A Book Dedicated to Our Youth - Chapter 61

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When I walked downstairs to my house, I refused to go upstairs and kept standing, but he turned around and left: “I’m home.” This was the first time he didn’t watch me upstairs, and told me without a smile call him.

I felt ashamed of my unrequited love, and immediately rushed into the door, but just rushed to the second floor, thinking that this was the last time he sent me home, and since then, he will never appear in my life, I will Heart cut like a knife, bent over, almost painless breathing, all self-esteem is nothing, and rushed downstairs again.

He had gone far, and his figure became extremely thin under the street light.

“Zhang Jun!”

All my feelings are in the heartbreaking cry, how I hope he can understand how sad I am at this moment, how much I hope he can look back.

He didn’t seem to hear me calling him at all, and was still walking. But I knew he heard because his footsteps stopped.

I have been staring at him, he has not looked back.

Long after his figure disappeared, I climbed upstairs without a soul. My parents were very angry and asked where I went. I rushed directly into the bedroom and locked the door.

Mom and Dad kept scolding me, but everything seemed to be separated from me. My body is sitting here, but the soul does not know where.

Gradually, the voice was quiet, only me, sitting in the dark.

When I remembered looking at my watch, it was already three in the morning.

I did n’t wash my face, did n’t brush my teeth, and just lay down, but I could n’t sleep anymore. Thinking of tomorrow, Zhang Jun had nothing to do with me anymore. I ran to the bathroom, but I didn’t even have dinner, so I couldn’t spit it out. I just squatted on the floor to dry.

After a night of tossing and without closing her eyes, it was almost half past six. The alarm clock, as usual, rang without emotion, reminding me that I should recite English.

I seem to have finally found something I can do in the collapsed world, took out the English book, shut myself on the balcony, roared with a throat, and madly read English, but did I remember in my mind, not at all clear.

After my mother got up, she wanted to continue to teach me the return of last night, but I found that I had studied **** the balcony, and she said nothing.

Mother made omelette and warmed the milk. I do n’t have any appetite, and my mother asked me, “What ’s wrong? You have to eat breakfast or you ’ll have no energy for a day.”

I didn’t want her to see anything strange, so I picked up the bowl and forced myself to start having breakfast.

The younger sister had breakfast while bargaining with her mother how much pocket money she should give her this month. My head was blank, and my ears were buzzing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but my mother asked me, but I was able to answer as usual.

My mother asked me, “Are you going out to find classmates this afternoon?” I usually go to see Zhang Jun on the weekend.

When I was caught off guard, my tears fell off, and I did n’t even have time to cover up. I immediately lowered my head, lifted the bowl half to my face, pretended to be drinking milk, and blocked my face with the bowl, but I clearly saw my tears One by one fell into the milk, on the smooth milky white, dripping a circle of ripples.

In a trance, I heard a voice calmly saying “Don’t go out”, far away and strangely unlike my own voice.

All day long, I was holding books and studying tirelessly, but from 6:30 in the morning to 10 in the evening, the total number of books I read was only one page.

In the evening, I lay in bed and told myself that everyone in this world would leave to live, and I still feel uncomfortable. After one year, I will not remember the pain now. Ten years later, when people mentioned Zhang Jun ’s name, I will think for a long time before remembering who he is.

Everything will pass, everything will pass!

In the self-persuasion over and over again, it was difficult to get to school at dawn.

When Yang Jun saw me, he asked in surprise: “Have you worked hard all night? Why is your face so ugly?”

“Well, do the question three or four points.”

Yang Jun was greatly stimulated and immediately began to work hard.

I know that it will not take long for the news of my breakup with Zhang Jun to spread throughout the school, and many eyes will look at me. My self-esteem does not allow myself to be decadent because of falling in love. Throughout the day, I forced myself to read and study , Even if the efficiency is too low to be almost inefficient.

After Zhang Jun “threw” me, his confidante Huang Wei accompanied him home every day.

I always knew that Huang Wei liked him, but Zhang Jun was very slow. He always thought that Huang Wei and him were pure friendships. I do n’t know what his relationship with Huang Wei is now, but it ’s a fact that they have a double entry, and all the students started to say that Zhang Jun ’s new girlfriend is Huang Wei.

