Bloodborne - 143 Subconscious

The old man sat next to the window opposite the whore’s house. When he heard the commotion outside, he got closer to sneak a peek. He saw a man clad in black with a white shawl hanging from the back. He narrowed his eyes. He always made that ugly grimace when he was thinking. It was as if squinting helped him think better.

‘Healing Church hunter! Nothing good comes out of those.’ He nodded his head as he concluded in his mind that the person outside could not be trusted. Conversing with himself helped him organize his thoughts better. For him a conversation had to be complete, with its non-verbal aspect as well. So he’d nod, gesture with his hands, and even sigh or laugh.

If someone looked at him from afar, they’d think he’d gone crazy. But that was far from the truth. This man considered himself enlightened. The night of the hunt and the beasts that threatened everyone was a mere illusion. ‘The blood heals everything but if you rely on it too much, you lose your mind. But I found the perfect way to deal with this. My mind is stronger than those illusions. Their lies spin a web that entangles the simple minded. I am not one to be fooled easily. As long as I keep my mind sharp, their illusions won’t work on me.’ He pumped his chest as he finished the last thought.

He watched the man exchange some words with that hag. He always deeply despised her. She always acted all mighty and looked at people as if she was above them all. While she showed class on the outside, on the inside she was just a despicable person. ‘People really fall victims to the illusions before their eyes. They get captivated with what they want to see, disregarding reality. I can see through that woman. She is nothing like she appears to be. There is foul blood in her.’

‘Oedon Chapel eh? Lies!’ The man intently listened to Surgit and Arianna’s conversation. He gave his live commentary on everything they talked about. ‘The man is just using the safe place as an excuse to hide his embarrassment. I’ve been observing this house since that despicable woman came to live across my palace. She dared sully my view with her obscenity.’

This man is known as the narrow minded man. He thinks of himself as a self-made scholar. He proclaims seeing things that others don’t. In fact he is actually capable of doing so. However, his biggest flaw is that he’s incapable of looking at himself with the same critical eye.

His hatred for the woman wasn’t because she tarnished his view. His hatred came from his inability to go and ask for her services. Deep down, the narrow minded man hated himself but couldn’t face that fact. He thought of himself as a coward. But whenever he’d try to prove himself wrong, a deep desire to stay still and do nothing arose in him.

He was too weak to resist that desire though. So in the end, every time he convinces himself to visit that woman, he’d just stand still next to his door for hours. He’d stand there motionless until he just drags his feet towards his sofa and sits down. His head will look down on the floor then, defeated. After he repeated that process for many times, he ended up abandoning on the idea.

So he sat next to the window and watched the lovely lady from the window. Her dark blond hair that let itself get carried away by the evening breeze; Her crimson dress flapping about lazily, as if embracing the wind; The serene look on her face that would soothe any man’s heart.

He observed the woman from his window every day. He’d watch her and imagine what it would be like to walk by her and hold her hand. That thought transformed into an obsession. That obsession was suppressed with his cowardice. The obsession evolved into fanaticism.

The man would continuously watch the woman as the day went by. He’d analyze what she was doing and comment on the people she met. All he needed was his bottle. Blood healed all, and blood enlightened. Blood helped him regain his consciousness and remove that bitch’s spell.

The narrow minded man’s view of the world shifted. Everything he saw and judged was true (In his own mind that is). But if the matter concerned him personally, he’d give a false judgment. That was because he couldn’t face the reality in front of him. He couldn’t face his weakness regarding that woman. He couldn’t get over her if he went on admiring her. He could only resent her and kick her out of his heart. His palace was closed. The princess was no longer needed.

He saw hunters as liars because they all courted that despicable woman. In his eyes everyone was a starved beast, awaiting the opportunity to devour the other. How he wished he could be one of those imposing figures that awed everyone. But since he never met the requirement to become a hunter, he decided to hate them all.

The narrow minded man thought of everything in reverse.If he liked something, his speech and attitude would suggest that he hated it. Therefore, while speaking to him one must always take what he says and think of its opposite. That would reveal the narrow minded man’s true intent. While it is easy for someone to decipher the man’s speech by knowing that, the same could not be said for Surgit.

The hunter only wanted to help sane people find a safer place. For some time, the idea of the time flowing differently in Yharnam had taken root in his mind. Everyone around him also seemed to think the same. With how lonely he felt in Yharnam, he decided to seek sane people and send them over to Oedon Chapel.

If Surgit managed to create a small community inside the Chapel, he’d feel less lonely. That was his way of dealing with the possibility of never going back to his native city. He missed having a normal life and meeting people from different backgrounds. In Yharnam, everything revolved around blood and echoes. He got tired of that.

In the meantime, he knew that stopping wouldn’t lead him anywhere. ‘Just a little break.’ He’d mutter to himself as he cleared the streets of the Cathedral Ward of its beasts. ‘I’ve been through a lot lately. I deserve a break. As long as there are people around, why won’t I have a semblance of a human life? I got tired of speaking to blood thirsty beasts. I got tired of the mocking voices of the echoes. I need some human interaction.’

With Karla’s death, everything around Surgit changed. In a way, she was a companion to him during the short time he spent fighting Gascoigne and checking on her. Although they didn’t talk much, the little time they spent together was the only time Surgit felt human since his sickness took away his life. The outburst in the hunter’s dream caused him to think and re-evaluate his life.

Surgit realized that he hadn’t been in touch with civilization for a very long time. It had been so long that the memories of his old days in the academy felt like a distant dream. None of it felt real anymore. In a flash, all his sickness and reclusion were replaced by blood and beasts. It was a long struggle for Surgit. He hung between death and life for too long.

Even now, he was the embodiment of that concept. He couldn’t die as he was always connected to a mysterious realm. He was literally hanging between death and life. His only way out of this was to find Paleblood. But after meeting that woman and hearing her teasing, he couldn’t help but reminisce about the old days.

He loved being the center of attention since it nourished his ego back then. Now that he found someone who could bring out the old him and make him feel alive, he wanted more of it. He wanted a small community that would acknowledge him as their savior. He wanted to feel welcome within a group of people.

Our subconscious has strange ways of dealing with our ego though. Even if deep within Surgit thought all of the above, his consciousness told him that he was doing all of this to protect the helpless citizen. There was no chivalry in his actions, just a selfish desire he wanted to fulfill.

Surgit was convinced that all his actions were due to his first promise to not let any beast live and threaten the living. That promise was built on a fake basis that would eventually collapse and cause great pain to Surgit in the future. No matter how strong we become, our biggest enemy remains deep within ourselves.

One has to dare and look inside, to unveil the monster that lurks deep within. Only by facing it can we move forward and live our life with a calm heart. Our biggest enemy becomes our closest friend, and we become whole. Surgit was too scared to face that monster. In fact, due to the blood that ran in his veins, that monster had taken shape.

When Surgit met the narrow minded man, he had already cleared the streets of the Cathedral Ward. Arianna had told him that someone lived in the house across the street. When Surgit spoke to the narrow minded man, he just couldn’t bear him. His haughtiness and rudeness irritated him. Surgit ended up telling the man to head for Iosefka’s clinic. He actually whispered it so that Arianna couldn’t hear it.

The narrow minded man knew that the hunter was hiding something. But since he couldn’t bring himself to speak to Arianna, he didn’t warn her of the hunter’s depravity. He just asked the hunter to go away and refused to join them. Soon after, he left the house and silently followed them to the chapel. He had to see it with his own eyes to believe it. As for the clinic, he completely disregarded it.