Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Chapter 147

Matthias watched as the trees swayed against the wind outside, his gaze contemplative as he sat in the car and observed how much the world had changed, yet not. Spring still came, and what had once been dry and brittle was now verdant with life. The border was the biggest surprise, however. Though he expected passage to be facilitated now, the car was allowed forward with barely a look and none of the previous, strict inspection procedures.

Berg lay ahead, untouched by the war, an alien planet to eyes that had seen too much destruction and loss. As if nothing had happened, life continued on there, undisturbed. By the time the long-distance trip ended in Ratz, his mind was already far away, rehashing recent events. Flashes of the collapsing wall that caught his fall as he lost consciousness were followed by his first, hazy moments as he woke up in a military hospital in Lovita. The terrible pain that greeted him allowed for an amazing realization. He was still alive.

“If I am alive, I will come back to Leyla”, was his first, fully-formed thought.

Painkillers were generously administered by the frazzled, but efficient nurses. Nonetheless, his greatest comfort was knowing what the future now held. Happiness flowed such, after so long with so little of it, that Matthias would smile and laugh through the pain, uncaring if that made him seem a bit mad. When he finally fell into a restless, medically induced sleep, he dreamed of Leyla. It’s such a beautiful dream.

The pain gradually eased, but Matthias remained in bed for quite a while, his recovery slow. By the time that he was able to move freely, the flowers that he stared at through the tiny window near his cot were in full bloom. Spring had arrived to grace the world with sun and colour again.

He knew war made simple things complicated, so it was likely that his news never arrived at Berg. Any new communication, as well, could just as easily fall prey to the conflict, lost forever. With no way to inform his survival, he chose to stand by and plan. For the next two seasons, Matthias didn’t exist in this world. What made the wait bearable was thinking of it as a time in which he was laying the foundation for getting Leyla close to him again, and the both of them to a place without a single shade.

Of course, it was still hard.

Leyla and her family were probably heartbroken by thinking he was dead, and that knowledge ate at him as he laid alone in bed late at night. But as with everything surrounding Leyla, Matthias couldn’t regret his choices, not when he knew – hoped – they would allow him to make his way back to her. It’s still like that, now. It will forever be.

“We’ll be there soon, sir,” the driver informed him, voice calm, as they entered the boulevard in front of the museum. Matthias was overwhelmed. He kept his expression shuttered, but the redness on his eyes gave his emotion away. Uncharacteristically, he fidgeted with his clothes, straightening his posture as he rubbed creases away. His eyes caught the residential area by the end of the street and he knew it wouldn’t be long now.

But not yet.

He had a few things left to finish first. Nothing that would take a long time. The picture of grandiosity, Herhardt’s mansion in Ratz appeared as the car approached. The driver slowed down as they entered the path through the meticulously cared garden, and Matthias’ lips tilted into a pale smile.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Elysee von Herhardt couldn’t let go of the doubt until the end.

She knew it was unlikely to be a mistake, but she was too afraid to believe it. After having accepted her son’s death, she spent a long time waiting for his remains to arrive so she could hold the dignified, emotional service he deserved. But now, everything has changed.

“Matthias will come back alive!” She said out loud, as if the words would sink into her brain if she sounded them out. They did not.

Still, if the news turned out to be false, she wouldn’t be able to stand it. There was a reason why this matter was kept strictly confidential from the outside, as well, and Elysee wouldn’t discard this being some kind of mistake. She needed Matthias, in the flesh, to truly believe it. Check him over with her own two eyes. Only then.

“The car just arrived.” Hessen reported, hurriedly entering the drawing room.

The two duchesses looked at each other with a mixture of anxiety and nervousness, overwhelmed by the expectation of what came next. They heard the large, front doors open heavily, followed by the staccato sound of footsteps. Elysee stared at the door of the drawing room, holding her breath, eyes already filling with hot tears. And Norma was no different.

The women could swear they were able to recognize the steps, and they couldn’t belong to anyone else. They didn’t have to wait long for their miracle. The door opened slowly, revealing the unharmed, very much alive face of Matthias. He cautiously approached the women, who stood there, in shock, for a few moments. Elysee, however, soon broke down into tears, overcome with emotion.

