Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Chapter 132

She watched him with great trepidation as he began to approach her and the child in her belly. There was something malicious in his eyes with the way he was now looking at her.

“You misunderstand something,” Matthias hummed as he stepped closer, and closer to her, “I don’t care if it’s the child of another man,” he told her softly, reaching out with a lone hand before he gripped Leyla’s chin.

Leyla struggled to get out of his grip, but eventually, he easily overpowered her. After shaking her head out of his grip, she eventually stopped before she relaxed, feeling her chin being pulled up to make eye contact.

“Whoever the father is, as long as it’s in your stomach, and it’s clear that you’re the mother of the child it’s enough.” He informed her plainly, “So long as you love that kid. That’s enough.”

Matthias’ eyes on her were soft and happy as he finished explaining to her. Before a new glint emerged in his eye…

“And Leyla, if the baby is not my child at all, shouldn’t you stay by its side even more?” He pushed, goading her even more about the child’s wellbeing. “Just think about what I can do to it the very second you run away after having another man’s child.”

Leyla gritted her teeth, letting out a suppressed growl. The sounds she made, made it seem like he was strangling her, but his grip on her chin was unobstructed.

Matthias began stroking Leyla’s head once more with the other hand. Then, he resumed petting her, treating her like some sort of domestic animal.

“If it’s truly someone else’s baby, a little unsavory for me,” Matthias hummed softly, before breaking out into a smile towards her, “But no matter, I’m resolved to be the father of all and any children you’ll ever have, so worry not about having a fatherless child.”

“I refuse!”

“Has your memory gone bad, Leyla?” Matthias tutted in disappointment at her, his grip on her chin tightening for just a fraction of a second, “I told you, you will live like this forever.”

Matthias lowered himself to match Leyla’s gaze, and her mind flashed back to the sight of him she had witnessed before.

At the moment she saw the snow, Leyla understood what he had said, that the old Matthias von Herhardt was dead.

There was no longer the man who looked at her with the same gaze as the evening of a spring day last seen in Arvis. This man in front of her was now just a completely unfamiliar, and unhinged lunatic.

“Listen carefully, Leyla.” He murmured, kissing her forehead lightly before whispering in her ear, as though to soothe a whining child. Leyla glared at him indifferently, her clammy hands clasped together in an ironclad grip.

Her whole body began to tremble.

“You will be by my side, give birth to my child, and live as my woman. That’s your life.” He dipped down, planting a soft kiss on her pale cheeks this time.

“So you have to learn to live with me, if not for the sake of the child in your stomach,” Matthias straightened up and looked down at her, “After all, who would be foolish enough to support you and say it’s not my child? Don’t you, agree?”

Satisfied with her momentary silence and compliance, Matthias swiftly turned on his heels before vacating the room, leaving Leyla alone as he shut the door behind him, making sure to put the locks back in place.

She got up and felt the cool surface of the door beneath her palms before stepping back from the closed door. Then, in a fit of rage and frustration, she grabbed the candlestick on their dining table and began hacking away at the door.

She didn’t know how long she did so, but in the end, she was exhausted.

Ragged breaths began to escape her as soon as she was alone, staring idly at the closed door in front of her. There were ugly marks on the door stamped on the candlestick, but it was not enough to break the tightly locked door.

After all, she made those marks.

After looking at the door for a long time doing nothing but heave and despair, she swiftly turned around, absolutely tired. Every day, it was like something deep within her was breaking…

When she put down the candlestick, she buried herself deep in the chair before sighing long and hard. The child, who was steadily growing in her belly, finally began to move. She felt its fluttering kicks and rubbed a gentle hand over her growing bump.

“It’s nothing.” She soothed, patting her belly, as though to make it go back to sleep, “It’s okay.” Her voice was light and bright when talking to it, as she stared blankly into the empty room in front of her. With every stroke she made, she felt as though her child was reaching out in return.

She was used to it by now, but the first day she felt her child moving gave her such a shock and scare. She was sent into a quick tizzy, all scared and clueless about what to do, but as time passed, she learned a simple touch to her stomach would settle it down, with a few return soft taps for her.

It was that moment when the fact she was to be a mother finally sunk deep within her.

It was so amazing, that her heart was overwhelmed with happiness. Of course, it was also a little sad she couldn’t tell anyone how she felt, but she figured it was okay.

Because at least she had a baby now. She had everything she ever needed with a baby with her.

She’d never be alone again.

Thinking back, when Leyla was in a good mood, the child in her belly also seemed to dance joyfully for her.

In return, when she became depressed, she could barely feel the baby in her move even a fraction of an inch. Leyla found herself falling more and more in love with the child who understood her perfectly.

It had nothing to do with Matthias.

Soon the child calmed down again, and Leyla tied her tangled hair tightly. She wiped off her escaped tears before she went to fix her glasses as best as she could.

