Cannot Escape the Devil - Chapter 10. Please use me

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Revenge. It is not that Asaya had never thought about it. She constantly ground her teeth every day. The time when she crushed her jawbone to vent her misery lasted for quite a while. At first, it was. However, the fierce anger that crushed the body and distracted the mind had faded over the years. It had been blurry. Rather than deciding to take revenge, she had to survive the cruel reality first. Revenge? Only for those who could afford it. In a place where death was constantly lurking, there was no time to think about revenge when she had to fight every day amid death and anxiety.

“It’s an opportunity. The moment you and Reibene reunited, it became an irreversible problem.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Reibene Schrandel will go further and will not leave us alone if the church officials who were involved in the incident find out about our existence. They will try to kill us again like back then.”

Asaya recalled that moment in the past when they were suddenly captured as traitors of the church and imprisoned like felons.

Trials were conducted unilaterally. The unfair appeal was not accepted. The whole process was somewhat strange even if she thought of it with common sense. The next day, the main elders gathered and the trial proceeded. Asaya did not know the contents of the trial. Because it was her father who stood in front of the judge as the representative of the sinner that day. However, the trial ended quickly, and an order of deportation was issued to expel all sinners out of the wall. It was strange that treason criminals were usually executed publicly, but for some reason, they were ordered to be deported. The tragedy began as soon as they were thrown out of the wall.  Because each of the denomination’s soldiers drew their swords and started killing people randomly . The people in the family including relatives and friends, who had been close to each other, were strangled. And some had their hands and feet tied and their heads cut off by a sword without having to resist once, remained vividly in Asaya’s memory. Leah grabbed Asaya’s afflicted shoulder.

“The trial went private. The transfer outside the wall was also secretly conducted. Many people got moved out at night and got killed outside the wall was something that you and I thought weird. Don’t you wanna reveal the injustice at that time?”

“…”

“How did you feel when you saw that bastard Reibene became a bishop? I felt angry and nauseous. We’ve been trying to survive so desperately for seven years, why is that trash who betrayed us became a bishop who is admired by everyone? why? “

Asaya was angry.  As soon as she saw that face, she wanted to tear the mug face to pieces with a knife and peel it off. But it was just a thought. It faced a real problem to translate that thought into reality because the target of revenge was not one Reibene Schrandel, but the enormous group of the church itself. This was not something that could be done with personal strength.

“For me, my family and your safety and our comfortable life came before revenge.”

To be honest, Asaya could have killed Reibene by twisting his neck on the spot. But it was because of her family here that she couldn’t. Mother, Asaran, and Leah could barely lead a normal life so she didn’t want to cause more problems. She had to suppress the feeling of revenge because she wanted her family to be able to live comfortably for the rest of their life.

“I do too. But now you know that it’s impossible to just live quietly.”

“It turns out that Grand Duke Edwin Kabelheide is pro-Emperor and he has a particularly bad relationship with the church. I don’t know what it is, but there is something between the Church and Grand Duke Kabelheider. So if we cooperate with Grand Duke’s actions in the future, the revenge that destroys the denomination and reveals the truth of the day may not be a dream.”

“But revenge…?

“l also want to live as quietly as possible without problems. But Asaya, if you marry the Grand Duke and become the Grand Duchess , you too can’t get out of their political view. I think it’s an inevitable problem.”

“Is that so? I would be just an empty shell without a name.”

Asaya did not know. She was confused. She didn’t know that the sudden reunion with Reibene would make such a big problem. Why did she have to meet him again in this vast land? She didn’t want to get involved again. She didn’t want to meet him again. Asaya laughed and wiped her dry face. Somehow she felt tired. Leah looked at her and said firmly.

“l intend to be cooperative with the Grand Duke in the future. It’s not just for revenge. Because as long as you have to live as his wife, our lives are in his hands. That’s why.”

“Yes, you are right.”

It would be impossible to be quiet and hidden. Sooner or later, Asaya would be reunited with Reibene Schrandel again. Whether she liked it or not, it was an inevitable fate. The future is scarier than ever. Asaya smiled weakly and clenched her teeth. She didn’t want to fight. She didn’t want to get involved but if they tried to kill her again, and if the nightmare of the day repeated…

“I don’t want to lose my precious person again. I will surely protect it.”

The determination that rose in her eyes flashed like lightning light.

It wasn’t until evening that Leah left the mansion. Asaya and Leah chatted in their room almost all day long. Leah told stories about her mother and Asaran. There was plenty of rice to eat, and yesterday, Leah said that they ate meat too. Asaran loved to grow flowers in the garden. At night, some officers of the Kabelheider family stood guard for them to sleep in peace. The onlookers were banned from coming close to the house. And, most of all, the doctor, who has been visiting Asaya every day, was sent to check on her mother’s condition too.

“My lady, the meal is ready. Please come downstairs.”

