A Date With Faet - Extras #11 (pt.2)

=::= Elise’s PoV =::=

I ran back to my bedroom and dove onto my bed. I didn’t understand the stuff mom was saying. I was scared and confused, I almost felt sick to my stomach.

Mom was acting like she didn’t know me, or she thought I was someone else or something. It stirred up a bunch of strange unhappy feelings and distant faded memories. She was talking as if I wasn’t really me, as if my whole life was just an act or a lie. And instead of making me worry about my mom, it left me feeling terrified for myself and I couldn’t even say why.

I kept telling myself over and over in my head, I was just a kid, I never went to college, I was never with anyone. It was all so confusing and frightening and I tried my best to push the whole conversation out of my head.

“Elise?” a small voice asked from my bedside table. “What’s wrong?”

I rolled over and wiped tears from my eyes, “I don’t know Will. My mom… She said stuff, it doesn’t make any sense. She was talking like she didn’t know who I was, like she thought I was somebody else.”

My pixie friend looked worried and confused, but before either of us could say anything more there was a knock at my door. A moment later it swung open, and Kelly stepped into my room.

Whenever I got in trouble or messed up, mom would pretend to be strict but usually she was secretly happy. Especially if I was making boring stuff more fun. And Keira would try not to smile, but she was usually entertained by my shenanigans. Kelly was the strict one, she almost never thought it was cute or funny when I messed things up and got in trouble.

Except she didn’t look strict or upset this time. She looked worried.

“I’m sorry Willow,” Kelly addressed my small friend. “I need to speak with Elise alone, she and I need some privacy for a little while. Would you please leave us for now?”

Will gave me a questioning look, she wouldn’t leave my side when I was upset. Not unless I wanted her to go.

I pulled myself up to a sitting position and wiped my eyes, then nodded to her “It’s ok Will. I’ll be ok.”

Willow nodded slowly, then she flitted out the open door. Once she was gone, Kelly closed the door then moved to sit at my table by the window.

And at the same time I saw Willow sneak back in through the hole in the stones over my door. She’d turned herself invisible, and she returned to my bedside table to watch and listen in. I made sure not to look at her, I didn’t want to give her away.

Kelly meanwhile addressed me in a calm, compassionate voice.

“Elise, your mom’s very sorry she upset you. I think there were some very big misunderstandings when she was talking with you a few minutes ago, and I’d like to speak with you to try and clear all that up, ok?”

I nodded slowly.

Kelly continued, “I want you to know right now, you aren’t in trouble. I’m not upset with you, neither are your mom or Keira. I have some questions for you, but there’s no right or wrong answers ok? And if you feel upset, or if some of my questions make you feel bad, it’s ok to say that. I might ask why they upset you or how you feel about them, but you don’t have to answer anything if you don’t want.”

I nodded again, but she was already putting me at ease. I got up out of bed and moved to sit across from her at the table, then sniffed and asked “What kind of questions?”

The tall redhead seemed to consider for a moment, then asked “Do you remember when your mom adopted you?”

“Sure,” I said quietly. “It was almost eight years ago. She took me to the royal Duma and did some magic stuff, that made me officially her daughter in the eyes of the Gods and everything.”

Kelly looked thoughtful for a few moments. She asked, “Do you remember how you got your name?”

“Mom named me after her cousin,” I replied. “You know all this, why are you asking me?”

Instead of answering my question she asked me, “Do you remember how old you were when you were adopted?”

I nodded again, “I was fifty. The day I was adopted was my fiftieth birthday.”

Kelly asked, “So you were fifty when you were adopted, and your mom named you Elise, after her cousin? What was your name before that?”

I hesitated. I was about to say Elise, but that didn’t make sense. I became Elise Brádaigh when mom adopted me, so I couldn’t have been Elise before that, could I? I had to have another name, but I couldn’t remember what it was, I could only remember being Elise.

While I was thinking about that stuff I almost didn’t notice Willow as she flitted over to sit on the table between me and Kelly. Still invisible of course, but she probably wanted a front-row seat.

After a minute or so Kelly moved on to another question. “Do you remember where you lived, before your mom adopted you?”

“Earth,” I replied softly. “I used to live on Earth. That’s how come I know the human language and I know a bunch of stuff about their world and history and stuff.”

Kelly asked, “Do you remember where you lived on Earth? Do you remember what you were doing there?”

An image came into my head, of a lonely room in a retirement home. It was in a city called Barrie. I knew a bunch of facts about that area, like it was an hour’s drive north of mom’s Earth estate. It was the city where mom went to college a long time ago, with the cousin she named me after.

