Can I really keep my Goddess Wife to myself and away from all the Crazy OP MCs - 85 Chapter 84.

What the hell is going on here? Why is the Dragontherun ward’s male to female ratio suddenly so skewed? You really expect me to believe one hundred prisoners had a sex change overnight? I looked suspiciously at my daughter thinking it had to be related to her, but she just innocently shook her head while trying to hold back her laughter.

“Father, father. Isn’t it related to my mysterious new attendent? He has been locked up in his room concocting some mysterious things recently.”

“That scammer? Now that you mention it, there is a recording of him entering the Dragontherun ward the night before this all happened. Are you saying he actually did something?”

“Of course, the person I choose to be my attendant would never be a normal person. I’ll go find him and ask.”

After she said that, my daughter skipped out of the room happily like she was just told her favourite food was served for dinner.

My daughter is really worrisome, but this scammer seems to be more trouble than I expected. Should I pull out the root of the trouble before it germinates? When looking at the reports that have come in, he’s been nothing but a pest since he first showed up.

First it was a robbery, next was a bomb leading to a police chase, then he ruined that stupid overly expensive transforming robot of mine. The most unforgivable thing was that he became my daughters attendant, but now he’s even creating a bunch of transgender freaks out of thin air? I was being forced to make a very difficult decision right now. I needed to get this walking train wreck as far away as possible. Because he was my daughter’s attendant and she rejected experimentations from being performed on him I could only reluctantly concede.

However, if I leave him unattended any longer, who knows what kind of trouble he was going to stir? It’s hard enough just handling my whimsical daughter. I don’t need more trouble makers.

If he causes another incident, I suppose I could use it as an excuse to send him to that place. While I’m at it, might as well get rid of that annoying kid as well. The noise complaints in the Dragontherun ward have been piling up everyday thanks to that brat. Oh the idiotic pothead trio are also a pain in the ass as well. Why did I even get them transferred here again? It was because I was interested in their strength.

Yet, why did they all turn out to be complete reject failures? From what I uncovered through secretly observing them, I got three bloody pot heads, two trouble makers, and a stupid moronic crown prince. Hey, that actually sounded pretty good, I could probably make that into a christmas jingle and sell it for some good money. Would the fourth be four crazy broads?

How many incidents has that scammer caused again? Robbery, a bomb, police chase, destroying my robot, and now the transgender incident. Hey, that works, doesn’t it? Five incidents!

That’s probably as far as my creativity will ever go though. Five incidents, four crazy broads, three bloody pot heads, two troublemakers, and a stupid moronic crown prince.

(POV Director’s Daughter)

“Big brother San, are you finally done with your secluded training?”

“Yeah. I guess so.”

“You seem really tired. Did something happen?”

“You could say that, I might have gone through hell and just barely made it back. You could even say it was a life and death battle where the slightest mistake could have ended my life.”

His eyes looked really dead, it must have been something truly unspeakable for him to be left in such a state.

“Hana, there are some things in life that are better off left unsaid.”

This was the first time he actually called me by name, it really must have been something traumatizing. When he saw my curious but serious eyes he began to elaborate when I didn’t even ask.

“It was the battle of a century. Probably the strongest adversary I’d ever faced. In fact, they may have been the strongest person in existence. Unfortunately I was no match for his strength and I suffered complete defeat. The humiliation I faced, not even after years will I forget it. The battle that lasted a full night where I suffered unbearable losses, I will definitely have my payback. Even if the times corrode my body and the heavens deny my will I will trample across it all until I dominate at the very top.”

That’s so… cool! Sounds like a line straight out of a novel though.

A life and death battle where he was completely crushed, yet with his unbending will, he will stand up once more to take to the battlefield in the world of cultivation against the strongest adversary he has ever met! He’s like G*ku!

I couldn’t stop the sparkles in my eyes even if I tried. I’ve always been a sucker for those types of stories.

