Cry, Even Better if you Beg - Epilog IV

Matthias laughed as his son toppled over, but he knew it wasn’t serious because Leyla’s face didn’t show traces of deep concern. Instead, her face showed an expression of exaggerated sympathy that was suitable to help soothe their crying child. He stopped laughing soon enough when he caught a glimpse of his son, whose face was screwed up and red from crying as he clutched to his mother’s nape.

Being a father for the first time, he had no idea how to deal with the child. It felt awkward for him to care so much for a child that he had once tried to kill, even when Leyla protected their son wholeheartedly while he was away to participate through the war.

However, the child’s innocent smile made him change his mind. His smile closely resembled his mother, reminding him of his beloved wife. That child resembled him in a lot of ways, notably in looks, but he took after his mother in areas that mattered to Matthias the most. His feelings for the baby quickly grew, and his love to his kid only deepened with each passing day.

He decided to get up from the grass when Leyla, together with Felix clutched close to her side, sat back down next to him. He was happy to join her allotted time for family bonding since it was her most favorite way to pass the time with them. Although he felt awkward when she declared it was family time, deep down in his heart he actually adored and enjoyed every second of it.

He could feel Leyla’s gaze staring at him, admiring him with that exact same smile Felix was sporting now, all thoughts of the recent tumble gone from his head. That exact same smile was the reason he loved their son even more, the same smile full of warmth as his beloved little bird.

“I’ll make something delicious for you tonight.” Leyla said in an excited voice as Matthias nodded and scooped up Felix in his own arms. She still loved to cook even after becoming a Duchess, much to the chagrin of the cooks he had hired, particularly when she wanted to make something savory for her husband or son. The butler had mentioned it numerous times, but the Duke never seemed to mind, likely because he didn’t want to limit his wife simply because she was now a Duchess.

During the early days of their marriage while staying in Arvis, he was already adamant about not dragging her down with the title of Duchess. He did not wish to see her groaning under the pressure like an overladen bookshelf or struggling like someone who wore a wrong set of clothes, just to play such a role.

She was a free soul who needed a vast field to flutter her wings, someone who still loved him dearly despite all of the torture she went through, and his beloved who still returned and forgivenhim for his misdeeds even when he had forced her to leave him. Such a lovable woman, It’s easy to understand why he became resolute to be her dazzling sky, showering this beautiful flower with all the love and sunshine she desired from him.

Because she was someone he loved with everything he had.

“Oh, I just remembered, aren’t we going to the Imperial Palace next week?” Leyla suddenly asked, bringing Matthias back to the present. He reckoned she was talking about the Empress’ upcoming birthday celebration.

“Don’t worry, Leyla.” He smiled and brushed his fingers through her messy hair, the spring breeze seemed to be harsh to her glowing beautiful locks. “Everyone there will be kind.”

By the time of the birthday party, the talk of Duke Herhardt’s take over of the Stein tobacco industry would have spread far and wide. This would act as a valuable lesson, and a clear warning, to those who harbored wicked thoughts regarding his wife. And he knew she would never speak out against the “noble” class’s cruel treatment of her. In the end, she was too much of a devoted wife that she didn’t even want to burden her husband with such little matters.

However, without Leyla’s knowledge, Matthias was aware of the circumstances she was in. While she might be able to brush off other people’s opinions of her, he simply couldn’t stand to see her disrespected. Maybe he can’t change the minds of the narrow-minded classists in a day, but he can make efforts to force a change and show that he would not condone any ill treatment that would befall on his dear wife. She might have been born as Leyla Lewellin, but she was now Leyla von Herhardt, the Duchess of Herhardt and his wife. No matter how her title was earned, he demanded that they would respect her appropriately regardless. Others might see his wife and son as a weakness to exploit, but they were his strength, and he was much stronger with them at his side.

“Yes, I know. I will not worry since I’m sure I will do well.” She replied unconvincingly, silently hiding her misgivings while nodding her head. It was obvious that it was her futile attempt to avoid disturbing his pleasant mood after such a wonderful day.

Nonetheless, it was time for them to go home. After the car pulled up outside the Ratz Mansion, Matthias wormed his way out of the car, closely holding his sleeping son on his shoulder. Leyla followed closely behind him, gliding outside of the car like a dancer and smiling crookedly at the lovely scene in front of her.

