Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Chapter 139

Leyla had remained silent since waking up and had been presented with the documents. She read them, and understood them, her face all calm and composed.

She didn’t know whether she should be happy, or surprised. All she knew was that she was neither of those things. Nothing but a blank slate as she read them over, she just calmly nodded her head; still as tranquil as she was from the start.

“Leyla?” Kyle called out softly for her attention. She’d been so silent, that he immediately became concerned for her. He might have inadvertently worsened her condition, springing this all up when she’d just finally recovered.

“What about him?” she finally rasped out, still calm and composed, eyes looking over the room in search of him.

“The Duke’s not here.” Kyle kindly supplied. “He’d been called elsewhere.”

“And you haven’t?”

“No, I wasn’t,” Kyle responded with equal calm, not wanting to aggravate her further. “I left to deliver you the news, he was tasked to relay a message to the rear unit, where his Highness was located.”

When Leyla remained silent, Kyle continued.

“They said it’ll take about three days to complete the assignment.”

“Three…. days.” she echoed back in a hollowed voice, repeated back his words like a child learning how to speak.

“But it’s fine now Leyla, okay?” Kyle smiled at her eagerly, “You can leave while he’s gone. No one would stop you too, because the duke gave the order.”

“I see,” she mumbled unenthusiastically.

“So you don’t have to worry anymore, Leyla.” Kyle told her soothingly, “Those documents were also drafted by the duke himself. His promise to never go after you.”

Promise. Her mind echoed uselessly. She glanced down at the documents once more and re-read them all over again, her mind still refusing to understand it.

The Duke promised to lay the groundwork for Leyla Lewellin and her child to live without any inconvenience. It was neither out of sympathy, nor a sense of duty for impregnating her after all. Just the bare minimum effort should she allow it. He even added a clause that no one would interfere nor inconvenience Leyla at all, not unless she would allow it.

He also guaranteed that the child in her womb would be named Matthias von Herhardt’s legitimate child, should she choose to allow it. But regardless of whether she did or not, she was free to raise her child as she saw fit.

He concluded it with an irrevocable acceptance of whatever she desired from him. Her wishes would not be contested.

Yet despite this, there too were still conditions she needed to fulfill. Seeing as she’s still pregnant, she will be housed in the safest region in Berg Empire territory. Should she decide to leave at a later time, she was welcome to do so, but only after she’d given birth.

It was his only stipulation, everything else was for her to decide to do.

Whether she’d go to Ratz, she had the Herhardt family lawyers at her disposal to assist in whatever she wanted to make happen.

Choice.

Respect.

Freedom.

All these three were perfectly outlined in the document, something in her twisting and coiling uncomfortably. Freedom to choose and respect for her decisions. She stared at the document that prioritized her will more than anything else. Something like that was non-existent for the entirety of the time she spent with him. This seemed too good to be true, yet why did she feel so empty now he was letting her go?

‘That morning’s conversation was not a dream.’

The single thought made her freeze. Unable to comprehend what’s next now.

“It’s too much to travel now, right?” Kyle asked Leyla impatiently. “How about leaving tomorrow?”

One look in her eyes made Kyle know that she was still too unfocused. He knew it. The news was brought too soon, too eagerly. He didn’t want to push Leyla to make a decision now, not when she hadn’t fully healed yet, but in his excitement, he forgot how fragile she still was.

In his defence, the Duke offering such a thing was completely surreal for him. He’d seen the Duke’s madness, with or without Leyla, and he’d hardly seemed willing to let her go, even when it meant killing his child.

How can he just let Leyla go? A complete 180-decision, and not a moment too soon after he swore he’d kill his child.

Even with the documents, it was still unbelievable. Which also contributed more to Kyle’s anxiety in the whole change of heart. His tune changed too quickly before, who knows how long it would take before he changes his tune again?

He’d been instructed to move in with Leyla while he was away from Sienna. They were already preparing for them a place to stay in, instead of a random house damaged by the bombing.

He figured she could stay there for the time being to recover enough to be able to handle the long journey back to Berg. And then they’d settle in Ratz.

