Bleeding Heart - 104 Just A Little Awkward

It was just a tad awkward.

Lowks had never really minded long stretches of silence before. But now, it made him wonder what his little human friend was thinking at the moment.

Vixen was riding next to him, not even really looking at him, but she was keeping close. More so than usual. And he had no real idea what to make out of it.

Not that it actually made him uncomfortable. He had never really felt uncomfortable around Vixen. How could he, when he had known her for her whole life? And what felt like most of his as well.

Still, this felt awkward to him. He wished that Tira had not pushed them into this weird situation. He had no clear idea of how he was to act right now.

Suddenly Vixen turned and looked at him. Her innocent looking eyes regarded him thoughtfully.

Seeing an opportunity to break the silence, Lowks gave her a soft smile, “Yes?”

“I was just thinking…” She got a mischievous look on her face.

He stared at her, wondering if she really thought he was going to bite. Then suddenly he laughed softly, “You were? Amazing!”

She frowned, making him laugh even more. “Ah, just teasing you. What were you thinking about?”

He really did want to know what all she actually thought about the concept of marrying him. She seemed rather nonchalant about it, like she was okay with having him courting her or marrying her but she would really be okay with anyone doing so.

At him asking her about what she had been thinking, the frown disappeared and she just shook her head, “Just about how Tira is trying to push us together. Do you see it working out?”

“Mm?” He turned away from her and chewed on his lip a bit. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Why not?”

He turned back to her and regarded her for a moment in silence. Then he sighed, trying to figure out a way to word his thoughts. “Well, just I know I’m the last guy alive you would ever see in that way. Sure, you might think it’s acceptable but when it came down to it you would find it difficult to so much as kiss me, let alone anything else. So, really even though we do get along well, and I think we would do our best to respect each other, I’m not sure I could ever truly make you happy.”

Vixen had a shocked look on her face. Had she really not thought of this obvious fact? Lowks really wanted to roll his eyes at her but refrained.

Then she snapped at him, “You said that you would be open to the idea of marrying me! Are you backing out?”

“I did, and I am being open. I’m just being realistic.” His voice came out rather calm. “I know you feel in a hurry to get married and everything, but I’m not really your only option. Nor am I really what you want in a man. I’m too familiar to you. After all I was your babysitter your entire childhood!” He was grinning as he said the last sentence.

Vixen seemed not to know how to answer him. She looked at him for a few minutes before turning away.

The grin dropped from his face as he turned back to face the direction they were heading. She had not refuted a single word he had said. He didn’t blame her, even if he felt a small pang of disappointment. But that was nothing really – he was already used to it.

What could he do about it really, anyway? To her, eleven years was not a small difference in age.

He really wished Tira had not tried to push them together. It was hard enough as it was not to want more but now he felt like his feelings were being made a mockery of. And he did not want to be rude to Vixen about this either.

He was open to marrying her. Of course, he was. Hadn’t he once wished it? Just… he did not want her to marry him in the spur of the moment and then discover that it was a mistake. That would sting far worse than just having a broken heart. As much as he wanted to just drag her to the altar and bind her to him he did not dare.

At least as it was now, there had never been all that much hope. Well, not in years. And even then it had just been his youthful heart not being realistic.

And more than wanting to protect himself from having his heart even more shattered than it already was he did not want Vixen to end up miserable. Even if that meant that he had to give her up.

Eventually, time might even heal that wound. He hoped it would. Or at least numb it so he could get rid of any bitter feeling that was stubbornly staying inside due to it.