A Requiem For A Dead Universe - Chapter 11

Micheal “How about it Loe? Tastes good right?”

Chloe “Average”

Micheal “I was planning to cook for you every day but-,…”

Chloe “Well, it’s enough for food okay, just always cook from now on.”

Micheal “I thought it’s just average?”

She looks annoyed when I try asking how was the food. The entire time we were eating she was already sulking, I don’t know why she acts like that but I had a feeling that she can’t just admit that I’m good. Unlike most chem mixer, I am also well versed in cooking, that’s how I was able to create drugs that could be used with drinks and foods. After we ate she never looked at me in the eye but she would always follow me as if waiting for me to do something she could use as a reason to be pissed off, right now I am washing the dishes while she was watching my hand waiting for me to do some mistake so she could point fingers at me. She then had a gleam in her eyes and then she yelled.

Chloe “Well at least it’s more than those reheat packs when I open the cupboard there’s only reheat pack, when I open the emergency food there’s a reheat pack then when I open the fridge there’s still only reheat packs. You had me here and you don’t even think about what I’ll eat?”

Micheal “I didn’t expect you’d stay here, so, I didn’t,…”

Chloe “What? You want me to go? Okay, I’ll go!.”

Hey, wait why?

She suddenly stood up and head in the direction of the stairs up. I immediately stopped what I’m doing, washed my hands before chasing her.

Micheal “Hey Loe, what’s going on with yo-”

I was grabbing her arms when she swung her other hand at my face, I saw a glittering hand slowly approaching me.

That was what I remember when I wake up, I saw her crying while sitting near my bed. So that curse really works, I clearly saw her hand slowly approaching me but I can’t move my own body. I can feel pain beside my jaw, and it also hurts whenever I move my neck but it’s not that much so I’ll just endure it. I put my hand on the top of her head and stroked her hair, I felt a bit of pain in my shoulder but maybe it was caused by her while dragging me to bed. she suddenly hid her face away from me but let my hand stay before she then angrily spoke.

Chloe “Why didn’t you dodge?”

*You’re angry when I dodge, now you’re angry cause I didn’t dodge? What am I to do then?

Micheal “Well I always dodge whenever you slap me so I tried receiving one for a change.”

She suddenly raised her head and glared at me but, an angry crying face with pouting lips was so cute I wasn’t able to hold my chuckling, I really want to kiss that cute face of hers. I moved my hand on the side of her face and traced her bangs and put it behind her ears before saying my thought.

Micheal “Can I kiss you?”

Chloe “No! You don’t deserve it.”

She pouted more while glaring at me. She looked like a kid that’s angry but deeply concerned, the same appearance when she broke my hand back then.

*but but, just one, oh wait I was slapped.

Micheal “But I didn’t dodge did I?”

Chloe “No, but you could have. I saw your eyes watching my palm hit your face.”

Micheal “I let you hit me right?”

Chloe “Who knows?”

Micheal “Isn’t that considered helping you?”

Chloe “You’re that low? Letting me slap you for a kiss?”

Micheal “Even if it’s a stab for a kiss I’ll accept it as long as it’s you.”

Chloe “Hmmp”

She’s still pouting but she stopped glaring at me. My kiss was not fulfilled so I just kept slowly stroking her head and I tried to get up when I realize that my shirt was not the one I was wearing a while ago.

Micheal “Did you change my shirt? I mean yeah you should have as if there’s anyone other than us here right?”

Chloe “I-I did, I-I saw some sweat o-on the other one so I changed it.”

Micheal “Okay,…”

She sounds kinda shady.

*Did she tried peeking at my body? I mean girls had some tendency to touch their man sometimes right? But if she just wanted to touch then why change my shirt?

I tried looking around for my other shirt but there was no sign of it and, I saw a clue. There was blood at the end of my bed.

Micheal “Did my nose bled or something? Just tell me what happened.”

Chloe “It’s all because you didn’t dodge so don’t blame me.”

Micheal “I won’t just-,… you know what, let’s just forget about it. Why don’t you move here, it’s cold sitting on the floor.”

