A Devil May Cry Fanfic - Chapter 161 The past became the odd presen

Meanwhile

“Ey Shakespeare uh what do we do with dead half naked bitches?”

*casual confused silence*

“…Shakespeare you good bro?”

“…if the end times hit there’d be dead naked people everywhere this is the worst way to die besides on a toilet there’s no dignity at all”

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“Eyyy more philosophical bullshit great your fine!”

“Son…first wtf second what do we do with…ima call it trixie or roxann cuz I can’t be a good person if I refer to the deceased as i-

*that demonic bird laugh of destruction followed by a big flash of light and electrical zapping of lighting*

“Jesus Christ griffon what are you doing”

“I burned the evidence with electric zaps”

“…but she needed a proper burial she died horribly we shoulda at least tried to contact a lov- griffon omg son no you know English stop this at on..0-0 son u ate a pimps intestines”

“Oh I thought that were worms…they looked big to like the ones in hell eh whatever it was tastey”

“…please I beg of you stop desiccating the nice strip club people’s body’s while I check for more. Also I blame Vergil since I have no idea where he is or what he’s up to.”

“That’s a bit harsh dude but I am still ticked he sealed me in a bottle a while back”

“One I thought he killed my little boys second I haven’t been alive long but this amount of chaos and terrible occurrences can’t be normal I’m not in “heck” so this isn’t normal”

“You’ll adjust that’s what the milf did”

“…please stop referring to my god as a milf”

“Ya know what it is?”

“Yes, accurate but derogatory towards women which is even more upsetting to a god”

“Your gods smart but hella dense bucko”

“….I’m not and I’m upset about it please don’t attempt to debate this just don’t and call it good”

“Fine fine”

V called the cops and waited in the strip club with them body’s while repeatedly having to stop his demon baby’s from fuckin with the crime scene.

[Military can’t handle demons but they can’t handle identifying shit and clean up so they are still somewhat useful but not as much as if this was a normal place.]

Meanwhile

By the power of anime and a very fluffy small lap dog who’s smart enough to open doors and sparda knows what else it’s capable of…these two things have been cheering the wifefu up while in the kitchen…

*cuts to patty and Vergil*

*Awkward starring at one another*

“Which one of yous older?”

“Me best five minutes of my life”

*patty smacks Vergil with her pretty pink sparkly purse*

“I suppose that’s acceptable maybe it’s to soon to poke fun at him yet”

“…guess the stereotype of twins being polar opposites is true guess the medias still good for something…anyway this is gonna be really confusing for everyone when Dante gets back let alone the twins…”

“Tell me did Dante do the same thing with Nero?”

“Eh oh no he didn’t know he existed until the same year lil came around but Nero rubbed off on him probably cuz he was a orphan”

“…-.- how bad is the similarities?”

“….half mini Dante half pure bean cuz church cult and the nun wife”

“I approve she’s adorable”

“Course you do everybody loves some kyire cinnabuns are cute we must protect em”

“…my daughter in law isn’t foo-”

“It’s a sayin same thing as lily just she got dropped in some hot sauce so she’s a cinnabun drenched in spice”

“…I don’t get this new language crap at all”

“…blame society verg…I honestly don’t know if I’m supposed to call you family or not Dantes kinda like a sibling that I get to harass though at one point I thought he might’ve been serious about takin me on a date when I grew up…but that was probably the depression talkin”

“…I only remember him crying three times once when I kicked his ass on the playground when we were kids and he accidentally got impaled on some metal bars, second was when I made out with a girl he liked she got us confused for each other Valentine’s Day gone wrong third when we both were comforting mom cuz Dad was missing and I still don’t know if he’s dead or alive”

“You to were how old at the playground?”

“2”

(He was a evil baby dear god poor Dante0-0)

“He did get depressed for a few years if you don’t believe me ask lady”

“…-.- about that why’s arkhams daughter working for my incompetent brother?”

“…you know what a sugar baby is?”

“…yes”

“They were abuseive sugar baby’s that kept swindling Dante also aged gay for your moms clone they stopped the money shit once they realized he had a cutie to take care of”

“….I need to process this since my pasts coming back in a very uncomfortable way”

*vergil goes to contemplate in a dark room while patty goes back to chilling with lily*