A Not So Evil God In Fategrand Order - Volume 4: Sealed Ends Of The Four Seas: Okeanos Chapter 143 A Kid's Inner Turmoil 2

Fujimaru thought hard about his words repeatedly, but he couldn’t reach a satisfactory conclusion. He was basically drawing blanks.

“I just… I don’t understand. All of this stuff is too complicated for someone normal without any redeeming qualities like me. Gods, Servants, Chaldea… It all feels surreal even now. How is that someone who doesn’t even belong here is important?” The black-haired youth felt that Kuro was the one who should do the things he couldn’t do, which was basically everything. Why put two people to do the same job when one could do it perfectly while the other was plainly incompetent? It didn’t make sense.

Seth felt a sense of dj vu for some reason. Fujimaru was probably thinking of leaving all the work to him again. He closed his eyes, seemingly pondering about something, before opening them again a few seconds later. “Listen… You are overestimating me, us Gods. We are nothing more than people with an inflated ego and some powers. We are literally nothing but machines whose existence is meaningless. And as with every machine, the time came when we became outdated.”

“… How can you say that? Your existence isn’t”

“It is.” Seth cut off Fujimaru’s next words without hesitation. The truth doesn’t need pity. That is an undeniable fact.

“Let me take myself as an example. I am a God of Storms. However, how can you explain that sometimes it rains without me even having a hand on it? I am a God of Fire, so how can you explain that you people can wield it in your everyday life with the help of instruments? It goes without saying the same thing happens with my other Authorities. Humans can hate each other, trick each other, envy each other, and sow discord among each other without my intervention. So, what is left for me? What is my purpose? What is it if not a meaningless existence? Just as humans learn, so does the planet. Even if you consider it as a simple celestial body floating around, it is very much alive.” That was the problem with Gods in general. Their whole existence revolved around a task, so when they were not needed for that task anymore, they ended up lost on what to do anymore.

Fujimaru was rendered speechless. Not only he discovered absurd things like the Earth was alive, but he was also now faced with a logic he couldn’t refute. Even so, there was no way he could accept it. “…I agree that it may seem meaningless, but don’t we all think that at one point in life? Your existence can’t, and won’t, be defined by a task.”

‘This kid says the funniest things when he wants to.’ The Egyptian God shook his head inwardly at the naivety of his fellow Master. Though, he couldn’t blame the ignorant for their lack of knowledge.

“Do you remember the toys that you played with when you were young? Where would they be if the world was still as always? Probably forgotten in some box or even thrown aside in a garage. Do you need them now? Do you remember them before I mentioned them to you? We both know the answer to those questions. To you, it may seem strange, complicated, or plain stupid, but to us is something of common sense.” Seth then turned to Fujimaru, locking eyes with him. If he was to understand him, then the kid needed to know something more.

“Do you ever asked yourself where we come from? Something like ‘Were they always there or they just popped out of nowhere?’ Well, the truth is that we don’t belong to this world. You could say we come from a higher plane than this one.” If the clueless look Fujimaru was giving him was any indication, he was as lost as a penguin in the middle of the desert.

Taking an exasperating sigh, Seth tried to simplify his explanation. “Just think of a sky beyond the sky. We come from a place we usually call ‘The Sea of Gods.’ It is a dark space with nebulas floating all around it, each with their own color. You don’t need to understand much, just that each one of those nebulas is an unborn God. And there is an uncountable number, nearing the infinite of them. When one of those eventually gains sentience, they descend to numerous places, one of those being the Earth. Taking your place of birth as a reference, the firsts to descend on what would be Japan one day would be the Kotoamatsukami, then later would come the other ones, the most famous being Izanagi and Izanami. Continuing, those that gain sentience and descend by themselves are what you people call Creator Gods. Following so far?”

The Japanese youth gave a nod of confirmation. It still sounded like complicated stuff, but with the example of his culture to which he could relate, it made things a lot easier.

