A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Chapter 59

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I called Guan He out and she smiled and said, “Classmate Luo Qiqi, not everyone is as smart as you. I can sit firmly in the first grade no matter what happens. I have to study hard.”

She is very polite, but I always feel that her tone is ridiculous, and there are words in it, I said: “I know that my homework is very tight now, but it is because of the tight homework that I need to relax in time, accompany me to go roller skating at night We have n’t played together in a long time since last summer vacation. ”

Maybe she remembered last summer vacation, I taught her the days of roller skating, hesitated for a while, and finally agreed to my request.

There are many people in the roller skating rink, neither of us was thinking on roller skating. After skating for a while, we sat down to rest.

The topic of the chat between the two was very vague. I turned the topic to study several times. Guan He played my joke and turned the topic off.

Seeing that it was about time to return to the roller skates, I dared to blaze my head and decided to open the door: “Guan He, I just saw your grades decline. I thought it was normal fluctuations. That ’s all, what happened? ”

Guan He smiled and said: “There are more than one person who has a decline in performance. Maybe we are stupid and can’t adapt to the increasingly tense senior year.”

“I don’t know others, but I know you are not, you are smart.”

Guan He froze for a moment, and said with a smile: “Oh, in front of you, I dare not admit that I am clever, so don’t tease me!”

“From the first day of your transfer to our class, I was paying attention to you. You have always been the smartest and the best girl in my heart. I don’t believe that your grades fell because of being stupid.”

Guan He asked in disbelief: “Do you pay attention to me?”

“I did n’t lie to you. I really started to pay attention to you from elementary school. I envy you for your excellence. I long for myself to be like you. I even hope that God will turn me into you. Do you know? On my elementary school graduation book, I only invited one person to leave a message, it is you. When I was in junior high school, I often read it. Every time I saw the words you wrote, I was very sad. I did n’t understand how a person could be so good that even a common graduation message was written. It ’s so pretty. ”

Guan He stared at me in surprise.

I smiled bitterly and sighed: “You have been excellent since childhood and you certainly cannot understand my behavior.”

Guan He stared at me for a while, lowered his head, and said softly, “I’m not good anymore.”

“Study performance is just a standard for excellence, not all standards. I think your best place is in your attitude of being a human being, generous, not humble, unhurried, gentle and sincere. These things have merged into your unique temperament. I have been eager for Have your temperament. ”

Guan He was silent for a long time, and finally opened her heart a little: “I started to study hard from the first year of high school. In order to study, I almost gave up everything, but the harder the performance, the more backward.”

“Did you put too much pressure on yourself?”

“Can I have no pressure? You know exactly what is happening in our family. My mother is counting on me! Every time I see my test scores in high school, no matter what number I take, she will not be happy, I just keep counting that I am not the first. My grades have been declining. She is not counting the first. She started to scold me for not being satisfied. I am sorry for her, and I am sorry for the father underground. “Guan He’s eyes , Tears gleaming, do not want me to see, sideways, wiping sweat with paper towels pretending to be, the actual wiping is tears.

“Your mother is too much for you!” I realized that I was lucky. My parents never told me about learning. “You have to learn to control stress. Life can’t be without stress. Without stress, there is no motivation, but also can’t. Too much pressure, too much pressure will overwhelm a person. You do n’t have to carry everything alone, you have to let your mother know that you have worked very, very hard, and let her not to force you again, often too fast . ”

Guan He said nothing, I didn’t know if I had any ideas. Guan Hebilin is still, Yang Jun is a lot of mature and sensible, but because of her mature and sensible, she is very good at hiding her mind, but it is very difficult to communicate with her.

Suddenly, Guan He smiled and said, “Sometimes you will come out and play, don’t talk about annoying studies. How are you and Zhang Jun? I heard you broke up, really?”

My heart hung up and immediately asked nervously: “Zhang Jun told you?”

“No, no, Zhang Jun didn’t say anything. You haven’t been together for a long time, Zhang Jun is depressed every day, and his performance has dropped so badly, everyone guessed wildly.”

“We had a fight a while ago.”

“It turns out that way!” Guan He looked at me and asked carefully, “Qi Qi, do you still like Zhang Jun?”