The sun shone bright on the expensive carpet, invading the room through half-open curtains, illuminating this miraculous moment with a glow that seemed nothing short of divine. Without being prompted to, Matthias strode towards his crying mother and enveloped her in a hug, soon followed by his teary-eyed grandmother.

“I’m back, mother, grandma. I’m back, now,” he said.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Leyla quickly finished preparing for the picnic by packing blankets and lunch boxes. She wore a straw hat with a wide brim and a ribbon tied snuggly under her chin. The leather bag she wore across her shoulder was full of a delicious, fresh assortment of fruits and pastries. Her braided hair hung behind her back, a simple, but neat hairstyle. Her little boy was cradled on one arm as she left the house, a healthy, pink-cheeked baby.

As if to make up for the time he was stuck inside his mother and had his growth limited by her body, the baby grew as fast as weed left unchecked. He looked bigger than other children his age, and she was already sure he would grow to be as tall as his father. As much as he was already getting too heavy to carry for long, Leyla couldn’t help but be gladdened by the thought. She wanted her boy to be strong.

It was a typical summer day in Berg, with very bright sunlight softened by the cool wind. Leyla walked toward the park, skilfully pushing a baby stroller. The child was excited and babbling, perhaps in a particularly active mood today.

“Was he like this when he was a baby?” She thought to herself.

Truthfully, Leyla couldn’t imagine Matthias von Herhardt, as a gentle and bright kid, like her son is, no matter how young he was. Perhaps, somehow, he had been an elegant baby at Felix’s age. She laughed at the silly thought, approaching the crowded park. Weekends were always busier around here, many people enjoyed the free time to go out and see the nature. Leyla smiled at her chubby little boy, and Felix smiled back adorably. That was enough.

Fixing the bag, Leyla turned the stroller to the direction of a quiet and pretty clearing, where she would have a little privacy to be with her son. On the road, by the front of the park’s centre fountain, she bought bright, colourful balloons from a stand. Felix’s blue eyes grew round when she tied the balloons to the stroller and she smiled at his reaction.

For Leyla, blue was no longer the colour of sadness. Now, it was the colour of happiness, the colour of her greatest love in this world. From the first moment her child opened his eyes and greeted the world, that was it for her. But no. She remembered a quiet morning, a face so very close to hers as she laid side-by-side with him, looking deeply into his eyes, the quiet hanging undisturbed. Maybe blue became a happy colour for her a long time ago, in a moment she couldn’t help but remember.

“Wow, the balloon is so pretty, don’t you think?” Leyla grinned as she looked upon her child, who was staring at the balloon, transfixes. Her soft, lilting voice caught his attention, and he smiled with excitement.

The balloon shook against the wind as they entered a quiet, peaceful stretch of woods in the park. The soft, nature sounds mixed with the laughter of mother and child, flowing together easily.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

As much as had happened, Herhardt’s masterpiece miraculously returned to life was no different from before. Without hesitation, Matthias von Herhardt said something he should never say.

“Leyla is here.”

His tone was so calm that Elysee von Herhardt doubted her ears for a moment.

Earlier, Matthias spoke calmly of his injuries, treatment, and repatriation. He apologized for causing great concern and damage and failing to fulfil his proper responsibilities, though his tone would indicate that what happened was not remarkable in any way. Even after he had returned from the threshold of death, Matthias still managed to keep surprising her. On one hand, that was a relief.

“But what does he mean Leyla?” She thought, confused.

Unpredictable, as life was, his words were too. Elysee’s mother-in-law arrived then. The two women shared uncomfortable glances, minds confused with unlike thoughts, filled with uncertainty. Matthias glanced at them and continued to speak in a low-pitched voice.

“I have a child, too.” He proclaimed.

If their minds were confused before, they lost all reasoning now. They were shocked, their faces full of disbelief, looking at the brooding man as simultaneously they let out a gasp.

