A Serenade for the Innocent - 129 Maelstrom or the Talk Show Featuring A White Man, of course

Finally, after a few moments, the black metal curtain lifted, revealing an array of countless different colors that created this chromatic chaos outside of our glass hall. A piano player is playing some kind of ragtime version of what seemed like a familiar pop song. The only thing odd about it is the fact that he’s only wearing a pair of orange cellophane shorts, which is like, ew… but other than that, he’s hanging on the ceiling upside down just like we have all expected! With him standing upside down on the ceiling are three trumpet players, seven violinists, two bass players, a hooker who just laughs the whole time, a hippie junkie who plays guitar poorly, and T. S. Elliot who’s wearing a tight cat fursuit. They were all doing their part well while laughing heartily, dancing uncontrollably, and playing their instruments that produce a completely out of sync tune. It’s fun!

Three young Caucasian girls are wearing a tight blue latex suit as they jump around all over the top of what seemed like a Broadway stage somewhere a few meters away from the left side of our hall. Their clothes are beautiful, and the way they all jump around and do all of these somersaults in midair is cute, so nothing really to talk about that? They also have their faces cut off, which reveals the veins, muscles, and tissues of their faces, which is something we’ve already planned before we agreed to do this corny circus bit.

There’s this guy who’s wearing what looked like a rainbow-colored Jester costume as he juggles baseball pins with a broad smile while his neck is wrapped around a noose tied somewhere on the stage. We couldn’t really see what’s happening on the ceiling because of the tacky pink curtains placed around the top of the stage, but it’s okay since that’s probably where they keep their eight-year-old unpaid laborers who handle the lights. I can also see a lion at the center of the stage being electrocuted sparingly by two familiar fat twins. Both of the twins are wearing some kind of red and blue silk clown suit with ruffles around the arms, which hide the taser that they’re holding.

Somewhere behind the stage, some shirtless men are dancing some kind of Cabaret performance while simultaneously throwing obviously dead girls into the air. The shirtless men wear different colored skinny jeans, which reveals the male dancers’ crotch in full view. Thus, we can see that their members are locked using some kind of metallic cage shaped into a small penis. They all have hooks on the edge of their lips, which are connected to another hook on the other corner of their mouths, forcing them to give out a hearty smile or else their faces would hurt, badly!

At the wall behind the stage itself is a large LED signage that is probably as big as two fat men. Words are written in huge letters that say, “MAELSTROM” is plastered on it, shaped like a rainbow, and is also colored like one. At the bottom corner of that massive word shows a much smaller LED sign that says, “With Luc and Tim.” Finally, after a metallic clinking followed by the hissing of white smoke, two obviously Caucasian people appeared from underneath the stage while waving their hands all over the air. They were both looking and sending countless flying kisses on the other side of the hall, but when I looked at that area, I could only see numerous circular-shaped glass glistening along with the light.

“AMERICA, WE’RE BACK AGAIN! GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING, GOOOOOOD MORNING UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN! I AM JOHN LUCAS PETER CULE HALLIDAY!” The Caucasian man who’s wearing a white suit said as he shouted on the mic he’s holding. “BUT YOU CAN CALL ME… ANYTIME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA! I’M JUST JOKING! I’M THE CHARMING RESIDENT NEIGHBOR WHO WILL ALWAYS HIT ON YOUR WIFE, LUCAS!”

“And I’m the wasted hooker you met at a dark alley in the back of a nightclub that STILL plays Gangnam Style to this day, Justinian Timothy Philips.” The other Caucasian man who’s wearing a black tulle dress and an awkwardly placed wig said as he stood beside Lucas, who’s tightly holding his waist. “But your dad calls me, Timmy!”

“AND THIS IS…” The man named Lucas said while looking at Timmy, who obviously looked awkward and unprepared for this show. “MAELSTROOOOOM!”

“Malstrom… yeah… ahaha” The man named Timmy, who’s awkwardly trying to pull his dress up with a face that shows how much he hated this entire show, exclaimed a few seconds after Lucas.

Lucas then slapped Timmy’s face with the back of her hand before stomping his feet. “FUCK! WE ALREADY PRACTICED THIS, TIMMY! DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO DO THIS SHIT WHILE MY DICK IS DEEP IN YOUR THROAT.”

“No, Sir.” Timmy timidly replied with a smile as he caressed his reddened cheek.

“BECAUSE I CAN!” Lucas said while pointing his finger at Timmy’s lips.

“I understand, Sir,” Timmy replied with a smile and a nod while hanging his head low.

