Acceptance - Chapter 17
It had been unbearably quiet. She sat alone in the chair on their terrace, in the uncomfortable tranquility. The day had passed far too quickly than expected for Irene.
The pain had always been her loyal companion. Everything left her but the pain stayed, tightly holding on to her. Shouldn’t she be grateful to it that it found her worthy enough to stick to when nobody else did? A bitter chuckle escaped her lips.
Melissa had to rush to the hospital upon knowing that one of her friends had met with a bad accident. Irene had insisted upon joining her but Melissa had not allowed her to. It was almost evening and a certain uneasiness that gripped Irene’s heart had made her walk up to the terrace to soothe her soul.
“Hurting you was never my intention, Irene. Have intentions stopped mattering to you?”
She was not surprised upon hearing his voice. It did not startle her rather she leaned back comfortably in her chair. She had an inkling of it since the time Grace called her, confirming if she was home.
“For how long do you expect me to let things pass by considering your intentions, Ayden?” She did not turn back to see him. “Come, have a seat.”
If he was surprised at her calm tone, he did not make it visible. With slow and steady steps, he covered the distance between them and settled in the chair that was across her at quite some distance.
“I just want you to hear me out once,” he earnestly whispered.
She could hear the regret of raising his voice a minute ago in his tone. She could let go of that though, knowing it was his frustration that was coming out. She had not been immune to that feeling so she could understand.
“Go ahead. I am listening.” She lifted her hand to gesture him to start but caught him staring at her knees. Grace must have told him, she knew.
“How did that happen?” Wuxiaworld for visiting.
“That’s not what you are here for, Ayden.” She clasped her hands together, dropping them in her lap as she waited for him to continue.
“Fine. I am not going to lie. Every word that I would say here now is a hundred percent truth. I hope you would at least believe me when I say that.”
She smiled at him. “Like I had believed you when you had said you had a fever… oh, wait, when you had ‘lied’ that you had a fever… because you wanted to see me and I had believed you and came back traveling 160 Kilometres leaving my project work? Like that?”
Ayden’s face fell as she brought up that past incident.
“I did not want to do it.”
“Damn it. Somebody had put a gun over your head, no? Damn. How could I not understand?”
Her tone laced with disappointment at his excuses sharply twisted something in his heart.
“I did not believe that you would do it. I never did.”
“Oh, right. Isn’t that why you had to test my loyalty? That was a lovely way of showing how much you believe me. I am touched, Ayden. I absolutely am.”
He sat there, drowning in shame and guilt, every time he heard the hurt in her words. He left the chair and went near her. Kneeling in front of her, he held her hands and rested his head on them.
“I am sorry. I truly, truly am. It is killing me how much you are hurting. I wish it had not happened but the fact is, it has and I can not do anything about it other than apologizing. If there is anything that you think I can do, please tell me. I will do anything for your forgiveness.”
If it was not the water drops that he felt falling in his hair, he would not have taken his head away from her hands. He did not know if he was going to get to be that close to her again.
“Please… don’t cry. You know I can’t -”
“These tears are gifted by you, Ayden. You must watch them. Look into my eyes and see how deeper the hurt is.” She shifted forward in her place, holding his face in her palms. “Can you see it? Can you see it, Ayden? You cannot, can you? When you can’t even see how deeper the hurt is, how are you going to fix it, tell me?”
Ayden was helpless once again. “Even if I do not know, I want to try, Irene. Give me one chance, please. I really love you.”
She turned her face away, unable to hold herself anymore. Upon getting a bit of composure, she looked at him the way that increased his hopes.
He did not know what he saw in them that did that though.
Perhaps, it was her softened expression.
Perhaps, it was the feeble smile on her lips.
Perhaps, it was the way she pulled her hands from his face and rested them on his shoulder.
“I love you too, Ayden,” she confessed, her honesty visible in her eyes.
His happiness had no bounds. Those words brought a glow on his gloomy face and he rose on his feet to hug her. “I knew it. I knew it.”
His hands enveloped her in their delicate embrace. He had never thought that it was going to happen. His hopes had died right at the moment when he had seen her shattered self outside his room where Ashton was discussing how well their plan had gone with him.
But, no. His Irene was still his. Oh, how reliving and incredibly comforting it was to his guilty soul!
“But we can’t be together.”
His hold immediately loosened as he tried to absorb her words. He slowly backed off, completely taking his hands off her.
Staring at the firm determination in her eyes regarding her decision, his limbs were numb.
“I still love you, Ayden. Keep no doubt about that. I don’t even know when I will get over you or rather if I ever will or not. I don’t know when I will stop loving you or rather if I ever will or not. I don’t know if I will ever be able to love another man knowing that I couldn’t convince you of my loyalty in three long years. I don’t know if my heart will ever trust another man to trust me in every circumstance. I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel assured that my character would not be decided by the people in my past. I don’t know if I will ever be able to believe that I… deserve to be trusted and loved for what I am and… not to be questioned and accused of what the people in my past have done. I don’t know any of that, Ayden. The only thing that I know is… we cannot be together.”