“I-Oh my God… Matthias?”  Elysee, voice laced with surprise, hardly supported her wimpy body on the sofa’s armrest. She sat upright, head raised. Her gut feeling was right, she guessed right. She knew he was too invested. Even if she had guessed the relationship between the two ages ago,  Elysee comprehended that the existence of the child was an unexpected truth.

Matthias, eyes holding decisiveness, looked at the old lady that barely blinked at the words he had uttered without consideration just like he had done again. “Don’t worry, we’ll go about it the proper way. I will marry her.” Another declaration from him. Another surprise for the women who glanced at him with astonishment.

“Matthias! Do you even know the weight of your words?!” Elysee wailed her son’s name, as if mourning what he could have been. “Tell me! Huh?”

Nothing. Matthias didn’t consider answering.  Human nature is rebellious, once you get its taste, you crave it more until it leads to chaos. With a deep sigh, Norma ultimately leaned her back against the chair, body tired and mind blanked.

“The illegitimate child… Alright. I know it’s not a light thing. But Matthias… there are many other ways to deal with this kind of problem.” Elysee assured.

“Elysee is right, Matthias. If you think so because of the breakdown of the mixture with Brandt, feel free to go back to other great infants and children..….”

The old lady, who was continuing her words with her head in her hands, frowned as she trailed off. She tried to give it a thought but felt contrary to her own opinions. No matter how much she pondered, she understood what was peculiar.

Matthias, the man who could have reached out to Lovita’s relatives as much as he wanted, why let go of their hands and stayed in the hospital of his enemy’s country?

What else did Matthias gain in reciprocation for watching the news of the Duke of Herhardt’s death spread to Berg? Perhaps thinking the same way, Elysee von, Herhardt turned to her with an awestruck face.

“I know it’s hard for you two to accept.” Even in the face of suspicion and reprimand from the two old ladies, Matthias remained silent. Just like when they were finding out about his relationship with Leyla, the woman for whom he was ready to give up everything.  Perhaps, he knew the significance of silence and the answers it gave. He understood human nature, loud and rebellious, contrary to tranquility or maybe he was just waiting for the right time to utter words.

“But the world is changing. I think a lot of things will change, perhaps quicker than they have in the past.”

“Matthias…”

“Actually, it doesn’t matter even if it doesn’t change.”

In Matthias’ attitude, it was difficult to find any willingness to persuade his opponent. As if to say that it is nothing more than a notification of the decision he had already made. His steady gaze, carrying determination, looked at Elysee. He waited for a few seconds, parting his lips as he talked.

“If it’s so hard to accept, I won’t stain the Herhardt name with my stubbornness. Perhaps that will ease your worries a little.”

“What does that mean?” Elysee von Herhardt, who was barely able to speak, asked sharply. Her hold on the armrest tightened, perhaps she knew what was coming next, or maybe she just wanted to hear the words from her son.

“I won’t live as a von Herhardt.”

“Matthias!” she snapped.

“I will leave the name of the Duke of Matthias von Herhard as it is now as it belongs to an honorable nobleman who has oxidized for the empire… I’m not that man anymore.”  he continued undeterred.

Oh my god.

The joy of seeing his son, who returned with nothing different, disappeared without a trace. It’s none of your business how the world is changing, but the fact that the war completely changed her son seemed certain. He seemed foreign like she was not seeing her son but a menacing man. And the fact that Matthias is not threatening to hit.

Her son, who decided to become a perfect successor and lived a life perfectly, seemed to have decided to become something else now. Something she never thought of, even imagined it. So she knew that he would definitely make it out of it at all costs, it reflected through his eyes.

The son, who they thought was dead, came back alive. Happiness that came like a divine feeling had vanished into the quietness. And now, there were two options. Either you lose the son or accept his decision.

“This is my decision. It won’t change.” Matthias looked at the two with a determined look that cemented the sincerity of his words.

Herhardt’s two duchesses, glanced at each other, confused as to whom would initiate the step toward the child who had professed his choice.

“Now, you two decide.” With a face that still had no agitation, Matthias politely declared. “I’ll follow that choice.”