Family. Family was such a beautiful word that she adored deeply, and of course, he naturally loved everything she treasured. The three of them entered the mansion together as she began to chatter gleefully about the evening’s meal while he only half listened to her prattle, his gaze kept going back and forth between his wife and son.

Today was one of the loveliest days in recent memory.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Did Mathias’s comforting words from a few days ago truly come true?

The day of the Empress’ birthday finally came around. Leyla had been fretting about it for the entire week, but the woman who had shown her such malice before seemed oddly indifferent toward her while some even extended awkward greetings.

“Did you do something?” She asked her husband during their journey home.

“I told you not to worry, didn’t I?.” He only looked at her without answering her question directly. “Everyone will treat you with kindness and respect, haven’t I told you?”

“Oh? Did you really?” Her bright eyes stared at him as if lighting him on fire as one side of her lips contorted in confusion.

Matthias laughed that she pretended to recall it only now. “Yes, I told you. In the end, I only needed to do just a little bit of encouragement and that seemed to work.”

“Really?”

“Yes, why?”

“Well, that’s very kind of you.” She sat back, an obvious desire to cross her arms together written on her whole being. He knew she always did that when she didn’t get what she wanted.

“I’m glad you like it.” He hummed, obviously being so uncooperative to her interrogation that she had to give up in the end. Instead, they both ended up looking out of the window.

They were passing through the city of Ratz, which always went through the seasons faster than their neighbor, Carlsbar. With the window slightly opened, the spring breeze brought in the scent of roses, lifting Leyla’s mood a little by its sweetness. As she closed her eyes, Matthias kept his gaze on her, the sweet scent of roses lingering in his nose.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

They were going to spend the weekend together without Felix, who would be staying with his grandmother. They were very nice ladies, but Elysee von Herhardt can be very blunt at times.

“Matthias, I never thought you’d be so stingy with your wife!” In a confrontational stance, Elysee narrowed her eyes towards the pair. Leyla’s face stiffened when Elysee’s gaze turned towards the emerald necklace she loved so much to the point that she wore it everywhere. “She is always wearing that necklace, I fear that the Duchess of Herhardt will be criticized for having only one piece of jewelry at this rate.” Elysee declared.

“I chose this necklace myself because it brings out my wife’s natural beauty more and to me, she is the most beautiful with it.” Matthias stated with an imperious tone of respect.

Elysee’s expressiony turned to mild surprise but she understood his point of view. There was nothing to be angry or upset about, albeit it was a bit unexpected and disappointing to her.

Hearts colliding, skin touching, faces beaming with happiness, they both bade farewell and left the mansion, taking their steps towards the world waiting for them. Holding each other’s hands, intertwining their fingers, they strolled toward the street.

“Thank you,” Leyla murmured as she grabbed her husband’s arm tightly, moving closer. They paced down the sidewalk outside the museum’s exhibition halls.

“For what?” He asked, his gaze fixed on her, smiling.

“Uncle Bill’s Necklace.” Her reply had his smile vanish. He watched, as she stroked the piece of jewelry, the glint in her eyes. The necklace, adorned with pearls and emeralds, glimmered around her neck matching the dazzling gleam in her eyes and her soft glowing skin.

He thought, as he glanced at the woman beside her. Matthias had no intention of destroying the illusion that Uncle Bill had bought the necklace. Not that he meant to deceive, rather, he was trying to protect her future happiness.

“Thank you for saying that,” Leyla’s eyes gleamed in a soft green light. Matthias graced her with a small smile, choosing to remain silent. It was needed at that time. The silence was necessary, secrets that resided in his heart, it held their futures and he planned on treasuring them.

They strolled hand in hand down the street between the exhibition halls, basking in each other’s affection and the peaceful atmosphere. Matthias was reminded of their wedding day, when he had made a promise to Leyla, hands in hands and stares owning emotions, with a sky as rosy as her.

‘I will be your heaven,
so fly freely and as long as you don’t leave me,
Your every hope will be yours.
I love you.’

She didn’t understand what he meant until after the reception. She was shocked when she found that they would be moving to the Ratz mansion, rather than staying in Arvis. Her surprise had only doubled upon the revelation of the fact that she had been enrolled in the college.

“What the hell did you do?” Leyla had demanded, more out of shock than anything. “I didn’t ask for you to do this, why would you do this on your own accord?”

She had been appalled. And truth be told, anyone would be.

Matthias just smiled at her, “I’ll do anything for you, Leyla, you don’t need to ask.”