The air of a defeated warrior who had yet to surrender to his fate radiated outwards strongly from big brother San. I want to get stronger as well.

“Big brother San, can I become stronger as well?”

“Of course.”

“Strong enough to defy and fight against the fate of the world ending?”

“You’ll never know until you try, right?”

“Then please acknowledge me as your disciple.”

(POV Sanji)

Wuaaaaat?!

I just wanted to bask in a bit of admiration and make myself look good in front of a child. Why did it suddenly turn into me taking in another disciple? No way! One disciple is enough to drive me crazy.

When she noticed my drawn out silence she looked at me with watery eyes like she was on the verge of tears.

Hah! I’m not the naive Sanji of the past who would have my ironclad will swayed by the crocodile tears of a child.

“Well, it can’t be helped, if you insist… on… being… my… disciple… I suppose I can… take… you… in.”

Wait, what? What did I just say?

No no no. I did not just say that. I really didn’t. I swear it wasn’t me! That was definitely my voice though. What is going on here?

Those words definitely did not leave my mouth. I’m certain of that. Not only that, why were there random pauses between words?

“Really? You really mean it big brother San?!”

“Yes.”

Again?! What the hell is this witchcraft?

“Uhm Hana? What is the meaning of this?”

She looked at me innocently with her head tilted like she didn’t understand the question. Hahaha, little girl, you’ve met the master of playing dumb. Don’t think I don’t realize you doctored some recordings and put that together. But that would mean she had this prepared from beforehand. Has this little girl been plotting against me since the beginning?

During the time we spent together was she really secretly recording everything I said just so she could pull this?

Little girls are freaking scary!

“Uh Hana, you know it’s illegal to record someone without their permission, right?”

“What are you talking about big brother San? Oops. I meant, my great master. Hehehe.”

Don’t be swayed. You aren’t the Sanji she first met. You are now invulnerable to her feeble little ploys.

“About being my disciple…”

The words were stuck in my throat when she hugged me and nuzzled her head against my leg gleefully with a wide smile plastered on her face.

“Thank you for accepting me as your disciple, I will work hard!”

Is the con artist getting conned right now?

Am I really going to let this slide?

My first disciple was conned into being my disciple, my second disciple conned me into being her master. Aren’t these two disciples a match made in heaven?

Will there be a third occurrence? Will someone con their way through to become my grand disciple?

Isn’t that a bit scary?

Why are there so many scammers in the world? Should I give this little girl a daoist title? Maybe, The Little Scammer Who Could? How about, Scamerella? The Underhanded Woman? Scams ‘R’ Us?

“Master? Master? Since I’m now your disciple, shouldn’t you teach me some powerful technique or give me an incredible life saving artifact or an overpowered weapon or armour?”

Yep, it was confirmed, my self proclaimed second disciple is a gold digger. Little girl, not even I have anything like that to give you. You can ask all you want, but do I look like I’m rich to you?

Wait! I just hit a jackpot and scored 100,000 LP. Aren’t I actually pretty well off right now? Right now I was at 105,000 LP altogether. Shouldn’t there be some pretty strong battle techniques or artifacts available at that price?

I took out my phone and ignored the sparkling eyes filled with anticipation that looked up at me from waist level. While I browsed through the sub category called battle techniques in the educational material I found there were actually a lot of strangely named techniques at a discounted prices.

‘Penguin Waddles across the Plains.’

‘Giraffe Flails Neck.’

‘Bunny Kick!’

‘Rhino Headbutt.’

‘Flamingo Buries Head in Ground.’

Well, I can tell who discounted these, but give me a break, there is no way I can accept saying the names of these techniques out loud. I scrolled past and ignored all the heavily discounted ones until I got to ones that were more awe inspiring.

‘Decimating Sky Shattering Earth.’

Oh, something that actually sounds awe inspiring.

‘Nine Lightning Tribulations Descend.’

‘Nine Heavenly Flames Incinerate.”

‘Nine Divine Waters Governing Life and Death.”