This was the final order the Duke gave him before he left.

“Are you okay, Leyla?” he asked tentatively, and she finally looked up at him, eyes indecipherable and blank as she looked at him.

“You must still be in shock,” he began softly, smiling at her with understanding. “I know this is a lot to take in, I, too, thought it surreal.”

Kyle reached out, grasped her frail fists, and wrapped warm, gentle hands around hers.  He barely held back his excitement as he knew well that it was still too early for him to celebrate.

So cold. She still felt so cold.

Where was her warmth?

“But I promise you, this is real. There is no longer any reason for you to be scared.” He beamed at her, excited for her. Now she could be free from the Duke.

He got Leyla back. His insides were giddy, and his heart full. He could almost burst into happiness at her freedom. Things could go back to the way it was before…

That summer when they were still barely adults before everything went wrong and kept going wrong.

A movement and she pulled away from him and placed the documents in her hand on the side table. She looked at it blankly, before gingerly, she swung her legs over the bed and stood up.

Kyle instinctively reached out to help her stand, but she shook her head tersely in denial.

She wanted no help. But she couldn’t help feeling lost and empty.

So he followed her tentatively, vigilant to help should she need him. She walked a few more paces, sluggish and stumbling quite a few times as she approached the door.

The door that kept her locked in.

Frail hands wrapped around the cool metal of the knob. And she twisted.

It swung open.

The door creaked, and her eyes watered at the sight of the open door. While battered and bruised from the locks it once held, the wood of the door was completely devoid of any of it now. Her fingertips trailed in awe at the indents of the missing locks.

No more resistance in front of her, between her, and around her.

She’d gotten away.

She was truly free of him.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

The car stopped once more, its wheels getting stuck in another pit of mud. It frustrated The driver so much with how much it kept happening, that by now, he gave up on getting there within schedule.

“I’m sorry, Major.” Apologized the troubled driver. Matthias only gave him a slight nod of acknowledgment before he got out of the car.

The downpour of rain for the past two days had practically turned the muddied road into mush. But it was the best route they could take, with the rest of the proper roads and bridges turned to rubble by the ongoing war.

“The sun is going to set soon, by then it’ll be too dangerous to move at night.” Said the lieutenant with a concerned look as he observed the skies overhead. Sunset would begin soon.

“If we continue with our course, we’ll reach a base for our unit within an hour.” Matthias assessed. “Let’s stop there for the night.”

“Yes, Major.” Agreed the lieutenant, immediately heading off to help the other two soldiers in pushing their vehicle out of the mud pit, while barking orders.

Matthias took note of the time, before pulling out a single stick of cigarette, and lit it up. He smoked for a moment before he started to ask himself the questions he’d never answer.

Once he returns, he knows he won’t be with Leyla anymore. But that didn’t mean he wanted to waste his time like this either.

But that’s just it.

His whole time and existence will end up being wasted without her by his side.

A bitter smile appeared on his lips, recognizing the growing nervousness in himself. His days will end up like this.

Full of blandness and routine. Nothing will change in his life anymore now that she would leave him.

Perhaps he should also hurry up and let her go as well.

The front here was stable. Even if the guerrilla is in trouble, it will not be difficult to advance because the troops and supply lines in the rear are stable. However, the crown prince was concerned about the overly quiet Confederate forces.

Matthias himself had the same concern.

They had a huge setback from the beginning, and even now, the enemy’s strategic locations are falling more quickly than before. It was an odd pattern. It didn’t add up at all.

While the rest of their troops thought it to be an overwhelming victory, a small voice in the back of his head kept reminding him of the possibility it was a strategic loss instead of the Lovitan forces.

What if there was a trap being put in place? What if at this very moment, the supply routes for the Berg army are being blocked and scavenged, especially now that they’re deep in Lovitan territory?

The crown prince expressed concern assuming the worst case. Of course, General Fondelman, who is confident that there are no more countries left to help the Confederacy, will not back down Jin’s will.

It was Ettar, the kingdom across the sea, who held the key to the situation. They, who were the most trusted allies of Lovita, have already been sluggish for months and avoiding participation.

