An Accidental Rebirth: The Surrogate Bride - Chapter 141

“Like master, like servant!” Zixiu thought resentfully. However, though his plan did not go well, he was not discouraged. He chuckled, trying to cover up his embarrassment. “Well… Bro, I’m really flattered! You’re such a smart, experienced martial artist. How dare I try to plot against you? Besides, you’re watching my every move. Even if I did risk my life trying to do something to you, you’d find out right away, right?”

“…” The expressionless Yueying remained silent.

Zixiu did not flare up at once. With a flattering smile on his face, he continued, “Bro, don’t get me wrong! It was just a misunderstanding!”

With that, he picked up a cup of tea from the table with his expression and tone changing to solemn in an instant. “Bro, I’m so grateful to you for taking care of me these days! I will drink tea as a toast to show my gratitude!”

He then emptied the cup of tea at a draught.

“…” Yueying still did not respond. He stood there indifferently as if he were really a monitor!

“Ok!” Zixiu took a deep breath to cheer himself up. ‘This autistic guy gives a cold shoulder to everyone except for his master. Seems he’s even tougher than Nangong Du, and I can’t accomplish my purpose if I don’t play tricks!’ Zixiu thought. Though his knowledge of computers was useless in this backward country, he would show the henchman of that foppish childe how he would make him bite the hook with his eloquence! After all, he, Mark Lira, had once learned crosstalk from a performer!

Crosstalk was the art of speech, which focused on talking, imitating, fun-making, and singing. If there was only one performer, it was called comic monologue; if there were two performers, it was called comic dialogue; if there were three or more performers, it was called group crosstalk… Next, Zixiu started his lengthy comic monologue.

“Bro, you must have been a guard for a long time? May I know who your teacher is?” After that, Zixiu made a lot of noise while taking a gulp of soup.

“Prince Mu is ill-tempered, so you must be scolded a lot, right?” he asked. Next, he took another gulp of the soup, making a rasping noise again. He remembered that in the traditional culture of some countries, it was normal to make a noise when people were eating soup. Maybe the tradition of the Nan Kingdom was the same?

“…” Yueying stood still as if he were a statue.

“Er… can I ask you something?” Zixiu did not believe that Yueying could maintain silent all the time. Looking at Yueying for quite a while with an inexplicable look, he continued in a low voice, as if he was whispering, “How much does Prince Mu pay you a month?”

For the first time, Yueying turned to him.

Encouraged, Zixiu continued, “Er… Bro, how old are you?” From the guard’s appearance, he could tell he was already an adult. “Do you have a girlfriend… Er… I mean, do you have a crush on someone? Do you need me to set you up with a girl? Prince Mu hasn’t got you a wife, right?”

“…” Yueying turned to him again, shooting him an angry glare.

Zixiu widened his eyes deliberately while clicking his tongue. “Dude, don’t tell me you’ve been in love with Xingyi for a long time!”

“Shut up!” Yueying was so annoyed that he couldn’t help but yell. Without asking whether Liu Zixiu had finished his meal, he started clearing the dinner table. The first thing he was about to take away was the bowl of soup Liu Zixiu had been sipping for a long time! He had never heard anyone making such a disgusting sound while having soup!

“Don’t!” Zixiu shouted anxiously. To prevent the soup bowl from being snatched away, he lifted his leg and stood on the chair. “The soup tastes so good. I haven’t had enough yet!” he said, holding the bowl high.

Disregarding what he said, Yueying waved his palm expressionlessly, aiming at Zixiu’s elbow.

At this point, Zixiu suddenly lost his balance and nearly knelt on the dinner table. Thankfully, he managed to stabilize himself. However, the bowl of soup in his hands was not so lucky as him!

Half a bowl of warm soup was poured over Yueying’s head dramatically!

“Bah! Bah!” Yueying could not stay calm anymore. He spat out the spicy soup that flowed into his mouth, his face flushing in rage!

As if he had just recovered from his shock, knowing that he had made big trouble and the consequence could be serious, Zixiu grabbed his long sleeve and rubbed it hard against Yueying’s head and face.

“Leave me alone!” Yueying lost his temper. He gave Zixiu a shove, which made the latter almost fall to the floor from the table. However, keeping in mind that his mission was to watch Zixiu, Yueying did not leave the “cell”. He thought Liu Zixiu must be taking revenge on his tight watch, so he deliberately poured the soup over him, trying to force him to leave temporarily.

It was true that Zixiu had thought in this way. He did this on purpose, but not just for revenge. How come a straight man like him had been nagging for so long and behaved so rudely merely to get even with others?

Seeing the guard, who always put on a poker face and was as cool as an underworld killer, look a total mess, Zixiu felt a rush of delight of revenge. He had never forgotten that this guy once gave him a punch!

As the saying goes ‘revenge is a dish best served cold’! “Ha-ha-ha…” Zixiu was so joyful that he grinned maliciously with his hand propping his chin. Next, he climbed down the table and sat back in the chair. After smoothing his clothes and his hair, he said with a serious look, “Bro, I’m going to tell you a story!”

Though Yueying did not respond, he was listening carefully.

In spite of Yueying’s indifference, Zixiu started telling him the story, “During the period of war, a mountain boy whose motherland was invaded by the enemy went to the town to buy salt with his dad one day. On their way back, he saw that the enemy soldiers were searching the passers-by at the checkpoint and seizing their belongings by force. For fear that they would take his salt away, the little boy came up with an idea and sailed through the checkpoint. Do you know how he managed to keep his salt from being searched by those soldiers?”

“You don’t know, right? Hum!” Hearing no response from Yueying, Zixiu chuckled even more viciously. He was certain that Yueying was curious about the answer. “It’s simple! He dissolved the salt in his clothes!”

“What do you mean?” The indifferent guard finally spoke, and there was even a note of panic in his voice! He was not slow-witted, and he guessed Liu Zixiu must be hinting at something by telling the story!

“Don’t worry! I didn’t use my urine to dissolve the poison in my clothes! But you’d better find a way to induce vomiting asap! Because when the last time I was wearing this suit…” Zixiu paused deliberately while patting his sleeves.”I accidentally knocked over a bottle of potion that my dad newly developed… OMG! It seemed to be a potion used to poison mice! Worst of all, I seemed to have forgotten to wash my suit! I’m not sure if the potion wetted my sleeve back then!”

“Liu Zixiu!” Yue Ying’s face gradually turned livid. He really felt as if there was something wrong with him!

“Ah! Sorry! I accidentally soaked my sleeve into the soup and wiped your mouth with it…”

“I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to harm you. I just couldn’t think of a better way! Go send a physician for yourself, or it will be too late… By the way, it’s said that milk and egg whites or cactus can help to induce vomiting. Give it a try! I have to go now!” With that, Zixiu ran away in a hurry.

As he had practiced the basic skills of Qing Kung for months, Zixiu felt running and climbing over the wall were much easier than he imagined. To his surprise, there was not even a single servant in the yard! He guessed that this was probably the place where disfavor imperial concubines were imprisoned in TV dramas!

Seeing that Yueying did not catch up, Zixiu could tell that the potion was really poisonous, so he was even more flustered. ‘Heavens! I killed someone!’