Chloe “No, I’m comfortable here.”

Micheal “I’ll just sit with you then.”

Chloe “No! You stay there as long as I tell you to.”

Micheal “You knocked me out then not let me go out of bed, isn’t this plot for something.”

Chloe “Can you even have any decent thoughts?”

Micheal “To be honest I’m just a little uncomfortable so I’m just joking around. Why are you mad at me for cooking something good? Can’t you just accept it or you just don’t want to forgive me?”

Chloe “Because you ruined everything. I thought when you started explaining things at the museum you will be saying sweet things like, how I’m more beautiful or how I am similar to the arts, but no! You act like a boring professor jabbering about anything. Then when we go for the groceries, I thought you’d be asking me things I want, asking me things to buy, or at least try to make shopping fun but, not only did you not do anything I expected, you even made me pay. Now that when I thought you were not able to cook, I thought of it because Aliyah can’t, because Rachel can’t, because they said alchemists can’t cook decent food and you also stocked those food packs, but you lied to me, you can cook. I expected that you don’t know, that you would ask me to teach you but no, you were better than me. If you were that good then why did you let me think you can’t cook?”

*It’s my fault? Did I tell you to assume that I can’t cook? And I didn’t pay the bill because you insisted right?

Chloe “Now you even let me hurt you to get a kiss, then turn me into a pervert?”

Micheal “It’s just a joke okay, right now my jaw still hurts and even my shoulder feels some stinging pain. I don’t know how you dragged me here but I’m sorry okay? Don’t worry tomorrow I’ll treat you to that crystal hotel.”

Chloe “What hotel?! You think I-,…”

Micheal “Cafe, Cafe, that crystal cafe or something, the one that we went into, only us, a date.”

Her previous angry puffing appearance suddenly turned all smile when she heard we’re having a date. That place had decent food and, I think I could ask that elf to let me pay for the meals with the crystals and stones. That Uncle John guy said he’d deliver 5 of each kind at midnight. Chloe then sat beside me and asked.

Chloe “Are you sure? I mean even we can only go there once a week and I always cut the bill with Rachel.”

Micheal “I told you, the owner gave me a mountain’s worth of minerals I’m sure she’d even close the cafe for a day if I ask her.”

Chloe “Oh, I thought it was a sky elf? Why did it become a she?”

*Oh shit, I forgot about keeping the female part a secret.

Micheal “In all honesty, I tried not to tell you because I know you’d get jealous so-,…”

Chloe “Me jealous? On what? Inconsistent imaginary mistress, that turns into a sky elf and a woman?”

*Oh so you really didn’t believe me huh, well your loss, I’ll just be enjoying my time with beauty without you believing. Let’s see what you’ll do when you found out I’ve been spending time with a goddess, hahaha, wait you’d probably kill me, you’d definitely kill me.

Micheal “Just tomorrow you can order everything you want on that crystal cafe, I could even borrow their kitchen to cook for you.”

Chloe “Order anything? Even on the astral meals?”

*Oh yeah there are those meals that cost twice my months earning per full course.

Micheal “Even if you ordered one of each it’s okay.”

Chloe “Where will you get the money from?”

Micheal “I already-(sigh) Just don’t think about it okay? I can pay for it and that’s all that matters.”

Chloe “If you don’t keep this promise, even only this promise. If you break this promise, I will leave you alone forever.”

Micheal “I told you, I can pay for anything on those menus, I can even reserve the whole third floor.”

Chloe “I’m still not convinced, I will really be hurt if you don’t do anything you told me right now. Tell me how can you pay if you don’t even have enough for groceries?”

Micheal “I had big savings in the bank, now that I had all the materials and minerals I want then I don’t need the money anymore.”

Chloe “I knew it, you already bought the stones at the auction right? That was why you know about that cloud crystal thing.”

Micheal “Promise, tomorrow we will have a date at that cafe, as long as it’s there I’ll pay anything.”

Chloe “Thank you.”