No matter how desperate the situation was, she was now a mother. A mother who is the only family this child will ever have in this world.

Leyla stood up to go and change, she also ate a little lunch that the soldier from before had left behind for her to eat as well. As the days went by, she found that most of her stuff at home was steadily moved to this room.

The Duke was more and more likely not planning to ever let her regain her freedom.

She needed to think. She needed to be calm.

Leyla carefully looked into the room, trying to find something to comfort herself. She even shouted for help, begged the soldiers she heard passing by to let her go, and even tried to break the door in vain.

But no help came.

No freedom or an opportunity to be free presented itself to her. Not even the soldier who kept bringing her few meals to eat when the Duke wasn’t around.

It was getting harder and harder for her to deny her absolute truth.

She knew there was no way out unless the Duke changed his mind, but she didn’t want to give up like this. She can’t live like this forever. She had to protect the child from the man.

But how?

The sound of the lock opening came as the growing anxiety became tears. Something in her broke with every sound of the lock being opened. Leyla reflexively stopped her fretting, before she hurriedly went to bed to lay down and bury herself in the covers to hide from him.

The chain was lifted while she pretended to be asleep, closed her eyes, and relaxed her breathing.

Leyla lay on the side and crouched down and grabbed her pillowcase. Soon after, the door opened and a movement began to come across the room.

Leyla could tell just by the sound of footsteps that the Duke was back.

Leyla focused only on pretending to be asleep. It started because she didn’t want to see the man, but at some point, fear eventually made its way into the back of her mind bit by bit.

She had grown more afraid of Matthias.

It was really like that now. But, oddly enough, Leyla had learned from this fear instead. Then again, Duke Herhardt had always been a fearful being, but he had never been such a perfectly cold and heartless man back in Arvis. She hadn’t expected it until she saw the current Duke.

He had changed.

Immensely so.

She seemed to have broken a part of that man’s heart during her escape. But, if that was true, did it mean that her wish came true?

She remembered when she prayed earnestly that she could be the pain of that man. It would be so unfair to be forgotten as nothing as soon as she was gone, so she wanted to leave him at least a scar.

Or at least break his heart like the way he kept doing to her.

But… she didn’t want him to become like this.

Leyla bit her lips because she thought she was going to burst into tears. She heard the sound of the Duke putting down his military uniform coat and jacket at the end of the bed. Subsequently, the sound of moving a few steps was heard, and the bed shook at the end of the sound.

Leyla held back the scream that was about to burst and tightened her pillowcase. Meanwhile, Matthias lay down behind her back. And slowly pulled Leyla deep into his arms and hugged her snuggly on his chest.

Startled by being so blatantly manhandled in her sleep, she almost struggled, but Leyla endured it well. Fortunately, the Duke seemed to have no intention of violating more of her, hence she deemed it better to endure now. She tried to ignore the way her shoulders relaxed as he hugged her.

She just didn’t want to encourage him more after all. That’s all. She didn’t want him to hurt her or be crueler if he knew she was only acting asleep this entire time.

Leyla only prayed for the passage of time. Or she hoped she could fall asleep like this. But none of the wishes came true.

Time went by slowly and the more her senses remained vigilant to every breath he took. She could feel him so vividly against her skin, that it was hard to fall asleep with him beside her.

Her hair moving like a brush of a feather when Matthias gave her a light kiss at the nape of her neck and then he moved to kiss her earlobes, forehead, and even her cheeks.

His hand was also moving, rubbing and caressing her by the neck, shoulders, and even her waist. It was a slow and soft sensation running through her body, making things warm all around her the more he touched her in her faux sleep.

She was scared and sad.

While Leyla was in a state of confusion about how soothing the strange feeling gave, Matthias’ breathing gradually slowed down. The touch and lips that touched her also gradually stilled, before finally stopping.

This Duke, she remembered so well. It was reminiscent of their nights together back in Arvis.

A silent sigh of relief flowed through Leyla’s lips, noticing that the Duke had finally fallen asleep. However, Leyla stayed in his arms anyway because she was not confident about looking back. His arms were as cozy as before, making her feel all fuzzy and treasured…

It was confusing to her and made her feel even more miserable.

It was not until late afternoon when Leyla began to see the red and orange hues of the sun seeping through the window that she could barely keep herself awake and aware of him.

Matthias was already fast asleep, no doubt with a peaceful face.

This was the memory she wanted to impart to her child about their father. It had still been so ingrained in her mind, that she found herself unwilling to not pass the memory down.

She wanted to give her child all the good points about their father, and leave out all the terrible things he truly was.

She didn’t want to give her child any hurt by telling them the truth about their father.

‘Your father died when you were in your mother’s stomach. But he loved us a lot.’

It was a lie she would readily tell her child if asked about him.

