Can I really keep my Goddess Wife to myself and away from all the Crazy OP MCs - 69 Chapter 68.

(POV Sanji)

When I finally opened up the last door I was mentally exhausted. The sequence where there was a slight hope towards it being the last door only to find out there was another door behind it was killing me.

When I opened the hundredth door there was nothing behind it, the path continued forward. Not far away there was a bright light. When I stopped to recover my sanity everyone behind us caught up and Bob, the guard, walked in front of me and declared, “we’re here.”

Luckily for me, it seems nobody from the group saw the idiotic series of doors that were lined up for me to open and they only saw me walking forward down an open passage.

My wife really liked to play tricks on me, but she at least let me keep my dignity in front of others.

When everyone walked into the light at the end of the tunnel what came into view were four very long tables extending from one end of the room to the other. If one thought that was as expected, I definitely expected it as well, but what I did not expect was the table’s height.

There were no chairs and a large crowd of people were sitting with their butts planted on the ground eating what looked to be a prisoner styled meal.

Bob gave a curt explanation, “this is the cafeteria, we cut costs on chairs since fights would break out all the time and they would always be destroyed. We found low tables were sturdier and also easier to repair.”

I looked Bob right in the eye only for him to look away awkwardly like it had nothing to do with him.

On the opposite end of the room there were four banners mysteriously floating above the tables with four different animals painted on each of them. From left to right, there was a dragon wearing a tracksuit jogging, a tiger peeking out from behind a door, a chicken’s claw, and an exhausted turtle trying to catch his breath.

They looked like cute drawings a child might draw for their father. It really felt like I knew the backstory this time and I didn’t need to ask. I once again confirmed my suspicions, that kid was definitely going to be someone great one day.

On the left side of the room there was a lineup along the wall. At the front of the line there were four old ladies behind a counter scooping out food from large pots and placing them on plates in trays. They would then hand it over to the prisoners one by one.

Below the floating banners at the end of the room there was a small stage that looked like it was used for entertainment purposes during meals. I really wondered what kind of entertainment there would be in a prison, but I decided to leave it as a surprize.

There was also a long line of prisoners lined up between the tables at the very center of the room. It looked like they were also new and had arrived a bit before us. They were still curiously looking around the room just like our group was.

Bob merely motioned for the hundred of us that just arrived to stand in line behind everyone else before he took his leave after he had completed his job. He looked rather joyful and he quickly ran out of the cafetaria clearly exhausted from a long day at work.

Since we had nothing better to do, we just waited in line as instructed. While we waited, there were naturally discussions that went on between those from the Celestial Empire.

“Boss, doesn’t this place sort of feel like somewhere someone would hide something of value?” I was of a bit shocked when I heard one of the three stooges randomly blurt that out to Anything is Possible.

“Oh, you mean like the inheritance we’re looking for? It does seem rather plausible with how they transported us here.”

When I looked at the crown prince I saw he wasn’t paying any attention to their discussion. I only saw his lips moving a bit, but when I really strained my ears I managed to hear what he was mumbling.

“Haaaah. Just when I find such an impressive vehicle that could transform and even have conscious thought, it gets destroyed by stupid lightning out of nowhere. Why must the heavens be jealous of my fortune and take it away every time? Am I actually cursed to never possess one of those divine instruments?”

Eh? The crown prince actually a car enthusiast? He really looked depressed, his eyes were empty like his entire world had collapsed. The only sign of life he had was when he was reading through the automotive magazine in his hands.

Really though, why does nobody believe I’m the one that summoned that lightning? Is it that hard to believe? Do I not look enough like a distanced and refined master, do I need to step my game up?

Even I was starting to get a little depressed, only little Han was there as the chicken soup for my weary and disheartened soul.

I didn’t bother to mind it before because I was too frustrated and wanted to act cool at the time, but after I summoned that lightning, I did hear the three stooges off to one side applauding. They asked things like, “that was a cool party trick, I wonder how he did that. 7/10” “Maybe his name is Nothing is Impossible. Pfft. 6/10” “It would have been cooler if the explosion was louder and more imposing though. 4/10. It needs some work, but don’t get disheartened young grasshopper.”

I tried to act cool, but in the end my trump card was all downplayed and treated like a cheap trick. Do you have any idea how frustrated I was?! All that effort just to be treated like it was a magic trick. This world was just too cruel. It’s really hard to make a living these days when apparently, according to these three stooges, even magicians can call down heavenly lightning as a party trick.

It was like those three clowns could read my mind, just as I was thinking about back then they went and asked.

“Hey boss, by the way, can you also do that party trick like the crazy guy with the ghost wife?”

“Of course I can’t. Besides, that lightning probably wasn’t even that strong to begin with. What’s the point in imitating it? The only reason that lightning worked so well was just because it was the weakness of that transforming vehicle.”

