Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Chapter 101

Bill Remmer was the type of man who stuck to his schedule. That meant he wouldn’t wake up until he had to, which meant as soon as his head hit his pillow, he was out until the sun rose in the sky.

And yet this time, he was shaken awake out of his dreamscape because of a nightmare. A nightmare of losing his foster daughter, Leyla, but he couldn’t recall what from.

He grumbled about dreams and the unclarity of it all, before he sat up on his bed. He stared at the dark room in front of him, the night had barely finished. Staring further into the small abyss in his room made him feel as though it was waiting to just devour him.

He grunted softly before sighing at himself, opting to lie back down and resume sleeping. But the nightmare was still prominent in his mind.

In his dream he saw Leyla, diligent in her studies, having gotten in by the grace of their Duke. They had both gone to the capital, living happily just as they’d hope with just the two of them. While it was a concern for him that Leyla and Kyle would be in the same premises, he tried to calm himself down.

He had resolved long ago to step aside if the two of them still harbored feelings for each other, and would support them all the way. He wouldn’t get in the way of his foster daughter’s happiness.

Still the nightmare left shivers in his body, he can’t even fathom where the thought sprung on him. How dare he dream about something so awful about Leyla, who only had nothing but goodness in her heart?

Unable to go back to sleep, Bill sat up once more, willing the nightmare to leave his mind. He would have washed it clean off as soon as he awoke if he was able to…

But he couldn’t.

‘Doesn’t make me not want to do it anyway.’ Bill grumbled in his mind.

With that, he threw the covers off of him and got up from bed. He went to the sink in the kitchen, just about to turn on the tap when he stopped in place.

Right there, outside the uncovered window in the kitchen, was a woman.

Bill blinked a few times, squinting his eyes as he scrutinized the sight in front of him. Half of him believed he was still dreaming, the other half hoping he hadn’t gone crazy because of the dream he’d just had.

The woman outside had a slender form, looking particularly ethereal and out of place in the forest road, as she walked, her white robe fluttering behind her with the wind. But what stood out most to Bill was her hair…

It was a familiar golden hair.

“Leyla?” he murmured softly in bewilderment, trying to get a closer look.

Upon closer inspection, she almost looked like a ghost with how pale she was. Her gait indicated exhaustion, and her face…

‘It is Leyla.’ Bill’s eyes widened in realization, before frowning in concern, ‘Yet why does she look so troubled?’ 

He’d never seen her so tired, like an old wizened woman who learned her lessons the hard way. What was wrong? Did something bad happen to her without him realizing it?

A sudden pang grew in Bill’s chest at the thought of him neglecting Leyla. He resisted the urge to just run out and begin coddling her in an attempt to make it up to her, but he didn’t. Leyla wasn’t the little girl who’d arrive in Arvis for the first time back then.

She was an adult now, and she knew how to take care of herself, as much as she knew she could count on him to help her. At least, he hoped she knew he had her back no matter how bad it seemed to be.

Instead, he went back to his room, pretending to still be asleep, oblivious to her nighttime walk just now. Moments later, he heard the telltale sound of their backdoor opening, before the soft clicks of the locks sliding back into place.

The floorboards in their old corridor creaked ever so slightly under shifting weights.

He could just get up now and ask her, but Bill remained in place.

‘Perhaps I am still in a dream?’ Bill thought belatedly to himself as he listened to the fading footsteps. ‘Or perhaps I’m being haunted by a ghost that isn’t there?’

And with that thought he felt his vision fade once more…

When the sun finally rose, and Bill woke up for what seemed to be a second time that morning, he braced himself to see his foster daughter.

He braced himself to get ready to ask her about the nightly stroll, and that sunken look on her face, but alas, when she turned to face him as he entered the kitchen, she only had bright smiles and a lightness in her steps.

Perhaps he really was only dreaming.

She seemed so jovial and energetic in the morning that Bill could only watch as she flitted around the kitchen, preparing their food and things for her work. Once she was done, she sat down across from him and they began to eat.

Bill could only keep watch as he took in her smile, a pensive expression on his face.

“Uncle?” Leyla called out to him, shaking him out of his thoughts. “Is there something wrong?” She asked, concern shining through her eyes.

“Oh? Nothing.” He smiled gently at her, “Nothing is wrong, dear.” He placated, waving off her concern before resuming in eating his breakfast. But Leyla seemed to not be deterred by his dismissal.

“Tell me.” She insisted.

