Can I really keep my Goddess Wife to myself and away from all the Crazy OP MCs - 53 Chapter 52.

“Breaking news, this just in, the robbers from yesterday have managed to cleanly escape from under the cops radar. The robbery that occurred yesterday at 1:00 PM consisted of five men wearing ski masks. Strangely enough, they all wore strange garments similar to what daoists would wear. Witnesses from the scene have claimed they had strange powers and were incredibly powerful. The entire crowd in the bank was pushed into a corner effortlessly by the criminals who are still, at this time, on the loose.”

“Presently there are no clues to trace the five robbers who wore ski masks during their escape.”

“However we have obtained exclusive rights to the security footage recovered from the scene of the crime which shows an interaction between one of the individuals in the crowd and what looks to be the leader of the group of criminals. However, due to some strange reasons that have left experts waving their hands in frustration, that individuals entire outline and profile is too blurry to make out. It is still unknown why only he is not visible in the footage while everyone else was.”

“Some experts claim it was some sort of freak coincidental malfunction in the equipment due to an insane series of coincidences lining up, while other experts suggest the individual must have been a hacker who doctored the footage somehow.”

“All we know about this mysterious individual right now is based upon eyewitnesses accounts.”

“Most eyewitnesses were put under some sort of mysterious pressure that pushed them to the ground, but some of them did manage to observe the exchange between the two men. One man who peed his pants at the scene of the crime said he looked like a fearless daredevil.”

“However other noticed that the man in the crowd had accidentally muttered some strange words about… eh? Is that a typo? Eh? For real? It’s not? What the hell? Grocery bags ripping if they’re too heavy?”

“Mister blurry face man, aren’t you a bit too brave to crack a joke during a robbery?”

“I get they didn’t have guns or weapons, but they still had mysterious powers, right?”

“Ehem… excuse me. As I was going to say, the man after muttering something about grocery bags ripping if they’re too heavy, according to witnesses, then went on to wink and nod his head towards the masked robbers. Upon seeing so the masked leader nodded back.”

“This brings us to the scene where the alarms went off and the masked men made their great escape splitting the money and leaving at high speed… on foot… in five separate directions? Is this really okay? Were they too poor to afford an escape vehicle? Better yet, how did these clowns escape?”

“Eh? Did you say corruption? What was that? I wasn’t supposed to say that? Ah… hahahaha. I bet I got you viewers out there. You really thought I was make a slip like that on national news that was broadcasted live across the country, didn’t you? It was a joke… yes just a joke. Our police force isn’t corrupt at all. They didn’t collaborate with the five robbers at all and delay their reaction to allow them to escape. There is no way such a gigantic conspiracy exists.”

“Ah? What? Change the topic? Why? Wait, what was that? Oh, so you’re saying it was actually six ways if we include mister blurry face who got a share and suddenly disappeared after exiting the bank with two of the grocery bags filled with cash?”

“What the hell? You’re saying the mysterious blurry faced bystander is actually believed to be an accomplice and his slip of the tongue was actually some sort of code? What the hell? Isn’t he too mysterious?”

“Mom. I don’t get it. You said little brother was on the news. Where is he?”

“What are you talking about? It must be the mister blurry faced man the broadcaster keeps mentioning.”

“What? That person? No one knows who that person even is. You heard the broadcaster, right? Why do you think that would be little brother?”

Shina’s mother looked back at her seriously and said, “mother’s instinct.”

“Mom, just because brother was missing for almost a month doesn’t mean the moment he shows up next he would be some sort of criminal. Aren’t you just being paranoid?”

“You really think so too? Even your father said the same thing as you. But as a mother, I’ve learned to trust in my instincts. My ‘son is creating trouble radar’ started screaming the moment I saw the footage. There is no way I can be wrong.”

“Whenever he had to go poopy as a child, even if I was a mile away I would know right away.”

“Even when he grew up and he was at university in his lectures, when I sensed he had to go poopy I’d quickly text him saying, ‘son make sure to wipe when you’re done.’”

“Do you think I could really make such an amateur mistake; to not recognize my own idiot son when he’s right in front of my eyes?”

“Mother… did you really do that when he was in university?”

“Of course.”

“Then whenever I went with little brother to the movie theatres and he got a text right before going to the washroom…”

“Naturally that was me.”

“Then the reason for him looking like he wanted to cry every time he had to use the washroom was…”

“Me.”

Shina’s mother said that like it was something she was extremely proud of.

“Poor little brother.”

“Anyways mom, it’s that little brother who never leaves the house and hides in his room all day reading novels online. Do you really think he would have the confidence to rob a bank successfully?”

“Well… you have a point I guess.”

“Oh, is that Aoi? Long time no see.”

“Hahaha hello Mrs. Shika, it’s been a while.”

It was then Shina’s mother turned to look at me and said, “this child is?”

“My man.”

“You didn’t break any laws again, did you?”

“Why does everyone think I’m a criminal? He said he’s sixteen. I’m safe, although barely.”

“I see. Little boy, what’s your name?”

“Uh… Han Tengoku, but everyone I know calls me little Han.”

“Oh…”

“Breaking news! This just in, a dealership owner has just called in anonymously after seeing news footage of the earlier robbery. He states a man and his wife came in to purchase a certain vehicle from his shop and paid using stacks of money kept in a grocery bag.”

“The man suspects the person who came to his dealership to purchase that vehicle was definitely the one who was in the video footage. He described him to be a male in his twenties. He was wearing strange daoist clothing and his wife was very beautiful. So much so that his receptionist that he usually sexually harasses on a daily basis can no longer satisfy his carnal needs. Eh? Uh, let’s just ignore the last part of his testimonial.”

