Be The Secret Admirer - Chapter 40

{ For this chapter, I suggest you play the song Yiruma – Kiss The Rain to feel the Shi Yan’s feelings. Please turn on the loudest volume on your phone for a better experience. }

Link YouTube: youtu.be/imGaOIm5HOk

Name YouTube: YirumaVEVO

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It’s getting dusk, but the sunlight still shines. The two of them sit on the grass while watching the sunset.

The little boy suddenly takes out some tissues from his trouser’s pocket. He wipes off Shi Yan’s face that becomes dirty because of the lipstick with the tissue. He also sweeps the dirt on her hair and clothes with his hand. His face was full of concern on her.

Shi Yan smiled at him. “Thank you!”

“No problem! It’s the man’s job to protect a girl. My grandfather is saying that to me! Also, he said that when I see someone in trouble, I should help them up!” The little guy replied with confidence on his face.

She only giggles when hearing him said that.

“You’re still a child, how come you want to protect someone? By the way, your grandfather is so awesome! I think that he is such a good person!”

The little boy feels proud when listening about the compliment of his grandfather. He answers with the looks full of excitement on his face.

“I can protect someone if I wants to, right?” He smiles and looks at her. Then, he continues his talk. “Haha, that’s true! My grandfather is such a great person! He is so kind and cares about me all the time. I can’t wait to meets him when I go home later!”

The little Shi Yan glance and give a sweet smile at the little guy beside her. “I see! I wish that your grandfather will be in a good and happy condition!”

She stop her speech for a while and continues talking. “Hey, hey! By the way, how old are you?”

The little boy looks at her. He smiles without he realizes and replied shortly. “I know, thanks for saying that for my grandpa.” Not long after that, he resuming his speech.

“Hmm…my age? Let’s see, last year I was 10 years old so this year…I was 11 years old.” He’s talking while counting with his cute little fingers. After that, he looks at Shi Yan. “What about you? How old are you?”

She answers his question without delay. “This year, I was 10 years old.”

“I see. Hmm…I guess that I’m older one year than you.” He glances at her.

The little Shi Yan nods repeatedly. “Yep, it seems so!”

The boy starts asking another topic to her carefully. “Hey, could you tell me about that story of yours? The one that you promise to tell me?”

Shi Yan nods slowly. “Yes…Okay, I’ll tell you.” She begins to tell her stories to him.

“The story that I will tell you is nothing special and interesting. Just the story of me in this school.” She breathes and sighed.

“For your information, I’m managed to get out of that old building after being locked up. The one that’s locking me inside there is a group of girls that always looking for problems with me in the school.”

The little guy’s listening earnestly to her story. He doesn’t even utter a word. He’s just looking at her and be quiet.

The little Shi Yan continues her story when she sees that the little boy beside her didn’t interrupt her conversation and just hearing her story.

“They will do anything they could do to see me suffer or in pain such as making fun of me, pours the water on my hairs with the bucket of water, place gum’s candy on my chair, take my books when they didn’t bring it, steal my school’s bag and put it on the high trees. I have to climb up on the tree to take my bag. As you can see, this time they did this too.” She points out her finger at herself and her clothes.

He stares at Shi Yan. He’s feeling sorry for her. “I’m sorry to make you tell this…It must be sad and hurtful to think again what they did to you.” The little guy patted her back with his tiny hand.

“It’s okay. I’m already getting used to it.” Shi Yan glances at the boy beside her and smiles.

He begins to ask with a worried face. “I want to ask this but I hope it didn’t hurt you.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Did…Did you do something to them? Like anything that has offended them?” The little guy asks nervously and looks at her.

Shi Yan thought for a while, she replies it without hesitation. “No, I never made something like that since the first day I at this school.”

He nods and give a smile to her. “I trust you that you’re not the kind of person that can make anyone becomes angry!”

The little Shi Yan feels like some tears are coming out from her eyes.

“Thank you! I have never met you before this but I believe that you’re kind of a good person. We just meet today but you already trust me! Thank you for trusting me! Nobody will trust me before except my dad…but now, you’re the only person in this school that trusts me and doesn’t stay away from me. I…I feel a bit touched…Seriously…” She cried and tried to wipe out her tears with her hands.

Suddenly, there was a hand that wipes out her tear and rubs her head slowly. The warmth which is given by that hand makes her feels sad. Her tear starts to flow out from her eyes rapidly and she talks out everything she feels right now. All her emotions mixed up in her heart, she pours it out. She’s feeling so sad since before this, there is no one who will comfort her as the little guy did. No one has cared so much about her in the school…

“I…I don’t want attention, all I wanted was a normal life like other kids, have a father and mother…who will be waiting for their children at the school’s gate. Also…I wanted a friend who is could playing together happily…I wanted to chat and laughed with them. Moreover, I…I wanted to share my feelings and stories with them as other kids do. I tried to hide my jealousy when seeing they all had it. All I wants was to be loved…and cherished my moments…together with friends…I…I don’t want to be bullied and to be alone in this school. If I did it..I will feel so sad and scared…especially when I was alone… I was bear it and remain silent when they always insulting me..told me that I’m motherless…”

She continues her speech while the tear keeps flow out from her eyes.

“I…I keep thinking that…maybe this was a challenge from God at this age? But, why do I felt that this is not unfair? Why do I have to face this? Why do the other kids could be happy while I can’t be happy? Did I…do not deserve it? So many things that I felt in my heart and on my head but no one never asked about my feelings…My feeling when I was studying, my feeling when I was eating, my feeling when talking, my feeling when they talk-back behind me…I’m always alone..and no one asked about me…Whenever I’m fine or not…Whenever I already ate or not…they never asked me… What I mean is I also have a feeling too… I’m a human too, same as them…Why did they treat me poorly and unfairly…like I wasn’t a normal person? Why? What is the reason? Why? Why? Why?!!!”

The little boy who’s seeing the girl beside her crying and shouting hysterically, can’t bear watching it. He bites his lips and hugs her slowly. He rubs on her hair with his hands, trying to comfort her. He feels so pain in his heart when knowing a little girl beside him experience in that kind of situation at this young age. Just hearing her words that full of understanding about herself, made him felt guilty.

He is thinking in his head. ‘At this kind of age, you, who’s younger one year from me, have to experience this. Have no mother…No friends…Been bullied…I think this might be hard for you to face this…It might take a long time to encounter and accept this matter…’

The little boy slowly opens his mouth. He is speaking to gives her some courage and support…

“Don’t worry…I’m here…you can tell me whatever you want to say…I’m right here, I will be your friend… We’ll cherish our moments together…We’ll laugh together…Just don’t give up on yourself…Remember that you still have your father…You also have me…you have me to lean on…You’re not alone anymore…Don’t hear what other kids said to you…Everything is gonna be alright…Just..just don’t cry…Cry even makes you sadder…Believe in yourself…I knew that you’re stronger than you think…You can do this, fight on your will to live on…I believe that there will be other people who needs you in their life…”