“There’s really nothing wrong.” Bill insisted back, “Just happy to be home again.” he shot her an honest smile once more. Leyla placed more bread and eggs on his plate, the worry and nervousness now breaking out of her.

But of what, he couldn’t tell.

“Are you sure?” She asked him softly, “Did something just happen to you?” She asked again with a little more alarm than he expected and Bill chuckled softly.

“What a ridiculous notion, Leyla,” Bill teasingly chided her, “Really, there’s nothing for you to worry about.” He reassured her once more.

“Maybe you’re sick, let me check.” She mumbled, moving to place a palm on his forehead worriedly, and Bill only stopped her wrist and placed it gently, yet firmly back down in front of her.

“Leyla,” He said, this time firmer than before, “What have I told you about treating me like a fragile old man?” She flushed, before looking despondent at his light chiding. Bill sighed and placed some food in return at her own plate.

“I’m older than I used to, yes,” Bill started, “But I’m still strong. I know my limits Leyla, you don’t have to worry about that of me.” When she still refused to look at him, Bill decided to try a different tactic.

“Would you like me to carry you like a sack of potatoes again just to prove a point?” He teased her, and she looked back up at him with a flush of embarrassment and immediately shook her head.

Bill chuckled at her childish response and Leyla’s worried look was soon replaced with a look of relief.

“Well, I’m glad you’re fine, uncle.” She told him with a smile.

Bill had always been weak to Leyla’s smile, that even though he felt like something was wrong, he couldn’t actively prod it out of her in fear of hurting her further. Taking care of her, and being in charge of her taught him that love comes with certain pains.

“Well, eat up then,” Bill gestured to her barely touched food, “Keep up that appetite and you’ll be back to being all skin and bones.” He grunted and began to eat again with much gusto.

He then picked a slice of bread and spread a generous amount of butter before handing it out over to her. Leyla smiled thankfully at him and tore into the bread, humming in its delicious taste, which Bill actively participated in as well.

‘Why was I even so nervous this morning?’ Bill thought moments later in their conversation.

Perhaps he was getting older than he expected after all. What a jarring thought it was. Once upon a time, he’d been as young as Leyla, and now here he was, barely recalling his morning thoughts.

Still, it wasn’t as if he couldn’t enjoy these peaceful moments with her.

Bill always believed he had many times left still with Leyla. He’d live as long as her, and watch her become the woman he knew she would be. And he’d always be on the lookout for whatever man who dared clip her wings.

If one day he’d be granted the chance to see her born with children of her own, he wanted to live as long as he could to watch them be their own persons too.

‘Ah, too fast,’ Bill thought, mentally keeping those thoughts under lock and key for later. He was growing more sentimental with his age. Still the jarring feeling of the lucid dream he’d had still lingered in the back of his mind, threatening to overcome his hopeful wishes.

Once breakfast ended, Bill insisted on seeing her off this time, finding himself in no particular hurry today. Leyla looked ridiculous when she kept looking back as she walked out to check on him, eventually bidding him goodbye with a loud declaration that she’d be back in no time!

Bill only waved back at her with a bright smile, sighing proudly as he watched her pedal away and towards her work. The air around him smelled like the fresh morning dew on the grass.

Should they ever live in Ratz, he’d buy her a new bike to carry her to destinations he never could.

Ah, the panging in his heart was returning again. But that was to be expected.

“Well, off to work then,” He told himself, and began gathering the tools he needed to get to work.

Age did give him a lot more things to think about, he supposed.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

“Is there really a need to throw it away?” Riette, who had been silently watching all the time, finally spoke out his mind. “It was something you loved.” He softly pointed out.

Claudine spared him a glance, before fiddling with the bracelet in her hand momentarily. After a tense moment of silence, she finally tossed it into the flames with not an ounce of regret on her face. A wordless declaration that she had no intention of changing her mind. A torn letter soon followed the bracelet into the fire.

“It’s already been tainted.” She answered firmly, watching the flames consume the broken bracelet that she’d offered Leyla moments before revealing she knew of her affair with Matthias.

The bracelet had been fully repaired and restored to its former glory, which meant Claudine could use it with no problem of losing it once more. And yet she tossed it as if it was yesterday’s trash, along with the letter that came with it.

Riette could only watch her with a pensive expression. A while later, Riette slapped his palms on his thighs before letting out a sigh and stood up, gaining Claudine’s attention once more.