She suddenly hugged and kiss me but, strange, I felt pain, heavy pain on my shoulder. After she removed herself, I peeked at my shoulder, there were bandages, long bandages. I looked at her and she looked mortified. I knew it, something happened when I was knocked out. She looks like she’s about to cry and her face was filled with guilt.

Micheal “What’s, you know what, it’s okay. You don’t need to say anything.”

Chloe “I-I was dragging you, yo-you were heavy so I tried pu-pulling you up, b-but you slipped and, I-I panicked an-and I tried grabbing you so,….”

Micheal “It’s okay, I can feel it’s not that deep. It’s just a little painful but I think it’ll heal in no time.”

Chloe “Sorry,…”

Micheal “Wait did you just kiss me? I wasn’t able to feel it because of the pain. Can we do it again?”

Chloe “No! It’s your fault.”

Micheal “Wait! you’re the one who hugged me.”

Chloe “It’s your fault because you made me happy.”

Micheal “Huh? But your still the one who injured me.”

Chloe “It’s your fault for being heavy.”

I won’t get to have a kiss, do I? We can’t do anything right now anyway, she just got her first time but why do you need me to suffer more? I just wanted a proper kiss, well my kind of proper,… Hah, I’ll just accept defeat then.

Micheal “Okay you win.”

Chloe “Hmmph.”

Micheal “How long was I out?”

Chloe “I don’t know but I cried then stopped then cried then stopped then cried then stopped then cried till you woke up.”

Micheal “Woah, you counted the number of cries you did.”

Chloe “Of course, you made me cry 4 times so you need to pay it back.”

Micheal “That doesn’t seem right in any way at all.”

Chloe “No it’s your fault for making me angry, it’s your fault for not dodging too. You should date me 4 times, you should at least be sensible enough to do that with me.”

Micheal “Is it okay to do it at least once a week? We still have a bit of time anyway.”

Chloe “Why? You can’t afford to pay?”

Micheal “Seriously if I can afford to let the cafe tomorrow give us an exclusive place would you stop doubting me?”

Chloe “If we can have it inside the personal collections room then I’ll reduce your faults to 4.”

Micheal “Okay, wait what? 4? isn’t it 4 in the first place?”

Chloe “You made me angry when you’re being too arrogant about the date so I added one fault.”

Micheal “Why do I never had a say on how you punish and how you reward?”

Chloe “If you don’t follow me I’ll tell everyone you drugged and extort me.”

Micheal “What the hell?”

Chloe “I’ll say you forced me-,…”

Micheal “Nah Nah Nah, you’re bad, I should do the same because you’re slandering and threatening me, I’ll give you 2 faults”

Chloe “What does that fault do?”

Micheal “Times that we have -.”

Chloe “No! I decide on any matters about sex and the likes if you don’t want to follow then find other women. Just make sure I won’t find other men if you did that.”

Micheal “I was about to say kiss though.”

Chloe “No! that is my reward for you. When did you even have the rights to give faults? Isn’t your reputation already bad enough? You were even known to only spend a night with virgins and cleans because you have a small thing. Even if the whole school knew how you violated me it won’t change anything.”

Micheal “Nah, how about you?”

Chloe “That’s why if you don’t follow my rules then you just need to watch how people humiliate my name and suffer the shame of being violated by a “small guy”.”

Micheal “I don’t know what kind of sick thinking is that but if you don’t change that I’ll probably think if this, this relationship is good for us or not.”

Chloe “What? You’re giving up on me again? Leave me again? Aren’t you the reason why am I like this?”

Micheal “How? Why am I always at fault? It’s not funny anymore.”

Chloe “Why can’t you just follow what I say? If you do that then we both get what we want right? I want a normal couple relationship, but you always want sex and kisses. That’s why I thought of that reward system so you’d put effort for me but no, you just want to get rewards and do ways to get it. You don’t even understand why I made this, do you? You think this is just a game? You think I just want to control you? Can’t you be more sensitive? What do you really love, me or my body?”