And then she would tell him the more beautiful parts about him, like his blue eyes, his princely smile, and the soft voice he would use on the gentle nights.

It’s terrible that she had to fish out good parts about her terrible nights with him, but it was all she had. Those nights when he forced her to be with him were both endearing and frightening to her.

But not anymore.

Leyla clenched her teeth and tried to escape from his arms.

She knew she couldn’t run away from him. Not anymore.

Even if she somehow managed to escape out of this room, she may be caught by soldiers even before stepping foot outside of the hotel. And even if she was lucky enough to get out of the hotel, the city was still largely occupied by soldiers who would follow Matthias’ orders without question.

She’ll still end up in his grasp, more miserable than the last time she was with him.

But a small voice in her was still insisting on finding a way.

But what way was left for her than to just accept she’ll always end up with him?

It was at the very moment when Leyla hardened her mind that she found weak hope. Clothes that the Duke took off…

Maybe there’s a key in it!

When her thoughts reached that point, Leyla hurriedly left the bed they were sharing. And just as she reached for the Duke’s coat, something caught her attention in the corner of her eye.

It was a colorful paper box lying on a bed bench.

It wasn’t in this room previously, so it was something he’d just brought in with him. Curiosity got the best of her and wondered if he brought it for her.

Nimble fingers pried the top carefully, to unveil what had been hidden beneath. Once she saw its contents, she felt her hands shake at the sight of it.

She shouldn’t have gotten derailed.

It was a cake. A pretty cake with light pink cream on it.

Her eyes shifted between the cake in her hand and the sleeping Matthias in a frenzy, her mind battling with the sanity and fear mixing up within her mind. Her breathing soon became ragged, as she felt her growing erratic heartbeat.

“Ah!” Leyla yelped as she hurriedly stepped away.

Unfortunately, she still held onto the cake, before it fell all over Leyla’s clothes. With shaky hands, she futilely tried to clean herself up, but it only served to smear more of the sweet-smelling cake all over her. When she came to her senses, she realized that it was not only her hair and clothes now messed up, but also her hands and shoes were stained with cake.

Leyla, who shook her head small, hurriedly rubbed her hands at the skirt furiously trying to erase any evidence of her mess. Once her hands were clean enough, she then began to search the pockets of Matthias’ military uniform jacket and coat.

Even if it was a futile effort, this was better for her. She’ll take getting out of this room even for a moment, even if she’ll end up back with Matthias in the end…

“Leyla~”

A friendly called out to her, and that’s when she froze.

She’d just searched the last of his pockets.

There was no key in sight.

She lifted her frightened eyes and saw Matthias now sitting up on the bed.

He then leaned against the cushion against the headboard. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, but he soon regained smiled amusedly at her. His hands moved to the pocket in the pants he was currently wearing, and then slowly, he took the key out and dangled it enticingly at her.

“Is this it?” Matthias asked her, laugh lines in his eyes, before hardening into a predator as he stared longer towards her, “Is this what you were looking for?”

‘This is it,’ Leyla thought, ‘He’ll kill me now.’ 

Trapped by the overwhelming fear, Leyla reflexively picked up the pistol under the coat. Not until she had already pointed the gun at him did she realise what she had grabbed in fright.

She felt like she was going to burst into tears at the touch of the cold, hard iron; this was it!

There was no more turning back!

Tears ran freely down her cheeks as she pointed the gun at him.

“Ah, do you like it? My eye for weapons has improved a lot. You could kill someone with that.” Matthias’ voice was as sweet as praising a child for doing good, though equally challenging.

He was unphased even as she pointed a gun at him, still dangling the key in front of her.

“Key! Give me that key!” Leyla demanded, taking a few steps closer to him, emboldened with the gun in her hand.

Instead of looking at her in fear as she expected, Matthias only settled further into cushions, as though relaxing even as she threatened his life. It made Leyla’s hand with the gun shake at the sight of his indifference.

She eyed the key in his hand desperately.

“I can open it up for you.” He offered nonchalantly.

“No, give me the key!” Leyla shrieked at him as she demanded he hands it over to her. However, Matthias only looked at her with an expression as if she were still a spectator of an interesting play.

“Then take off the safety, Leyla,” Matthias advised her, and her hand shook all the more.

“Does this seem like a joke to you?!” She exclaimed, tears running down her face as she pointed a shaky gun in his direction, “If you don’t give me the key, then I’m going to shoot!”

“So shoot!” Matthias encouraged her, making Leyla jump at his insistence. He smirked at her sudden silence.

Leyla only wanted to escape from him, but even her threats to his life seemed useless.

“Kill me.” Matthias urged her, tossing the key in the air and grabbing it again. He was playing with it, juggling the key in one hand as he grinned challengingly up at her.

His last toss made him grip the key hard enough, it made her wince.

“Because at this point, that’s the only way you can escape from me.” He finished menacingly as he looked her in the eye.