A Gatekeeper And The Celestial Sovereign - 68 Darkness 3

The radio was playing some music which added atmosphere to the quiet family dinner.

Mao Lu felt himself being pulled into the memory, the lines between the present him and the past him blurred, soon enough he forgot he was in a trial. He began reliving this moment….

His hands were clammy, he felt nervous.

He prodded his food awkwardly.

“S-s-so what’s your opinions on love?” he asked.

His Mother looked up from her plate and raised a perfect eyebrow before smiling like the sunshine.

“Oh! Do you have someone you like?” His mother asked curiously, her eyes twinkling.

“It’s not like that…” Mao Lu fidgeted, “It’s just that it’s rare that Dad isn’t busy and is joining us for dinner. It was so quiet… I thought that this would be a good topic of conversation.”

“Well you’re wrong” His Father said, turning to Mao Lu with a distasteful expression across his handsome features. “It’s not a good topic of conversation, you should be focusing on your studies and not on love or romance. Those are only distractions, distractions that you can care about when you’re successful.”

“You didn’t meet Mum when you were successful, you loved her for years before the business got going, that’s what Mum says.” Mao Lu mumbled, he felt pressured when talking to his Father.

“I may have loved her back then but I didn’t pursue her until I was established. I didn’t let my feelings distract me, understand?” he lectured.

“Understood.” Mao Lu said.

Silence descended amongst them once again. The cello’s melody became more sombre.

Mao Lu’s hands trembled, he wanted to explain how he felt.

“I… I read recently that there has been an increase in same sex couples. Like, you see it a lot in media these days. What’s your opinion on topics like that?.. I’m just curious.”

Zhang Hou didn’t bother looking up from his food as he answered Mao Lu’s question. “It’s sickening isn’t it. I simply don’t understand any of that, and I don’t understand why the media would even slightly represent such a disgusting thing. It’s an illness, really. A mental disease. If I knew anyone like that I’d recommend them to a psychiatrist.”

Mao Lu dropped his chopsticks. His lips twitched a bit and his heart rate began to speed up. “D-D-D-Don’t you think it’s a bit rude… calling it an illness. I mean it’s not like it’s hurting anyone… Th-They’re just living their lives.”

“See that mentality is how this type of social disease spreads. If you preach the idea that such a thing is okay then more people will support it. But it goes against our social norms and standards, it’s also just weird. Anyone like that is an abnormality which needs to be treated. Don’t you think so too Zi?”

Mao Lu felt a sharp pain in his chest, his entire body was covered in a cold sweat. Under the table his hands trembled.

“What if… I mean I heard this crazy story at school that one of the students was… was gay and they told their parents. If you were that child’s parents how would you react?” Mao Lu asked.

“I’d send them to the hospital. Try to find out how to cure something like that. And if nothing worked well I wouldn’t want a child like that in my family.” Zhang Hou said heartlessly, his eyelids didn’t even flutter as he answered in a matter-of-fact tone.

His Mother looked a bit perplexed, “Of course I love my child but something like that… I don’t know…I really don’t know.”

Mao Lu felt a deep sickness fill his gut. He had known his parents were very reserved in their values and beliefs but hearing their views made him feel like they were physically attacking him.

“Thank goodness you’re normal. You’ll marry a beautiful and rich girl like Lee Heri when you’re old enough, and you’re a strong and smart boy, isn’t that right?” Zhang Hou said with a slight grin.

Mao Lu swallowed the bile and queasiness in his throat. He faltered before he smiled back at his Father. It was a fake plastic smile. “Of course.”

The eerie voice whispered into Mao Lu’s ears, “Liar.” before the scenery began to change again.

…

“Nieztiche once said, beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.”

“Since the rise of civilisation, there has always been a thirst for knowledge, a desire for understanding. One of the biggest topics we want to understand, in actuality, is ourselves. Are we a product of nurture or nature? Are we driven by rationality or emotion? What influences the decisions we make? What develops our judgement? What is justice, what is morality, what is right and what is wrong?

If all these questions were answered, do you think it would be a good thing? Or would that break all the mental and social constructs that we have made in our ignorance? Would it change us?”

The bell rang.

“By your next philosophy class I would like you to write a 1,000 word essay on ‘The influence of knowledge and understanding on human nature’ using all the theorists that we have focused on in this lesson. Class dismissed.”

Mao Lu blinked, he shivered as he stood up, as he did so both Fei Bing Bing and Zhao Detong grabbed onto his arms like sleepy Koala.

“Oh my god I hate this class so much!” Bing Bing groaned.

“Same” Zhao Detong sighed, “Who actually cares what affect knowledge would have on our personalities, I for one don’t. What do you think Mao Lu?”

Mao Lu was trying to grasp the situation, the scenery had changed again, and very suddenly. A moment ago he’d been reliving a memory he thought he’d forgotten.

