A Slackers Guide To Immortality - Chapter 47

“Ok Jimbo since he’s currently immobilized I think we need some Onanaga Beer and some preserved truffles. Just basic logic that rotgut,fresh truffle,and Jeffy’s blood did that to Joe weaker ingredients should have less of an effect. I’m sure I can get that mouthy cop over here for a dosage comparison.” The Elder was estatic ‘I can now slip this into a city disguised as a legitimate health drink Fugus Enforcement Department lick my taint. This is great those manbun hippies at Bino City would go gaga for this shit. “Organic Energy Drink” no “Dragon’s Breathe Punch”… fuċk it we can name it later first some human testing.’

“Bi that meat needs curing so git- r- done! Grubworm isn’t going anywhere I think I need to check on my lady’s condition. Those little cute toes especially.” Jimbo was already changing his bloody tuxedo T shirt for a reasonably clean black Mully Hatchet tour shirt and a pair of grubby gray sweat pants that he tucked into the top of his boots as an after thought he sprayed some room deodorizer in a mist that he walked into.

His cowboy hat was put back on the peg he took a little petroleum jelly to smooth down his unruly hair and to oil his beard.

“Grubworm how do I look?”

“Like a oiled up redneck going to a titty bar. Shit at least take a bath.” Joe was wiggling himself whilst stuck in the ground straining against immovable earth.

“I think you look perfect father-in-law. Go meet her just like that!” Three was muttering under her breath. “I personally don’t give a shit. Three be productive toss a few drums in the Truck Of Hauling we’ll go to the pond grab some of that stagnant water.” Bi was pretty flippant as he surveyed the shop to see if there was anything worth taking back to his shack. “Jimbo I need two large gears a 1″ shaft and a crank to weld to it for a sausage grinder. It’s fun to watch the Tater Slaves mince up the meat but it’s so time consuming.”

“Way ahead of you Elder, last summer I found a bunch of old bicycles in a scrap heap. I took the gears of them welded those together on two shafts. Put them at the end of belt with a pulley connected to two bike tires get a couple Tater Slaves on the pedals of each bike then they can grind against each other.”

‘Excellent that ups productivity and means Brother Blue will be missed less.’ Bi nodded his approval.

Several days had passed until it was the day before the Treasure Fair. The meat had been cured and smoked. Ethel was disgusted but accepting of her situation. Joe and Brother Blue had been fed a liquid diet of the proposed mixture until the proper amounts of each ingredient had been reached.The final amounts were 4 drops of standard pigs blood to 16 ounces of Onangaga Beer and 3 teaspoons of finely grated smoked truffle. The Elder had decided to call the mixture Sky Rider and would be taking it to the Treasure Fair on the morrow for sale to anyone that chose to buy it.