Author's Reincarnation in a Fantasy Setting - Chapter 362: Trust [2]

“T-That’s…not true!” I said, raising my voice.

However, for some reason, I could not find a way to counter what she was saying. It was as if the words weren’t coming to my mind.

‘Is she telling the truth? No that’s not possible! It’s utter nonsense. Why would I go out of my way to trust her when that will only cause trouble? There’s no way I’d do something that stupid. There’s no fucking way I am that stupid!

‘There must be something wrong, perhaps she is trying to manipulate me somehow. Yeah, that is entirely possible. Maybe she is using some kind of ancient magic to control my thoughts. Yes, yes, that must be it! That is why I am not able to think of anything to counter her argument.

‘I mean, me trusting someone and relying on them?! What type of utterly garbage statement that is?! I work alone, I always work alone. There is no use trying to trust others, they will either just betray you or get used by your enemies, ultimately causing you harm.

‘Working alone is the best. I can take care of everything by myself. I can have full control over everything I do. I don’t have to share my plans with anyone and if I don’t share information there’s no way it can be leaked and used against me.

‘Yup, that is right. I found the thing! She is using magic to make my mental capacity weak. Or else I would never work with others. I can’t…work with others.

‘I have to find a way to quickly break through this magic or I’ll be in deep trouble. Think Zero think! Think harder! Think like your life depends on it! Think! Think! Think!

‘Find a solution! How will you break out of this situation? Consider all your options! Evaluate all the results! Find the best possible result that could be gained with the best possible route in the least amount of time! Think! Think! Think! Think!

‘Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! 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Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think! Think!…’

“You are right,” I said. “Somewhere along the way…I did start to trust you…and rely on you. I know that…… I know it better than anyone else…”

I was taking a few steps back but I stumbled and fell on my knees. I tried to get up but then gave up. I sat there on the ground, with my hands dropped in defeat, with my gaze down as I looked down, with my heart sinking deep as I finally recognized the truth I was aware of for the longest time.

“I knew it when I was fighting the demons with you…” I said. “I knew when I almost died and let you take care of me…I knew it when you held me in your arms and tended to my wounds…I knew it when you had to disappear due to lack of mana and I was robbed out of your existence which I had grown so used to…I knew it all the time…”

She was right. She was right the entire time. There was no ancient magic involved here. There was no manipulation involved here.

The only reason I could not think of a way to counter her argument, no matter how hard I tried was because deep inside I knew she was telling the truth.

In fact, I was only trying to think so hard just to avoid acknowledging the truth. I was trying to run away, I was trying to hide behind reasons, what-ifs, and made-up logic. However, I couldn’t hold the truth in any longer—especially when she said it right on my face.

“It’s alright Zero, trusting others and relying on them is not a crime,” Req said as she came close and knelt down in front of me.

“I know that. But for me, who had cut himself off from humanity. Trusting others is like a sin. I just cannot rely on others since I’m the one who’d end up hurt in the end,” I mumbled.

I did not know what caused it. But at this moment I could not stop myself from not saying the things I was always keeping buried deep inside my mind.

It was as if Req had cut a hole in a bag of things which I didn’t want to get outside, because I was scared of them.

“You don’t have to worry about that with me, Zero,” she said, holding my hand. “Do you know why I brought up this topic at all?” she asked. I didn’t know thus I stayed quiet.

“I can’t feel anything no matter how much I come in contact with you, no matter how many times I hug, no matter how many times I sit in your lap or kiss you, I never felt a thing. But you see Zero, even though I didn’t have the sense of touch being with you never felt empty.

“It was not cold, it was not stale. There was substance in it. Back then when you held my hand, even if you were doing it because you were annoyed with me being so clingy and were trying to get me off you, it was warm despite me not being able to not feel it directly.

“I don’t know how to describe it properly, but it was a feeling which I had not experienced before. However, ever since you kissed me and were trying to actively be physical with me…that special feeling was not there anymore. Then even when you were kissing me I felt cold, as if I was kissing air. When you were hugging me it felt like nothing was there at all.

“From what I could think, I came to the conclusion that this was happening because you were trying to manipulate me. Hence to do that you were faking your actions and forcing yourself. It was not natural, that’s why I didn’t feel anything.

“So the reason I’m even talking about this is because I want you to stop. Zero, you don’t have to do all this if you want to use me. I mean, you are my master after all. If you have something you want me to do then just say it, and I will do it happily for you.

“Just…go back to how you were.”