Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Chapter 131

Matthias woke up early in the morning when dawn had not yet risen.

The first thing that came into his mind, as soon as his eyes were familiar with the darkness, was the empty seat next to him. It had been the place where Leyla, who was tired of crying, fell asleep. The place he last saw her in.

Now, only darkness filled the spot.

The moment he realized this, Matthias shot up immediately to his feet. He first went to the closest room. Its door was firmly locked. Other than this one, the other place she could have gone through was the door that led outside to the hallway… 

His eyes quickly darted to the window in the room, immediately brushing off the thought of her jumping out the window.

Still, the thought unsettled him greatly, and Matthias moved to quickly take note of what was outside the window. Dust still settled firmly on its surface, nothing was out of place.

The window was still sealed shut, but the unsettledness remained persistent. Matthias could feel his heart beating against his ribcage in anxiety the longer he couldn’t find Leyla…

At an ominous thought, Matthias rushed to the window. He confirmed that all the windows were closed well, but the anxiety did not go away easily. He quickly whirled around to continue his search, when everything settled back down…

Matthias sighed in relief at the sight of her, even though it was a place he least expected her to sleep in. 

There she was, huddled up and curled in on herself and their baby, sleeping soundly. He frowned at the flimsy blanket she chose to wrap around her, before chuckling in amusement. Her cries still rang loudly in the back of his mind.

She’d accused his hands of being dirty. Commanding him not to touch her. 

Leyla was crouching down on the sofa and sleeping. When he saw her crouching on a thin sheet of cloth, he could not help but laugh out loud.

He still remembered the way she smiled so beautifully in front of the man she accused of being so cruel; she couldn’t bear to even be in the same room with him. And yet it was she who came to him sweetly. She, who had whispered her love to him unwaveringly.

It was funny how far she had to go through for a man she hated so much.

There was a pensive expression on his face, indifferent to any outsiders who would see him at this moment. He’d known it for a long time, even as it had been happening, he’d like to think. That didn’t stop him from finally accepting a fact he’d long turned a blind eye to.

How much of what she said was a lie?

How much of what she said had been true?

Matthias now knew the answer to the question that had continued since the spring when Leyla disappeared.

Everything was a lie.

He wanted to stop loving her. But even with the time away, the emotions that still didn’t fade made Matthias even more heartless.

Matthias carefully approached her, taking great care and gentleness before carting her off gently to lie on the bed. Fortunately, Leyla didn’t wake up, though she tossed and turned before curling up as though to make her appear small. With her in his arms, he could still tell that the woman was too light, especially with a child on her belly.

His hand slowly drifted off of her, reaching out to spread the blanket over to her collar, and wrap it snuggly around her petite body. His motions remained slow and cautious, careful not to rouse her.

Opting out of sleeping next to her again, Matthias pulled a chair instead and sat next to the bed, observing her quietly. 

Leyla’s face, who fell asleep quietly, was gentle and clear. Come to think of it, she was a woman who had consistently shown this face to everyone other than him.

A bright, brave, sweet lady. That was Leyla Lewellin, whom everyone knew. 

Perhaps, he was the only one in the world who was more familiar with tears than this woman’s laughter.

But there’s a baby too.

It was amusing how much he was clinging on to by using the baby, but he couldn’t let go. He couldn’t help but continue to cling to her, with the baby she was growing.

He didn’t understand it at all. Why in the world would Leyla, who hated him so much, would fight so hard to keep their child with her at the same time? 

But matter, the baby was now his only hope.

Leyla was a woman who would never die or run away from her beloved child. So, as long as the child was tied to his side, Leyla would naturally be his.

The most perfect shackle and cage he could ever hope to find!

The child was an unexpected variable he hadn’t anticipated, but it was all that he could see. The child was his means to keep Leyla with him, everything else felt so foreign and strange to him. 

Aside from the occasional fleeting sensation of regret.

Yes, regret.