“Well then, those Creator Gods usually do some things here and there. Shape the land, create the oceans, and blah, blah, blah. However, here comes the important part. No matter the Pantheon, those stupid beings have the ‘brilliant’ idea to call for more Gods from that place. So, they pull undeveloped nebulas down to Earth with a ritual. That ritual has a catch, and that is essentially making us slaves. To pull us down and stabilize our existence, they need to have a task for us in mind. Difference zones in the Sea of Gods house different Authorities. They then look for a suitable zone for the task they want the new God to do, basically, as I said before, making our existence revolve around a single thing. Now, do you understand what I was trying to say before? If the only reason we are born is taken away from us, what is there left? Even as that reason still exists, we are just puppets who need to fulfill our said function. Gods are fundamentally different than humans. You are born without a purpose but can discover it as you live your life. We, on the other hand, are born with one, but eventually, lose it.”

Fujimaru didn’t respond immediately. It was too much to take in. Although it was something that was hard to comprehend, he knew that he shouldn’t use his human logic for this. If what he said was true, and they were only born to be puppets, with their whole ‘life’ being a job… then, as much as he hated to admit it and was frustrated by it, Kuro was right. That analogy he used before had resonated with him. The toys he used when he used as a child were all but discarded. He had grown up, so then, why use something that already accomplished its function? And it was then when it hit him. Gods weren’t needed anymore. Saying it like that might seem simple to others, but to him, it was not. There was a God in front of him right now. Could someone, independently of the outcome, tell him, “You don’t have a place here anymore,” or “Your purpose for living is already over, so you should just fade away once and for all.” And other things like those? He could not. Looking at him, though, he realized all his thoughts; all his feelings were unneeded. Kuro most likely accepted all of it already and had moved on. He didn’t need his words to face reality. But then…

“…But then… How come you are here? Living normally when your purpose is over? Ah, don’t misunderstand. I didn’t mean it like I didn’t want to be here or anything.” The youth realized his words came out a little wrong, so he decided to clarify.

Seth laughed a bit at his moment of awkwardness. Being honest, he preferred direct people instead of those that tried to sugar coat their words. “Remember when I told you that there are different zones, each with their own respective Authority?”

Fujimaru nodded in affirmation.

“Well, I was pulled down from one of the darkest zones, evidenced by my Authorities. The old fogies needed a bad guy, and so I was born out of that necessity. However, they didn’t account for the fact that Evil Deities are pretty much free spirits that do whatever they want, whenever they want. In essence, my nature is of the rebellious category.”

“In that case, shouldn’t you be able to refuse to be a bad guy? Why everywhere I looked you were portrayed as a disaster in huGod skin?” That was something he couldn’t quite get. The person in front of him, the one he had come to know, was nothing like that.

The Egyptian God gave Fujimaru a wry look, and with that, the youth felt as if he was looking at a war veteran who had seen all the horrors of the world. “Listen here, kiddo. This is something very few people know about.” Each word was said slowly as if the time they had was infinite. “Different from most that were pulled down, I already had sentience. However, if you had to compare me with a human, I had the mental capacity of a five-year-old. My sentience was there, but it was not developed at all. When they did their stupid ritual and pulled me down, I reacted violently, like any kid would do if they were taken out of their home by force by a stranger. The result of that was me not having the full restraint of the ritual, but not the freedom the Creator Gods had either. That’s why I am not that affected by losing my meaning, my purpose.” Seth spoke clear and concise, Fujimaru listened attentively.

“As for why I am depicted like that… Let me see. How do you think you know all of this stuff?” Seth answered his question with another question, wanting to see if he could come up with a conclusion all by himself.

“I looked it up on the internet.” The youth responded honestly, making Seth slap the back of his head.

“I meant to say why do you think humans know about the events where Gods participated in. Think for a bit before answering.” Seth was really starting to think he was talking to a wall right now.

“Uhm… They were there?” The young Master responded while rubbing the back of his head, where Seth had slapped him. He did not work well under pressure, so his response came as an unsure one.

Patience, patience…

‘Someone should teach this guy common sense, and it will definitely not be me.’ The Egyptian God had the urge to rub his temple, but he resisted it.

