A Slackers Guide To Immortality - Chapter 46

The Elder arrived back at his home to see all of the sect hard at work finishing up the hogs.

‘This is great no time lost. I’ll drop this stuff off pop inside for a couple of candy pieces and be on my way to see Jimbo to get some drums so we can finish the brining.’ He left the Scholar to unload the truck and entered the house.

Ethel woke up as soon as she heard the door open. She had little modesty so she limped her way out of bed wearing nothing but her bikini cut black bottoms and her black sports bra. Seeing the smile on the Elder’s face she told him exactly what happened and how she came to be there. “Why is it that every time I talk guys just look at my tɨts,ass,bellybutton,or some place similar?”

The Elder was guilty as charged but so old he was also shameless. “Just stay here rest up I’ll talk to Jimbo. That pig you hit might be pretty important to the future of the sect. So just rest up I’ll see what I can do about getting something for the pain.”

Not forgetting to grab some chocolates out of the bedside table before he left Bi went back to the now unloaded truck.

“Jimbo,what are we going to do now. He’s about 5ft into the ground and why does he look like a singer in a Muley Hatchet cover band?” Three asked looking down at her underground husband.

“Not a clue Three I have to tape up my stash and try to get back on with my life.” Jimbo pulled out a roll of cellophane packing tape from one of his myriad tool ċhėsts. “If my knowledge serves me right his power is going to be short lived. He has no real means to store energy in, most humans don’t have qi channels or a mythical golden sea so this energy is going to dissipate soon.”

Almost as soon as Jimbo finished that sentance Joe’s hair turned black. “Jimbo when you going dig me out?” Joe was attemping to wiggle free.

“Not so froggy now are ya boy? Don’t worry as soon as I preserve my treasures I’ll let your wife do it.”

“Why in hell would I dig him out? I got what i wanted from him last night and this morning.”

“I never get a say in my own fate. Why do I feel like the pawn of a mad god?” Joe ever in doom gave a typical response.

“That’s the Gypsie blood in you. We are all pawns of Big Papa John John, I know I told you the story.” Jimbo was wondering where that torn set of tɨts he saw on the ground went back to.”I may as well just turn all of this into a mish mash collage I might actually end up saying thank you. I can create the perfect woman now, Delia Holmes’ face, Holli Boll’s belly, Ethel Rhodes toes…” Jimbo was lost in the endless possibilities of composite photo collages.

The Elder had made it over to the Junk Hall.

‘This place looks like it was hit with a tornado. I wonder if Jimbo’s still blew up again?’ The Elder didn’t smell whiskey so he put that off the list of possibilities. He figured he didn’t want to know so he just started throwing drums into the back of the truck. He went inside to see if he could get some help with drawing water from the pond for the brining.

“Anybody home?” The first thing the Elder noticed was Joe stuck in the ground.

“What happened to him?”

“What was in it?” The Elder was looking at the trough containing the liquid. ‘I wonder if my hair would come back if I took a snort.

“Oh by the way the person you guys chopped up says her name is Ethel Rhodes and she is your new wife Jimbo. Be careful I think she’s a gold digging bitch.”

“Well joke’s on her ain’t it” Jimbo spit out a stream of juice ‘I wonder if it’s THE ETHEL RHODES. Them toes that lovely back hair…’

Back in the Elder’s shack Ethel shivered despite it being a warm day.