If he had gotten her pregnant earlier, perhaps he’d never had to find Leyla in the first place. She would never have been lost to him.

Matthias smiled like a child holding a candy when the anxiety in his blank face disappeared. His heart remained calm and settled with everything he wanted back in his possession. 

Until he started and entered Sienna, he prayed for Leyla to be safe at every moment. That’s how he can kill her. Of course, it was not because of hatred or resentment.

Love.

There was always only one reason why he wanted to kill Leyla.

If there was no way to get her back, and yet his love remained persistent and longing for her…

He’d kill her instead.

It was like a fire that would not stop even after swallowing life. He had to kill her, so he could end it only if there was a clear fact that he killed her with his own hands. So Leyla had to be alive. She shouldn’t have died recklessly, and been stolen from him yet again!

He loved her more day by day. And he wanted to kill this woman as much as that love. 

He grew desperate. 

Just as he was now. 

But the moment he had come face to face with Leyla on that beautiful beach, Matthias also knew. 

That he could never kill this woman.

He wanted to kill her, he knew he had to kill her… 

but he couldn’t.

And in that moment of despair and joy, he saw the child in her womb. 

And it was his salvation.

Had he killed her there and then, he would never have lost her again. But with the miracle of a child…

It opened up a new path for Matthias to keep her with him. 

So there was no longer the urgency to kill her, no, there was no longer a need for it. So long as the child existed, so long as he would claim the child his, Leyla would be his willing forevermore.

Matthias slowly reached out and wrapped a hand around Leyla’s face. Leyla gently nuzzled her cheek against his warm palm, as if sucking in his body temperature. Like those enchanting false moments that broke his heart.

Trying to suppress the urge to grab the face with all his might and drag it in, Matthias stroked her pale, tear-streaked cheeks instead.

He’ll be hated forever, he knew, but it didn’t phase him. 

He could take not being forgiven for what he’d done. He could take all the insults and degradation if it meant he could get his Leyla back. It could be anything. No matter what pain this choice causes, it can’t be more miserable than the days when he was left alone without Leyla.

In the light of dawn, Matthias looked at Leyla for a long time. From some point on, weak hope filled up.

Leyla will be given the Duchess’ seat. The child would naturally be his successor, and he would enjoy all the power and glory of Herhardt.

It would be all that he wanted.

There were also countless things he could give to Leyla and his child in compensation. It didn’t matter how long he had to do so. He was optimistic. One day, there may soon be a day when Leyla’s mind turns around and accepts him inevitably. 

Even if it took a very long time, Matthias could endure as much as he wanted.

When the morning was bright, Matthias slowly bowed down and kissed Leyla’s cheek, who fell asleep.

“I love you,” he whispered on deaf ears.

‘I’m so happy to have you again without killing you, Leyla.’

Matthias’ answer to a woman who despised and hated her quietly permeated into the transparent sunlight.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Breakfast continued in silence.

The sound of the cutlery and the plate ringing regularly, and there was no conversation between the two sitting face to face. Leyla kept swallowing food with a firm face, and Matthias was all about watching Leyla like he was having fun.

“Stubborn Leyla Lewellin has changed her mind not to starve her friend. What a tearful friendship.” Matthias teased her light-heartedly as he watched her eventually empty the plate of breakfast brought to them.

Trying to suppress the urge to hurl the contents of her stomach, Leyla quietly drank the water instead. She had no more fight left to give to the Duke. 

As long as she didn’t die, there seemed to be no way out of that crazy man. No. It was now difficult to be sure whether she could escape him even in death.

She thought he had no more power over her, and yet was proven wrong, time and time again.

If it wasn’t Uncle Bill he was dangling over her head, then it was Kyle he’d use instead. And if Kyle wasn’t enough…

He had no qualms in using his child to bind Leyla. She didn’t want to dwell anymore about what his reasoning was.

Twisted desire. Obsession. Or love. Anything, none of that mattered to her anymore.