“What? Another report? Breaking news another witness who claims to be the receptionist of a certain car dealership reports that a man with grocery bags filled with money came in and sexually harassed her.”

“She says at first she thought he was a poor bloke from looking at his shabby daoist clothing and ignored him. The man then shoved money that the receptionist thought she lost in between her knockers.”

“She states he tried to seduce her because his wife clearly wasn’t as pretty as her. After refusing him the first time, he then took out some more cash, folded it up and pressed it against her lips.”

“She then states she thought he was merely returning the rest of the money she had lost. The man realizing he was being flatly rejected then lost his mind and with bloodshot eyes grabbed a wad of cash, crumpled it up and shoved his hand down her chest demanding for her to put out.”

“She stated she naturally rejected his advances and was repulsed and terrified by his desperate attempts to get in her pants.”

“My, to think such a sexual deviant would use money stolen from a bank to have his way with such a hardworking and committed to her job receptionist.”

“This man must be caught at all costs. Please, if you have any information on this deviant please call us as soon as possible. Lives may rest in your hands.”

“Daughter, this fiend they described had a beautiful wife with him. Are you still doubting your mother?”

“But mom… there’s no way, right?”

“Little brother would never have the guts to hit on a girl and shove money down their chests like that.”

“Well… I guess you’ve got a point.”

“This just in. We’ve received a tip that yesterday, the suspension bridge roller coaster had a couple that rode it. You may wonder what is suspicious about this, but we’ve found that in a recording the male and female figure are completely blurred out and cannot be made out at all. We were informed by the staff that it initially wasn’t like this. However, after they provided the video footage to the female companion and the couple took their leave all video footage became as if they were doctored.”

“Strange isn’t it? It sounds very similar to the bank robbery footage. What do you think my dear viewers? Coincidence, I think not. Really it is quite elementary is it not?”

It was at this point the person announcing the news looked like he was having a lot of fun. He pulled out a fake moustache, eyeglass and a top hat and put them all on.

“What was even more bizarre about the whole situation was that the couple even pulled off a magic trick that left the ground staff completely baffled. They managed to make the pod they were in float in mid air for an abnormal length of time without falling back to the ground. It is reported it just stayed in the exact same position in the air without budging an inch.”

“Oh! More breaking news! There have been several reports that late last night a couple was seen heading into a certain restaurant. That restaurant was known for having a horrible reputation. Well you will never believe this dear viewers, late last night, it is reported twenty bolts of lightning mysteriously struck down on that restaurant when there was not a cloud in sight.”

“It was then found that the restaurant was actually the base of the infamous underground organization that has been on the rise lately, ‘The Cutesy Bunnies.’”

“Eh? What? For real? That’s the name of this awe inspiring group making a name for themselves? Why have I never heard of such an adorable underground organization? Hell, where can I join?!”

“Ah. Ehem. That was a joke my dear viewers. Just another joke.”

“You may wonder what this event has in common with the rest, well we have just received an anonymous call that has been screened reporting the events that transpired in that restaurant.”

It was then a strange deep dark somewhat robotic voice that was clearly altered recounted their story.

“Yes… hello… ah? Testing, one, two, three. Testing, one, two, three. I’m on the air, live? Cool. Ehem. I am the leader of the awe inspiring group that is on the rise in the underworld, ‘The Cutesy Bunnies.’ That night my men and I were just minding our own business when this rude, belligerent, shameless man came in trying to disrupt our work. We were just trying to make an honest living until he suddenly waltzed in saying some nonsense about me owing him 1.1 billion for some food he says upset his stomach a little. He even went as far as bringing in a cockroach. He planted it in his food purposely and tried to say we had done it.”

“This man is a shameless villain and needs to be put on trial and brought to justice.”

“He is incredibly powerful, but I believe humans must take their stand against these people. You may wonder why I say people, well think about it. Weren’t there several reports about people yesterday with strange powers? Just yesterday there were three occurrences where powerful people like this appeared.”

“The first was after a truck and sports car got into an accident and the police surrounded them to meet a very strong man who managed to miraculously escape their clutches.”

“The second was obviously the five mysterious bank robbers.”

“The third is clearly this despicable shameless man who deserves the death sentence.”

“Right… uhm while we have you on the line mister leader of the hottest rising underground organization, do you mind if I ask a question that has been bothering me?”

“Sure, ask away.”

“Why did you choose that name for your ‘terrifying’ underground organization?”

“What? You can’t even understand that? Isn’t it obvious?”

“What is the reason? Please enlighten this normal mortal the ways of the sinister fiends hiding in the darkness.”

“It’s obviously because it’s a super cool name.”

The broadcaster was left unable to say a thing as the call was disconnected shortly after not hearing another response.

The new broadcaster just had a stupid blank look on his face like he didn’t know what to do.

After two minutes like that the screen turned to a bunch of different coloured lines with a long beep tone playing.

“Why was he so speechless? Wasn’t the name kind of cool?”

Big sister Aoi and Shina looked over at me and seemed to have sympathy mixed with pity in their eyes for some reason. Why are you looking at me like that, did I say something strange?

A few moments later some strange scenes started to play and after a few minutes had passed the picture returned back to normal and the news broadcaster looked like he had regained his composure.

“Sorry my dear viewers for the sudden commercial break, I got a bit overwhelmed by the inspirational reason our caller gave us. I was so moved it took me some time to recover.”

“Anyways while we were taking that break some interesting developments have just come to light. There has been a prison break.”