Gao, my mood is very relaxed: “Where is it? I have met twice, once at Teacher Gao’s house, he wants to enter the door, I want to leave; and once downstairs, he is parking the motorcycle, I just happened to be Go downstairs. ”

Teacher Gao joked: “Remember well. Although Qi Qi’s memory is good, he will not remember the details with whom he met? Zhang Jun, what do you say?”

Zhang Jun didn’t speak, just laughed.

We and Teacher Gao chatted freely like many years ago. When talking about my academic performance, I said: “I was a little worried about the fluke during the midterm exam. After the final exam, I have no worries. . ”

Teacher Gao said: “I heard that you were the first in the grade, and I was excited for a day, and told every teacher in the office that the first place in the first one was my student.”

I laughed embarrassedly.

Teacher Gao smiled and asked: “You are going to be divided into liberal arts and science classes next semester. Have you ever thought about going to college in the future?”

I look at Zhang Jun. Zhang Jun said: “I haven’t thought about it seriously. My dad and I have mentioned it twice. I hope I will either study business or computer.”

Teacher Gao asked me: “Qiqi likes Tsinghua University or Peking University?”

“Ah? Never thought about it.” I have been thinking about the first grade.

“No. 1 in No. 1 No. 1 province or not, Tsinghua Peking University will definitely pick up. If you have time, you can consider which school is more suitable for you and which major is more suitable for you.

I smiled and said nothing.

After coming out of Teacher Gao ’s house, Zhang Jun remained silent, and I asked him, “What ’s wrong? Why is it so silent suddenly?”

He smiled and said, “Nothing.”

I feel he is in a bad mood, but if he does n’t want to say, I do n’t want to ask. As I walked, I thought about something happy and told him.

Walking to a small shop, Zhang Jun suddenly stopped: “Ask you a question.”

“Ok.”

“Last year, when you stood outside the shop and stared at the motorcycle, what were you thinking? Why did you stand so long?”

I stayed for a while: “That motorcycle is really yours?”

“Ok.”

“You were in the shop?”

“Ok.”

I was embarrassed to think that I was staring at his car, and he said, “I didn’t think about anything, just … I remembered you.”

Suddenly, unable to explain why, Zhang Jun felt better.

He said: “Since going to high school, you will not come out to play again. I haven’t had a chance to meet you in a winter vacation. I know you will definitely give Teacher Gao a New Year’s Day. I would wait here specifically that day and want to take a look at you.”

My heart touched me gently, and there was a feeling of warmth in my heart: “The winter vacation of the previous year, when I went downstairs, it was not really a chance to meet you while parking your motorcycle, right?”

“Qiqi, do you still have so many ‘encounters’ with other elementary school students? One encounter is a coincidence, and three or four encounters will depend on intention. During the third day, how many times have you seen Guan He? How many times? Do n’t you think you have seen me too many times in three years of junior high school? ”

I said quietly: “I … I thought my eyes followed you.”

Zhang Jun pulled the hat for me: “It’s too windy here, don’t catch a cold, let’s find a warm place.”

We went to eat mutton skewers and sat in front of the stove, our body immediately warmed up. I was biting the lamb skewers, and my head was still thinking about the past.

Zhang Jun asked me: “Why haven’t you kept talking and thinking?”

“Um … um … I have a question for you. How many girlfriends did you have before?”

His face reddened unexpectedly: “How many have you heard?”

“Two, one is a kindergarten teacher and the other is dancing. Later, there were Chen Yinan and Tong Yunzhu. However, I never saw you and Chen Yinan together. Like Tong Yunzhu, they were all passed down by classmates.”

“I have gone out with Chen Yinan several times. My friends keep making fun of us, and we gather together. I don’t know how to get more and more true. I never asked her to go out alone, and she never asked me to go out. However, I occasionally write letters to me, all of which are ancient poetry, and I ca n’t understand it at all. Tong Yunzhu and the boys play very fiercely. In fact, the person I always like is Hao Si, and I am 100% pure friendship with her. ”

“Then … what about the first two? Do you like them?”