She would still be Leyla Lewellin, nothing more than a proper possession that he grabbed and used relentlessly at his will.

“I ate it! In front of your eyes, all my share!” Leyla, who put down the cutlery, spat out coldly. Matthias readily nodded as if he accepted.

“Yes. Thanks to you, Kyle Etman won’t be hungry today.” He hummed, smirking over at her. She gritted her teeth in frustration at him.

“Are you satisfied now?!”

“It’s enough.” He chuckled light-heartedly as he told her. It was a pure, unabashed smile. Any other time it would have been refreshing to see.

But not at this moment.

And not for what he was doing to her.

“Let me go! I want to go home. But I know better than anyone else that I can’t run away anyway.” She knew it was no use, but that’s all Leyla could say.

“You have to get used to this place, Leyla.”

“How can you get used to this prison”?

“You should.” Matthias, who stared at her as if seeing a child whining immaturely, briefly clicked his tongue at her, tutting in a chiding manner. “You could live like this for the rest of your life. Don’t you think it’s better to get used to it?”

“Don’t say nonsense!”

“If you don’t like it, run away again.” He dared her, shrugging nonchalantly at the suggestion of her running away, “I told you I’d let you go without killing you. As long as you give me that child.” Matthias tilted his head obliquely, sitting with his legs crossed. The gaze on her pregnant belly made cold dread run over Leyla.

“Are you truly going to take the baby away from me?” She asked softly, eyes dropping down to look at the bump in her stomach.

“Isn’t the expression ‘taking away’ too much? It’s my child.” Matthias pointed out to her. And Leyla’s fists clenched on her lap.

“…How can you be so sure that it’s your child?” Leyla wrapped her arms around her stomach as if she worried the child would hear. Even if it was of little use, she didn’t want her child to hear the terrible things he would say.

“It’s so presumptuous of you to believe that you’re the only man in my life.” Leyla continued to challenge him.

“So, do you want to lie again that it’s not my child?” Matthias hummed thoughtfully to her.

“There were a lot of guys besides you.” The more serious Leyla’s expression became, the lighter Matthias’ laughter became.

“Oh?”

“Yes. I deceived you. You know that. I’m good at lying to you. I’m good at pretending to love someone like Duke Herhardt, so why would it have been so hard to hide another man?”

Even though she was trembling, Leyla continued to say amusing things in Matthias’ ears. He watched Leyla with narrowed eyes, and one corner of his mouth quirking up as he listened to her theories of having many men on the side. 

But he couldn’t hide the ice-cold cruelty in his eyes that once helped his light disposition. It rivaled even the frozen Schulther River in the middle of winter.

“So, whose child do you claim it to be? Kyle Etman?” He casually played with his pistol as he said so, “Then perhaps it is time to make true to my promise and shoot a bullet through his head after all.”

“Ky-, don’t get him involved in this!” Leyla protested immediately at the threat.

“If the father isn’t Etman, do you have any other names for a guy you know?”

“I’m never going to tell you because I know everything you’re going to do.” She seethed at him, “But what’s funny is how you believe that this is your child, who’s been tricked and voluntarily deceived by me.”

I’m sorry, baby.

Leyla kept praying and praying and continuing her spiteful words. But this was the last hope. He wouldn’t be obsessed with a child who’s not his blood. But Matthias soon recovered his wistful expression. The giggling laughter felt joy rather than anger.

“Yes. If that trivial lie comforts you, I’ll be happy to respect you, Leyla.” He hummed at her, his joyful disposition returning.

“If you want to believe it’s a lie, yes, I’ll respect the Duke’s insignificant pride.” Leyla spat back, unwilling to lose in the verbal back and forth between them. 

She was so scared that her teeth were about to bump, but she didn’t want to let the child be taken by the shameless and cruel man sitting in front of her. 

It was also impossible to take away the child like this.

“Lelya.”

Whispering his name as if he were giving a friendly confession, he slowly raised himself. His shadow, which approached, soon covered Leyla and the child.