It’s already time to eat. After coming to this place, it seemed that time had passed very quickly. But she has always had dinner alone. At the maid’s call, Asaya stood up and went downstairs. Asaya moved to the dining area without much thought and was surprised by the unexpected figure. Edwin, who was sitting at the table, frowned gently as he saw Asaya’s surprised face.

“What are you so surprised about? Look like you are seeing a grim reaper.”

“You came early today.”

“Because work ended early.”

“Ah”

“What are you looking at? Are you not hungry? Well, if you don’t want to eat it, I won’t make you. Or did you lose appetite because of me eating here?”

Asaya shook his head at Edwin’s words.

“No, not because of the Grand Duke, but because I always thought that I was supposed to eat separately.”

“Why?”

“Because you are a nobleman, and I am a person from outside the wall. How can a noble and a lowly commoner sit at the same table?”

It was natural to eat it separately. Probably eating with someone from outside the wall would hurt his stomach. Wasn’t this the usual way of thinking of people here? Although the relationship was bound by a contract,  Asaya would have had nothing to say even if he threw a piece of rotten bread at her other than rice. Therefore, it was a situation that she should be thankful for the fact that he had provided an abundance of food for every meal.

The world made a clear distinction between status differences. The big wall that separated the world and divided their identities. It was absurd, but that was reality. Moreover, the woman from outside the wall, who had nothing, had no strength to face the absurdity. This was an unchanging fact, and Asaya has learned to quickly adapt to reality from living outside the wall, and she grew up thinking that way.

“You got a new status by getting engaged with me. Maybe it will take a long time to change, but why don’t you just throw away the idea that you are a poor person.”

Edwin looked at Asaya with his chin tilted at an angle. Then he said with a smile.

“My wife is not a lowly commoner.”

Asaya flinched at Edwin’s words and then bit her lips. She felt very subtle and strange. A blunt emotion arose in her heart and spread throughout her body. She didn’t know what to call this feeling, but it felt so strange and unfamiliar. But one thing is for sure, this feeling was not a bad thing.

“Sit down and eat.”

Come to think of it, the words he spoke were different, but his actions are not at all indifferent. Asaya sat down across from him and glanced at his face gently. Perhaps he didn’t speak empty words at all, because he was eating without any signs of unpleasantness. He was a man with the coldest atmosphere in the world, but his actions were not. Asaya thought all the nobles in the wall were the same, but who would have imagined that there was also a friendly side behind the vicious Grand Duke who carried all sorts of rumors.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“You made it possible to have Leah by my side. And I am very grateful that you gave me the will to take care of my mother’s condition.”

“It’s just part of the material support I promised you. It was a natural deal, and there is no need to thank each little thing.”

“But I would like to say thank you for your caring attention.”

Edwin did not answer. He just ate casually. It didn’t matter because Asaya wasn’t hoping for an answer.  She truly appreciated the life he gave me. Even if it was a life that was mortgaged, Asaya was satisfied.

“I don’t want to go back to the same life as before. If I have to live outside the wall again, will I be able to live well? Asaya thought to herself.

Warm and delicious food. Asaya thought while cutting the juicy meat and putting it in her mouth.

“Could we live if we left behind this blessed life and were driven back to that barren land? No, I don’t think I can live like that again.”

Suddenly Reibene’s face came to her mind.  Asaya crumpled her eyebrows without even knowing.Then she looked at Edwin and asked.

“Why don’t you ask anything?”

“About?”

“About Reibene’s Schrandel and me.”

“There is no reason to ask.”

“Isn’t it more convenient to ask me directly than to research behind my back?”

At Asaya’s question, he glared at her.

“I wonder if there is a need to bring up a topic that can bring out painful memories to yourself . Wasn’t that man annoying you?”

“Aren’t you the enemy of that horrible being? Did you know that he and I were getting married? Did you know that I loved him?”

Edwin laughed at Asaya’s question.

“I’m not so stupid that I can’t tell the difference between hate and love. If the feeling of love remains on the man who destroyed your family, then there would be no curse as terrible as that. To put it nicely, I’m not a fool. I’ve never brought a fool into the house.”

Reibene Schrandel. The mere reflection of the name made Asaya feel that the raw, rugged feeling dominated her whole body.

If hate is love, then it can be seen as love. Hate was the remnant of what was left of love that day. Isn’t even hate an interest in others?

“What do you want to say?”

“I don’t want to go back to my old life. I want to protect my current life. He will again try to drive me and my family out of the wall. No, maybe he will decide to kill me now.”

“I know. Besides, I will think of a way to send him away.”

When Edwin muttered insignificantly, Asaya said in a quiet and determined voice.

“Please use me.”

Edwin stopped cutting the food and looked up to Asaya. Asaya looked at him with unshakable eyes. Then, once again, she spoke her innermost thought.

“Use me to kill Reibene Schrandel and to fight the Church.”