It would be nice to remain as a traitor, but it was difficult to be optimistic because Lovita would try to drag them down to the front even if it grabbed them by the collar.

If any counterattack begins, Sienna will turn into ground zero of a full-scale war between the two regions.

Before that could happen, he needed to quickly find a way to send Leyla back to Berg.

“It’s over, Major!”

The soldiers who were ready to depart raised their voices and called him.

Matthias, who finally stopped smoking as he stomped out the cigarette into the cold, muddy ground, began heading towards them when he suddenly stopped with a frown.

His eyes narrowed as he immediately began scanning their surroundings. Noticing the sudden change in him, one of his soldiers thought to point it out.

“Major, are there more prob-” he was immediately hushed when Matthias held a hand up to stop him from speaking any further. The rest of his men also stopped whatever they’d been doing, waiting for what Matthias was seeing to make itself known to them as well.

They were already near the base, but that didn’t matter.

With no warning aside from the ominous churning in their guts, men from all around them sprung up in camouflaged outfits and ambushed them!

Gunshots rang throughout the desolate road, and birds had fled from the trees they’d rested in, effectively disturbing the once peaceful country road.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Three days had passed since they left. Yet there wasn’t a sight of him returning.

Leyla couldn’t help but fret over his absence. Her mind was unable to settle with not knowing where he could be as she stayed vigilant by the window, waiting to catch any sight of him.

With a click and a turn on the door’s knob behind her, her heart leaped from her chest in anticipation, before she saw who it had just arrived.

Her heart felt a little dismayed upon seeing it was Kyle.

Kyle was looking at her with an encouraging and gentle smile.

“Are you ready?” he asked her kindly.

Deep down, he tried not to show his disappointment at seeing how eager Leyla still was to wait for the Duke’s return. He knew that’s why she kept watching by the window.

She wanted to see the Duke return.

“It’s time to go now, Leyla.” He gently prodded. He knew it was still difficult for her to move around, much less travel back to Berg but anywhere was better than staying in what is essentially a warzone. Especially for a pregnant woman.

“Kyle…” Leyla began to protest, but Kyle decided to push forward.

“This is all you need, right?” he asked as he calmly picked up her luggage bag at the end of the bed, trying to keep his tone light and kind.

“I’m… Kyle…” She persisted, and at this, he couldn’t help but sigh.

“You have to leave the man, Leyla.” He urged her, his expression turning serious and pleading as he looked her in the eye.

He wasn’t going to lie to himself, or to her. But since the Duke told him of letting go of Leyla, he’d succumbed to his fantasies of living his dream of being with Leyla.

The war would soon end, and they’d live in Ratz, wed with each other and he’d raise her kid like his own. And somewhere along the years they’d be together, perhaps raising his child with her too.

They’d be the happy family they’d always dreamed of having. He was on cloud nine until he saw Leyla’s reaction upon waking up.

He was not what she wanted in the end.

“I’m not trying to force you to come back to me.” Kyle added when she saw her beginning to protest once more, “I thought you knew me better than that, Leyla.” he smiled sadly at her.

His wishful thinking was just that. A fairytale-like future that would forever remain in his mind, but never in reality.

He already knew it. He wasn’t going to lie to himself about this either. After all, he’d been her best friend first, before she accepted him as her lover.

And that was the Kyle she wanted. The Kyle she missed. Not him who loved her, but he who was just content to be her friend.

He’d want nothing more than to play the blind fool in love with her. But he can’t forever play the fool or be blind to the truth.

Leyla would never want him to raise a child, not his own. Even more so when she doesn’t love him as much as he loves her.

It was her undeniable truth. Their undeniable truth.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t want to see her find her happiness and heal from all the hurt she’d gone through.

He’d learn to be content as her friend instead because as much as he wanted to be with her, he’d rather see her happy instead.

“All I want is for you to be happy.” He began, a frown marring his features as he looked at her, “And forgive me for saying this, but that man can never make you and the child happy.”

With all the things the Duke did to her, was willing to do to her…

All he’d seen was Leyla suffering just to be by his side. And she’d not had a single moment to heal any of the hurt before he gave her more and newer traumas.

