A Serenade for the Innocent - 131 Hear Ye, Hear Ye, HEAR YE! Three Prizes for a Pale Stromle

I am so damn tempted to speak right now. I don’t know. I find the prospect of not having a penis an… interesting idea, to say the least. Not a lot of people can say that they have their thing cut off of them. Then again, I guess not having that kind of thing is not really something worthy of a boast, but it’s not like I would use it anyway since I’ll never be able to wed and bed another person ever again.

“Now, LET’S PLAAAAAYYYY MAELSTROOOOOOOOOM!” Lucas said with an excited voice, which is very odd to me because… I mean, why does he have to repeat it all over again? Why do game show hosts do that? We know the title of the game show, just get on with it! Meanwhile, the lion at the center of the stage has started to bleed out at the side, making the fat twins chuckle with joy solely because the animal is not dead yet.

“Today’s category is TELL THE WHITE PEOPLE THAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE SHIT!” Timmy said, which is again, I find absolutely damn annoying! WHY ARE YOU GUYS REPEATING THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AAAAAAHHH! I’M GOING INSANE! QUIT REPEATING IT! QUIT IT! I was freaking out so much that I started to wince uncontrollably while being tied up hard on the human-sized trolley. I tried my hardest to clench my mouth as tightly as I possibly could with my hands firmly clenched into a fist. My eyes then started to move into the roof of my eye sockets as I tried to bash the back of my head on the metal plate behind me. THEY’RE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE! THEY’RE DEFINITELY DOING REPEATING THESE SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON PURPOSE!

“A-are you okay, father?” The silver man said when he saw me wildly convulsing on the side. His tearful eyes showed a genuine look of worry that is further exemplified by the way he furrowed his eyebrows.

“IDIOT! Don’t talk to the priest! Do you want him to fucking die!?” The salesman uttered as he pulled the silver man away from me.

“We will get you out of there, father, but we just…” The nurse then looked at the skinny model who’s wearing a pink slingshot bikini while standing on my left side. When their eyes met, the beautiful model suddenly scowled at her with a growl as she bared her fangs at the trembling nurse. This, in turn, made the nurse step back with a distorted expression. “…we just need a bit of time, okay? Bare with us!”

Lucas then chuckled as he spoke on his microphone while more uncooked eggs started to drop on his cheeks. “Just like I’ve explained earlier, in this game, we will be telling a fact about each of the contestants and the three wonderful people who’re still conscious in the glass hall right now will decide who among the people that they’re with should get the point! Each contestant can only give one point each round, and the first person who will get 10 points will get…

The two Caucasian hosts then stretched their limbs wide open while looking in front of them with a wide smile. They both then shouted in unison, “MAELSTROOOOOOOOOOM!”

“HEEAAAYEEEAAAHHHH YEEEAAAH HEEAAAYEEAAAH!” The fat and naked old man suddenly screamed from the top of his lungs in the rhythm of Pat Metheny’s Last Train Home, but it was sung in the genre called “pain and suffering,” otherwise known as noisecore.

“Our Stromlet that will get MAELSTROM in today’s contest will receive a whopping SICK, BRUTAL, UGLY, AND DEFINITELY NOT PAINLESS DEATH!” Timmy said while pulling his tulle dress up to cover his now peeking nipple. Meanwhile, a Cabaret dancer at the back started to sit down quietly on the floor while eating three boiled eggs at the same time. “Today’s WHOPPING punishment is courtesy of the Antonova Family Foundation. They gave us this beautiful set and the amazing people that we’re all HAPPY to be with.” Timmy said with eyes filled with so much anger paired with a broad grin as he tightly gritted his teeth.

“Why don’t we show our contestants what they will be getting if they became our MAELSTROM GRAND WINNER for today? MONITOR TEAM! OPEN WALL A!” When Lucas said so, the wall at the left side of the stage suddenly swung open like it was pulled up forcefully from above. When it did so, it revealed what looked like three fat, old, and naked old men who’re strapped and tied at a trolley similar to the one I’m in. “THIS GRAND PRIZE FEATURES THREE LICENSED SEX OFFENDER LACED WITH A DRUG THAT WILL MAKE THEIR SEX DRIVE OFF THE CHARTS FOR THREE MONETHS; THAT’S RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU HEARD ME RIGHT–THREE MONTHS! THEY WILL FUCK YOU EVEN IF YOU’RE DEAD! Now, MONITOR TEAM! OPEN WALL B!”

When Lucas uttered those words, the wall at the right side of the stage swung open just as swiftly as the first one. What lies inside is what seemed like a glass room filled with a cloud of thick green smoke. This time, the one who spoke is Timmy. “REMEMBER AUSCHWITZ!? YOU SHOULD BE! ‘CAUSE IT’S GONNA BE JUST LIKE THAT! THAT ROOM YOU’RE SEEING IS FILLED WITH A SMOKE THAT WILL KILL YOU EVER SO SOFTLY FOR THREE DAYS! YOU WILL BE THERE, THERE WILL BE NO WAY OUT, AND YOU WILL KEEP BEGGING US EVERY SECOND TO JUST BLAST YOUR HEAD OFF INSTEAD! IT’S SO FUCKING CRUEL THAT I BET EVEN HITLER WOULD HESITATE FIRST BEFORE HE AGREES TO USE IT! Well then, now that that’s done, MONITOR TEAM! OPEN THE FLOOR!”