“It’s a lovely day out today, be a shame if you waste it doing nothing but insult your fiance’s mistress.” Riette pinched the bridge of his nose, slowly approaching closer to the fireplace. Claudine looked at him blankly, an eerie expression on her face.

She stood up eventually when he stopped in front of her to offer a hand, to which she gratefully accepted. She chanced a final glance down at the fireplace, watching the last traces of Leyla Lewellin be engulfed in the never ending flame.

Riette couldn’t help but wonder what the letter was about. When he’d stopped by for a visit with Claudine, he’d been momentarily surprised to hear from the maid that Claudine had received a letter from Miss Lewellin. It wasn’t unexpected for her to send a letter though.

Being one of the envied ladies in court, many men and women alike would often send Lady Brandt, soon to be Duchess Herhardt, gifts to gain favor.

Though what favor Leyla wanted from Claudine, he couldn’t hazard a guess.

Still, he conceded she had at least been correct in her assumption that they were having an affair. Riette himself had been expecting it too, so it hadn’t come as much as a surprise to know the affair was real.

But Claudine, it was Claudine who always made him pause and think. He admitted that most of the time he’d be carefree and a risky person, but not when it came to her. He loved her too much, more than just a cousin.

And he too, had been her most trusted confidante. Just now, when he’d arrived, she had no hesitation in admitting to him what she’d done to Leyla just recently before leaving Arvis Estate. One would almost think she was talking about someone else, but she’d hidden nothing from him.

She told him about practically pushing Kyle to confront Leyla about the affair in an attempt to thwart their relationship, and when that didn’t work, she had purposefully been cruel to Leyla to dissuade her further from getting ideas.

As Riette listened to her narrative, he couldn’t help but grow concerned for her. This wasn’t the Claudine he knew, and grew to love.

“Don’t you think you should confront the Duke about this as well?” Riette finally asked after a good long while. Claudine was startled a bit by his question, but she remained composed, resuming to look up ahead of her as they walked outside.

“I don’t want word getting out to the Duke about what I did, and I hope he never will.” Claudine huffed out angrily, “Why? You think I’m a coward? Not to confront him?” She asked with a mirthless smile as she looked up at Riette.

“So you, dearest, think it’s fair to attack a lowly mistress instead of confronting your fiance, simply because you deem him unbeatable? Is that it?” He asked her, and Claudine glared at him.

“What are you saying?”

“After all, why wouldn’t it be a fair deal? You need only make her disappear, and all will be right once again, won’t it? Why should you confront the Duke and make a great spectacle of it?”

Claudine looked miffed, with a hint of betrayal as she listened to him chide her of what she’d done. Riette sighed, he must make her see…

“Are you even certain that if she disappears, he won’t scour the country looking for her?” He asked her and Claudine finally looked away from him, unable to hold his gaze.

The letter from Leyla had been apologetic, mixed with an earnest request for Claudine to keep their affair underwraps. She needed only enough time before the wedding, then she’d leave Arvis for good and leave Matthias to her alone once more.

[I’m so sorry for taking part in this grave sin against you. I swear to repent for this, and shall disappear from both of your lives forevermore.]

That was one of the lines her letter contained.

And yet Claudine felt no remorse from her about her relationship with Matthias. Instead, she was rather insistent that all this would be fixed if she could just escape from him. Claudine scoffed in her mind at the ridiculousness of her plan.

This was a relationship born from Matthias’ greed and obsession from her. Was she really so naive as to think her disappearing was enough to stop it?

“It’s not about making her disappear.” Claudine finally spoke up, “I just needed to ensure my station, and provide him a male heir.”

Riette laughed despondently this time as he came up to stand beside her once more.

“And what then, Claudine?” Riette continued to prod at her, “You become the Duchess, and fulfill your wifely duties, and then what?”

Claudine remained silent.

“Is that all your life is worth to you?” he continued, and Claudine hummed.

“Not all of it, I suppose,” she mused, “But half of it is, I guess. Though I can’t say I would deny wishing to never see the Duke lose his rationality over such a peasant ever again.”

Claudine’s eyes grew cold at remembering the wanton sounds and their sweet whispers behind closed doors.

“I’d rather she die, to be honest.” She finally admitted, and Riette looked over at her with great concern, “With her forever out of the picture, the world will forever remain blissfully unaware of how low my fiance had gotten. And he’ll return to the picture of the perfect Duke he was supposed to always be.”

“Claudine!”

“Why should I lie about it!?” She turned back to him in frustration, “In my heart I want to kill her, everyday I think about ways to do it too! I know for a fact that because it’s Matthias von Herhardt with the affair, it won’t be his mistake!” She exclaimed.