“To mighty cultivators like us, there’s no way it would have any effect. I’ve also seen through everything. It was only thanks to that ghost wife and daughter of his sacrificing themselves to save their pitiful and helpless loved one.”

“That lightning was summoned to smite them out of existence. Yes, his ghost wife and daughter must have sacrificed their lives to save him and all of us from death. We couldn’t see them since they were ghosts, but right before the transforming vehicle detonated they had flown over to right above it and brought down that lightning.”

“He had walked forward like that to see them on their way then turned around painfully unable to bear witness to the lightning as they were smitten out of existence. Unfortunately, they must no longer be of this world and he will likely never be able to summon such lightning again.”

“Thus we have nothing to fear from him anymore. They were sacrificed to save the lives of the living. Even I’m slightly moved, who knew ghosts like that existed? Maybe not all ghosts are so bad after all.”

When I heard his explanation behind the sequence of events and my actions I almost wanted to kick the guy off a cliff. I could tell I would never get along with this guy. He even had the nerve to look at me pitifully and he was sniffling a bit to show some sort of fake compassion.

“Hahaha Husband, this is great isn’t it? You’re now a widower to a ghost wife.”

“My wife, it’s not funny.”

“The poor guy is even reminiscing over his times with his ghost wife who is no longer of this world.”

“My second wife and second daughter, it seems I will never see my first wife and daughter again.”

Anything is Possible looked at me with wide eyes and trembled slightly when he heard my words.

“Hahaha. So he was in a polygamous relationship with ghosts and even had a second daughter. Boss it looks like he can still summon lightning.”

Little Han looked at me wide eyed and whispered so only I could hear. “Venerable master, you have a second wife and two daughters?! Why haven’t you introduced me to them?!”

I rolled my eyes and whispered back to little Han, “of course I don’t, but this is a life lesson for you little Han. When you know your enemy has a weakness and misunderstanding about something you must always exploit it.”

His eyes lit up with sparkles in understanding when he heard my words and treated as words of the gospel.

“Venerable master is wise and far sighted as usual.”

Hah. Once again, like I said before, the only chicken soup for my tired and weary soul.

It would be nice if my little disciple was here as well though. I really wonder what she’s doing now. My wife said she would arrange for things, but just where is she?

As I felt the urge to ask I probed her a bit, “my wife, what about Chu’er?”

“Oh that? Well… it will take a bit of time.”

“A bit of time? Why? Can’t you just teleport her here?”

“That would be cheating husband, it’s a trial by fire.”

“I can naturally just bring her here myself, but she’s the one that needs to put in the effort. Don’t worry though, things have already been put into motion, and I’m already working on it.”

Why is she being so vague?

“Although, how she gets here will probably be a bit different than how we arrived here.”

“Look forward to it Husband, I’m sure you will be shocked out of you mind.”

I felt like my wife was up to no good again. Is my little disciple really going to be okay with my wife pulling the strings?

I started to feel a bit worried towards what was in store for my little disciple. That smile on my wife’s face was not reassuring in the slightest. That was definitely the smile of a troublemaker.

“Chu’er will be okay, right?”

“Of course she will. She is the child who wants to compete with me for my husband’s love after all.”

My wife looked strangely happy for some reason.

“Oh Husband, in case you were wondering, I’m only a bit happy because I’ve never had the chance to compete with another woman over a man before. Though I’m naturally not going to lose to some greenhorn little girl who’s yet to experience the hellish training I’ve gone through with my master. Fufufu.”

It’s a bit scary how she can read what I’m thinking so easily. I’m not that much of an open book am I?

“Husband, it’s cute how easy you are to read.”

After she said that I shut my trap and waited in line with an expressionless face like a good little boy while my wife continued to flirtatiously tease the silent me.

Eventually when she was satisfied, out of nowhere she said, “husband I’ve got a few things to take care of, so I’ll give you some alone time. Try not to miss me too much while I’m away.”

She said that completely out of left field whereupon she suddenly vanished before I could ask a single thing about what her plans were.

Considering it was right after I had brought up my little disciple, I felt slightly worried, but she did say Chu’er would be okay. I decided to reluctantly trust my wife this time. I’m sure Chu’er will be fine.

An hour after my wife left, we were finally at the front of the line. What came into view was a tubby female prisoner standing on top of a scale.

I listened in closely and I heard the following from the scale, “damn you’re thick! Toddlepant!”

The female was naturally enraged and kicked the scale a few times, but nevertheless resignedly took up a piece of paper from a pile on the table in front of the scale. She slapped it on her hand and peeled it off before she waddled her way over and sat on the ground in front of a open spot at the table to the far right in the room.

I wanted to retort, but I couldn’t stop my twitching lips for long enough to say a thing.