Zhang Jun was very embarrassed and did not want to say, but had to say: “The kindergarten teacher you said, I had a good time with her, but she didn’t like me, it was one of my buddies, and that buddy was a little careless She always deliberately intimately approached the buddy with me. When you encountered her drunk and wept, it was because the buddy was noisy, and it had nothing to do with me. Later, after she gave up, she did not contact us. ”

Now recalling the past carefully, in the few pictures, the girl’s eyes always looked elsewhere, and indeed never really fell on Zhang Jun.

“There is only one girlfriend that I have really been in contact with. The one you are fighting with. Her name is Lin Yue.” Zhang Jun was very embarrassed. “Can we stop talking about these?”

“No.” The one I really care about is her. The flying red dress made me cherish many nights.

Zhang Jun had no choice but to continue to explain: “Once, I went to Xu Xiaobo’s cabaret. You and he were singing love songs, do you remember?”

I thought about it: “Remember.” That was to celebrate your being “abandoned”.

“I thought you were with Xu Xiaobo at the time. It happened that Lin Yue was a bit mean to me, and the people were pretty. Some buddies thought she was right, so I was with her, and she could play with us. Together, I had a lot of fun … “Zhang Jun looked around and asked the boss for a cigarette.” You know what happened later, I don’t want to say anything about the past, so don’t ask me later. ”

In the smoke, Zhang Jun’s expression was cold and indifferent. It was the appearance of “Little Jun” I had ever seen, which made me feel a moment of heartache.

“Okay, I won’t ask again.”

I do n’t know what he did when he followed Primary Six, or what he experienced in the Public Security Bureau. I only know that he cares a lot about the past and never mentions it. Maybe he will not tell me until all the pain is truly a memory. Before that, I am willing to wait patiently.

His expression slowly softened, extinguished the cigarette in the ashtray, stared at me, and said very solemnly: “You are not my first girlfriend, but it must be the last one.”

In the evening, I wrote in my diary for the first time: “I think Zhang Jun really likes me, and I feel very, very, very happy.”

At that time, I was immersed in the realization that Zhang Jun liked me, and enjoyed the happiness of love. But now I think of this diary, but I only feel sad, while I love the 16-year-old Luo Qiqi, and Zhang Jun. Zhang Jun may not have thought that the two people have been together for so long. He loves Qiqi so carefully and wholeheartedly, but Qiqi hasn’t dare to believe that he loves her until now. If he understands this, maybe he can understand the strength of Qiqi’s surface, pretending not to care.

The young Qiqi has a deep affection, and she is more and more afraid because of her deep feelings. The inferiority complex in her heart is amplified. She always feels that Zhang Jun will like other girls at any time. Her self-protection consciousness is very strong, and she is reminded over and over again to make her love pessimistic, like a nervous snail, ready to retract into her shell at any time. The young Zhang Jun couldn’t understand Qi Qi’s complicated psychology, he could only judge based on what he saw, and concluded that Qi Qi didn’t like his conclusion very much.

3

Suspicion of love

This is our story, but we did not anticipate the beginning of the story,

We did not anticipate the end of the story, we blame it as destiny,

In fact, all the joys and sorrows are written by us one by one.

Only when we look back, can we see all the reasons,

It is only when it is too late to figure out the miss at that time.

After the second semester of the second year of high school, the school was divided into liberal arts classes. The original class remained unchanged and became a science class. Two new liberal arts classes, (10) and (11) classes, were added to all students who chose the liberal arts class. To these two classes.

The placement of liberal arts and sciences has no impact on me, Zhang Jun and the students around me, because we all choose science.

Zhang Jun and I kept the agreement reached last semester, and gave each other some independent space. I no longer walk away from school every day. Sometimes on weekends, I can go out with Lin Shun, Yang Jun, and Shen Yuanzhe.