Capture - Volume 1 Chapter 32 Ephemeral

“You’re not very convincing, Kaoru,” Keigo warned over the phone.

“I think it’s fine the way things are.”

“Am I rushing you?” Keigo asked.

“No, it’s not that,” Kaoru responded quickly.

“What is it then?”

Kaoru struggled to come up with a logical reason.

“My place has enough space for the two of us,” Keigo tried again. “There is really no point keeping your apartment.”

Somehow, that stung him.

“I work very hard for my apartment,” Kaoru said in a small but firm voice. “It’s not much but it’s mine.”

“Shit,” Keigo groaned. “That was insensitive of me. I’m sorry, Kaoru.”

“It’s okay. I know.”

Kaoru also knew that he was being difficult. There was a part of him which wanted very much to move in with Keigo. But he was also worried that it would cause frictions between them.

What if Keigo grew annoyed with his habits? Would he find another person in his space all the time intrusive?

These questions weren’t fair to Keigo, when they stemmed from Kaoru’s own self-doubts. He understood that.

The truth was that Kaoru was simply afraid of any change which might rupture the happiness he felt right now.

“Maybe we should talk about this when I’m back,” Keigo suggested with a sigh.

“That’s a good idea,” Kaoru agreed. He added softly, “I don’t mean to be stubborn.”

“Have you met me?” Keigo’s tone was dry and they both chuckled.

“We’ll figure this out. Because I say that we would and so it must be true,” Keigo continued.

Kaoru stifled a laughter. “I thought we were going to talk about it.”

“Well, can I hold you before we have the talk?” Keigo was unrepentant.

“No.” Kaoru couldn’t hold back his giggles. “We’re going to have the talk first.”

“My lover. So serious,” Keigo teased.

“Don’t tease me,” Kaoru protested.

“But I enjoy teasing you. You’re ADORABLE when I tease you,” Keigo declared. “Would you deprive me of such joy?”

He wouldn’t deprive Keigo of anything, but Kaoru refused to admit that aloud right now. He sighed in exasperation.

“Should I let you get to work?” Keigo offered sweetly.

“Goodbye, Keigo.”

Keigo laughed gently. “Goodbye, Kaoru.”

Kaoru could almost picture the smirk on the other end of the line. He shook his head as he hung up.

He washed his cup in the kitchen sink and checked his bag for his hospital card. There was a routine check-up in the afternoon.

Kaoru had been feeling a little tired all week. Probably from the last-minute deadlines at work. He should inform his doctor about that. He didn’t tell Keigo though since he didn’t want to worry him unnecessarily.

Picking up his keys and smiling stupidly to himself as he recalled the conversation earlier, he headed out of his apartment.

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Surgery.

High-risk.

Immediately.

The words made sense but they didn’t. A jumble of urgency.

When he met his doctor that afternoon, he hadn’t expected to spend the night in the hospital.

The last distinct memory in his brain was the moment his doctor halted in the middle of the examination. The next few hours were a blur of x-rays, screenings, tests.

There was a crash roaring in his ears. A silence in his chest which was deafening. Kaoru grasped the sheets tightly after they left him to rest.

The calm mask which he presented to the doctors and nurses crumbled into pieces.

The curtains divided him and the other patients in the ward. In this ward, everything was quiet. Voices which spoke in hushed tones. Sharp draws of breath he knew were desperate attempts to stop any crying. Ragged breathing aided by machines.

It was as he had remembered.

He was angry. He wanted to scream.

He was scared. He needed to weep.

Yet the only tears were the ones pricking the corners of his eyes.

A nurse had kindly asked if he wanted to inform his next of kin. Kaoru only shook his head woodenly.

He did everything dutifully afterwards. He informed his line manager that he needed extended time off due to a medical emergency. The older man was awkward but wished him well sincerely. He checked the medical insurance which he was entitled to. He filled out various forms for the hospital. He messaged his friends to apologize that he had to miss their drinking session that night and allowed them to assume that it was due to work.

He did almost everything.

“You’re an idiot,” Kaoru whispered to himself.

How was he going to tell Keigo? In the morning, when Keigo’s flight lands at the airport.

What could Kaoru say?

I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay healthy. I am sorry.

He had been worried whether living together would cause tensions. Now, that seemed so insignificant and stupid.

Nothing caused a bigger rupture than death.