Ascension Of The Elder - Chapter 172: What's wrong with Kyle
“Okay people begin operation mind f*ck.”
This got Kyle some strange looks from the people around him.
“What’s wrong?” Asked with visible confusion on his face and it was Faye who responded to the question.
“Um are you really going with that name?”
“What would you prefer operation unicorn or maybe operation space Jesus, actually that doesn’t sound too bad.” Kyle had a pondering look on his face as he was thinking of alternate names for his plan.
“Nope, nope, nope operation mind f*ck it is then. Get everyone ready and let them know about the illusion to come so our guys don’t get confused. Also this will be an annihilation, once the civilians are gone I want the entire enemy destroyed with no survivors this will send a message GET TO IT PEOPLE.”
Landon took charge and got everything back on track and then took Kyle and Harris with him to hash out some of the logistics and army layout. They already had protection in the form of a mobile array which would protect them for a limited time so surprise attacks weren’t an issue.
With that a few hours passed with everyone in place and ready to go especially the ladies from steel lotus that were getting prepared to do the largest gestalt illusion they had tried to date.
Time continued to trickle by with Kyle grabbing a little sleep being accompanied by his ladies and the newly inducted Susan who out of all of them seemed the most embarrassed but Kyle being a gentleman only had a little light over the clothes action with them.
What he’s a growing boy and the continual and gradually more aggressive attempts to seduce him from the girls was making him a little backed up.
Eventually a runner came over to let them know the other party was heading to the centre of the to be battlefield under a flag of truce to parlay. Landon and the others geared up and began moving that way. While they are under a truce it would still be unbelievably stupid to approach unarmed so both sides carried their weapons and a certain number of guards.
They mounted their chosen steeds in Kyle’s case it the massive wolf Fen while Susan was riding on the newly four limbed falcon Rih. Kyle also had Clara and Miranda with him while Elena was riding on Rih with Susan. Landon and Harris also borrowed some wolves for the meeting for the intimidation factor.
As the ‘diplomatic group’ approached they saw that the core of the other group was composed of three people one was a girl who must be the daughter of the opposing lord, she may have been pretty but it was impossible to tell with the amount of makeup she was wearing, it looked like it had been put on with a paint roller looking like one of those courtesans you see on bad period dramas.
The second member was apparently a man from his stance and figure but due to the black cloak which fully covered him from head to toe and the shadows from the hood covering his face it was difficult to tell, I mean you could smell the edge coming off him and the only question is whether he would go goth and kill everyone else or emo and try to kill himself.
Finally we had the leader of this walking caricature and what can we say about him, he was square. I don’t mean that as a joke everything about this guy was square from his haircut which was a flat top which looked like it had been cut with a set square to his jaw which looked like it was made from concrete. This motif continued on to the armour he was wearing which made him look not unlike a fridge just in gunmetal grey.
When Kyle saw these people he couldn’t help but grin and remember what his uncle Harris had told him.
“Now Kyle when we meet these people don’t start anything but if they attack feel free to respond and if you can instigate them so much the better so the muzzle can come off.”
So yay free pass to take the piss and use his power to annoy to the fullest. Kyle looked back to his team and while Miranda and Clara may not be able to help too much Susan gave Kyle a thumbs up meaning she had his back while Elena was looking at a bird in the distance but he knew if anyone could get a rise out of them it was her.
When they got to the correct distance the group stopped and the parlay could finally begin the first to speak was the enemy lord using a sound technique letting the entirety of the field hear what was being said.
“Greetings I’m glad you followed the noble’s etiquette and have chosen to approach. I will accept your surrender and you will become a vassal under my house. Your son will have the honour of marrying my daughter but he will not be allowed to touch her and she will also take other husbands as she sees fit. Any questions?”
Everyone was shocked at the attitude of this walking toilet stain but it was to be expected due to the number difference between their armies. Landon looked around and his eyes seem to be saying who wants to start. Kyle stepped up with a big smile on his face as he had both barrels loaded and was ready to give them both.