“The Gods themselves obviously told them, be it through a dream, a vision, or an out of body experience. So then, what makes you think they won’t try to color themselves as ‘good’ while smearing the other’s name? It was a war I lost, and so, I got all the trashy comments. “Seth did this, Seth did that,” etc. Though, don’t be deceived. At most, what they did was diminish my contributions and amplify my bad acts. I still did some pretty bad stuff. I know you think of me as a relatively good guy, but that is far from the truth. I was a hero once; that much is real. However, as with all heroes, if they live long enough, they become villains. Mine is such a story. When I said this, you think of some sort of play where the villain appears, do some prank, then is beaten by the hero, and everyone is happy. It’s not like that, Fujimaru. I have done many things that you would be horrified to know. I won’t say them to you, but if you try to think about the worst things humans had done, I have already done them, and on a much larger scale.”

It was frightening hearing a person speaking as if they could read your mind. It was as if Kuro already knew what he was thinking before he even thought of it. That aside, there was something he wanted to ask him, something that has been on his mind since he read his…biography, for lack of a better word.

“So… is it true you killed your brother?” This was a touchy subject for him, considering what happened with his sister, a person Fujimaru loved dearly. Although he never spoke about it with anyone, it was still a heavy load he carried with him every day, keeping it for himself.

“Indeed, I did. I butchered him so hard he didn’t have a human shape after I was done with him.” Seth didn’t bother to hide the truth. As he said previously, he didn’t like people who sugar-coated things, so he followed his own example.

“But…he was your brother. How could you do that to him? Even if your wife cheated on you with him, that was no reason to kill him like that!” Without meaning to, Fujimaru’s words got louder at the end, and a little bit of anger leaked out of them.

“First of all, up above, we are not brothers. We are strangers who share the same space. Second of all, I could care less about Nephthys cheating on me. That was not the reason I killed him. In fact, my objective was her all along. He just got in the way.”

“…And you killed him just for that…?” The black-haired youth was horrified. It was like hearing a different person speak, not the one he had been talking to before.

“We are Gods; we have no morals; nothing is wrong in our book as long as it satisfies our need. Applying human logic is meaningless. But if you want, I can put an example for you. Suppose you have always wanted a dog, you ask your parents, but they refuse, saying that you don’t know how to take care of one. Then, one day you find a puppy lost in a forest near your house. You start to take care of it without your parent’s knowledge. Every day, week, month, year, you make sure to spare some of your time to feed and play with him. You have come to consider it as your best friend. So then, you tell your sister what you have been doing all these years. She gets so happy that he offers to take care of it for you one or two days a week, to which you agree. Then, one day, she asks you to buy rat venom for her because her friend’s house is infested with them. You, not thinking twice, do as she says, go to the store, buy it, and then give it to her. Today it was your sister’s day to take care of the dog, but you were so excited to see him that you went to the place where he lived despite knowing your sister was taking care of it. However, when you get there, you see your sister and friends giving the dog the venom to eat, and him, happily unaware, gorges down on it. You get so angry that you want to punch her, kill her, and make her see what true hell is. But then, your brother that just happened to pass by holds you back, saying that she is not at fault and that it is just a misunderstanding. Doesn’t all your hate feel as if it is redirected to him? What does he know? He is just some idiot who happened to pass by and try to act as the mediator. So, instead of attacking your sister, who is joyfully going away from the scene, not knowing you were there, you punch your brother who got in the way. You punch and punch and punch and punch him. However, your hate is not going away, so what do you do? You punch him more. The screams of pain you were hearing at first aren’t there anymore, but your hate still is, so what do you do? You keep punching him until you feel satisfied. Congratulations, you just killed your brother, and your sister is nowhere to be found. She realized you were there and so hid at some random place. You, however? You are still left with hate that cannot be satiated no matter what you do. So, how good did I do?”

“…I can’t relate to the example. My sister was always good to me. We did everything together, and although we sometimes fought, we quickly made up afterward. I won’t ever hate her to the point of wanting to kill her.”