His brain had been foggy before but now he felt as if he’d jumped up from the depths of the ocean.

“I’m in a trial…the Tempering Hearts trial… none of this is real. Only phantoms of the past, segments from my memories.” Mao Lu told himself, he felt panicked and uneasy. With every memory he experienced he got sucked into it so entirely that he felt every impact, both emotionally and physically. Experiencing this all at once made him feel sick.

“Lu, Lu!!! Earth to Zhang Lu!!! Wake up will you, did the class bore the brains out of you?” Zhao Detong asked.

“No…no it didn’t I was just daydreaming and didn’t hear you.” Mao Lu mumbled.

“Are you not feeling well Lu?” Fei Bing Bing asked, looking at him with concern, “You look really pale.”

“I’m fine…I just think we should go home now rather than just standing here.” Mao Lu looked at the now empty classroom.

“That’s what I was gonna say, let’s get out of here.” Zhao Detong agreed.

Soon the trio were walking home together.

They dropped Fei Bing Bing at her home first, leaving Zhao Detong and Mao Lu together.

“I know you’re probably stressed with all the shit the media has been saying about your Dad’s business, but don’t worry about it, I’m sure it will all blow over eventually. I mean they’re just bad rumours. I’ve eaten at your Dad’s restaurants tons of times and the food is high quality. With your Dad’s OCD nature there is no way any of the kitchens would have hygiene problems. And all that bullshit about your Dad having under the table deals with gangsters is just bullshit. Soon enough everyone will realise that.” Zhao Detong tried to console Mao Lu.

Mao Lu was confused until the memory of this moment hit him like a bucket of icy water. This was the day…the day when everything started going bad.

“I know you’re upset but you don’t have to give me the silent treatment.” Zhao Detong pouted.

Mao Lu remained silent.

“Well we’re at my place now, so I’m gonna go. But seriously don’t worry.” Zhao Detong gave Mao Lu’s shoulders a reassuring squeeze before running through the large gates of his house.

Mao Lu watched as Zhao Detong disappeared, he could only sigh deeply as he walked up to his own home.

“What’s the point of showing me all these memories?” Mao Lu wondered, “Is it to stir up all my old negative emotions, is that it? Argenti said I must embrace the darkness within me and I have to accept what I see since its a reflection of my true nature.”

Mao Lu was still thinking about the trial as he walked through the vermillion gates and into the courtyard of his house.

“WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO? WE’VE BEEN SCREWED OVER ! THIS WAS THE ONLY OPTION” Zhang Hou shouted, his face was twisted in a strange mixture of desperation, anger, and pain. Long gone was his vigor and handsome looks.

He appeared much skinnier now, his cheeks were hollow, and his skin was sickly yellow.

Zhang Zi’s eyes were filled with tears, her pretty face twisted with anxiety, “B-b-b-but how could you sell the house. It’s your family heirloom, your Father loved this house. Your Parents entrusted it to us before they passed, no matter how bad the situation got we shouldn’t have sold the house.”

“Hah! This house was the reason for generations of poverty in my family. If my damn Father had just sold this house years ago then I would have had money whilst growing up. I wouldn’t have had to make the decisions I made, and we wouldn’t be in this damn mess!!! Yet instead my Father insisted in keeping this old place and wasting all his money on maintaining it. When he died he gave me the right to sell this place if I wanted to. This is the only thing I can use as collateral, we have no other goddamn assets! How else do you think I’m gonna pay all this off?!”

Zhang Zi was silent, she bit her plump pink bottom lip in worry. “But even if you sell the house that’s not all the debt, there’s still more to pay, and where are we going to live? If we sell the house and we go bankrupt where do we go? I have no parents, there’s no one we can depend on. And what about Zhang Lu, how are we going to pay for his schooling or archery? And what about the police, they’re still doing an investigation right? They kept you in custody for two days. What’s that about, did you really have some under the table deal with the mafia–”

Zhang Hou threw the glass beer bottle he was holding onto the stone floor of the courtyard. The sound of its shattering silenced Zhang Zi.

“DO YOU THINK I’D REALLY DO SOME DEAL WITH THE MAFIA! HUH!” he spat as he yelled. “I’d never do that!! Obviously they realised they had nothing and the investigation is over now!” His chest heaved up and down as he breathed hard and tried to calm himself.

“Don’t worry okay, I can handle this. I’ll find us a place to live and I’ll make sure Lu stays in that damn school and I’ll make sure we pay off all the businesses debt, okay. I’ll make sure this all disappears. So just trust me.”

Zhang Zi trembled, “Hou, I trust you, but how the hell are you going to do that? Where will you get the money from? You know those people won’t make it easy for us, if they can do all this just bec–” Zhang Zi stopped as she noticed Mao Lu standing in the courtyard.

