Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Epilog I

Duke Matthias Von Herhardt’s news of death in the battlefield threw the whole nation into a state of mourning. Every newspaper in the country ran front-page obituaries about the Duke’s illustrious life. And it came as the most delightful surprise to everyone when he returned alive.

The surprising news of Duke Herhardt’s ludicrous marriage quickly overshadowed the amazement of his miraculous return from the dead, however.

The wedding bells were scheduled to ring at summer’s end.

Unthinkable: a marriage between a prominent imperial nobleman and a lowly orphan girl. Furthermore, she was the adopted daughter of a mere gardener who worked in the Duke’s estate.

That was just the outset of the girl’s checkered past. When word got out that she was once engaged to be married to the son of the Herhardt’s family physician, even the families with whom the Herhardts had great relations felt gravely concerned.

“He must have suffered a serious head injury! Why would he scare everyone with such a news if he was in his right mind? There are already so many patients still traumatised from the shock of war! Did we need more distress?!”

“If that’s the case, there’s no way Herhardt’s dowagers would have given their permission. I heard that he even had a child with her who was born at the end of last year!”

“I beg your pardon? So the Duke was involved in such a clandestine affair, when he was courting Lady Claudine?”

“So, now Matthias Von Herhardt is marrying the mistress who has his illegitimate child? Oh my God, I smell a honey trap.”

“This is a betrayal and an insult to us all. I wont be going to the wedding. Such a woman holding the title of Duchess is unacceptable.”

Such whispers flowed around the city like a rising tide or the leading edge of an oncoming storm. Everyone you met or socialized with had an opinion on the looming wedding of Duke Matthias von Herhardt and low born woman.

When someone dared to speak out in public, all the gentry would form a line behind the outspoken individual, shaking their heads in disdain and mumbling under their breath. They were always so eager to reinforce their narrow viewpoint, only backing the fight that benefited them personally. They still intended to take advantage of the situation without sparing a thought to the Duke, who they had once held in such high regard.

“But, no matter how despicable we find it, its the Herhardts we’re talking about here. It’s difficult to run a business in Berg when at odds with them.”

The Herhardt’s business empire was mounting fast. It was tough to voice your disagreement with the Herhardt without inviting their wrath. The family was in the front of an economic boom that was upending the status quo. Especially in urban areas, where they had an especially prominent role in symbolising the traditional order.

The situation appeared more dire as the wedding date for this contentious union approached. Conflict broke out among the nobility when they couldn’t decide whether to side with the Duke and ignore his outrageous decision or sever ties with him altogether.

The wedding was set for a late summer evening in the picturesque state of Arvis, just as the leaves were beginning to change and lend a brilliant hue to the scene.

And the Duke again shocked everyone by opting for a small wedding attended only by close relatives, so ending any talk of boycotting the wedding in protest. This only seemed to add ever greater outrage. Now the Lords and Ladies openly spewed offensive comments to vent their anger.

Doubt filled the rumour mill as talk was turned to that of conspiracy: The Duke was not really getting married and it had all been some jaded publicity stunt!

Nonetheless, the long awaited wedding in question was just around the corner….

It was definitely happening!

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

As the light shone through the bedroom curtains, which were a poor defence against the bright summer sun, Leyla could see the dried wounds on Matthias’ body.

For the entirety of the night, she had been tossing and turning in bed, unable to get comfortable enough to sleep. She awoke before daylight, lying in bed silently staring at his scars. They made a gruesome map of violence across his body and each one she committed each one to memory. The gunshot on his arm was the only wound of him she recognized.

The usual strikingly handsome appearance of him was unaffected, remaining the same both appearance-wise upon his return from the grip of death. Aside from his appereance, his gesture and facial expression remained unchanged, calm and collected as ever, carrying himself with the same air of refined elegance.

Every aspect of him was still the same.

That simply served to highlight his scars more prominently. His flawless face was in stark contrast to the tangle of dry sores and scars that covered his body.

When Leyla first laid eyes on his mangled physique, she wept. The sight of his wounds broke her heart into a thousand pieces, imagining the pain he must have gone through to acquire them.

“Don’t cry. See, my face is still untouched. Don’t you favour it the most?” Matthias gave her a teasing smile, and pointed to his untainted face to comfort his crying sweetheart.