His brazenness in providing for her was infuriating at times, even downright selfish. At the moment, her feelings toward him were primarily annoyance. And now that time had passed, she had realized what he was thinking when he took such drastic steps and the only answer she would get was;

compensation,

for all the pain he had caused her in the past.

Every attempt at mending her wings was because he had broken them before out of pure but twisted love. But what was disappointing was that he had used their son in order to make that happen.

Matthias loved his son- so much, that some days it seemed like he would drown in the depth of his love for his son. Leyla was concerned, scared, and anxious that the father and son would be at odds with one other, that there would be walls hard to cross between them. But her fears quickly gave way to a feeling of overwhelming joy. Leyla almost thought it a dream, but he had proven himself a commendable husband and father.

She could now barely imagine looking at him with hatred.

She glanced at her husband, mesmerized by him, who was gazing at a painting displayed for the people. His eyes shimmered under the sunlight, playing hide and seek, through the window.

He looked ethereal.

He turned his head, looking down at her, and tightened his hold, possessive yet gentle, around her hand.

They explored a few more exhibition rooms, clinging to each other like lovers. Everyone else in the world would be green with jealousy if they had a glimpse of them. As they walked, Leyla chattered away about her time in college, Felix’s impressive vocabulary, the curtains in the bedroom she had changed a while ago, and summer vacation plans. Stories that were mundane, yet affectionate. The small gestures and signs of contentment.

Matthias looked adoringly at his wife. Every time she closed her eyes to think, the shadow of her long lashes would flutter like a butterfly, and he felt hypnotized by her beauty. She would face him again and start talking, the sparkle in her eyes would light up the room. But for him, it was his world that she would brighten with her pretty smile.

It was the face of a woman he had tried and failed to comprehend, and that had driven him crazy in the end. It was a woman that he had ruined once, engulfed in his twisted desires and fantasies.

Now, he finally had this woman completely…

along with her blissful love.

For him, love was merely a noun, and she was its very definition. Now, at the end of it all, he was able to walk around holding her hands. He could say it now that she was his, completely and utterly. Without end; forever and ever. They had started again, this time as lovers, as a couple, and as a family, filled only with love and without hatred or sorrow.

“Matthy,” a murmur, a lullaby, to his ears. Leyla stopped walking suddenly, raising her head to look at him. Her eyes, visible through the thin gold-rimmed glasses, gleamed brightly. “Don’t you want anything from me?” She questioned. He blinked, taking his time, as he spoke.

“Should I?” Matthias asked, not entirely sure where this conversation was going, but he would listen to all of the things she had to say.

“Yes, of course… you always let me do what I want to do, and give me everything I could ever ask for, without ever needing to ask for it,” Leyla said, looking guiltily off to the side. Perhaps, she wanted to compensate him for his every affectionate action.

He never wanted her to return the favor, for all he knew was giving her the world.

“Well, I don’t think there is anything. I don’t seem to need anything.” Matthias replied, gazing away into the distance. As he spoke, he realized no words had rung truer. “Yeah,” Matthias looked at Leyla again. “Nothing”, he could answer without any hesitation. “Everything I ever wanted, everything I wished for, I have them now.”

The only longing in his life was Leyla. A sweet truth, an addiction, and for it he was ready to give up everything.

“What if I said I wanted more things? What if I was so greedy as to ask- everything from you?” Leyla said, squinting her eyes.

He turned his body towards her, moving his hand closer to her face, he caressed her rosy cheeks, his gesture as languid and full of love as the afternoon sun.

“You can take everything if you want to,” his thumb grazed her skin, eyes holding raw emotions, that felt warm under his touch. “Whatever you want, Leyla,” Matthias spoke, his tone mellowing out again.

He enjoyed the idea of a greedy Leyla, being able to satisfy her harmless greed. It opened up in him a need to fulfill all her wishes and gave her the world. And if she could be as open about what she wanted, it would only make his work as a loving husband all the easier. He wanted nothing but to make her happy.

He wanted to make her smile, bright like the sun, that belonged to him. Just being held in this girl’s clear, gentle gaze already made him feel like a king who owned everything in the world. Her mere gaze, like a drug, would engrave in his mind forever.

Feeling embarrassed, her cheeks turned crimson, Leyla hurriedly turned around and started walking; Matthias followed close behind. Following her steps, not skipping a beat.