Micheal “Of course it’s you, that’s why I always wanted to,…. well fuck me I don’t want to sell my self as a pervert but it’s just I was so excited about finally having you so I wasn’t able to think anything straight when we’re alone.”

Chloe “I know, that’s why I made this reward and punishment. You think I enjoy this? I feel like I’m selling my body to get attention and care, I feel like if I don’t give you enough then you will lose interest and if I let you have more then you won’t give any effort at all.”

Micheal “You see normally relationship doesn’t have this kind of thing, maybe real relationships are not the same as what you imagined”

Chloe “To be honest this doesn’t feel like a real relationship but at least it felt more normal than always having sex whenever you want or kissing wherever you want. We could’ve just stayed like this until you get used to giving out effort until I know that these rules aren’t needed anymore but no! You needed to be threatened to behave, I needed to use your own conscience against you to keep you sane. It’s only the first day and you already complain about everything, how are we going to have a normal relationship? You’re not normal when you were my brother, you can’t act normally as a boyfriend. How are we supposed to become normal?”

Micheal “Why do you always treat me as a sexual maniac? It’s not like-,…”

Chloe “It’s because you are! When I rewarded you with a kiss you didn’t even ask why I set the rules, now that you don’t get kisses you started complaining. When I give you small things you became like this then what about the bigger ones? What about sex? I don’t think when you don’t get sex you’ll be just complaining to me. Tell me how do you normally treat a girlfriend? You can’t lie to me, Christina told me everything. From how you do it day and night until she wasn’t able to complain because you would always promise it’s gonna be enough, but you never stopped bugging her. If she was another woman? Do you think you could just do that to all the people you would “love”? Would you do the same to me?”

Micheal “Of course no-,…”

Chloe “No no no you’re wrong, you will treat me the same because you think sex is like saying “I love you” to someone but, in reality, sex and love aren’t supposed to be near each other. People should do it when they want right? WE should do it when WE want not when YOU want. If this simple kiss can’t prove that you have self-control then, I don’t know how can I prove that you really can control yourself.”

Micheal “But I ca.”

Chloe “But what? you’ll promise me you will change? If you can change then you should’ve, you should’ve done something for me to believe that you won’t treat me like the other girl that knows how your bed sounds like and you won’t look at me with sexual thoughts, you should’ve loved me truly and plainly that’s why I wanted you to treat me like a friend. I wanted you not to treat me as a girlfriend because I heard what you did to your girlfriend. After all, you treated Christina better as a friend. I wanted to change what you are right now, I don’t want you to become what you are when you left me. I wanted to at least, at least see you as a better person before I leave and I want you to still be that person when I return. Please, listen to me, please.”

Micheal “Sorry,….”

Chloe “I only had enough time to try to change you, I know I’m selfish but aren’t you selfish when you run away? Please, let me get back to you. You changed for the worst when you leave me all alone so I want you to become a better person when I leave you. Please let me satisfy my own selfishness at least before I go.”

Micheal “It’s,… I’m sorry I-I thought we’re all normal and I wasn’t able to realize that my normal is not your kind of normal,… I’m sorry I, I don’t know now. Ughh Fuck me, NO I mean,…Ughhhhh I’m sorry I, can I go for a bit?”

I stood up and went on the roof, I stood near the ledge. I watched the darkened sky, it was cloudy and so dark that the lights of lantern parades are getting more and more visible.

*What are they considering a normal relationship? Spending time together, laughing with each other, caring for one another, crying because of each other, being angry at one another, forgiving each other’s mistakes, and correcting their faults and wrongs. Sex when there’s nothing to do or when there’s too much stress, sex when they want or one deserves to have it.

*What do I consider a normal relationship? If we are happy together then we can have sex, if we are both sad then we can have sex, feeling love for one another then sex, mad of each other then sex, if there are mistakes then sex.