The floor opened when Timmy uttered those words. However, this time, it unveiled what lies inside of it ever so slowly, but we already know right away what we see even before the darkened floor could reveal the entirety of what it contains. It seems like it’s a circular container filled with nothing but scorching lava sitting somewhere about a hundred feet away from the floor that’s still slowly opening up. “LAST BUT DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY NOT THE LEAST IS THE LAVA FLOOR! THERE’S LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE SPECIAL ABOUT IT! IT’S A FLOOR, AND IT’S MADE OUT OF LAVA BECAUSE SOMETIMES, WE ALL JUST NEED A GOOD ALL SOAKIN’! NO TRICKS, NO SPECIAL QUIPS! YOU FALL, YOU MELT, YOU DIE; THAT’S IT!”

“Once our very, very lucky Stromlets get to choose who will receive our MAELSTROM GRAND PRIZE, they will also be the ones who will get to choose which among our cute prizes the grand winner will get! YOU GET TO PICK WHAT DISH TO SERVE, AND YOU WILL ALSO GET TO PICK HOW TO COOK ‘EM! EVERYBODY WINS IN MAELSTROOOOOOOOM!” Timmy uttered those words in unison as I heard the countless screams of the three old men, the hissing of the glass room, and the boiling noise at the floor.

“TIME FOR US TO MEET OUR COMPETITORS!” Lucas

“From Buford, Wyoming! The hero nurse of her small town, and a proud doctorate degree holder from Harvard, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME, THE NURSE, KRISTEL WILSON!” Lucas uttered while looking at the nurse with a face filled with excitement. Suddenly, midway his sentence, A Cabaret dancer at the back started laughing while squatting with his head leaned back.

“W-wait… what!? Wait a minute. THIS IS ILLEGAL!” The nurse uttered as she took a step back while hiding herself beneath her clenched fist.

“FROM BROOKLYN NEW YORK, THE PERSON DUBBED AS THE BOAR OF WALL STREET FOR BEING FUCKING FAT AND DISGUSTING, THE SALESMAN, FRANCIS MOORE!” Timmy shouted way too loudly while pushing his microphone so damn hard into his lips that he might as well eat it.

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT AND DISGUSTING, HUH, YOU FUCKING HOMO FREAK!?!?” The salesman loudly uttered as he dashed towards the glass wall of the hall, banging on it aloud as if he intended to break them.

“LASTLY, IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HUGH JACKMAN’S CHARACTER IF HE BECAME A FAILED CIRCUS FREAK, LOOK NO FURTHER, FOR WE HAVE HERE WITH US THE DUMB P. T. BARNUM OF GIBTOWN IN GIBSONTON, FLORIDA! GIVE IT UP FOOOOOOOOOR, THE SILVER MAN, KEIZER PHILIP ANCJAJAS!” Lucas uttered while chuckling midway as if he’s laughing so hard at himself for coming up for whatever he had just said.

“Eh… EH!? Father, what is happening!? Why are they asking us about our names!?” The silver man weakly uttered as he walked towards me slowly with a pleading tone. However, he was quickly shooed away by the aggressive skinny models around me. “YIEEGHHH!”

“But before we start our show, let’s talk about today’s second sponsor!” Timmy said while taking a piece of yellow pad somewhere from within the skirt of his dress. Out of nowhere, while Timmy was trying to find a better way to read whatever is written on the piece of paper he had just taken from his crotch, the fat old man who had been standing behind them bare naked the entire time suddenly pulled out a small pistol from his ass cheeks. Without even channeling a look of alarm or worry, the bald fat man started blasting the side of his head thrice until he fell onto the wooden floor of the stage, spilling an endless amount of blood everywhere. “Oh, noooo! He’s dead!” Timmy continued while finally acknowledging the man who had been ruining their show for a while now. He then looked at us with an exaggerated frown. “Don’t you just hate it when that friend of yours whom you seldom talk to suddenly DIED!? Or how that person whom you always saw but always fail to see is just suddenly DEAD!? It’s saaaaad! That’s why today’s sponsor is The American Suicide Prevention Facility!” After saying those words, the band at the ceiling started playing a jazzy, upbeat tune while the Cabaret players at the back suddenly flocked the dead fat man while taking selfies with his corpse. “NOW THAT THAT’S DONE! LET’S FINALLY PLAAAAYYY, MAELSTROOOOOOOOOM! TELL THE WHITE PEOPLE THAT YOUR FRIENDS ARE SHIT!”

STOP IT! STOP REPEATING THINGS OVER AND OVER AAAAAAAAHHH! I CANNOT STAND THESE PEOPLE!