“LET’S DO IT AGAIN…” Lucas said with a fake smile as he looked at us while showing his perfectly white teeth. However, when our eyes met, he stomped his feet, which broke the wooden floor of the stage before throwing his microphone on the ground. “FUCK!” We heard him shout loud and clear without the aid of the mic.

The commotion they caused made the people in the ceiling stop their music as they looked at the two hosts with outstretched eyes. The gymnast girls also stopped what they were doing. This, in turn, distracted them from their routine, and obviously, they all fell as the sound of their bones cracking echoing throughout the place. Suddenly, three more girls descended from the ceiling and replaced the previous and now dead gymnast girls. The man named Timmy then massaged Lucas’ back while whispering something to him. Timmy then took Lucas’ microphone and smiled at him while continuing to pat his back. Meanwhile, Lucas forcefully took his microphone from Timmy’s hands with an exaggerated scowl as he continued to stomp his feet on the floor. Then, after a few seconds, Lucas fixed his white jacket while Timmy pulled his dress up since it’s already hanging so low that we could pretty much see his nipples from afar.

After a while, the two hosts looked at us and shouted in unison, “MAELSTROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!”

Then, like nothing ever happened, the people in the ceiling continued whatever it is that they’re doing. The shirtless men continued to perform what looked like a fancy tango number with their lovely corpses, and the Jester juggler is already dead! The lion is already puking blood, and one of the new gymnast girls fell onto the floor again, making another kid on the ceiling descend and do her routine.

“…what the fuck is happening?” The salesman asked with a dumbfounded expression as he looked at the two hosts who are still yelling, “… OOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”

“H-how should I know?” The silver man said as he stood up with a blank stare at the chaos happening before us. While he was talking, the lion in the cage finally died. When the animal stopped breathing, the bottom of the cage automatically swung open, making the lion fall below the stage before another skinny lion was lifted from underneath the floor and took the place of the previous and now dead lion. “This is fucking horrible to watch!  Is this a part of the torture? ‘Cause I feel very tortured right now!”

“… OOOOOOOOOOO…” The two hosts continued their charades, and we can already hear that they’re already losing their breaths.

The loudness of the surroundings finally awakened the nurse as she said, “…where am I?”

“Oh, thank god, you’re awake, nurse! Are you okay?” The silver man said as he approached the nurse who’s still lying on the ground.

The nurse then opened her eyes wide as she screamed as loud as she could after seeing the face of the silver man, “AAAAAAAAAAH!”

“… OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”

“P-please, calm down, nurse! Everything’s okay now; you’re fine!” The silver man continued when the nurse stopped screaming. At the moment, the nurse is already trembling as she looks at the glass floor with a crazed expression.

“…so this is not a dream… the centipede was not a dream…” The nurse said as she pulled her hair as hard as she could with her hands.

The silver man couldn’t say anything to her and just knelt there beside her as the nurse cradled herself to pull her mind back to a saner place.

“…OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” While the nurse was still in a state of panic, the two hosts finally stopped their long introduction thing while extending their arms forward and shaking their hands vigorously.

Timmy then pointed his lips towards the microphone with the still awkward and uncertain look around his face. He then spoke with a monotonous voice, “Today’s category is Executioner Eleganza Extravaganza REALNESS!”

“America, the lady of the Caravan is CORRECT!” Lucas continued after Timmy’s words. The Caucasian man wearing a black Tulle dress then rooted his eyes towards the man who’s wearing the white suit with unblinking eyes and an exaggeratedly broad grin. “Tonight, in the glass hall, we are summoned by our Stromlets to decide who among them should come with us into the other side!”

“That’s right, Master Lucas! One of these Stromlets before you will get to be the next Caravan fan of the year, and it will be absolutely GORJAAAASSS!” Timmy said as he tried his hardest to appear as excited as he could, but he just looked much more uninterested with his job. As time goes by, the man’s face increasingly starts to look like he’s about to walk away from the stage.

“Stromlets, ready your breeze, tuck in your torpedoes, and may the best loser, DIE!” Lucas said, followed by the sudden laughter of everyone on the stage. The corpses of the girls with no faces on the floor suddenly rose just to laugh heartily with their blood-less face, the Jester is still dead, the twins tased the lion at the same time while dying of laughter, and everyone else in the ceiling stopped themselves from playing their instruments. Meanwhile, the hooker licked the face of T. S. Elliot’s face continuously as the esteemed poet stood there without uttering a singly laughter with his face covered in his own drool.