*Am I really this low? Am I really this, depraved? Do I still live in the abyss or I just got used to it too much? I already have her then why do I feel that I need to escape? Why do I feel like I just want to have sex again? She was right, I was supposed to be having the best times with her, sex is enjoyable, so is having trips to beautiful places, sex is cool and all so is going overseas for sightseeing, sex is pleasurable so is eating good food together and I treated sex as a way to escape reality but she treats it more important than I do. For her, having sex is something that I should work hard to get, not with just words and touching. For her, sex is only given if I can prove that I can be a better person, prove that I can change myself for her, prove that even if she’s away she’ll remain inside me. For her, sex is the proof that she acknowledge that I deserve her, that even if she goes away for so long I will still be the one that she’ll love.

*I took sex too lightly because I can always have a night on those people who resort to sex when they’re too down in life. Sex became all too familiar for me but I wasn’t able to easily understand her mind. she treats it not as a sign of love but a sign of trust and, like what she said, I always forget my promises, I’d rather tell lies than the truth and I always try to escape than face things I can’t understand or do anything with. I wasn’t trustworthy that’s why she wanted me to at least have self-control, she was just asking me self control rather than be trustworthy. She was even selling her own belief too short just to let me do what I want with her.

*I’m really this low huh? I can’t love her when I think I can’t have her and now I still can’t love her even when she was doing everything she can to help me. What was with sex that made me like this? Is it the moment of peace? The moment of being true to primal nature? The moment of pure lust? Is it just the moment of being in control? Or is it the satisfaction in the end? What’s in it that made it my nature to want it? Isn’t it supposed to be my way to escape reality but why does it seems sex became my new reality? And the reality I was trying to escape from is now crying because of me, because of my actions, and because of sex itself. I was running away from the truth of me having no hope of having her, but now that she gave me herself. Now she gave me the thing that I wanted, the thing that I blame for why I became like this. Why am I still like this then? If sex was my way to escape then what am I escaping from? Shouldn’t I feel satisfaction when I finally have her?

*Is it because deep inside me I know that she was going away? Deep inside me, I wanted to indulge in my desires because she would leave? Is it because now that I have her for a short time, I wanted to live in the moment? To relive my fantasies about her, about us? Why am I too short-sighted? Why did I not think about her return?

*I know now. I keep thinking about her giving herself, but deep inside I think she just let me borrow her. I can’t stop myself from thinking that she just let me feel what it feels to have her. It was because I wasn’t able to hear from her own mouth that she loves me, that she will love me back. I only use sex as a way to make myself believe that she does feel the same. It was like giving anesthetic when I feel pain, I may not feel pain but the pain’s still there. She gave me what I want in form of sex because that’s what we did, but what I truly want is her loving me back. The reason I mixed sex with love was that I never had confirmation of being loved back. Even back then the reason Christina and I became couples were because we had sex, we had sex, and thought we love each other. Sex isn’t something that I’m addicted to, I’m addicted to being loved back because that’s the reason I made sex an escape from reality. Because in reality I don’t feel being loved back, but in sex, I can feel fake love returning in the forms of moans and kisses.

*Right now, I crave sex because I feel she doesn’t treat me like how I think she should treat a person she loves. She treats me as a person that needs change, a person that she “can” love. I believe she doesn’t love me yet, she wants me to prove that I am worth it. She let herself be used for me to realize the difference in our love, she knew how I was as a boyfriend from Christina then she must’ve thought that sex for me was an expression of love within a relationship, it was until now. Why I was so into sex was not because it felt good but because I feel like I was being loved, that’s why when I’m angry I want to do it, when sad I want to do it but, being loved, I do not know how it feels other than sex.

*How do I know when I was being loved by her? Is it whenever she gets jealous? Is it whenever she gets angry with me for neglecting myself? Is it whenever she jokes around? How? If not sex then how do other people express their love? Spending time together, being happy together, being sad, being angry, and being playful together. They don’t need sex to prove they’re in love but how? How do they do that? How do other people know they are loved? Do they have a sudden urge to do something? Do they suddenly have thought of finding other ways to increase satisfaction? Does it make strange sounds? Does it give off new feelings? How do other people feel they are loved back? Is it the thank you? Is it the I love you? Is it the I miss you?