I noticed there sure were a lot of moves with nine in it. Why the hell is nine so damn popular?

‘One Finger to Rule the World.’

Eh? That was random. Oh wait, I guess it’s not random since nine returns to one apparently. Why do people take this shit so serious? Why can’t there be like six of something? It’s always nine, nine, nine! Are you a certain dead dictator or something? Continuing on, I came across one that stood out from the others.

‘One Slap to… ???’

My curiosity was really peaked by this move. One slap to do what? Was it something unspeakable? How could a technique be so mysterious. I could feel the ancient air radiating from it just by thinking of the name. I envisioned myself raising my hand in front of father in law and giving him a good slap to send him flying into another universe. Okay, to be honest, I felt nothing in particular from it, I just felt like a gambler who was grasping at straws wanting to test his luck.

Sure, I could take one of the ones that clearly sounded really powerful, but this technique felt like it could evolve. Although I was just making that up to try and convince myself and also because I wanted to sound profound and deep. Really though, why does it have question marks in the name?

Since I felt I was already invested, I bought it without any further thought.

I pulled out the jade talisman from storage and read the description of the technique and I wanted to cry. What the hell?! This was clearly something my wife came up with!

I wasted 10,000 LP on this? I was about to faint from the loss I just suffered.

The cultivation method was to slap one’s wife on the behind during certain activities. It was said to be the ultimate technique in turning one’s wife on. It was also said that if mastered to perfection, a single slap to your opponent would be on the level of strength required to destroy an entire realm effortlessly.

I felt so embarrassed. There’s no way I can teach this technique to Hana, she would definitely think of me as though I were some kind of perverted freak.

I could only grit my teeth in frustration, but I still stored the technique away to master it myself at a later date. I’m frugal, I will naturally not let those 10,000 LP go to waste. If I must slap, I will slap damnit! If she wants me to be more assertive, I’ll be more assertive!

Now, let’s see, I need something to impress a little girl. All the techniques so far felt to plain. After I skipped through several more pages, I found something I thought was more suitable for this little girl.

‘Pandora’s Box.’

It was a very simple name, but it was something anyone would be familiar with. I thought something like this would really fit this little girl who came up with all sorts of random ideas. Just like Pandora’s Box, she was really a mystery to me with her backstory of the little girl who leapt through time.

Though, when I saw the price I almost wet myself. It was 30,000 LP, but I must persevere, I can’t let this little girl who conned me into being her master down. Honestly though, wouldn’t I be okay to let her down? It’s not like I really acknowledged her as my disciple. When I looked back down to her still expectant eyes filled with anticipation, I realized just how weak I really was. How can I possibly let down those adorable eyes that hold me in high regard?

After several minutes calming my bleeding heart, I looked towards the ceiling with distant far off eyes and tapped the buy button.

I pulled out the jade talisman which contained the technique and started to skim through it in my mind. When I got to the end, I had no idea what any of it was supposed to mean. It all sounded like nonsense to me. What the hell does it mean by a technique used to create a box that when opened, the enemies greatest weakness will be inside? It’s said this box can defeat any opponent regardless of how strong they are. How can such a broken technique exist? The method to cultivate the technique was even more absurd, link your mind and body with the heavens and the box will be brought into existence. How the hell does the box even form? Are you telling me my good little buddy heavens up above will form it for me?

If my opponent is a tree that cannot be cut down, will the box have a flamethrower inside it?

What about this little girl? What would be her weakness?

I really wanted to test the technique out myself, but I was troubled because I didn’t understand how one would link their mind and body with the heavens. I wonder if it’s something embarrassing like the fusion dance I imitated as a kid? If it was, I’d rather seal this thing away as a forbidden technique that would never see the light of day.

How about this?

With a serious face and closed eyes I thought in my head ‘Syn-chro-nize!’ before my eyes shot open wide for dramatic effect.