Along with the images came some unpleasant feelings, I got a sort of cold heavy feeling in my stomach that felt a lot like fear. I ended up not answering Kelly’s question, instead I tried to push those uncomfortable thoughts and feelings away.

After a few quiet awkward moments Kelly asked, “Elise? Are you trying to remember being on Earth?”

I shook my head, “I don’t… There’s some things I thought about but I’m not sure. I don’t know if they’re memories? They don’t feel right.”

“That’s ok,” she replied in her calm, soothing voice. “You don’t have to answer if it upsets you, but I’m wondering what those thoughts are? And why don’t they feel right?”

I shook my head again, “They don’t feel like they’re mine. It’s like… I don’t know? Like remembering stuff that I read in a book or something. I know it’s stuff about the past but I don’t know how I know it? Only that it’s not mine, it’s not from my life.”

Kelly nodded slowly, she had a thoughtful look on her face. After a brief pause she repeated one of the questions I didn’t answer before, “Do you remember what your name was, before you were adopted?”

This time a thought appeared in my head. It was in English, and I was positive it wasn’t my thought.

/I was Elise Vale./

I actually bit the inside of my mouth to stop myself from saying anything out loud. My heart was pounding and I wondered if someone was using mind magic on me, if someone was trying to push thoughts into my head. I didn’t know how to defend against that stuff, but I knew that kind of magic existed and my mom once defeated someone who could do that.

“Are you ok?” Kelly asked, her voice full of worry. “You look scared.”

I shook my head, then nodded. I didn’t know if I was trying to say yes or no. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to tell her I was ok and not to worry, or if I should admit I was terrified and didn’t know what was happening.

Kelly continued looking at me with a worried expression. She watched me for a few more moments then said, “It’s ok Elise, you don’t have to answer that.”

She asked me a couple easy questions instead, like did I remember my last visit to Earth. That was only five years ago and I still remembered the boring archaeology professor and her obsession with dirt. And I remembered feeling threatened by a scary human guy.

Then Kelly asked “Do you remember another time you went to Earth? You wanted to meet a couple humans. Their names were Rachel and Lindsey. Do you know why you wanted to meet with them?”

Once again a thought leapt into my mind, and once again it terrified me. Like the other one, it was in English.

/They were my daughters./

In addition to the fear was a feeling of sorrow and longing. More names flashed through my head, Andrew, Eric, Abby, Justin, Abigail.

Along with the names there were faces. Andrew and Eric were young human boys, Abby was a little baby. Justin was a grown man. And the name Abigail had dozens of images attached to it, from a woman in her thirties through to her sixties. And with the names and images came another wave of sorrow and grief.

I found myself crying for no reason, and Kelly moved around the little table to pull me into a hug. “It’s ok Elise. I’m sorry I upset you.”

I shuddered as thoughts and memories came and went, like I was fighting with myself. Part of me wanted to remember, part of me wanted to forget. It led to another round of tears.

Kelly continued to hold me, and once I’d calmed down again she asked me some more questions.

Some of the questions were simple things, and some of them were silly enough to make me laugh, like did I ever hear voices in my head. Other questions made me more uncomfortable, like did I ever experience thoughts that didn’t seem to be my own.

Considering that had been happening a whole lot while she was talking with me, the question sent chills through me. I was scared but I admitted the truth to her. I told her it was happening and what those thoughts were, the words and the pictures and the memories that weren’t mine.

Kelly didn’t laugh or freak out or act weird about it. The whole time she was kind and caring. And her calm caring attitude helped me to calm down a bit too. Meanwhile Willow just sat on the table and watched and listened, but she stayed quiet and invisible.

In the end I wiped my eyes and asked “Kelly? What’s wrong with me? Am I cursed or something? Has someone done magic to me to mess with my memories or thoughts or something?”

“No hon,” she shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with you, and you aren’t cursed. I’m going to speak with your mom, and I’m going to set her straight on things so she won’t have the sort of misunderstandings she had today, ok? And I’m pretty sure she’s not going to ask you to meet Colin ó Faoláin, or any other boys after I get through talking to her.”

I grimaced, “Thanks Kelly. But why is this happening to me? Why do I have those weird thoughts and memories and things? If they’re not from a spell or curse, where are they coming from?”

She hesitated a moment then instead of answering my question she suggested “This might sound really strange, but maybe you could try asking yourself those questions? Just like you’re talking to yourself. You don’t have to do it out loud, you could try just asking in your head if you want? Or you can say it out loud if that’s easier.”

Kelly probably saw the look of apprehension on my face as she added in that soothing voice, “It’s ok Elise, I’m right here with you.”

I nodded slowly then tried what she said. I sort of whispered as I asked myself, “Why do I have thoughts and memories in my head that aren’t mine? Who’s are they?”