Sure, it’s not a talking hat, but a talking scale?! A talking scale?! Are you kidding me right now?! No wonder Bob ran away as soon as he got here. He was obviously sick of this nonsense.

Little girl, are you trying to enrage the world? Do you want to start a flame war right now? Did you think you were clever with this one?

I was now at the front of the line while everyone in our group was behind me. When it came my turn, I majestically walked up to the scale while I tried hard to not retort and just go with the flow.

I looked downwards and saw that directly in front of the scale was the outline of a face. If I were to describe it, it would be like a square piece of latex attached to the ground with someone pressing their face against it from a compartment beneath it. There was thick piece of transparent fiberglass with a bit of air between the latex and the fibreglass. There were three holes in the latex. Two where the eyes were and one where the nose piece was.

You’ve got to be kidding me, right? What is with this perverse contraption? Buddy, do you get paid to do this?

There were two eyes disinterestedly looking up at me. At first his eyes were expectant, but when he saw me he just clicked his tongue and said, “damn, another male.”

I stood on the scale like the woman before me and the guy said, “a stupid looking toothpick, get over to Toddlepant.”

“Hey, that can’t be right! Give me a different one.”

“No can do, once I’ve decided it’s final.”

From behind, I heard the laughter of a certain slut hugging little Han’s arm.

“Isn’t that the perfect ward for you? Turtles are cute after all.”

I’ll remember this you slut.

I reluctantly looked on top of the table and realized what was on the paper. It was an image of an exhausted turtle. I understood right away, it was basically a tattoo. I reluctantly slapped it on my right hand and walked over towards the table to the far right and sat down and pretended I was completely unperturbed.

I repeatedly chanted in my head, ‘a venerable master cares not for where he is. Wherever a venerable master goes greatness will always occur. Even this pitiful excuse for a ward can become the best when a venerable master like me shows up.

I looked all the way down to the end of the table and as far as the eye could see, everyone was either obese or as thin as a stick. They looked like they were either struck by poverty or pigs fattened up to be butchered. When I looked over to the other three wards, everyone looked to be in great health which drew a great contrast to the pathetic looking ward I was placed in.

I watched the slut who went up to the scale and perked my ears up to try to listen in closely. Unfortunately I couldn’t make out what she said, all I noticed was that she whispered something quietly to the scale before she dropped something while on the scale. She turned around with her rear facing the front of the scale and bent over to pick it up.

After she did that the scale announced loudly “this sexy lady, Dragontherun!”

Following right after little Han stepped up and the scale quickly announced, without the slightest hesitation, like it were planned beforehand, “Dragontherun.”

That bitch bribed the damn scale, didn’t she? Of course I was enraged, but I was still a bit glad little Han would be in the most well off looking ward.

With his strength he should be able to at least take care of his woman at the very least. She may be an annoying slut, but at least she will look out for little Han I guess.

Little Han looked in my direction with a troubled look on his face, but I just nodded towards him to indicate to go along with it. He dejectedly walked over and sat next to Aoi who hugged him and buried his arm within a certain magnificent valley.

It was enviable, but I paid no further attention to them as the one I was really concerned about right now was my big sister. If she was assigned to Chicken Claw or Tigerdoor I’d be worried out of my mind since she would be alone with a bunch of ravenous men who would want to eat her alive. Although when looking at Chicken Claw, it doesn’t seem so bad. There was a much higher female to male ratio in that ward. In contrast to Chicken Claw, the other three wards appeared to have a significantly larger male to female ratio.

When my sister first got onto the scale, the scale was silent. My sister had mumbled something towards the guy playing the role of the scale and he seemed to be hesitating over what to do.

He started to say “chick,” but he was interrupted by my sister who coughed loudly to cut him off. She threw an intimidating glare towards the scale before the scale continued loudly, “chicks are scary, Toddlepant!”

My sister picked up the paper from the table and plastered it on her right hand emotionlessly. She turned in my direction and I saw something that caused me to doubt my own eyes.

When our eyes locked I saw what I thought was a bit of joy in here, which was in stark contrast to the indifferent uncaring face she wore.

Did she figure out I’m actually her little brother and she was happy she was in the same ward as her family? No, that can’t be, right? My disguise should be flawless thanks to my wife, there shouldn’t be a crack, right? Then was I reading her emotions incorrectly? But that was something I was confident of after being together with her for so long. Then what could it be?

She walked over and sat down directly beside me. Her long black hair lightly rested on my arm while her arm brushed against mine when she sat down.

Of course, I was in sage mode and my heart definitely didn’t skip a beat from my own big sister. It would be strange for one’s heart to skip a beat from their big sister after all.

Hahaha. My heart did not skip a beat. I repeat, my heart did not skip a beat. That fragrant scent of orchids I had long grown accustomed to also was not the cause my heart rate accelerating either.