I have always realized my fears, and I became one of Zhang Jun ’s ex-girlfriends. Everyone turned to me with sympathy and misfortune.

I tried hard to pretend not to care. In the class, I became very lively, playing pranks with Yang Jun constantly, making a lot of noise, laughing every day, lest others would not know that I was happy.

Shen Yuanzhe often accompanies me home after school, chats with me, and occasionally picks me up for school, so blatantly out of the pair, and soon the rumors about me and him are in full swing. Gao Di and Shen Yuanzhe went home and went to school together to make this rumor more vivid.

Lin still asked me to go to the library to study together every weekend. Yang Jun helped me sort out the puzzles. I pretended to compete with me and accompanied me to do my homework. Later, Shen Yuanzhe also joined our weekend study group.

I am very pleased that in this most difficult period, there are still friendships around me. They have not raised any questions, but they have used all kinds of companionship to be the limit of what a friend can do.

The school held a boring and boring learning experience introduction in the auditorium. I learned from Chen Jin and completed the three-minute task in one minute. Until now, I realized that it was n’t Chen Jin who did n’t want to tell the truth, but the teacher was not happy that we introduced what we did n’t need to listen to in class and do all homework.

After the meeting was over, I quickly walked out of the large lecture hall. When I was outside the teaching building, I was stopped by the first grade of my second year of high school and asked me for some learning confusion. I didn’t feel the slightest mood, but suddenly thought of Chen Jin, so I stood still, patiently listened to his doubts, and gave the most pertinent answer.

Gradually, more and more people around me gathered together into a small circle, and my brother bought me a drink.

I was patiently answering, and saw Zhang Jun and Huang Wei coming side by side, probably Huang Wei’s smile was too dazzling, so I also smiled brightly, and waved with Zhang Jun, greeted easily, but he was suddenly surprised Change, stare at me fiercely, and leave quickly.

I still smiled in the sunshine and happily answered the questions of the younger brothers and sisters. After answering the questions, I kept smiling and walked into the teaching building. Tong Yunzhu stood by the window of the corridor and asked with a face: “Did you like Zhang Jun? ? ”

I smiled and said nothing. I have always known that the opposite of love is not hate, but that he is treated like an ordinary person. I have always been good at disguising.

I am very unhappy and very painful, but I cannot let others know that I am in pain.

I am very thankful that the mind is wrapped in a skin, so we can live the days of the mind and the flesh.

During that time, I didn’t dare to recall. Every time I recalled, there was only pain. I couldn’t remember what I did every day. It seems that every day when I go to school, I need to take a deep breath, feeling that I am not going to school, but fighting.

It was so muddy to the end of the period.

After the results of the final exam were announced, I was still in the first grade, and I did n’t believe it myself. Lin still, Yang Jun, and Shen Yuanzhe all know that in the past two months, all my energy has been pretending to be strong, and I have not put much energy into my study. But learning is probably like driving a train, as long as you get on the track, everything will naturally go forward.

Although I do n’t know how I took the first place, I am glad that I am still the first in the grade. The results of the first grade can tell everyone unequivocally that Luo Qiqi was not hurt! Luo Qiqi doesn’t care if Zhang Jun doesn’t like her anymore!

This is the advantage of being an eagle. Everyone thinks you are a strong man, and the emotion of being injured will not coexist with you.

The senior three have no right to spend the winter vacation. The school announces only the New Year holiday and other classes will be held as usual, so after the exam, we still have classes.

During the winter vacation, I didn’t go to New Year’s greetings to Teacher Gao. I only wrote a greeting card and mailed it to her. Because I do n’t know how to face or explain.

I started counting my days and looking forward to the college entrance examination, hoping to end my life here soon. When I was like elementary school again, I just wanted to escape. It turned out that after so many years, I was still the one who just wanted to escape when I met things.

After the New Year, the college entrance examination counts down, and a large red Arabic number sign is erected at the back of the classroom. Every day, the teacher will change the number by hand to remind everyone that there is one day missing from July 7.

Under the tremendous pressure of the college entrance examination, the students are digging their heads and studying hard. Everyone’s face is covered with a gray layer, and hope is right in front, but the pain in front of them is to suffer with the body every day.

