An Obsessive Man Raised Impurely - Chapter 4

“…A monster. I gave birth to a monster.”

1STKISSNOVEL. DO NOT STEAL MY TRANSLATION!

Hadelion’s mother loathed him.

Some people questioned why. Her son was a great wizard. Why did she despise him? Even if they asked, no one could tell them the answer.

With a life that was as bad as a bug crawling on garbage in an alley. A deplorable creature; a slave from a fallen nation.

It was due to the difference in their social standing.

His mother was well aware of how things worked in the world.

In other words, ‘a powerful influence’ was poisonous to those with inferior status.

Those in power were always cautious with their own bowl of rice, thinking someone would steal it away.

As they kept their belongings safe within a fence, they barbed their wires and kept them out of other people’s reaches.

That was why his mother was afraid.

—afraid that her son’s overwhelming power would push her to hell.

“Go away! Stay away from me!“

“…Mom.“

“Who are you calling mother?! I’m not your mother! I never wanted a kid like you, I just wanted a normal child! Why did something like you come out, why!?“

Hadelion knew instinctively. Even if she didn’t say it aloud, he knew this to be the truth.

He wanted to be blind to the fact, but his mother was just too cruel.

She cried and shouted at him constantly since he was young.

“I wish you were born normal. Then I wouldn’t be unhappy.“

“…It’s my fault?“

“Yes, it’s all because of you. My country’s downfall, that man’s death, us being captured as war slaves… It’s all because of you.“

He wanted to deny it.

His mother grabbed him by the neck and whispered.

“The midwife told me there was a risk of miscarriage, said that I should give up on you.“

“Mother.“

“I lost him because of you. Because of you!“

“. . .“

“Rather than being born as a monster that takes so many lives, I wish you had never been born at all!“

Hadelion cried every night.

With a mother* that cursed him until tears of blood streamed down to the ground, nights like this piled up.

tl-n: the word used here for mother is used for animals, not humans. 

Hadelion endured it all with an aching heart.

He was overwhelmed with guilt.

‘Mother’s right. Maybe it’s all because of me . . .’

He couldn’t even remember his father’s face, but it was Hadelion’s fault that he wasn’t here anymore.

Brainwashed with constant resentment, the child collapsed in on himself.

Slowly, he became a person with a heart as dark, that was as bright as his blond hair.

tl-n: it’s a juxtaposition of how bright his blond hair is compared to how dark his heart is, like total opposites.

And finally, on that fateful day, Hadelion woke up earlier than usual.

The sun was unusually bright on his mother’s birthday.

Although they were now locked up in prison in the Empire’s dungeon, his mother was once the country’s Queen.

He wanted to give a small gift to the woman who lost everything in one night because she gave birth to a monster.

So he lay down on the cold stone floor of the prison without a single light.

He searched every nook and cranny of the prison cell for small paulownia leaves or even unnamed grass flowers.

qc-n: Paulownia leaves are heart-shaped fast-growing, deciduous trees that are primarily grown for its profuse spring bloom of foxglove-like flowers and its large catalpa-like green leaves.

‘I want to make my mother smile.’

He could only find weeds on the ground, no matter how much he crawled.

In the first place, it was impossible for flowers to pop out from the cracks between the stones, but he didn’t give up.

That was how he spent the night until dawn broke out.

“Happy birthday, Mother.“

In the end, the only thing he could prepare was a lousy ring made of weeds.

As he glanced at his mother’s hands that were full of dirt, her eyes were devoid of emotion.

“I wanted to give you a flower ring as a present, but this is the only thing I can make.“

“…”

“When we get out of here, I promise I’ll give you something better than this…“

Before he even finished uttering the words he carefully picked, he felt a sudden pain.

The palm of his mother’s hand was red.

No, perhaps it was because the sun’s rays that crept into the cell through the window’s bars were so radiant that it looked red.

The exceptionally bright light that came through the bars exposed the grass ring that fell on the floor.

Thanks to this, the pitiful grass ring looked more ugly.

Oh, he shouldn’t have done that.

Hadelion realized too late.

“…A gift? You want to give me a gift?!“

“Mother.“

“Then just die! Get out of my sight! There’s no better gift than that!“

He just wanted a small ounce of his mother’s love.

After thinking this, Hadelion felt as if the ground beneath him was crumbling, opening up to swallow him whole.

* * * * *

The dark abyss beckoned to him.

Slowly, he sank into the darkness as if he was one and the same with it since the beginning.

‘I should just die. If mother wants me to disappear so badly… then I’ll die.’

It was the first and last time he wanted to take someone’s life.

To give up his own life, as his mother wished.

Funnily enough, Hadelion opened his eyes and found hell again.

But he didn’t die.

To be precise, he was right by the river of death.

‘I thought I’d die if I depleted all the mana in my body.’

It wasn’t possible after all.

Ironically enough, it was because he was ‘naturally’ talented.