Seth just shrugged his shoulders. “In the end, it’s just an example. I could use my powers to show you the emotions that I felt at that time, but you would go mad the same as I did, so for now, just be happy with knowing there was a reason for it, although we don’t need one to do what we want to do. And something good came out of it.”

“Something good? What good could possibly come from killing your own family?!” This time, Fujimaru didn’t bother to hide his anger. Standing up and facing him face to face, all of his frustrations were put out in the open without hesitation.

“Death. That’s it. Before I killed my brother, you lot didn’t have a place to rest after dying. You just disappeared. It didn’t matter if you had been good or bad in your life; nothing remained of you once you died. It was thanks to me killing him that the Afterlife was created. A place where the souls could spend their rest in tranquility, but most importantly, a place for souls to continue existing. That’s why I get along with dead people. They are like my little creation, after all. I help them in their time of need and often advise so they could make a smooth passing if I feel like it.” Seth unflinchingly met Fujimaru’s gaze, causing him to freeze. It was for a brief second, but all his anger was replaced by hope during that moment.

“You… You can speak with the dead…?” He shakily asked, too afraid to receive a negative response.

“You forgot your anger against me for being one sick son of a bitch there, kiddo. If you are going to feel that emotion, make sure it is lasting. Anyway, yes, I can. Giving the right circ.u.mstances, I can also revive them.” Seth rested his chin against his hand as he watched Fujimaru’s reaction in amus.e.m.e.nt.

“Th-Then… Not only Altera, but you would also be able to revive my sister as well?!” The black-haired youth grabbed both Seth’s shoulders and started shaking him, much to his own displeasure. To add to that, he didn’t like the way Fujimaru was making fun of the death like that.

“Yes, but I don’t plan to revive any of them.” ‘… Not now, at least.’

As if time itself had stopped, Fujimaru’s actions came to a halt. His brain only came with one word for his mouth to say. “Why?”

Seth took the youth’s arms off his shoulders before finally giving his answer. “Suppose I revive your sister, would you be happy with that?”

“Yes! So, plea”

“I revive her, and then she follows you to one of the next Singularities where a Servant kills her. Would you like me to revive her again?”

“Of course! Why would my sister being dea”

“I revive her again, and not learning her lesson, she follows you again, and a Servant kills her once more. Would you like me to revive her again?”

“…Of course. But I”

“The same process happens, and I revive her. This time, you tell her to stay inside Chaldea, safe from harm. You keep her confined, worried about you the whole time. ‘If was killed, wouldn’t my brother run the same risk?’ So secretly, she Rayshifts, and surprise, her inexperience kills her again. Now then, I will ask one more time, would you like me to revive her again?

“OF COURSE NOT! THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD LET SOMEONE PLAY WITH MY SISTER’S SOUL LIKE THAT!” Fujimaru screamed with all his might. He was left panting at the end, but he paid it no mind. There was this inexplicable anger inside him when he thought about the fate that could possibly befall his sister. Of someone using her soul as if it were a thing that you could play without care.

Despite his outburst, Seth was pleased with his fellow Master’s answer. “There you go, Fujimaru. Do you understand now? The reason why I don’t like the Servant system, why I can’t help but feel disgusted when you guys speak so easily about reviving someone as if they were mere commodities you could replace? I just don’t need to be asked that many times to come to the right answer.”

Having finally said what he had to say, Seth stood up before putting a hand on Fujimaru’s shoulder. “It might seem hypocrite coming from someone who is also a Master, but there are some things that one must push through despite their misgivings. Now then, before I go, I want to say something to you. Remember that anger you felt just now. Those raw emotions of hate. The only time where humans can truly understand Gods is when someone they love is threatened or harmed. That is the time were morality, right or wrong, values, and everything that makes you human matters none.”

With that, he walked past him, returning to his original quest, but not before saying something more. “It was also the only time during our conversation where you truly understood me.”

Fujimaru was left alone looking at the sand beneath his feet, clenching and unclenching his fists before ultimately sighing in resignation.

‘Gods… are hard to understand.’