A Not So Evil God In Fategrand Order - Volume 4: Sealed Ends Of The Four Seas: Okeanos Chapter 142 A Kid's Inner Turmoil 1

It was currently afternoon, and everyone was taking it easy. Well, easy in a relative sense as David, Medea, and Atalanta, who recovered from her shock, were sparring against EMIYA, Asterios, and Sanson. Euryale made sure to berate the Minotaur for his recklessness, though.

Seth so wanted to call Archer on that and say that if this was his way of “not thinking about a giant man coming for his head,” but he let it slide in the end. It wouldn’t be perfect, yet it was undeniable that fighting against each other would make them aware of their teammates’ shortcomings and strengths. That’s why he just shut up and went on with his business, which was finding the required materials for Medea’s potions.

He had to admit there were some things he didn’t even know existed within that list. Luckily, they were easy to find in the vastness of the ocean. BUT he hated the ocean. Not only was water the antithesis of his Fire Authority, but it also crushed the sands beneath it.

So, here he was, acting all grumpy near the shore. ‘I just wish I can find those things soon…’

He would also have to use one of his most powerful yet equally unsavory forms to maintain himself in the water long enough to explore properly and hunt the required monsters without issue.

Well… He said he would stop caring about his inner misgivings respecting those forms and his former actions, so it was best to start easy with a simple task.

“Kuro, wait!” Just as Seth was preparing to make a big jump into the ocean, someone stopped him. The black-haired man turned to the person who had just spoken, recognizing the voice as Fujimaru’s.

It seemed that even after knowing his ‘True Name,’ the Japanese youth still opted to call him as he had been doing before. Old habits die hard. He could relate to that, actually.

“Yes? What do you need, Fujimaru?” Seth asked for the sake of asking. He already knew what he wanted by observing his mannerisms and the obvious way he was trying to find the time where the two could converse alone and without interruptions.

Fujimaru opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He REALLY didn’t know how to go about this and more so to consider that the person in front of him was about to go look for the required things to heal Asterios’ arm. He felt he was inconsiderate with the Berserkerk Servant by stopping Kuro right here.

Seth just waited patiently, not minding the awkwardness that was starting to appear in the air. However, everything has its limits. More so when you take into account that opportunities like this won’t often come for the youngster. There was also Fujimaru and his weird gestures, trying to sort of encouraging himself…or that’s how he saw it.

Sighing in exasperation, the Egyptian God decided to lend him a hand. “So, I assume you want to speak with me about what happened when you guys fought Herakles and his band of monkeys. Go ahead, then.”

The Japanese youth froze for a moment before his figure slouched forward a little, seemingly giving up on something. “…Aren’t you busy right now?”

His original idea was to set up a place where they could talk quietly at another time, but the dreaded event was going to happen sooner by the look of things.

“Asterios’ limb isn’t going anywhere. It’s already gone, in fact. Waiting a few minutes or an hour more won’t be much of a problem.” Seth reassured him, although it did little to calm his nervousness.

The youth opened his mouth to speak, but Seth cut him off. “I know you are worried about people interrupting, and you don’t need to worry. I can know when people are approaching, and for now, there are none. If worse comes to worst and someone actually comes, I will just summon a storm and rain lightning on them until they get out of here.”

Fujimaru laughed a bit while scratching his cheek at the extreme method, but still thanked Kuro inwardly for his effort to accomplish his selfish request.

The Japanese Master sat on the sand with arms around his knees. Seth went next to him and sat down as well.

‘Where do I even begin…?’ Honestly, it was the most difficult part. He felt that once he started, he would be able to talk as if there was no tomorrow. Yet, that’s what he lacked, a start.

“You can start with whatever you feel the most comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be anything important,” Seth spoke as if he was reading his mind. His gaze was directed forward, even though the only thing he could see was a blur of blue, sky-blue, and white. However, he knew that avoiding eye-contact would make it easier for the other Master to speak his mind.

Sighing dejectedly, Fujimaru thought about his words. What looked like a jumbled mess became a clear path…, and the answer he got was not pleasant. Nevertheless, it was the only option to begin this conversation.

