A Sinner’s Chance - Chapter 198

My time aboard the Blue Scale, Synestra’s Ship, was a nice break from the overland travelling I had been doing up until then. Synestra’s quarters that she had essentially given to me had slowly transformed over the course of a week from a nice and spotless captain’s room into something that resembled a workshop. If one were to ask what I was working on, the answer would be nothing in particular, I was mostly just trying things out as a method to pass time while the ship made its way to Melarc, though I was focusing mostly on necromancy.

Synestra spent about half her day with me, often just watching me work, or pestering me about my troubles. I had thought that with enough refusal she would eventually give up, but no matter how harshly I declined her help she would always bring it up again. When I asked why it bothered her so much, she told me that it was difficult to ignore due to her Gift. While it wasn’t an issue normally, the negative emotions of others caused her minor discomfort, at least, usually. Apparently I was giving her a constant headache due to the fact that for a reason she didn’t know each of my negative emotions was amplified, while all my positive ones were being suppressed, something that was only becoming worse over time.

She theorized that one of my Skills or Gifts was causing it and the best way for her to deal with it was to simply stabilize my emotions. She was essentially looking to be my therapist during the journey, at least until she felt that I wouldn’t be giving her a headache any further. for the first few weeks I simply ignored her, focusing instead on on whatever project I had in front of me, however, Synestra was much better at peeling open a person’s defenses than I’d ever have thought as around the sixth week of travel she managed to coax a few of my worries from me.

It had been rather late at night while I was working on a method to increase my productivity and take care of one of my largest time wasters. I was essentially working on what was essentially a clone of myself, though to be more accurate I was mostly hoping to create a second body rather than a copy of myself. I had been far too focused on my work to notice that Synestra had entered the room, let alone walked up to me, so when she whispered, “Why are you so afraid?” her voice soft and gentle in my ear I answered without hesitation or thought.

“How can I not be? When the relationship between me and the ones I love was likely built by changing who they were?”

Suddenly realizing what I had said my words came to halt as I leaned away from the worktable and looked at Synestra who was taken aback by my answer. I wasn’t sure what feeling was fleeting around in my chest as I slowly closed my eyes and turned back to my work. Silence hung in the air almost as if it were tangible, until eventually Synestra spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “Why do you think that?”

I ignored her question, but I could feel her eyes looking at me, as if she wished to bore a hole through me with sight alone. “One of my Skills.” I answered in monotone. While it wasn’t much of an explanation, it wasn’t like Synestra could do anything with the knowledge. “If you’re not careful it might affect you too, so it would be best to leave me alone.”

“Oh? Is that why you are forcibly isolating yourself despite the overwhelming loneliness I feel from you?” Synestra’s voice that had been quiet was increasing in volume. “Do you really think that your Skill is so powerful that it can completely change a person? There are very few beings able to change who a person is, and a Voidspawn like yourself isn’t on that list unless you were doing so forcefully and with intention.”

Synestra’s words caused my body to tremble slightly, but I didn’t grace Synestra with a response. It wasn’t as if I had I hadn’t already had those thoughts, I had already had a long time to reflect on the words written by the seeress. However, even if I didn’t completely change a person, it was true that I had surely influenced and changed them, possibly removing the choice they would have had otherwise.

However, I didn’t expect that Synestra would understand why that didn’t sit right with me. Velen had in a similar situation once, where his choice had been made for him by another, someone that he had never met or trusted, so it was extremely difficult for me to remain the person depriving people I was close with and trusted of a possible choice that they should be able to make, even if that choice was one that would only cause me pain.

I was no longer able to focus on the work in front of me, but I moved my hands anyway, hoping that Synestra would leave me alone if I ignored her for long enough. I should have known however that someone as nosy and invested in the lives of others wouldn’t be so easy to rid myself of. What I didn’t expect however was how utterly stubborn and patient Synestra was. She sat watching me until long after the sun had risen in the sky, not having moved from her spot since she had taken it. It was almost as if I was being watched like the problem character of an assistance center.