After all, Matthias was a duke, if he had an affair, it wasn’t such a big deal. She had also thought of ways to make Matthias suffer for the humiliation she would suffer should an affair be revealed, but…

She was still a woman, and she needed her husband alive.

Riette listened, content in letting Claudine let out every troubling thought that had been festering in her. He watched as the madness in her slowly rose to the surface, contorting the person he loved into someone he couldn’t recognize.

Riette truly wanted the best for her, and wouldn’t dare stand in the way. And he knew for a fact before that the one who could give it to her, was the Duke of Arvis.

But seeing her destroy herself by holding on dearly to this engagement she’d been carefully working hard for, Riette was having second thoughts if he should remain silent on the matter.

She was destroying herself, Riette could see it as clear as day.

She’d held onto this picture-perfect ruse to please society and hold-up her family’s noble name, despite never being man enough. She braced herself for a loveless marriage to keep her family in a good-standing and yet…

‘Why should I give her up to a man who won’t even cherish her?’ 

There it was. A thought he’d buried so deeply in his heart, he thought it died so long ago. Seeing her chip her own brilliance away was heartbreaking for him.

“It shouldn’t matter how great a Duchess’ position is,” He softly responded, gently holding her hand, cradling it lovingly in his hands, bringing it up right to his chest, where his heart was, “Nothing is worth it if you’ll end up destroying yourself, Claudine.”

Riette watched as her eyes widened, a glassy look washing over them. He gave her a soft smile, and went to cup her cheeks.

“Don’t marry him.” He begged her softly, and Claudine blinked back what should be tears, as she looked up at him disbelievingly.

“Riette…” She breathed out in shock.

“Don’t destroy yourself for him.” Riette begged as well, before gently kneeling before her in one knee, now the one looking up to her as he held onto her hand with both of his so desperately.

Claudine’s breathing grew shaky as she watched him in shock.

Seeing him like this, with nothing but seriousness and determination…

For the first time, Claudine thought him to be more than just a dear friend who brought her joy and comfort. Her heart skipping a beat in her chest as he knelt breathtakingly in front of her, begging for her to leave Matthias…

It wasn’t the first time he’d done this, she knew that. Yet he always followed it up with a joke or two right afterwards, which was why she managed to brush it off just as easily before…

An unspoken agreement between them to never cross that line. And yet here he was, crossing that line in an attempt to be with her.

“If I don’t marry him,” Claudine’s voice was shaky, making her gulp down to regain some composure, “If I break off the engagement, you’ll marry me instead?”

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t.” Riette admitted to her, still kneeling in front of her, and Claudine’s face twisted into something in a panic and helplessness, hoping he’d see it from her perspective as well.

“Don’t fool yourself Marquis Lindman!” She hissed quietly, the glassy look in her eyes returning, “Have you thought about what the people would say? I can almost see the headlines now! Lady Brandt, Weighing Two Cousin Bachelors for Marriage, or perhaps Marquis Lindman betrays and steals his cousin’s fiance!”

She cupped his face firmly, yet gently, willing for him to see it too!

“We’re going to be the ostracized ones here Riette, when it should be Matthias and Leyla!” She hissed at him, a lone tear finally slipping through her cracks.

Riette only looked at her lovingly, his thumb gently wiping the tear off her rosy cheeks.

“So let them, I don’t care.” He told her plainly, finally standing up to be closer to her, his hand moving to her waist. Claudine gasped as she looked up at him with widened eyes, stuttering in her words.

“O-our families would never support this!” She protested weakly, “Even the Lindmans would be furious!”

“I know.”

“If we ever give in to ourselves and choose each other, we’d be banished and have a rough life together! Are you even prepared for that?!”

Claudine’s voice broke as she saw the answer in Riette’s eyes long before he even answered her. Tears streamed down her face freely, and she would have crumpled up if Riette wasn’t holding her up.

She could feel the warmth in his arms.

“I’m prepared to go through hell for you.” Riette whispered lovingly at her. He then removed the napkin on his breast pocket and lightly dabbed her tears away, simultaneously bringing up her hand to kiss the inside of her wrist.

“I love you, Claudine.” He finally admitted.“Choose me, marry me, my love…” Riette drew a shaky breath as his face drew near to Claudine, just a hair breadth away from her lips.

“Run away with me.” He whispered, gently resting his forehead against hers, closing his eyes in a wishful prayer.