Mimicking Seth, he gazed at the scenery in front of him before speaking almost mechanically. “It was my fault.”

He didn’t say anything afterward, just those four words. It could mean him being guilty about a single action or the whole outcome, but he didn’t clarify.

Seth just kept quiet, still not looking at his fellow Master.

Seconds went by, then minutes before Fujimaru spoke again. “I got us into that mess. I was the one that caused that battle.”

The Egyptian God raised his eyebrow, giving him a sideways glance. Again, though, he didn’t utter a word.

This time Fujimaru spoke almost instantly. “After we battled Blackbeard and won, we stayed on an island for some hours to rest before departing again. We kept doing that, with the time spent on land becoming less and less as we still couldn’t find you.”

“Hm… Maybe you went right past me. Thutmosis pulled me into his Reality Marble, so the probability that you missed me is quite high.” His explanation only worked to make the young man’s spirit crumble a bit more than it already was.

Thutmosis… so that was his name. He might have been a pretty powerful individual in life. Until now, no one had produced a feeling of dread in him as much as that Archer did, no matter how brief it was.

“I see… To think that it was something that stupid…”

He stopped for a moment and took consecutive breaths of air. Otherwise, he felt as if he was going to break down laughing from the absurdity.

It was only after he managed to calm down that he decided to continue. “We had just left a random island when I spotted a heavy storm out of the corner of my eyes.” His arms fell to the side, his hands gripping the sand beneath him tightly.

“I… You always controlled storms as you pleased, so I… I thought that…”

That we would find you if we went there. The words were left unsaid, but Seth clearly understood. He didn’t force Fujimaru to continue, as he noticed his breath was getting hurried, and his nose caught a salty smell coming from his eyes.

“… They were there. The stars seemed to have aligned to give us the worst luck possible. They immediately caught sight of us and attacked.” As his words were coming out, his self-blame was also on the rising.

The black-haired youth finally got the courage to look at Seth to utter his next sentence. “Altera was wounded after fighting Blackbeard’s Servant, and yet… And yet she fought with everything she had to defend me, everyone did.”

“You already know the outcome. I am to blame… I know it, and I don’t need anyone to tell me the opposite. I am sure they will, but that’s not what happened! From start to finish, everything was because of me!” At this point, he could repress the tears no more. It felt… horrible.

A few seconds of silence passed, with the only signs of Seth listening was a small nod as his facial expression remained neutral throughout the whole thing.

“Seeing everything go down… I felt helpless, like never before. The worst part is that they weren’t even trying, dammit! What’s the point of me being a Master if it will turn out like this every time?! I don’t want this, not anymore! I didn’t even want to be one in the first place! I just so happened to be one who was filling the quota, nothing more! Everyone in Chaldea sees me as some kind of selfless hero, but the truth is I am not! I just don’t want to die! I don’t want the world to end because I just don’t want to die! It isn’t a reason like ‘it’s the right thing to do,’ I am just a coward who is afraid to die!” His outburst was not something that Seth expected, but it didn’t surprise him either. He saw it coming from a mile away. That one day, he would be made aware that reality was not a fairy tale.

“You think that since I actually have powers, I should be the one to ‘save the world’ and be the only Master. You feel this is a task too much to bear for you, hate it even. You also feel you have no freedom or say in the matter. The role was just pushed onto you. Just one day some people said ‘This is the situation, so you have to do it regardless if you want it or not’ and you couldn’t even voice your opinion, probably thinking it was not the right thing to do or that they wouldn’t even hear you out. At first, you convinced yourself by saying that if it was for the good of the world, then you would give it a try. Surely at some point in time, you would interact with people that would make you think, ‘This is worth doing.’ However, you saw the cruel reality. Instead of the smiling faces of the people you saved by taking on such a burden, you merely received nothingno. That’s incorrect. You did receive something, and that was hate. You never understood it in Fuyuki and Orleans as you only fought monsters that you didn’t even know existed. Yet, what happened in Rome? You fought people, and I am not talking about the Holy Grail’s fake ones that Romulus created. I am talking about those that deserted Nero’s army. Those were real people, and they were brutally murdered in front of you, be it by the other Servants or me, all while looking at you as if you were the one who murdered them. On that battlefield, you witnessed the most gruesome of deaths. I know you acted as if you were not affected, but I saw you empty your stomach on numerous occasions when you thought nobody was looking. Maybe it was at that moment it hit you. ‘Is this worth it? This is not what I wanted, what I expected.’ Everyone says that you are a hero but in reality…”

Seth paused before finally looking at an incredible pale Fujimaru, who was frozen with his eyes widened.