Of course nothing happened and I just looked like an idiot who was in deep thought before suddenly realizing they really needed to use the washroom. Really though… how do I do this?

What about this? I closed my eyes and in a tranquil state of mind I slightly modified and ripped off a famous quote in the world of anime. ‘Heavens up above please grant me a bit of your mystical powers to defeat the enemy directly before me. Please, give me strength, be it from the forests, and rushing brooks and streams. From the people everywhere who can’t protect themselves… from the animals of the wild, and from life itself. Give me strength to defeat this enemy. Thank you. Please accept this IOU in return.’

When I opened my eyes, the emptiness I expected to greet me was surprisingly not so empty. There was actually a box in front of my eyes. What in the hell is this? You’re kidding, right?

“Big brother master San? What is that?”

How the hell would I flipping know? Your guess is as good as mine. Of course I couldn’t say that outright, so I just put on a mysterious smile with a slightly cocky look on my face.

“Master, hurry up, hurry up. Tell me. Tell me.”

“Hana, take note, this technique is called ‘Pandora’s Box’. It is an extremely powerful technique, so powerful I’m reluctant to bestow it upon anyone in the mortal realm. When the box formed by the technique is opened, it will contain the weakness of whoever you deem to be the enemy. After much deliberation, this is the technique I will bestow upon you. This should be able to keep you safe. As long as you are able to have the enemies weakness in the palm of your hand, you should always be able to keep your life. Of course, it doesn’t work on your master though, so don’t bother trying to use it on me when I bestow this jade talisman to you.”

It looked like what I said went in one ear and out the other as her eyes were locked on the box floating in mid air. I really couldn’t blame her, even I was curious about what weakness this child would have. I extended my hands and grabbed onto the box and put it onto the ground. It was ornamented and decorated with all sorts of mysterious heavenly jewels.

I was starting to look forward to what was inside this overly luxurious box, so I hurriedly opened the lid in front of Hana. What came into view left me utterly confused. A ball of fur? What the hell? Are even the heavens running scams these days? How could this poofy ball of fur possibly be the weakness of anyone?

Thud.

When I looked back up I saw a terrified Hana backed up against the wall. She had tears in her eyes with despair written all over her face.

“M-m-master. That is. It isn’t, right?”

I was of course confused, but I acted like I knew what was going on and nodded and said, “of course it is. It is your greatest weakness. I did it to show you an example of how terrifying this technique is.”

Really though, what is so scary about this fluffy white fur ball?

In my confusion I poked it and it twitched a bit. It was unbelievable soft to the point I had the idea to use it as a pillow. I started to stroke the ball of fur and it felt like my hand was in heaven.

“Nyaaa?”

A high pitched familiar sound came from the ball of fur as it suddenly stretched itself out and curiously peaked its head out of the box and looked between me and then Hana who had her back against the wall. I finally understood what it was. It was a just a cute little kitten.

This is her weakness?

“Master! Make it disappear! Make it go away! Please!”

“Hana, why are you so afraid of this adorable little kitten?”

“Nyaa?”

“Master! Please! I can’t!”

The kitten tumbled its way out of the box and started to feebly approach the Hana that got more terrified with every step it took.

“Are you allergic to cats or something?”

“No, I’m not! But please stop the kitten from getting any closer master!”

“No, Hana, you must face your weaknesses head on. This is something you must overcome.”

“It’s not Master! You don’t understand! I’m not allergic, but rather…”

Just as she was about to finish her sentence the kitten was right in front of her and extended its little paw curiously to tap on her knee. The moment it did, Hana fainted before she finished what she wanted to say.

This little menace faints when an adorable kitten touches her? What kind of weird quirk is this?

In her fainted state I could see a now peaceful face that said she could die happy, she also mumbled “sho kyute” under her breath occasionally.

Why does she have such a bizarre weakness? I can’t comprehend at all. Is too much cuteness a crime?

