A Slackers Guide To Immortality - Chapter 1

Joe had just got home from a long day at school. He was looking forward to a four day weekend of binge watching Utube and guzzling Munster Energy.

Time for some snacks he thought to himself. He put the key in the door knob and opened the door. Energy drink cans were overflowing from a short blue waste basket by the door. The small folding table he kept by his tatty second hand recliner in front of his “60 Hetaki TV had dirty dishes that were starting to stink. He moved those into the sink that was also filled with more dirty dishes.Then he swept his greedy little eyes on top of the refrigerator.The eyes stopped on a yellow coffee can. Inside that coffee can was pretty much all of his savings from every dumb odd job on campus he could do.

As he shook the old coffee can that he kept his cash in he realized that funds were low. He was definitely going to have to sell plasma and maybe do something shameful with the landlady this month to afford his rent.

Oh well that was something to worry about another day. He grabbed the $5 note but left the change inside the can. With a hop and a skip he walked down the stairs to the corner store underneath his apartment.

Steve was behind the counter and waved at Joe before he said “Sup bro, did you get those lab notes? Professor Jabowski said our midterm is going to be about 90 percent of those notes.”

“Ummm no Steve I was passed out in the back as usual. Unless it’s skirts or beer it doesn’t hold my interests long. Besides all of the tests have been multiple choice anyways I’ll squeak by with a C as usual.”

“Whatever bro just know I’m here with the notes if you feel like studying I’ll pop upstairs after work.”

“No thanks Steve im gonna be either asleep or completely engrossed watching babes on the tv.” With that exchange done Joe walked over to the soda case and grabbed a Munster. As an afterthought he picked up some pickled sausages from a jar on the counter. He handed Steve the 5 and waited for his change.

Steve bagged up Joe’s stuff and said with a grin ” You thought I forgot right? You still owe me $2.67 from last week. If we subtract the 25 cents in change you would have gotten that means $2.42 you still need to pay.”

“You have a calculator where your heart should be Steve… are you sure you aren’t a robot? Did you forget the 20 years of friendship we have had?”

“What friendship? If my memory is right you’ve been nothing but a bloodsucking parasite. You should be glad I don’t charge you interest on your loan. Now get out of here before my uncle comes around he hates your guts.”

Joe left the store and walked out onto the street. It was pretty quiet outside. The late afternoon sun was quickly fading to that golden tinge just before sundown. The late spring air was starting to feel pleasant. There were more than a few hotties out on the street but Joe knew his broke ȧss couldn’t afford to talk to them so up the stairs he went.