Ambiguous Relationship - Chapter 64：Meng Gu's POV .2

Actually, I can’t remember the scene of the first time I saw Chen Ruo Yu.

I can’t remember my first impression of her.

The clothes she wore at the time, her hairstyle, or even her expression or anything she said, I really didn’t have any impression of her.

I only remembered that she came with Gao Yu Lan and Niu Niu.

Niu Niu rushed over to me as soon she passed through the door. She is very cute, she is a mischievous child, and very weird. If I have such a daughter, I definitely wouldn’t want to go to work and would stay home every day to play with her.

I still had an impression of Gao Yu Lan’s appearance. She had her hair in a ponytail, clean, delicate and pretty. I don’t think that she is very beautiful. Of course, it is not her appearance that made Yin Ze constantly have her on his mind.

I paid special attention to Gao Yu Lan because I was very curious about her, the woman that made Yin Ze remember her and never forget her for these three years, I always wondered, what is she like?

Fate is a very magical thing. In fact, not only do women believe in it, but also men believe it. If not, how could Yin Ze actually find Gao Yu Lan, no, it should be said that Gao Yu Lan finally picked him up.

Actually, I also have many fates, uh, it should be called a predestined affinity with women, but I am not at all proud of it. You always think on your side that the conditions are right, and you want to start something, but actually, she doesn’t understand you at all, therefore you are considerably skeptical of her, then she discovers that there is a gap between the two of you and that you are not at all getting along as she imagined, and then she will throw you away. It is always like this, it is quite annoying.

The most important thing is that I don’t feel much towards them. I know that I have problems and I have a suspicious attitude and have high expectations when it comes to feelings. It’s just that I am no longer naive. To think that feelings can break through the limitations of conditions and are eternal and everlasting? That is nonsense!

Feelings can transcend the influence of conditions and become the assassin that will destroy said feelings.

I don’t doubt it, I am not wrong, feelings are destroyed by feelings. There are so many kinds of feelings, and it is not such a strange thing that love is no match for other feelings.

Anyway, I lost my love.

As a man that has lost, as a man who has entered the age of thirty, furthermore as a rational and calm man, I actually, well, will inevitably one day settle down and start a family.

I am not in a hurry, but I also have no desire and frame of mind to play the peach blossom game. Actually, my requirement for my partner is not high, it’s really not high, I only hope – she can move me.

I once again heard the name Chen Ruo Yu, Yin Ze came to ask me if I have gotten a girlfriend recently.

This situation where this guy is suddenly concerned about my love life is really daunting. In the end, he said that Chen Ruo Yu, a good friend of Gao Yu Lan wanted to inquire and that this person is interested in me.

Chen Ruo Yu? I subconsciously tried to recall what she looked like, but I couldn’t remember it. In the end, Yin Ze told me not to be pleased with myself, that she wanted to inquire about the situation of Lei Feng and me, but Lei Feng is outwardly cold but deep and passionate on the inside and has had an owner since 800 years ago. Therefore, only I was left.

Oh, so it actually turns out that I am the unwanted leftover person, I am what is easy and convenient to her?

I joked, Yin Ze laughed, held his chin and pat my shoulder, warning me to be a bit polite to her, after all, that is his family’s Gao Yu Lan buddy and close friend.

This shameless, will Gao Yu Lan determine the relationship between me and my wife? He should also feel ashamed.

In short, this time, I remembered the name Chen Ruo Yu.

But the name is just a name. I don’t know what she looks like in my mind and I am not curious. At that time, for me, Chen Ruo Yu like other people thought that my appearance is good, have a good job, and my family is well-off, and so I just assumed that she pursued me because of these, the same as other women.

A man with pretty good conditions, a single woman would feel that he is a good target, and will quickly go after a good target. This is understandable and of course, there is nothing wrong with it, but what about later after starting a relationship?

Okay, my suspicious attitude has resurfaced again. Learning from my three love experiences, I feel that if conditions are good then they are only just that. It is also good to make a good first impression that can first ignite the fire of love, but I think that liking this kind of extrinsic circumstances cannot compare to the appreciation of a love that grows long-term, familiarity breeds fondness, because of the deep understanding that grows and also the security of it, right?

Yin Ze had once criticized me saying that I have the wrong idea. He said that a good first impression is very important. If there isn’t a good first impression, who will have the patience to get close to you, to people these days, time is precious. Therefore, if the conditions are appropriate, think of dating as the first step, not thinking so far as long-term, naturally, that is another stage, which has nothing to do with the conditions, it all depends on the individual’s good luck.

Look at good luck? Then I definitely must be a person who has no good luck.

I do not deny that his words have some truth, but I also feel that my own have some truth as well. Blindly believing in the conditions that arise from a first impression will also waste valuable time, because, I have personal experience of this, I am a victim of focusing on conditions.