I didn’t mean to answer her, just nodded.

Guan He’s eyes were complicated, and he asked, “Why are you arguing?”

“Very ridiculous, it was actually for learning. His grades did not improve as expected. I said a few more words, and he felt that I only cared about learning in my heart, not at all.”

Guan He’s eyes became more and more complicated, and he said with a smile: “Let’s go back, my mom should say me again later.”

The students in Senior Three seem to have no qualifications for the summer vacation. They only took two weeks of vacation and began to take classes. The weekends are also canceled. Classes are held as usual on Saturdays and can only be closed on Sundays.

In the fast and slow class, Zhang Jun was assigned to class (4), and Guan He was in the same class, the class teacher was his brother-in-law ’s classmate, and I was assigned to class (6), and Lin Shun, Yang Jun, Shen Yuanzhe, Tong Yunzhu, Yan Gongzi and Jia The sons are all assigned to class (8), and have the most ace of our school’s graduation class teacher-the rate of progression for ten consecutive years ranks first in the school.

Our class is the class with the most top 20 students in the top grade, that is, the class with the highest proportion of good students, but the teacher configuration is said to be the worst. The chemistry teacher has never taken the graduation class, and the math teacher is a sloppy ghost. This is also the first time. The only breakthrough in the graduating class is the English teacher, an old talent with a full range of books, books, and books. He is elegant and elegant, and he is said to be the best English teacher in our school. After finishing his first lesson, I covered my face and sighed for not meeting the first grade. But our school is so weird. The best teachers in all subjects only take high school graduating class. They never take high school and high school. I do not approve of this practice, but this is the reality, and good teachers are more willing to take the third year, because the welfare bonus is unusually excellent, and the honor is more intuitive.

Taking advantage of the summer vacation, the school invited the brothers and sisters of these famous universities in Tsinghua Peking University Fudan to give a report to senior three students to introduce their learning experience and share their university life. At the same time, you are welcome to ask questions actively, you can discuss the learning method, you can also ask the university’s major and learning life.

The atmosphere is very warm, the students seem to have countless questions to know, which school is good, which majors are popular, which major is easy to find a job, which city is not exclusive …

When the principal invited Chen Jin to speak, it even set off a climax.

“Chen Jin has been communicating at the Chinese University of Hong Kong for a year and has just returned from Europe. Let me ask him to talk to his brothers and sisters about his feelings after going to college.”

In the warm applause of everyone, Chen Jin was wearing a white shirt and gray slacks, and walked into the big lecture hall with a smile. The temperament and style were very different from those of the past. The exposed sharp edges were all transformed into restrained self-confidence, plus the construction is also considered Half of the art major gives him a very casual elegance and calmness.

His speech was very short, briefly introduced himself, let us ask questions at will. Yang Jun asked a question that never has an answer: “Tsinghua is good, or Peking University is good?”

He jokingly said: “Tsinghua’s cafeteria is much better than Peking University. You should come to Tsinghua just to eat well.” He also gave a glance to the Peking University students who were sitting under the stage and said, “Of course, people can’t just be for material things. To live, you must have a spiritual pursuit. Peking University has a Weiming Lake. If you fall in love, Peking University is better. ”

The students all laughed.

He also talked about the Chinese University of Hong Kong at the request of everyone. The teaching method is completely different. The full English teaching makes students feel curious and envious. Someone raised his hand and asked him: “Go to a university in Europe to be an exchange student is it hard?”

“It’s not easy, there are many people signing up for competition; it’s not difficult, because things are artificial.”

I thought with a smile, he studied architecture. The old buildings in Europe are definitely not to be missed, and it is no longer easy to fight for.

Guan He raised his hand and asked a very girl question: “Is Paris and TV like? Romantic?”

“Not only Paris, but also Venice and Greece are very beautiful and very suitable for lovers. This is a learning trip. I very much hope that there will be a love trip to Europe in the future.”

The classmates laughed again, and even the headmaster and teacher laughed disgustedly. In the laughter, we all have the feeling that we are already adults and no longer children.

The students asked him many questions again, and he answered humorously and wisely.