“Well Mr Squarepants I’m afraid I’m going to have to turn down your kind offer but fear not from the look of your daughter she will surely find a good man as there are a lot of brothels around with low enough standards to take her in.”
Kyle gave his response using a similar sound technique to spread his words around the field. A lot of people on the enemies side were having to cover their mouths to stop from laughing out loud but amongst the allied army there was no such restraint and everyone was laughing uproariously.
The enemy group didn’t know how to respond for a moment and were standing there with their mouths just opening and closing, but before they had a chance to respond the beautiful, innocent and vicious voice of Elena floated over.
“Hum this sounds like the start to a good joke a slut, a sith and Mr Squarepants walk into a pub. I’ll think about how to finish the joke later but the slut will definitely need some tentacles involved.”
“Oh that sounds good I’ve recently seen some drawings by a special interest group which may provide some inspiration.” Susan followed up with an evil glint in her eye however once again Elena deadpanned a response.
“Oh no need I’ll just think of introducing her to some of me extended family.” After which she gave a small smile to the slut who became pale and felt her butt clench for some unknown reason.
“ENOUGH YOU SHOULD BE BOWING TO THIS IMMORTAL AND BE GRATEFUL THAT I DON’T JUST END YOU ALL HERE AND NOW! YOUR WOMEN WILL ALL SERVICE ME AND I SHALL GREATLY ENJOY BREAKING THEM!”
This was Mr Edge who had finally had enough of their antics; apparently people like this can’t take a joke. As he spoke a wave of mana rolled over them, it looked as though this guy was a sorcerer of some description. Kyle analysed the wave that came over and identified this as a mental form which would exert pressure and a drive to comply basically brainwashing. Unfortunately for emo boy everyone here had a soul to powerful for him to control.
After the wave passed Kyle began nodding his head seeming to agree with what the emo was saying drawing everyone’s attention and making emo boy smile as he thought his command had taken control, but as they watched Kyle raised both hands with his three middle fingers folded down and his thumb and little finger sticking up while he started nodding his head harder and harder.
“Oh already done I thought we were going to get a bit of metal from what were saying oh well. Dad that use of a sorcerer ability counts as an attack right?”
Kyle said as he finished head banging while Landon and the others were looking angrily at the knock off sith.
“By all rules of parlay and etiquette yes it does.”
“Cool alright HERE COMES THE BASS!”
With the confirmation from Landon Kyle made his move and before anyone could react Kyle had covered the distance and did a field goal using emo boy’s nut sack. Every man in a five mile radius winced at that and Harris had to say.
“Why always the happy button?”
“You have thoughts about my girls you become a eunuch.”
As Kyle spoke the enemy began moving with the guards grabbing their lord and dragging him away while his daughter pulled out a small dagger and moved to stab Kyle from behind. She looked truly enraged so it looked like she had been having a little fun with Mr Emo but now no more heavy petting for her.
As she approached a red blur flashed past and to everyone’s surprise the usually calm and kind Clara the most normal and calm of Kyle’s girls had uppercut the slut and sent her flying back into the guards who had been rushing to collect her.
“Wow nice shot Clara. Let’s get back to the lines.”
Kyle complimented with shining eyes, it always pleased him when he saw his girls acting on their own like this. Their group retreated to safety but not before they took another look at the sorry state of the enemy leadership especially Mr Emo who was being propped up between two guards while still clutching his tackle.
“Okay let’s get this party started Susan if you could give us some mist to hide the surprise.”
Kyle asked with a grin as he began to draw in the mana for an illusion unheard of before. Susan concentrated and mist began forming hiding a large portion of the field as arrays began appearing one after the other.
As the illusions began forming and taking shape the people on Kyle’s side began shaking slightly at the volume of horror on display before them and Clyde looked at his cousin and couldn’t help but say what everyone is thinking.
“There’s something very wrong with you.”