As Mao Lu watched all this he felt the old feelings of confusion and fear ignite inside him and he felt himself being overwhelmed by emotions and the memory.

He didn’t fight it, he let himself relive this moment.

“Mu-mu-mum what’s going on? What about the house? What debt?” Mao Lu asked.

His parents were so silent that the sound of the wind blowing by became as loud as a thunderclap.

“Lu go into your room and pack all your essentials. Tomorrow morning we have to move to a new place.” His Mother said softly.

“I heard you both” Mao Lu’s expression was gloomy, “You sold the house, Grandad loved this house. This is home, I don’t want to lea–”

A sharp slapping sound filled the air, “LISTEN TO YOUR DAMN MOTHER! Go and pack, NOW!”

Mao Lu held his cheek, blood dribbled from his mouth.

He clenched his fists as boiling rage bubbled inside of him.

He felt so angry that he couldn’t breathe. There was so much he wanted to say, but it couldn’t come out.

He couldn’t even look at his parents. Finding himself walking towards his room and closing the doors behind him.

Quietly he obediently packed, all the while his hands shook, his brow sweated, and he struggled to breathe.

He was so mad that he felt himself beginning to panic.

“See this is your problem, this has always been your problem. You just contain things. You keep that anger inside you. You let it build and build and build. Never truly letting it out, at least not properly.” The sinister voice hissed.

“All that bitterness, all that jealousy, all that anger. After all these years since you refuse it and hide it, it has grown into an ugly monster inside of you. It wants to come out.”

Mao Lu screamed, “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!” He knocked his forehead against the floorboards repeatedly. He didn’t think he could handle this trial, this was only the start yet he felt defeated. He wanted to leave.

“Once the trial starts you can’t end it you know. You have to see this through to the end.” The voice laughed.

As it laughed the scenery changed again.

…..…

“BONK BONK BONK” was the sound of the Judge’s wooden hammer.

“For attempted family suicide and manslaughter of your wife Zhang Zi you are sentenced to life in prison. From here on you will be incarcerated in Beijing Municipal Prison.” The Judge announced in a dull tone.

“Court dismissed.” The judge said with finality as he stood up and left.

Police officers walked up to Zhang Hou who was standing there quietly, he appeared much older and tired.

Mao Lu watched from the stands.

As he was being escorted out by the officers, Zhang Hou looked back at Mao Lu sadly. He didn’t say anything, their eyes only connected briefly before he left.

A hand patted Mao Lu on the shoulder. “Let’s go Lu-er.” said Old lady Chen, her son Jiang Chen near her. “You shouldn’t be at a court whilst you’re still mourning your Mother, come let’s go back to my place.”

Mao Lu trembled a little, he didn’t turn to face Old lady Chen.

“To pay off the business debt Dad took out a large loan from gangsters, yet even with that loan it wasn’t enough to cover all the businesses debt. So now there’s the debt from the business and the growing debt from those Gangsters. Yet he’s all comfortable and safe in prison, but what about me. I’m 18, all the responsibility will fall on me.” he said quietly.

“Don’t worry” said Jiang Chen, I don’t think the government will put all the debt on you, it’s your Father’s debt. I’m sure they’ll put it all on him even if he’s in prison.”

“The debt is under the Zhang Family name, not exclusively his. And even if the government don’t come to me for the money, those gangsters sure will.” Mao Lu said.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. You can work at my food stall and lay low and sort everything out. It’ll be okay, don’t be upset.” Old Lady Chen said as she pulled Mao Lu towards her.

“Upset?” Mao Lu said as Old Chen saw his vacant eyes and the corner of his lips that twitched as if he were fighting the urge to laugh “I don’t feel upset at all.”

“You see” the voice laughed, “Those are your true feelings. Don’t keep them inside, now is your chance, right here you can let all that anger consume you. Let it out, embrace it.” the voice hissed in his ear.

Mao Lu’s twitching lips turned into a large smile and he laughed loudly. “Upset, why would I be upset that that arsehole is behind bars. I’ve never been happier, finally… Finally I’m free.”

Mao Lu laughed until his sides hurt, then his expression darkened.

“But it’s not fair, I didn’t do anything but I have to clean up all this mess!!!!!! All I ever did was what they wanted. I studied. I studied. I coped with all those stuffy dicks at school. I did everything I was supposed to! SO WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!” tears leaked from his eyes.

A dark empty feeling filled Mao Lu’s heart. “I’m just obsolete. I have no purpose. I can’t practice archery…I probably won’t have the opportunity to continue my education. Everyone around me will be moving forward and I’ll just be left behind.” he mumbled.

The cold voice whispered, “Before you became the Gatekeeper you had no purpose. Your feelings of resentment were only rivalled by your feelings of inferiority. Your frustration. Everyday you tried your hardest to get by yet you felt worthless and so lost.”