“You are nothing more than a villain.”

That was the simple truth in all of thisthe truth of a naive youngster who didn’t have the strength to refuse.

Mouth agape, Fujimaru tried to formulate some words, yet that was proving to be extremely challenging.

His thoughts were in disarray, not knowing what to say or think. Those words… they were like a physical representation of his inner feelings.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the black-haired youth finally managed to squeeze something out. “Y-You… How?!”

Despite the situation, the corner of Seth’s lips curved a bit upward. “You don’t get to trick people without a clear understanding of the other person’s character and thoughts. Though, that was not how I knew what you were feeling. I am God, remember? I have lived a life far longer than yours. That means I have met all sorts of people throughout the years. Let’s just say that one of those people resembles you greatly when he was young.”

“T-Then…!”

“Absolutely not,” Seth spoke before Fujimaru could continue his sentence, bringing the youth to a stop.

The Egyptian God looked forward again as he sighed. It was not like he didn’t understand the weight on his shoulders, quite the opposite. It was just that he was trying to ask for the impossible. “Would you really leave the fate of humanity to someone like me? Fighting an Evil with a greater Evil is not the answer, you know?”

“But you are not! From the moment you appeared, you have done nothing but help us! No one has the right to say anything bad about you!” Maybe it was because he was a Master like him, but Fujimaru felt Seth was the one he could speak his mind without fear the most.

“That Archer you fought… Thutmosis… he was right. He spoke about people slandering your name, and the way we turned our weapons against you the moment your name was revealed was nothing short of that. And yet, despite our actions, you still defended us when he attacked. Why is it that you help us when we don’t even deserve it?” No matter how hard he thought, Fujimaru couldn’t arrive at a satisfactory answer.

“It is because I love humans. As stupid as it sounds.” Seth’s answer caught Fujimaru off guard.

“You love… humans?” He parroted, unable to understand.

“Yes. However, that love is twisted. Even I am aware of that much. My love stems from other people’s experiences related to humans, not my own. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t even care if you guys lived or died. You would be nothing more than passing dust in my eyes. That’s why I say that you can’t leave humanity’s fate in my hands.” No matter how much he listened, those words sounded foreign to Fujimaru. He just couldn’t picture Seth acting the way he said, not after all this time.

“But… Even if it is twisted or not pure, it does not change the fact that you helped humanity more than I did, more than I ever will. So then, why don’t you agree to be the only Master? I am nothing more than dead weight. I don’t contribute anything at all. If I am here or not, it doesn’t weigh in the fate of the world.” It was just…unfair to both of them.

Seth looked at the sky once he heard the little kid’s question. The answer to that was simple and, at the same time, complicated. “Ritsuka… do you believe that Gods should be involved in the affairs of the mortals? Haven’t you heard stories of them playing with humans’ lives as they pleased? Medea, Atalanta, Asterios, all of them suffered one way or another due to their intervention. Do you want the same thing to happen again? Humans should be saved by their fellow humans. My role is just secondary. You don’t have any idea how important you being here really is, no idea at all.”

Although surprised when Seth used his first name for the first time, the Japanese youth fell into deep thinking. The gravity in his words was such that even he could catch on it. However, were they the truth? He didn’t know much about Seth’s mythological aspect aside from what he had read when Caster told him about his identity, but didn’t he look like a totally different person from those tales? What happened if those cases he spoke of were similar to his? But he was a God on part with those, so his words should be taken as truth.

In the end, what was the real truth?