His joke left her speechless. In her rage, Leyla punched him, but her clenched fist hardly registered on his chest. She didn’t have the energy to apply much force and hurt that man even a little.

Like that day, she reached a hand out from under the blankets and started to trace lines around the cuts. Time would bring healing, but the scars would remain. They did not tarnish the muscular physique of the Duke, but still she failed to quell her grief.

Matthias stirred, sleepily looked at her. His gentle glance emitted a hint of amusement.

“D-does it hurt?” Leyla startled, thinking her touch caused him pain and disturbed his sleep.

“No… you can keep doing it.” Matthias prodded her on, evidently moved by her touch,

A little flustered in front of his fixed gaze, Leyla jerked her hand away, “Get up! You should go now.”

“Go where?”

“Where?” Shyness showing, Leyla frowned at the happenings. “Of course back to your own room!” she continued and gestured toward the door that led to their shared bedroom. “Before the chamber maids come in.”

Both soon-to-be-weds, who had been living together at Ratz Mansion, travelled to Arvis for the wedding. The beautiful landscape of Arvis refreshed her, fueled her body and soul, but her cheerful state was short-lived.

Leyla felt unwelcome. The rumours around the pair grew in intensity with each day, even the staff were failing to hide their thoughts on the matter and openly started to display their discourtesy. No one seemed able to see past the fact that Leyla Remmer was the adoptive daughter of a gardener, despite they were obligated to treat her with the respect befitting a Duchess.

Even if the attitudes of others weren’t so obviously hostile, Leyla would still feel like an outsider. She could not act like a Duchess over night. This tense and unfavourable situation felt like it was going to last forever, no matter her efforts. She couldn’t express this to anyone, without feeling like she was letting them down.

She knew that her life after marrying Matthias von Herhardt wouldn’t be a happily ever after like in the fairy tales, but it didn’t make confronting her new duties any easier. It also did little to help her deal with the shameful predicament she found herself in.

She had no idea how she’d made it through the past week.

The Dukes residence in Arvis was a lot different place from her familiar world. She had to watch her every word and action. She felt like walking on eggshells and that feeling permeated even her own thoughts. Worst of all, she was separated from Felix, who was like a part of her soul, according to her preference. When she protested, voicing the desire to look after Felix herself, Elysee Von Herhardt stared incredulously at her future daughter-in-law.

“You are Herhardt now!”

The answer was brief, but Leyla could grasp the layers of meanings behind within that simple statement. As a member of the Herhardt family, she was expected to accept and abide by all of the traditions and rules that had been set in place without ever giving rise to her own wilful thinking.

Though difficult, she decided to put up her best effort for the sake of Matthias and their son.

She did not want to get labelled as a troublemaker, especially not with all the gossip floating around, that was bad enough without adding fuel to the fire.

Sadly, the more she tried to blend in with the society, the wider the disparity appeared to get. Despite her title, she never felt like a Duchess.

She could never manage to turn into some socialite “queen” elegant enough to represent the Herhardt’s predecessors.

The first night she spent in Arvis was a welcome reprieve from the stress and exhaustion of the first day. Night appeared with its dark and Leyla was able to unwind in her room after a long day. She was safe from prying eyes, but the room’s grandeur and glitzy decor itself affected her nerves.

Her stomach would churn whenever she made eye contact with the strange women depicted in the pictures that adorned the walls. She felt like being severely reprimanded by their fixed gaze and her heart sank. The portraits even looked at her with judgmental eyes.

She wished she could have wrapped her arms around Felix, to feel his warmth and sweet scent. But she had to let him be, somewhere in the nursery, being tended by a nanny that his grandmother painstakingly picked out for him.

That first night, she could not get any rest. Anxiety and fear kept sleeping a stranger to her as she laid in the bed, staring up at the ceiling, or out the window, unable to calm her racing mind. But then, Matthias suddenly appeared in her room, coming from a door she didn’t even realise was there.

At first, she nearly fainted. Being in a new house, new room, with hidden doors, but Matthias quickly announced himself, seeing the shock on his fiancee’s face. He took her into his arms and they laid together until the morning sun warmed up the room.

Leyla still remembered, quite vividly,when the two duchesses called them and forbade any more private “meeting” before their marriage. Despite having a child together, there was still etiquette and traditions that had to be followed and they were not allowed to share bedrooms until they were married.