At the end, the principal asked him what he most wanted to say to his brothers and sisters.

Chen Jin thought for a while and said, “I used to be the first class with you. I know some of you and some of you. I want to say that the outside world is wonderful. Please fly bravely!”

In the warm applause of everyone, the exchange activity ended. The classmates still refused to leave, and each of them surrounded their brothers and sisters who were interested in the school for advice.

I put my hands in the pockets of my denim skirt and walked out of the large lecture hall, kicking my steps while looking up at the distance.

The blue sky is clear, the white clouds are laid back, the sun is shining, the world is wonderful, but where is my wonderful? Zhang Jun? Is he willing to be my wonderful?

“Luo Qiqi.”

I turned around and Chen Jin walked over quickly: “Hey!”

“Hey!”

He walked side by side with me, walking silently on the boulevard of the school. Because it is summer vacation, the campus is very empty and quiet, it seems that the sky is extremely high, the wind is particularly light, and it gives a feeling that the world is very broad.

He smiled and asked, “Is it good to go to Tsinghua, is it Peking University?”

“Probably nothing.”

“why?”

I didn’t want to answer, I just smiled. Zhang Jun ’s best grade so far is grade 29, which is impossible for Tsinghua University, and I have decided to go to a school with him.

“If you don’t want to go to Tsinghua University or Peking University, why do you work so hard?”

“I do not know.”

“You can’t know it, don’t you want to tell me? If so, then when I didn’t ask.”

His retreat has played a role. I thought about it for a while and said, “I started to study hard since I was in high school. At first, I started to do it for others. The hard work of the learning process and the joy of success have made me change a lot. ”

Chen Jinning listened, “What changes?”

“The outsider looked at just a girl from being a poor learner to a first grader, but I know that my personality has changed a lot. I am confident now standing in front of anyone, for example, if I saw You, I will subconsciously think that what you have done is impossible for me to do. I will tell myself that you and I are not in the same world, but now, I will not think so. No matter how much you achieve, I It ’s natural to feel that as long as I work hard, I can do it. If I do n’t, it ’s just that I do n’t want it or I do n’t work hard. ”

Chen Jin said: “Since our birth, we have been repeating the process of giving and harvesting. In this process, two kinds of people have gradually formed. One person succeeds in harvesting through hard work. He is willing to work harder and more and more successful, so his world is optimistic; another kind of person wants to succeed, but he is lazy to give, and can only reap failure. His world is pessimistic. Learning is simple and boring, but after all, it has occupied more than ten years of life. The positive, optimistic and hard-working character formed in the process of giving and harvesting is far more important than life.

“Well.” I nodded. “When I was young, when I thought about the future, I would be very confused and very confident. I didn’t know what kind of person I would become, what would happen in my life, now, I will still be confused, but I am not afraid of the future because I know that as long as I work hard, I can control my life and become the person I want to be. ”

Chen Jin laughed: “You also said that it was just for others to study hard at the beginning, and later, unconsciously, it became for yourself. You enjoyed the hard work and success. The change in motivation has already shown the ideal change. In fact, It does n’t matter whether you go to Tsinghua University or Peking University. It ’s just glory. What matters is what kind of life you want. ”

I did n’t speak, but I completely agreed with him. When I read Liu Yong and San Mao, and were absorbed in the foreign country they wrote, I naturally thought that I was going to travel the world. Then there is the girl who is willing to stay in this city for a lifetime.

We have reached the end of the boulevard, and have stopped, looking back at the big red lecture hall.

The poplar trees on both sides of the road towered into the clouds, the sky was blue, the clouds were white, and the trees were green. Some students were walking in groups, young eyebrows, and flying laughter.

Chen Jin asked: “Did you see it?”

I understand that he refers not only to the scene in front of me, but to the young and wonderful world in front of us. I nodded: “I see.”

Zhang Jun, Guan He, and Huang Wei came over with a smile, and when we were near, we saw Chen Jin and me standing on the corner.

Having just seen the blue sky and white clouds, my heart is very soft and clean, staring at them with a smile.

Guan He looked at me and Chen Jin curiously, with envy hidden in her eyes, but Huang Wei turned her head disdainfully, but her disdain was full of lack of energy.

