Always You - Volume 1 Chapter 6 His Feelings
Axel can’t help but reminisce what happened in the past.
“What happened to us, Ali?” They were once deeply in love. We once vow to be with each other no matter what happens. We shared everything. I totally believed that we were meant for each other but now, he is hurting and he doubts himself.
“Maybe I am the only who can’t forget.” The silence filled room was the only witness of his silent suffering.
“Is my love for you not enough that you have to pretend that we don’t know each other? What mistake did i make?
“I, at least deserved an explanation.”
“You told me to wait and I waited for you. But, why?”
“Why did you suddenly disappear?”
“You cut all contact and made sure I can’t find you.”
“You avoided me like a plague these past few years.”
“Do you scorn me that much?” Axel’s handsome face was filled with resentment and sadness.
In the end, he whispered. “Why did you leave me?”
“Am I the only one trapped in these beautiful memories?”
“I still love you.” Axel silently whispered, his intense gaze seeming to burn her image into his mind.
“I still love you.” Axel repeated to himself.
“But. I am also tired.” Axel closed his eyes seeming to hide all the emotions he felt inside.
He is trying to forget. However he still has these feelings and he is trying so hard to fight and control his strong desire to be with her again.
Axel doesn’t want to feel hopeful only to be crushed by disappointment again. He was afraid that he might die from heartache the next time it happens.
Though Axel did not shed any tears, you can feel the heavy atmosphere permeating the surroundings. His elated feelings were overwhelmed by resentment and grief. He searched, he looked for her, he asked her friends and relatives but he got nothing he keep on searching.
He was hopeful and optimistic that he will find her and one day they will be together again.
That is until he realized how pathetic he was searching for a person who simply doesn’t care. He was thrown to the mud and now he is ready to pick up himself.
And now that he steeled his heart to forget about her, he accidentally saw her.
Axel can’t help but shake his head and curled up his lips in a sad, bitter smile.
“You’re like a butterfly Ali, the more I chased you the more you eludes me. And when I stopped to take a breather, here you are swaying your wings cheerily, grabbing my full attention successfully.”
“I feel helpless; I expended so much energy to search for you but still got nothing. And when i stopped to chase you, you directly appeared in front of me.”
“It makes me question myself, is my effort not enough? Maybe, ummm. Maybe, that’s why you left me.” Axel can’t help but think like this.
“Sigh.” Axel bit his lips until it bleeds and clench his hands until it was numb and devoid of color.
Axel was torn between these uncertain feelings. First, he desired her. But, he is wavering because now that he decided to forget her, he realized that it is not easy to control his heart. He still cared for her.
“Though you’re acting like you don’t know me, I think it is okay. I can’t touch you, I can’t feel you but knowing that you are near me makes my complicated heart stay still.”
“I’ll just think I am being rehabilitated. Who knows, maybe this is the only way we can settle our issues or maybe this is the way i can totally break free from this invisible shackle called you.”
His handsome face gives a warm feeling amidst the turbulent emotions inside him. There’s a faint hesitation emanated in his beautiful eyes but it is glowing with anticipation.
Axel was happy that he found her but sad at the same time because he doesn’t know how to approach her. Of course, he has too many questions in his mind waiting for an answer. He thought that once Ali appeared in front of him he is ready to confront her but now, he was afraid that if he questioned her too much, Ali would avoid him again.
Axel opted to act cautiously.
“She doesn’t know me, then I will continue to act. Maybe this can also help me.”