I started to truly accept the fact that Zhang Jun and I were separated, and I became very silent, no longer making a loud noise with Yang Jun, and no longer laughed. However, before the depressed college entrance examination, everyone became silent and unhappy, and my changes seemed exceptionally normal.

Day by day, Zhang Jun seemed to disappear, I haven’t seen him for a long time.

When we were in junior high school, we walked in and out of the classroom completely on different stairs, and we all encountered “encounters” from time to time. But now we walk up and down the stairs every day, but we never encounter them. By comparing the past with the past, I realized that he was intentional and ruthless today.

When the night is quiet, I often think about how I lost him. I don’t have to wait until ten years to look back suddenly, I know I must have done a lot of wrong things, but I don’t know where I am wrong.

Should n’t I study hard? Should I just fall in love and not study? Shouldn’t I be a strong and independent girl? Should n’t I be self-respecting? Should I use negative decadence to express my importance to him? Should I cry in tears and jump off the floor to save him?

There is no way to tell anyone about my pain. I can only tell the diary. My diary is filled with all kinds of fantasies, and after a few years, Zhang Jun and I can still be together. I fantasized about the various reunion editions and wrote them in a diary.

I even use these fantasies to encourage myself to study hard and try to get rid of the shortcomings in my body. I tell myself that only in this way can I come to him in a good enough way in the future to make him like me again.

In the hope of the future, the days before me are no longer so desperate, and I am no longer so sad.

I learned very easily. Compared with my classmates who were drowned in the sea, I was like someone from another world. I slept on time every day and never stayed up late.

The classmates thought I was amazing. They didn’t listen to lectures and hardly did their homework, but they could sit firmly first, even my sister couldn’t figure it out. I told her that the key to high school in the third year is high school and high school. All the knowledge has been completed in high school and high school. High school is just a systematic and organized process. If you are in high school and high school, you will put all your knowledge into it. It ’s really hard to get through the third grade if you really understand it and cut it into your mind.

My sister is in high school. I said something very meaningful, but she didn’t listen at all.

In the midst of torment, it was finally June.

Two mock exams, I firmly ranked first. Guan He was in the top 20 of the grade, and Zhang Jun’s performance was stable at around 30 in the grade.

After the last mock exam, the school was closed except for the senior three students. After the teacher finishes the exam, we will also take a holiday. For the rest of the week, the school ’s library and classrooms are open to high school students. Let us review and prepare for the college entrance examination freely.

In a week, I turned over English, and I did n’t bother to touch anything. Yang Jun could n’t stand it anymore. He grabbed me to the library and forced me to do some of the exercises he had outlined.

I went to the examination room without any psychological burden and finished all the subjects very easily. My aunt at the door of the house found that I was still watching TV at noon between the two exams. It was only forty minutes before the exam that I ran to the school. She was stunned.

On the morning of July 10, after the final exam, everyone was officially liberated.

The moment I walked out of the examination room, no matter what the result was, everyone had a happy expression on his face for the rest of his life.

For a whole year of questions and questions, we got greedy early in the morning and everything was finally over!

In the evening, the school held a graduation party for us. Before that, everyone was fighting for the college entrance examination. It was impossible to prepare performance programs like the graduation of elementary school and junior high school. However, the graduation of senior three is obviously more important than the graduation of the other two grades. The school can only Work **** the hardware.

The director in charge of the matter this year chose the open air, hung small bulbs on all the trees, and put up a large projection screen.

When night falls, the evening breeze sends light, and countless small light bulbs light up, the atmosphere becomes romantic and sad.

The original plan was to host two music teachers in the high school department, but the female teacher could not come for a temporary emergency, so she can only find it from the students. The teaching director jumped anxiously and asked Shen Yuanzhe for help. Shen Yuanzhe recommended me. The male host Mr. Li invited me to help him host the party. I refused it without thinking. After a while, I changed my mind again.

From the beginning of elementary school, Zhang Jun and I have been in a school. Tonight is the last night of our school. I hope he will remember me as long as he remembers this graduation party.

My present desire is already humble, but I hope he will not forget me.