The answer came immediately, it was in English, and it was just like those other strange not-mine thoughts.

/They belong to me. Those are my thoughts and my memories./

I felt a wave of fear pass through me and I gulped. I probably went pale again too, but Kelly had an arm around me, she was keeping me safe.

I whispered, “Who are you?”

/I am Elise Vale. And I am you./

“You’re not me!” I insisted. “I’m Elise Brádaigh, I’m fae. You were a human, you were mom’s cousin…”

/We used to be Tegan’s cousin. We used to be me. Now we’re you, now we’re her daughter./

It wasn’t like hearing an actual voice, there wasn’t any sensation in my ears. It was just pure thought, and the more those thoughts happened the better sense of them I got.

They were definitely coming from a woman, and they were always in English, even though I was thinking and talking in Fae. I couldn’t tell how old she was but I knew she was a grown-up, and I couldn’t really picture what she looked like, apart from knowing she had black hair. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t deny she was telling the truth. I used to be her, and she was me.

There was another question I needed to ask. I was almost afraid to know the answer, but at the same time I already suspected what it would be.

I gulped again then whispered, “Are there others?”

/Yes there are. They’re as afraid of you as you are of them, but perhaps in time you and they will be comfortable enough to meet each other./

“How did this happen to us?” I asked softly.

/We’ve always been this way, but we didn’t understand it until now. There were suspicions, stray thoughts, questions, but we’ve always been good at ignoring those things which disturbed us./

“Ok,” I nodded slowly. Then I shook my head, “I can’t do this any more right now.”

Fresh tears streamed down my cheeks and Kelly hugged me again. “You’re doing really well Elise. You’re a very brave girl. I’m proud of you and I know your mom will be too.”

“Kelly what’s happening to me?” I asked as I hugged her back. “What’s going on?”

She sighed, “Elise I’m sorry. It’s something I learned about when I had my clinic on Earth, when I was working as a therapist. It’s a thing which happens with some people. I should have noticed it in you a long time ago, but I guess I wasn’t really looking.”

After a brief pause Kelly explained, “It’s known as plurality, or being plural. It just means there’s more than one side to you, ok? It doesn’t mean you’re sick or that there’s anything wrong with you. I want to make sure you understand that ok? And it doesn’t change who or what you are. You’re Elise Brádaigh, you’re Tegan’s daughter. The stuff she said to you earlier, about going to college and all that? Your mom was wrong, she was mistaken. I’m going to explain that to her, I’ll make sure she understands.”

I gulped, “So what about these strange thoughts and memories? If that keeps happening, what do I do?”

She gave me a reassuring squeeze and said, “You can try to talk with them, like you were just doing now. But if they scare you, or if they upset you, you come and talk to me about it ok? We’re not going to do anything to hurt them or make them go away, but if they upset you then maybe I can help to make sure you all get along. You’ve already been doing that, without even knowing. This isn’t going to change anything about you or your life.”

I nodded slowly, “Ok. Thanks Kelly.”

She smiled, “You’re welcome Elise. Do you think you’ll be ok on your own for a while? Is it ok if I go and talk with your mom about this?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I was starting to feel better again. “I’ll be ok. Thanks.”

Kelly gave me one last reassuring squeeze then she let go and moved for the door.

As soon as she was gone Willow became visible, still sitting crosslegged on the table in front of me.

I could tell she was full of questions but I just said quietly, “I’m sorry Willow, I can’t talk about this right now.”

My friend gave me a sad look. “That’s ok Elise. I don’t understand what’s happening but I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready. If there’s anything I can do to help just ask.”

“Thanks Will,” I gave her a weak smile, then moved back to my bed and lay down again.

PurpleCatGirl

To be clear, this is a condensed fictionalized version of what can take weeks or months in real life.

This can be a process which takes weeks, months, or even years for someone to go through on their own. It’s also not always linear, there can be a lot of forgetting and repeating steps. Furthermore, everyone’s experience with plurality is different, and this is just one example.

In Elise’s case, I realized Kelly was the perfect person to help her understand this new information about herself. Kelly studied psychology and spent years practicing as a therapist on Earth, I figured she’d have encountered plurality and had some understanding of it. Plus I’d like to think by that time in our future it’ll be more widely known and accepted than it is now.

Also, some folks might question why Elise can’t seem to remember stuff she knew in Extras #7 when she was more aware of parts of her past (and consciously avoided thinking about it). Since then she’s had five or six years of her new happy life as a fae teen on Otherworld, with nobody reminding her of her earlier life as a human on earth until now. I’m pretty confident if I or another young self got magically transformed into our ideal body & spent a year or 2 in an environment where we could ignore our history, we’d forget that stuff too.

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