Obviously, Mathhias nodded his head in agreement on whatever his mother and grandmother made a request, but he would “forget” the very next moment and and slip into her room in the middle of the night

In a way, it was like they were continuing their secret affair. Leyla was worried about Matthias’ mother and grandmother catching them again, but she couldn’t bring herself to push him out of her room.

She always felt relieved having him by her side. It felt quite similar to holding Felix like a fluffy kitten in her arms, albeit he was a little bigger and warmer. Above all else, his tight embrace gave her the most comfort and relief.

As the dawn fully clearly dispelled the remaining darkness in the room, Leyla’s anxieties had begun to fray once more.

“Go, now. Do you want us to get caught by your mother again?”

Matthias remained still. He laid on his arm, looking at her, his lips stretched out to form a mischievous grin as he watched her fluster. He found it endearing to see how much she fussed over him. She was cute when she behaved like an innocent girl trying to hide her forbidden romance from her parents.

Matthias did not wish to point out her naive act of secrecy. He was enjoying himself in his new role.

“Leyla,” Matthias’s voice was deep and velvety, but tinted with sleepiness as he spoke. His sleepy voice had an allure that made her blush. She felt bashful and awkward, unsure of what to do with her hands. She wringed them out with the covers.

“Smile, Leyla.” He said, out of the blue as he slid his fingers through her unbraided hair. There was something to his tone, a subtle hint of imposing command. Her memory flashed back to the day when she was forced to do as he said. To act however he pleased, to laugh, to cry, and to beg at his will. Leyla stayed quiet for a moment, before shaking her head.

“Don’t order me like that, I hate it.”

Matthias paused, deliberating over his next words, “Could I ask you for a smile, as a present?”

“What present?” Leyla said, pouting. She wasn’t about to entertain any of his childish games

“Well, it’s our wedding day. We should be given presents on our wedding day, Leyla.”

He may have casually brought up their upcoming wedding, but Leyla’s heart sped up and her face flushed with anxiousness anyway. She gave him the eye, started to speak, then glanced around the room before returning to him. She arched an eyebrow at him and and her countenance gradually grew pathetic, as if she were on the point of tears.

“I’m…scared.”

“What? Why? “

“I don’t know, I don’t feel like a real Duchess. I want to work hard and do my best, but what if its not enough? What if me and our son only become a burden for you?”

“That’s not going to happen, Leyla.” Matthias very calmly assured her who was almost wrecking her brain in nervousness.

“How do you know that?!”

“I know.”Matthias leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Leyla’s cheek. “Because I’m not going to let that happen.” His tone did not hold a single note of hesitation, like he had been recursing this conversation. It was very close to bold arrogance. It almost lit the fires of anger in Leyla, to hear him speak so brazenly.

This man still felt so unfamiliar to her, as if she did not know him from before.

She was so happy to have him in her life and moved that he kept his promise to come back to her. At the same time, she felt betrayed that he hid away for two whole seasons. She didn’t feel like she had any room to complain, especially when he casually said that it was all for her.

There was, as always, not a shred of regret or remorse on his face.

A man who could fabricate his own death as a means to achieve a goal should not be considered a good man. It perplexed her and she could not fathom his methods.

Nevertheless, she decided to compromise.

The moment she ran into his arms, when he returned, she embraced the wounds and sorrows of the past, as well as the uncertainty of the future.

All she wanted was to love him.

To love this man, and to be loved by him.

That was the end-all, be-all of everything.

“Again.” Matthias lovingly stroked Leyla’s cheek as he looked into her emerald eyes. She held his stare and smiled, willingly resigning any resistance.

Every day, beginning now, she surely could gift him her smile for the rest of their life. As he said, it was the morning of their wedding day!

The morning, which had started with a quiet gaze, a loving smile and a tender kiss, gradually became brighter and more passionate. The lovers remained entangled in each others arms, much in the same position they had spent the night.

“I’ll give you a present too.”

Matthias kissed Leyla on the forehead before leaving the Duchess’ room. Leyla simply smiled in reply, remaining limp on the bed, tangled within the sheets, visibly worn out after the morning full of raw intimacy.

“It will make me feel good if you look forward to it.”

After said that, he exited the room and closed the door behind him.