My first love was in university, she was called Qi Yao. She was very beautiful and her temperament was very good. I kind of fell in love with her at first sight. We had a simple and passionate relationship, which was very beautiful, but in the end, I was abandoned because the conditions of our two families were too far apart. She listened to too many rumors from those who were suspicious and jealous of her, who said that the reason she was with me was to climb up a high branch and there were those who were doubting whether her feelings for me were true.

I couldn’t understand it, I told her that my conditions were not very good, not very rich or powerful, she sneered and asked whether the deputy dean’s son wants to show the humility of the second generation rich family’s heir? I immediately felt very upset and wanted to express my displeasure, but I didn’t know what else to say, and only felt oddly disgusted.

I also didn’t understand, could it be that she didn’t love me, shouldn’t she look at me to determine things then? Why care about the evaluation of others, but Qi Yao didn’t think so. She felt that she has no reason to be shamed and that this so-called shame was brought about by the romance between us. Therefore, she had to change it all.

The way to change was to leave me and to go regain her pride. She said for me to wait for her word, this time it was my turn to sneer, why?

On the basis of our love for each other, she said.

I couldn’t even laugh anymore.

We had a big fight again and then we parted ways.

In short, I was made a fool out of love. I didn’t know enough about Qi Yao. I didn’t know that pride is important to her than love. Weighing conditions bring about making conjectures and having misgivings, regardless of whether it is of your own or that of outsiders, the end result will be injury.

I didn’t want to admit how badly I’ve been hurt, and I have my own pride.

I studied hard and studied well. I smoothly got into my father’s hospital and became a surgeon. As everyone expected, I had a bright future, all the way.

Many people thought that it was because I have a father who is the hospital deputy dean.

Go to your mother! how about that? I made this comment to some people, who I happened to hear talking about me. Their complexion became very ugly and they ran away. Damn it! This old master’s complexion definitely became even worse. From then on, when many people saw me, they took a detour.

Some people thought that I had broken things off with Qi Yao, as a man who had played enough and so threw her away, that anyway, after graduation how can my family accommodate a girl in a difficult financial situation from a countryside? Therefore, I definitely threw her away. I smiled as I listened and walked away silently, and felt aggrieved for Qi Yao, to that woman who her pride is more important than anything else, wouldn’t she be angrier hearing this? I really wanted to say to her: Is it difficult for your heart to bear? You deserve it!

I focused all my energy on work, and everything was going well. I didn’t disappoint my identity as the deputy dean’s son. I didn’t allow for my dad to lose face and also didn’t let myself be embarrassed. Work is very busy, but I have been thinking in my head, that I want to find a partner as soon as possible. I want to fall in love, get married and have children.

After a long time, I have no choice but to admit that at that time I was silently acting in a fit of anger against Qi Yao.

I wanted to prove it to her, that I will be very happy, I wanted her to regret it. If she is sad and in pain, then I will be delighted and happy.

So, I started a second relationship. Her name was Peng Li Xin, lively and adorable with a beautiful appearance too. The most important thing is that her family condition was pretty good. Her parents’ professions and household are quite similar to my family’s. As the proverb goes: this is called an appropriate match, where the two families are well matched in terms of social status.

There is no gap in the conditions, nothing for rumors to judge, I thought that this time there would be no problem.

We have different personalities.

What the hell! If all the conditions were an appropriate match, and the two of us really tried to really hard to get along with each other, but in the end, it still resulted in failure. Where is the problem?

On the day of the breakup, I went to a bar to drink alone. I then thought about it, that if Qi Yao should unexpectedly find out about this, she would definitely feel proud. She would think that I cannot do without her. I always had a feeling that she will come back to me, and I hoped that by the time she comes to me, I will be married and living a happy life.

Later, I reviewed and reflected on myself. Maybe it is my attitude, perhaps I am too eager to get rid of Qi Yao’s shadow. So I am very careful and wary. I am too eager to fall in love and anxious to regain the feeling of fiery passion. The more anxious I am, the more I feel like something is lacking, getting into a relationship like this, how can there be good results?

So I was very tired, and Li Xin was very dissatisfied. She thought that I was half-hearted and not showing enough enthusiasm. Some of her requests, I couldn’t do and some of my actions she didn’t like. But then again, we didn’t quarrel much, at least not as much as I quarreled with Qi Yao. But even if there wasn’t much quarreling, this relationship still only lasted half a year.

I was dumped once again.

MiraiSaesang’s Notes: Someone was bitter for a long time…A lot of people do fall into this trap after a breakup, “I wanna hurry up and live happily just so I can go????to the person who broke my heart when we meet again.”