The kitten tumbled its way over to Hana’s face which was pressed against the floor and started tapping her while letting out a confused “nyaa” every now and then. He occasionally peaked and glanced towards me like he wanted some sort of answer from me.

What is this freaking cute creature? A mascot character?

This technique might be more fearsome than I thought. To make an enemy faint effortlessly like this, how terrifying?

Should I start just tossing kittens at my enemies to see how they react? I’ll call this technique ‘Kitty Throw.’ What a sinister move. Like hell it is! Damn it, why is everything I get so weird? Should I stop pushing my luck and start playing it safe and only buy what looks guaranteed?

Screw it, we’re in too deep already, there’s no turning back. I’ll give ‘Pandora’s Box’ to Hana, I’ve already somewhat learned how to use it. Although it was probably just a fluke. I still don’t really get how it works.

I walked over to the kitten beside Hana, picked it up and examined it closer. It really was an adorable little fur ball.

“Nyaa?”

He seems to be quite the curious type who liked to touch and examine everything around him. He kept patting my cheek with his soft little paws. Damn, I always thought most mascot characters were annoying, but this little guy is too cute.

I pat his head and he closed his tiny little eyes in pleasure and nuzzled his head against my hand while occasionally moving to lick the palm of my hand.

Before I realized it, Hana had already recovered. She was looking at me like I was some sort of traitor who had committed a grave sin. I felt awkward so I handed the jade talisman over to her, but she still glared at me like she had something to say.

“Big brother master San is a dummy! I-I-I want to pet it too, but I can’t because I faint from the blood rushing to my head. Kittens are my favourite, but I faint the moment I come into contact with them.”

Oh, so that is the reason after all. Is it some sort of psychological trauma?

“Did something happen to make you that way?”

She squinted and looked far off into the distance with vacant eyes like she were reminiscing over something and said, “stuff happened.”

My interest was naturally peaked, so I obviously didn’t want to just drop the topic here and of course I asked, “what kind of stuff?”

She just looked at me like I was a man who lacked any sort of delicacy and spit on the ground to the side.

If it wasn’t thanks to my improved hearing from breaking through, I probably wouldn’t have caught the, “tch. What kind of stuff he asks? Stuff, stupid master.”

Why are both my disciples so two faced? This was the first time I saw this side of Hana. For now I decided to term this version of her, Hana Black.

Was this the result of opening Pandora’s Box? Did I maybe do something awful by handing this technique over to her? Are there take backs? I really started question my ability to judge people’s character. Well didn’t I say back then she was going to be someone great? Doesn’t that mean my judgement is actually pretty spot on?

“Master, please take responsibility and always look after your disciple for making your disciple faint like that.”

She suddenly turned back to Hana White which I was a bit relieved to see, but before I could fully relax, her following words left me a bit scared.

“If you don’t take responsibility, who knows what will pop out of Pandora’s Box?”

Women are all scary. Little girl’s are even scarier. I can see why Anything is Possible is so scared of little girls.

Those eyes change from joyful and charming, to eyes that say I’ll make you regret it if you don’t listen without even the slightest warning. I really wonder what will happen if this little girl meets Chu Yue. I couldn’t stop the shivers from being sent down my back at the thought of such scary things happening. It’s probably best if I never let them meet. What if they actually hit it off and they both started plotting against me?

My little life would be as good as gone if that happened.

Oh no, I completely forgot, I gave this little girl a battle technique, but I have yet to even give Chu Yue any technique. What do I do, aren’t I screwed? I got caught up in her pace and didn’t even consider the order.

“Master, by the way, how many disciples do you have?”

Can this girl read my thoughts? Is this just that scary thing called woman’s intuition where if a female is with a man she knows when the man is thinking of another woman? It’s best not to lie here as it would probably be exposed eventually.

“You are my second disciple. You have a senior sister. Just think of her as family from now on. No fighting among family, okay?”

“Yep, of course not!”

She showed a happy smile while she muttered under her breath, “great another strong person I can probably squeeze some good stuff out of.”