The music teacher helped me choose a plain white pettiskirt, the waist was strangled very thin, the skirt was not long, just arrived at the knee, but there were countless sequins, walking around, if the stars flicker, put on the matching rhinestones The headband is a princess dress that all girls desire.

The music teacher was wearing a white shirt and black trousers. When we walked side by side to the venue where the lights were shining, all the teachers and classmates were seated.

The old headmaster took the lead to applaud enthusiastically, and the teacher also began to applaud. There was a thunderous applause around him, celebrating the end of the senior year of high school.

With a smile that I thought was the most beautiful, I announced to you that the party tonight officially began.

“All the programs are from everyone. Any student who wants to perform can go to Shen Yuanzhe. He will register everyone’s request and then arrange it with me and Mr. Li. Tonight, our beloved teaching director is present, but We do n’t have to bother him. Whether the subject is healthy and positive is not part of this evening. ”

Everyone laughed, and Teacher Li said: “The first show tonight is a piano solo, the performer is next, please use this time to think about the show you want to perform.”

Teacher Li sat down at the piano and began to play, which was an exciting “Graduation Song”.

The students came to take notes one by one, thinking about discussing the program to be performed.

I laughed and sat next to Shen Yuanzhe, chatting with him in a low voice, but looked at Zhang Jun uncontrollably. Finally, when he saw him, he didn’t sit in the seating area of ​​his class, but sat on the railing of the flower bed with Zhen Gongzi and Jia Gongzi, talking and laughing. It happened to be face-to-face with me and Shen Yuanzhe.

After Mr. Li finished playing a song “Graduation Song”, some classmates had just handed in notes, but it was too late to prepare props. Shen Yuanzhe asked me: “Do you want Mr. Li to play another song?”

I laughed and said to him: “That’s too boring, look at me.”

I took the microphone and walked toward the center of the venue with a smile and said: “If a vote is held now to elect the teacher that everyone hates the most, I don’t know who you will vote for? Everyone’s choice must be different, but there is a teacher It must be on the list. Everyone guess who? ”

The classmates laughed, and the teachers present laughed. After all, the party was just beginning. The atmosphere was not enthusiastic. The classmates still did not get rid of the constraints of being students. I smiled to teach the director salute: “Director, congratulations, you are the teacher with the highest votes.”

Everyone laughed, and I said, “As the teacher we hate the most, I, as the representative of this year’s graduate, would like to invite the teacher to improvise a show for us.”

The microphone was handed to the instructor. He held the microphone and coughed and cleared his throat, but said nothing about the performance.

I started shouting loudly: “One two three four five, we waited so hard; one two three four five six, we waited so bad …”

I smiled and waved, beckoning everyone to speak with me. This is the slogan we just learned in the first year of high school. Everyone in the grade has no one to know, no one wo n’t, and it is also a courageously strict teaching director.

But when everyone started calling, I was a little distracted. Has it really been three years? It seems that he was ridiculed by horse power yesterday, and it seems that he has just fought with Song Peng. Is that really thousands of days away? ?

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, we have to wait anxiously; one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, teacher, do you really have it?”

The roar of the audience of more than 500 people in the audience was not the same as the small one. The director of the training said: “Yes, I have, I will sing the first” Over Fire “by Xin Zhe.

“Wow!” I exclaimed. The students made an incredible expression, saying that it was a song that was seriously exceeded, and the students all laughed.

Did you promise too much

I did n’t give it enough

You always have ten million reasons

I always follow your feelings

Make you crazy make you indulge

I thought you would be moved someday

I pretend to be indifferent about rumors

The instructor sang while walking, shocking all the students, because his voice was exactly the same as Zhang Xinzhe.

I did not have any accidents, because the director of the teaching and Shen Yuanzhe had a very good personal relationship. I heard Shen Yuanzhe mentioned him singing Zhang Xinzhe’s singing very well, otherwise, I would not dare to use him to open the rush to activate the atmosphere.

I sat in the dark, staring at the other side without any care through the night, Zhang Jun was still sitting there, his figure vaguely discernible, but his face, but I tried hard, but could not see clearly.

Did he see me?

I know he won’t pay attention to me at all, but it doesn’t matter, I walked to the center of the brightest stage for you to see at a glance.