Chen Jin said hello to Zhang Jun. Zhang Jun stopped with a smile and set a few words with Chen Jinke, but he hadn’t looked at me.

In an instant, the positive and bright moments when I talked with Chen Jin were swept away. I felt so tired. Although outsiders looked at my score without any impact, it seems that I am the one who has not paid for it in this relationship. But in just a few weeks my weight changed from 91 kg to 83 kg. The exhaustion of mind and body is only known to me.

When Zhang Jun left, Chen Jin and I said goodbye: “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I hope I can invite you to dinner at Tsinghua Park next September.”

I smiled and walked towards the teaching building.

On the one hand is the junior high school with increasingly heavy learning tasks, on the other hand is the continuous cold war between me and Zhang Jun.

Both Lin still and Yang Jun were very careful with me, and their sympathy was revealed, but I did n’t care if I wanted to play a strong spirit.

The depression of my heart is nowhere to vent, and the corners of my forehead and mouth are all covered. My body has collapsed before my mind.

Excessive fatigue makes me want only one result, whether the result is good or bad.

I decided to give Zhang Jun the decision.

After school, I went to Zhang Jun, he refused to take care of me.

I called his name a few times, and he refused to stop. I could only say behind him: “If you want to break up, let’s break up.”

He stopped suddenly and looked back at me.

I said: “It’s boring now that it’s unclear and unclear. It’s better to make it clear. In the future, we will go our own way. If you want to break up, we will break up.”

After a long while, he asked in a dumb voice: “You like someone else?”

“No.”

He looked at me and did not speak.

I smiled reluctantly: “Since you have no opinion, let’s break up! Goodbye!”

I strode out of school, my steps were firm, but my heart was dazed and painful. I want to force myself to give up, but I still can’t bear to give up in my heart, so I can only give everything to him to decide.

What will his decision be?

On the first day, I waited anxiously, he did not respond.

The next day, the next day, I was tormented by communication, he still did not show up.

On the third day, I wanted to go to him and tell him that I regretted it and I did n’t want to break up. However, after all, there is still a little pride, so restrain yourself with reason.

A week after Zhang Jun and I broke up, Zhang Jun finally appeared in front of me.

In the early morning, as soon as I left the house, I saw him waiting downstairs, and my painful heart finally settled. The pain, anxiety, sorrow and discomfort all disappeared. It turns out that no matter how I control my own emotions, my emotions are controlled by him.

But this method of giving your own emotions to others is in charge, right? He can push me away at any time

He said: “I don’t want to break up, I want to be reconciled, is it okay?”

“I have a condition.”

“I promised.” Zhang Jun agreed without asking.

“No matter what happens between us, you don’t want to give up studying. Men should not be sad by decadence.”

Zhang Jun was a little surprised and looked at me with some disappointment: “I promise.”

“Sadness is sorrow, decadence is decadence, sadness is because of the past, but what the decadence destroyed is the future. Never use decadence as sorrow and bury the past with the future.

Zhang Jun refused to say anything to me, just asked: “Then we are reconciled?”

I nodded silently, but there was no feeling of happiness in my heart, only the fatigue of the rest of the life. This time, I won, but next time?

I seem to have become two people. I love him in the world of feelings, but alienate him in the world of reason.

In this world, every thing has a point in time. Before this point, things will go in one direction, and after this point, things will go in another direction.

Many years later, I often thought that if on his birthday, he did not choose to confess to that day, but let me confess his feelings to him, and if he was drunk that night, I could run downstairs to meet He, if he is willing to talk to me on the day after running 800 meters, will everything be different?

However, there are not so many ifs.

Zhang Jun treats me differently than before, and I always feel he is not happy about this reconciliation.

In our daily encounters, he has to make concessions that are difficult for him, with careful accommodation, and with bluffing joy.

Perhaps, I also have many ifs in his world, but there are not so many ifs in reality, this is destiny.

Many years later, when I was sitting in a street cafe reading a book in New York, I suddenly saw this sentence: “Menheaptogetherthemistakesoftheirlives, andcreateamonstertheycalldestiny.”

People gather the mistakes in life and create a demon called destiny.