A Slackers Guide To Immortality - Chapter 43

Young Three and Joe began their long walk back to the Junk Hall in silence. Stark nȧkėd and covered in smut. Joe was trying to see the humor in the situation but was speechless and blankminded over it.Ethel was lost in the woods but had a general idea of her bearings so she set a heading for the shack by the gate. Neither group was happy and neither group was making good time.

The Scholar was still busy skinning and quartering the hog meat at the Elder’s shack.

‘I really hope Bi comes back soon with those curing salts. This has to be brined and spiced before I start packing sausage. Too much damn meat honestly,but what can you do besides start chunking it. That reminds me why am I always the one getting stuck with the dirty work that’s what tater slaves is for.’

He stabbed his knife into the makeshift worktable and went to get some help. He ran at a dead sprint to Freedom Town.

The Abbess was soaking in a luxurious bronze

tub full of scalding hot saltwater infused with tea tree oil and turmeric. The furuncle on her posterior was a result of sitting under a waterfall night and day for a week hoping to achieve enlightenment. ‘It enlightened me to the fact that I could easily catch pneumonia and that sitting too long on an uncomfortable rock will only result in constipation. Why did I trust that ancient manual I bought from a Junk Gypsy? Delved from an ancient immortal’s cave my left foot.’ The white linen seperating her from the rest of her bedchamber was pushed aside by Novice Shelia. “Abbess those filthy peasants have come asking alms again. The leader is outside with his face in the dirt and refuses to leave without seeing you.” The novice said this without looking up from the ground to meet the eyes of the Abbess. The Abbess stood up out of the bath turned her backside to the young novice then slightly bent her waist. “Shelia look at this, Any changed at all has it come to a head at least?” The Abbess’s voice was hopeful and almost pleading as she spoke.

The novice looked up from the floor to view the wide callypagious buŧŧȯċks with is flawless perfect skin marred only by the fist sized angry red nobule on its right cheek.

‘I really wish the Abbess would let us lance it the only way for that thing is never going to drain unless we do it. The Abbess is worried about a scar let it burst naturally she says. It’s a fool’s errand waiting for this thing to pop. The Abbess will have a fever soon.’

“No Abbess it is just as bad as it was a week ago not getting any bigger or smaller. I’ll ask again please let me use a needle or something on it.” Shelia was hopeful that one more time might be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“I have a duty to God to keep my body perfect for him.Anyday now I might be called away by our Lord to heaven I await the System Message from our supreme overlords. I need to be one of his many serving wenches in his harem in the sky.” The extascy on her face was evident as she touched herself with glee.

“All of you flowers must be ready to accept the immortal seed. Ready to give birth to the next generation of demigods.” The Abbess then stroked the young novice on the shoulder as she was looking at the mannequin adorned with the vestments of her office. “Inform Bi that I will be with him shortly I’ll meet him by the storeroom.”

As she stretched her leg to get out of the tub the long awaited moment occurred green sickly pus and blood ran down her leg onto the floor. “Shelia have Margaret clean that up would you and get the firat aid kit we need to pack this with some sulphur gauze otherwise it will go sour… I can’t have that happen.”