Yes, the reason for my accelerated heart beat was because of the nervousness of having my cover blown. That was all there was to it. I’m married after all, another woman cannot possibly make me cheat on my wife who is one of the most beautiful women in existence, especially not my own big sister. I’m not interested in forbidden love or the forbidden fruit growing on the other side of the road.

I started repeatedly chanting in my head “I won’t cheat” like it was some sort of Buddhist scripture. I entered the state of zen, mind without mind like a legendary sage.

It looked like my sister was really tired though and what she did next caused my heart to nearly leap out of my chest even as the masterful sage who had reached the state of mind without mind.

She leaned her body close and rested her head on my shoulder and said, “somehow you give me the same feeling of comfort and safety I have with my little brother.”

She didn’t say another word after that and we just stayed like that silently. My mind which was in a state of zen was easily driven into chaos by my big sister’s simple words and actions. What is the meaning of this?

When I glanced towards her I realized she was sound asleep. Oh, so she was just sleepy after everything that happened. My heart finally calmed down and returned to peace after coming to the realization that was all there was to it. She just wanted a pillow.

Well, that sounds about right. She’s done this to me before many times after all. Oh, of course it’s nothing erotic though. It was just me with my face planted on the ground while she used my back as a pillow. I would just quietly suffer the humiliation of kissing the ground while she slept peacefully. Her sleeping posture was terrible as well, sometimes she would put me into a headlock while she slept. It’s really troublesome you know, there were many times where I passed out from lack of oxygen as a kid.

Just thinking about it scares me, it’s really a miracle I lived through my childhood with such a sadistic big sister.

After my sister’s turn the others in the group I was apart of were assigned as following. The three stooges went to Tigerdoor along with Anything is Possible. The crown prince went to Dragontherun along with a large black man. The skinny beggar like man who was with the crown prince was sent over to Toddlepant with me. Those that remained of the hundred people from our group were split up between the four wards. Fifteen of them went to Chickenclaw, ten went to Dragontherun, twenty to Tigerdoor, and approximately fifty went to Toddlepant. It was all the obese or weaker looking prisoners sent to Toddlepant.

Wasn’t I supposed to be lucky? What happened to the so called amazing fortune my wife said I had? I examined my sister who had rested her head on my shoulder and continued to sleep peacefully. I’ve never seen her sleeping face before because she always slept on my back, but when I look closer I’m really reminded that she is a beauty.

Is my sister acting cute supposed to be my consolation prize in all of this bad luck?

Right as I thought that, an adorable little girl in a cute pink dress skipped out from god knows where and stood on top of the stage.

She peaked out from on top of the stage while tiptoeing as she looked about left and right before she showed a troubled expression. After a moment in thought she climbed on top of the table on the stage to get some additional height to increase her field of view.

While this occured, I noticed something strange, among the prisoners that looked to be seniors there was not a single one who said a word. The new prisoners who didn’t know who this little girl was pointed towards her while cracking jokes, but the prisoners in the know just grabbed their hands and lowered them with serious expressions before they whispered something to them.

Strangely as time went on, those listening to the senior prisoners all showed pale expressions and kept their heads lowered not daring to raise them for a moment.

I found the whole scene comical, all these grown men were afraid of a little girl who looked to be no older than five years old. Wait… five years old? Doesn’t that sound familiar? I looked at the stupid exhausted turtle on my hand and it struck me.

Hahaha. No way, right? It couldn’t be that, right? Please pick little Han, please pick little Han, please pick little Han. Please don’t be looking for me. I started praying like my life depended on it. Not me not me not me. I don’t wanna. I lowered my gaze seriously just as everyone else had done. I did it as naturally as possible and the air of solomness around me was at its peak.

Little Han is the MC, not me. It will definitely be little Han and not me. I have nothing to do with this. Nothing at all. I know I said this kid was going to be great one day, but I definitely didn’t want to really meet her. One little wife is enough trouble for this husband. One little disciple is enough to keep me exhausted. One little Han is all the chicken soup for the soul I need.

It was one time I was not willing to boast and put on a show. If anything, I wish my wife was here so I could get her to turn me into air. Wait. Did she know this was going to happen? Did she escape so I would have no path of retreat? It was fishy, wasn’t it? Why would she just randomly disappear like that out of nowhere? Was this the reason?!

My face started to pale and I glanced up from the corner of my eye. At that very moment our eyes locked. Her face lit up excitedly and she carefully got down one foot at a time from the table on the stage before she hopped over to my table. She climbed up onto the table I was sitting and walked on top of it to stand directly in front of me. With a serious face I glanced upwards with my head lowered slightly.

Her next words confirmed my fears.

She said with bright eyes and a jubilant smile full of innocent pure joy like she found an interesting toy, “you, become my attendant!”