Acceptance - Chapter 9

She stared at him for a while, letting his words sink in her system. What did he mean? It didn’t seem like he was referring to the board that she had missed. Perhaps, he was just referring to that but she was being awful and relating it to the relationship that she had got in without knowing what she was signing up for.

She had discovered it as time passed that she was wrong in believing that she knew what she was getting herself into.

She loved Ayden. No doubt about that. Ayden loved her as well. At least she would like to believe that he did but as every point demanded her to compromise with her choices, she had not even realized how after a point, she had pushed away everything that she enjoyed doing.

‘I know you love jogging, Irene but I am afraid. There are a lot of guys who get out in the morning. I… just want you to stay safe.’

It was just weeks after the beginning of their relationship, that his constant attempts of convincing her had made her give in. Even though she did not want to. She had told herself that he was being concerned about her, which he definitely was, and that she must respect his feelings.

She had left jogging. For his sake.

‘I don’t know, Irene. I mean, I am not sure. When I see you talking and laughing with Jake, Leo, Rickey… I can’t help but feel that I don’t deserve you.’

He had mentioned it to her on one of their dates. His insecurity had surprised her because she hadn’t realized that she had made him feel that way by… just talking to their classmates. She had been in guilt for quite a lot of days before she had come to a solution that she would just stop interacting with them.

She had left talking to her friends. For his sake.

‘Don’t get into any fights with those boys, Irene. They can do anything. I know… you are right but this won’t end well.’

He had meant good but she hadn’t liked that instead of supporting her, he was asking her to back off. Just because they were boys and could do anything didn’t mean that everyone had to let them do. She would have got them behind the bars for eve-teasing had Ayden not made her step back.

She had neither learned any new skills nor polished her existing ones in the past three years for all the time… either she was with Ayden or she was texting Ayden. Either way, her entire time, her entire self and her entire soul was invested in him, leaving no time for her to work on her own self.

“Knock knock. Get out of past memories… and stop crying.”

She was snapped out of her thoughts with his voice. She hadn’t even realized when tears began flowing from her eyes.

He offered her a handkerchief and she readily took it for her hands had become dirty enough. She couldn’t touch her face with them.

“Thank you.”

“Until you don’t let go of what hurts you… you are never going to stop hurting,” he whispered while he bent a little and forwarded his hand toward her.

She smiled at the gesture. “It’s okay. My hands are dirty.” She lifted her hands in the air to show him.

“Why would you think that I would not hold them just because there is some temporary dirt on them? Besides, I would have held them even if it was permanent dirt. Now, come on, try to get up.”

Her gaze lifted at him, amused.

“Come on. Are you planning to stay there for life? The more you would focus on what has gone wrong, the more pain it will cause you and the more time it will waste that you can possibly use to get a solution.”

She looked at her hands first and then at him. He had stretched out his other hand as well. Giving her dirty hands in his meant spoiling his clean hands. She had never pulled people in her mess and made their lives get affected by it. It was not something that she had ever been able to bring herself to do. She believed… her mess was… hers to clean up.

“It’s okay to take help from someone, sometimes.”

She heard him again. A weary sigh that escaped her lips was slow. She couldn’t quite get why he was willing to go a step beyond and help her even if it meant his hands getting spoiled with the dirt she had landed herself in.

He was still waiting when she finally raised her eyes at him and gave her hands in his. She let him pull herself up. Her knees hurt. She pressed her lips together not to wince in front of him.

“Can you stand?” he asked, still holding on to her arms to support her.

“I can.” She couldn’t but she couldn’t tell him that. She got her pretense working yet again and pretended to be alright. Anyway, he was a stranger who was going to neither understand nor care.

“Suppressing pain is one of the most futile things one can do,” he whispered, leaving her hands but supporting her back with his left hand. Pushing his right hand in his pocket, he pulled out a small plastic bag that had a small bottle of antiseptic and some cotton balls.

“What are you doing?” Her eyes narrowed as she suddenly started struggling in his hold. It was going a bit too far. She didn’t need a dressing. He was not supposed to bother either. “Look, I am fine. Thank you.” She was freaking out by then.

“By saying that you are fine doesn’t make you fine,” he said, darting a calm look at her.

“Uh, I’ll do the dressing by myself at home. I am wearing leggings so not possible here anyway.”

“How far is your home?” Wuxiaworld for visiting.

“Approximately three kilometers.”

“Sorry. You have to get the dressing done here. There was a chemical that accidentally fell over here and even though they have cleaned the road, I don’t think you should take any risk.”

Oh, what? A chemical? She mentally face-palmed herself. All of a sudden, all the awful things, had to start happening again!

“No, but I can’t really do that. You can see what I am wearing. I can’t pull it up. Besides… I don’t get… why you are even bothered.”

She waited for the answer, secretly hoping that he would have none and she would be heading back home soon.

“Imagine a cat… or a dog or a parrot or a sparrow… lying hurt here. Wouldn’t you bother? So if a human is here… hurt… and can get a bad infection… why is it so surprising if I am bothered?”