At times, she still felt afraid. Afraid of the depth and intensity of his love.

Could they ever find the perfect love they yearned for after being apart for so long?

Or was he just trying to make up for lost time?

Deep down, she was concerned that he was still only playing the part of the loving husband. Fulfilling her every wish, a way of blackmailing her to stay with him as penance for the past.

However, in the time they had spent together, her worries had faded and she now felt at rest. She felt completely comfortable laughing, crying, or venting her anger in his presence. Perhaps, he liked watching her being herself. He would smile watching her genuine self, you don’t behave like that around people you’re not close to.

He was like a shadow lingering for darkness, that never left her side. He would be there, arms wide open to embrace her in comfort. And she believed that she would never be lonely again so long as this man was in her life.

“Think about it again, though.” On their stroll in the sunny park, Leyla stopped again. Her eyes looking up at Matthias were more determined. “Even though you have everything, there must be something that really you want?” she seriously asked, but Matthias still could not find anything.

“Then… how about a daughter?” She blurted out.

It caught Matthias completely by surprise and saw across the street, where Leyla had been looking, a young family swinging a young girl between them. They looked so happy and laughed each time the girl was flung into the air.

“A daughter?” He asked slowly, his eyes narrowed.

She felt her cheeks heat up in an instant, as embarrassed as she was, she didn’t avoid her husband’s gaze. “Before, when you named my baby, you wanted a daughter.” She said.

“Oh, that,” Matthias said, recalling the fond memory, smiling at his wife’s words. “At that time you said you couldn’t live without the child in your womb.” He expressed, turning his gaze away from her.

“Yes.”

“That’s why.” He murmured, eyes gazing at distant, calmly.

“What do you mean, Matthy?” Her eyes narrowed, curiosity lingering on the verge.

“If a son was to be born after my death, you might have lost him to the Herhardt family. You loved that child in your womb too much… I would never want it away from you.” He reasoned.

“Is that why you wanted a daughter?”

“Yes,” he kept his answer simple, transient, as he admitted. “Though contrary to my wishes, we had a son. It is just fortunate that I came back to your side. And one Felix is enough happiness for me.”

At his completely unexpected answer, Leyla tilted her head in embarrassment. “Nevertheless, what if it’s a daughter who resembles me?”

Matthias thought on it for a moment

A daughter who resembled Leyla?

Matthias looked at his wife, feeling uncertain.

He tried to imagine. Leyla Lewellin of a very young age, whom he did not know. And he also wanted to love that lonely and pitiful child. He could not turn back time, so it would not be so bad to have a daughter just like Leyla, to love and raise her as if he had found that little Leyla.

But, even if it was a child who looked just like Leyla, she would not be the same as Leyla from her childhood. To him there was only one Leyla, his wife, he wanted. And thought of any other girl just like Leyla… it felt foreign.
Matthias shook off the thought and snapped back to the present moment, looking at Leyla, his little bird.

“Why do I need a daughter who looks like you?” He asked, softly, gazing into his wife’s confused gaze. “I have you.”

I already have you.

His cerulean blue eyes looked into her sparkling, emerald-tinged eyes. His only longing was still this one woman, which would not be changed even at the end of his life. The only woman who owned his heart, his whole existence.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek as his answer.

Time seemed to stop, Leyla felt her breath stop, as she felt the warmth of his soft lips on her skin. The lingering feeling of his touch, which held power over her soul, consumed her being. She tried to step back, gazing at him with a blushing face, but Matthias did not seem to want to let go of her cheek.

As much as his answer sounded a bit selfish, she couldn’t hate it, it felt like a sweet confession to her ears, lovely yet soul-consuming.

Leyla extended her hand to Matthias, who had left her cheek and backed away.

“Hold my hand,” looking into his eyes, she spoke again, “Hurry up!”

Matthias let out a soft chuckle and without hesitation, wrapped his warm hand around hers.

“Never let go of my hand,” she whispered, her eyes shining brightly, as she smiled at her husband.

“Never, Leyla… Never.” He murmured, intertwining his fingers with hers, as he tightened his hold on her hand.

Holding hands, the two took a leisurely stroll through the rose-scented park. Leyla was more talkative and Mathias seemed happier than usual. It was that kind of afternoon, ordinary yet special.

Spring was truly such a beautiful season.

The spring with a lover who would love you very much, and for a very, very long time.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

《 End 》