‘All I do is bring unhappiness anyway so I’ll take my own life. But I can’t even do that.’

The child chose to end it all with the power he had, but in the end, the mana that loved him did not allow this choice.

Unknowingly, the child walked down the path of immortality.

The child’s mother sold him to the Empire at a high price when his breathing stopped for a short moment.

The life of an immortal on a leash.

Some envied him, others revered him.

He never wanted this life.

* * * * *

“…on…Hadelion…”

A gentle voice beckoned to Hadelion and pulled him away from his deep thoughts.

He put aside his thoughts of reminiscence and focused back on the present.

“You didn’t answer no matter how many times I called.”

“Why did you even ask that question?”

“What?”

“How can you ask someone if they killed a person.”

She stared at him pointedly, but Hadelion persistently averted her gaze. He asked again.

“Why would you ask that?”

“…”

“It looks like you have a pretty high status, but you don’t want honor, power, or wealth. So why are you taking me in?”

She looked out the window.

As if trapped in a cage, the mysterious purple eyes emanated a sense of helplessness. He was reminded of a deep well that he once saw, one that had been dried up.

Hadelion found a frog there, frantically jumping up with no chance of escape.

It resembled himself as a child when he would wallow in his tears all alone, so he almost reached out without realizing it.

‘Don’t cry.’

He almost said it aloud.

Her eyes were dry, but Hadelion felt as if she was crying silently.

“I thought of something.”

“…What?”

“It just popped in my head.”

The unknown woman stared at him with a blank face.

Maybe it was because of the heavy rain?

For some reason, his heart grew heavy.

“I already told you that’s not the reason why I took you in. I need you.”

“You… need me?”

“Yes, Hadel. I’m desperate to have you.”

He was sure that these were just flowery words said to make it sound good.

But Hadelion felt strange.

‘Just why the hell?’

There were a lot of people who said they needed him.

One of them was the Emperor, who was the one who made Hadelion’s life miserable.

Jealous of Hadelion’s magic, he coveted his power and tried to control it.

‘None of the people who said they needed my power have ever said that.’

They needed his power, not him.

‘You don’t want my magic, but what exactly do you want?’

Hadelion was at a loss.

The woman in front of him was so strange.

She didn’t tell him her name, her family, or even why she sought him out.

Perhaps the strangest thing was that he himself followed her willingly.

“Are you done with the questions?”

“Where is this carriage headed?”

“Get off.”

“What?”

“We’ve arrived at the destination you were so curious about, so get off.”

As soon as she said that, the carriage’s door, which had seemed to be tightly shut, opened wide.

Suddenly, he remembered the time he escaped the dungeon.

It was because the first thing he saw was a spacious garden.

Even though the air wasn’t heavy, it felt as if he was running out of breath.

“Do you need a hand?”

She got off first and reached out to him.

Her outstretched hand caught his eye.

It was too soft to protect anyone.

‘It’s the first time.’

* * * * *

Not realizing that my clothes were wet from the rain, I looked at Hadelion as he held my hand for a long time.

“Are you alright?”

“…Ah. Yeah.”

As soon as he got off the carriage, he pulled away from my hold as if to shake something off.

Then, I could feel his gaze on me, carefully scrutinizing each detail.

Reaching out to him was an impulse.

But anyway…

‘I didn’t expect him to actually take my hand.’

It felt weird.

Maybe because it wasn’t something I expected.

I averted my gaze unconsciously.

I was still shying away from him.

“Your hands are cold.”

He said this, nodding as well.

It was true that my hands were unnecessarily cold.

I forced myself to turn my head to meet his gaze.

“If you want…”

“What is it?”

“May I use magic to warm you up? I can use a bit of magic, as long as it’s at a beginner’s level.”

He was fidgeting, fiddling with his fingers.

Seeing him with an awkward smile on his face, something stirred within me.

‘What will you ask in return in the future? That’s your nature whenever you do favors.’

I wanted to ask him.

But if I didn’t stop myself from the urge to ask, my efforts to bring him here would all go down the drain.

‘…Stupid.’

I reprimanded myself.

His clear eyes that persistently looked through me.

It felt like I was suddenly trapped under a boulder.

It was suffocating.

“…It’s fine.”

I turned around and walked forward without hesitation.

I thought I was the one shaking his resolve, not the other way around.

‘…What a useless thought!’

I trudged forward with great effort.

On the pavement, one tall shadow staggered forward.

Soon after, a little shadow followed obediently.

As if it didn’t want to be left behind.

I hurried because I didn’t want to standstill.

The child’s strides were small, and just to catch up to me, he was nearly running. But he followed silently without any complaints.

“Let’s— let’s go together.”

“Come quickly. Your clothes are wet.”

I couldn’t bring myself to shake him off or allow him to catch up.

He still followed diligently.

At the estate’s entrance, the maid Jeya could be seen making a fuss.

I arrived in such a hurry that my clothes were a soaking mess even though I used an umbrella.