*Or they don’t, maybe they don’t feel being loved back. Maybe they just give and never expected to have anything in return but, how? How can they survive every day on just giving? How can they continue loving without receiving anything? Is it trust? Is it the trust that gives them the courage to just give love? Is it trust that makes them blind to the possibilities of being left behind, all alone without being able to be loved back? Does trust make people love so much they only feel the need to give love not the need to feel being loved back? If it is trust then do I not trust her? Do I not trust what she feels?

*Yes, I do not trust what she feels. It’s because she never made it clear, but if she was loving me in ways I don’t know. If she was loving me without me loving her back then how do I say that? If she was the one that doesn’t really receive love back, then how am I to give her love? Do I need to follow her rules even if I don’t want to? Do I need to admit things even if I am not? Do I really have to give up my freedom just to love her?

*And when we return to the question of does she really love me? Or did she just let me have her until she goes? If I changed myself for the better would she really love me still when she returns, or she’ll just wait for me to find other people to love with my new and better personality?

Suddenly I felt someone hugged me from behind. I felt a wet sensation on my back so I know it was her.

Micheal “Loe, do you love me?”

Chloe “I do.”

Micheal “Since when, no, I want to know how, How are you able to know that you love me, I want to know how people know they love others.”

Chloe “It’s when you started wanting to see him, it’s when you started missing him. When you feel the need to see him, feel the need to talk to him. It’s when you feel that you will never be complete without him when you started creating worthless reasons to connect to him. It’s when you feel your heart slowly breaking while watching him sink deeper and deeper in his misery when you feel the helplessness and loneliness of being a bystander in his life. You will know you love him when you started finding ways and building up false hopes for you two to be together again, you will know you love him when you started hating yourself for not being able to do anything for him, for not being enough for him. You will know you love him when you give up everything, when you give up your reputation, giving up yourself, and even if you cannot receive anything back, you still hold on the hope, that’s how I know I love you.”

Micheal “Is there something that needs to be done to make someone feel you love them?”

Chloe “There’s none, you just need to be a little better every day, a little more hopeful, a little happier, a little satisfied every time you’re with each other. Even if the changes are almost non-existent as long as it’s for the better, as long as they can grow together further even if it’s just a little. What you do doesn’t matter as long as you can make each other have a better view of this world, I believe that’s how both of you feel love.”

Micheal “Do you think I really love you?”

Chloe “Yes.”

Micheal “How.”

Chloe “I can feel that somehow you’ve changed.”

Micheal “Really? Does it make you feel better?”

Chloe “It feels like I achieved something great, it’s like I took a step up to heaven.”

Micheal “I wish you don’t fall from where you’re heading to.”

Chloe “Don’t let me fall okay if I fall just take me somewhere and I’ll climb heaven again.”

Micheal “If you fall from heaven I won’t take you, I’ll grab the heavens and catch you with it.”

She chuckled a bit.

Chloe “Still corny,… but the heaven that I’m talking about was having you in my future.”

Micheal “Let’s change that to having me now and forever.”

Chloe “Promise me you won’t change back okay?.”

Micheal “I won’t.”

Chloe “I love you.”

Micheal “I love you too.”

Chloe “Let’s go back, it’s getting cold.”

Micheal “Stand still, I’ll carry you.”

{GOMEZ APARTMENT COMPLEX: ROOF TOP}

After two silhouettes descended the staircase, two figures suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Hel “He doesn’t look like the type that will massacre godkins.”

Heimdall “But that thing inside him?”

Hel “There’s no doubt, that power is the same to mine.”

Heimdall “But I clearly feel power similar to mine too.”

Hel “I think we need to closely watch this, interesting lover boy”

Heimdall “You should not bother yourself with mortal life especially on those still alive. Go gather your souls, 2000000 that is enough to make up for the quality. Make sure you activate the talisman before entering new worlds, if the All father sees you here I will be implicated too.”

Hel “Don’t worry uncle.”

Heimdall “Remember only sinners and don’t exceed 2000000 souls.”

Hel “As if I can fool your eyes, I won’t be negligent uncle I promise.”