It would mess anyone up. And Leyla was no exception.

“You’re not in the right mindset right now.” Kyle explained to her gently, “Believe it or not, this whole ordeal left you quite unable to make proper judgments as of this moment. So please, can you trust me for now?”

Unable to contest his claims, Leyla fell silent as she fretted over what her head was saying and what Kyle was telling her.

She should be able to understand him. After all, it wasn’t as though Kyle was lying to her.

He’d bullied her, blackmailed, and raped her. Coerced her forcefully or willingly to be with him. It was obvious he didn’t love her at all. Everything was just an obsession and desire thought to be love.

But it wasn’t.

Love shouldn’t have to hurt.

It was not love at all, even when she thought it could be.

Kyle, who approached, held Leyla’s hand. And slowly, but firmly moved toward the door of the room. Leyla followed Kyle in a dazed mood as if walking on a cloud, unable to see beyond her worries about leaving the Duke behind.

To see she had left him behind.

Just as the door in front of her opened up, Marquis Lindman showed up in front of them, making their trek outside the room come to a halt.

“Are you going to leave?” He asked with no qualms, as he leaned against the wall in front of them.

His eyes were sharp and indifferent, even as his gaze landed on her.

“Miss Lewellin, are you going to just leave him?”

“The Duke himself allowed her to leave.” Kyle shot back at him with a stern glare, “So this isn’t any of your concern.”

He blocked Riette from getting closer to Leyla, and the nobleman’s attention shifted to him.

“You think you’re different from him?” He asked Kyle critically, who bristled at the implication.

“We’re in a hurry, Marquis Lindman, so if you’ll excuse us, we have places to be.” Kyle huffed out indignantly, trying to lead Leyla away when Riette persisted.

“Look, I’m not making any excuses for Matthias, okay? He’s sick and crazy for doing those things, but-” He looked pleadingly at Leyla, whose eyes were now on him, looking from behind Kyle’s shoulder.

Looking at him expectantly as if she was just waiting for a reason to stay.

“Ms. Lewellin, he came all this way just for you.”

“Marquis!”

“Matthias wouldn’t do that for just anyone. Wouldn’t give up his marriage, and volunteer for a high-risk mission when he had an out.”

Riette persisted, and Leyla’s heart clenched in her chest.

“Wouldn’t come all this way to get you back if he didn’t have feelings.”

He looked so earnest, pleading with her to understand. But she couldn’t let her hopes get up.

He’s only obsessed with her.

He’s only ever wanted her because she was beautiful and easy to break when he wanted. Nothing more.

“What are you talking about?” She murmured, her heart already filling with treacherous hope.

“He broke off his engagement, just before volunteering to take the lead on this front. So he can come to get you back from Sienna.” Riette informed her.

He looked bashful and embarrassed in admitting it, just as Leyla’s cheeks flushed with warmth and happiness at hearing about his effort to come to get her.

“It changes nothing.” Kyle interjects seriously as he glares at Riette, “He’s letting Leyla go because he knows it’s what’s best for her.”

At this, he turned to Leyla.

“And just because he’s not marrying Lady Claudine, does not negate every horrible thing he’s done to you either.”

“No, Kyle-“

“And if you think it’s for the child’s best interest, then think again as well, Leyla,” Kyle continued, “Do you truly think, after what he just tried to do, he’d make a good father?”

Her child.

That’s right. She had her child to think about.

At the sudden reminder, Leyla looked down to look at her swollen belly.

His feelings, whatever they were, they’re not normal. Whatever he feels for her and her child, would never be.

Perhaps he knew this fact too, and that’s why he finally let her go.

Set her free.

Set them both free of him.

“Miss Lewellin-” Riette tried protesting by urging her to search for his feelings and ignore logic instead, but Kyle stood resolutely between them, calling for her to think rationally rather than with her heart.

“Please, just give him one last chance.” Riette pleaded with her, “Be his miracle.”

Kyle looked at her softly, yet imploringly all the same.

“It’s time to go, Leyla.”