Dark Lord Dumbledore - Volume 1 Chapter 23

A week had passed since Kreacher had been recruited, and his progress had been remarkable under Boppy’s tutelage. He was now dressed in a smart, elf-sized butler uniform and holding a staff with a metallic skull mounted at its tip. The Slytherin locket had been separated into two halves, both pieces forged into the staff below the skull. It had been enchanted to activate when the holder spoke the Black Family motto, ‘Toujours Pur’. The metal skull would then transform into an 18-inch blade, turning the innocent (if slightly gruesome) stave into a Naginata.

Chad, for the life of him, could not understand why an old English pureblooded wizard family would use ‘Always Pure’ in French as their motto. Sure the blood supremacy could be easily explained, but written in French? An Englishman would rather kill himself than promote anything French over English, especially in medieval times! Nevertheless, Kreacher had been extremely pleased with the tribute to the Black family, and downright ecstatic at the fierce metallic skull adorning his personal weapon. It was worth the extra cost for the enchantments if it further galvanised Kreacher’s loyalty.

But Kreacher’s earlier mention of the house-elf community had aroused Chad’s interest in seeing how the excitable race lived. Unfortunately, it started a chain reaction that had Boppy erupting in tears. Luckily, Chad was back at the Dursley house when he asked Boppy to arrange a tour, as he did not want to trespass in case there were some weird house-elf customs. He felt it safer first to quiz his main man Boppy, so he didn’t end up making some faux pas and insulting his house-elves. That was when Boppy exploded in tears that would have been damaging to his ‘head-elf’ rep if they hadn’t been alone.

It turned out that Boppy didn’t want to mention some new ‘problems’ that had arisen because he was unsure how his Master would take his failure. Words soon tumbled out of the blubbering little guy about how some elves had disrespected Chad by becoming pregnant without his permission. With some further prompting and specific questions, Chad was made aware of some glaringly obvious issues that he should have solved by now. First, the pregnancy thing was fine as he wanted more elves anyway, just as long as it was kept sustainable. The most problematic issue was food.

Chad had never actually thought about where his food came from when his house-elf chefs brought him his meals, nor how the house-elves kept themselves fed. It turns out that they were trained/ordered to raid muggle farms for the wizard’s food and fed themselves from either their wizard family’s scraps or went dumpster diving in muggle trash. They had a whole system to keep the losses for the muggles explainable, but never really cared at the financial damage they caused. It seems that anger at the persecution from the witch-hunting era had never really been forgiven, just satisfied in other petty ways.

It was something that Chad should have noticed by now as he had yet to see any magical shop selling fresh produce or food other than ice cream or magical treats. There was never any chance that wizards or witches entered the muggle shops to purchase their food, as they would then be up with the fashion and technology otherwise, even if it was only to blend in. The fact that Arthur Weasely, the most muggle loving and tolerant wizard, had no idea the value of muggle currency was also telling. If it was not for Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration, they would have just magically created their own food. Even those without house-elves just summoned food and never thought about where it came from.

Perhaps the house-elves weak physique was also attributed to their poor diets, but even if it wasn’t, Chad would not have his minions eating trash! After he had the whole situation made clear by Boppy, he was a little angry at his head-elf. But he quickly realised it was not Boppy’s fault he had been trained by idiot wizards.

“Boppy, you have made a mistake in carrying out your duties as Peverell head-elf. But it is only a minor mistake that is easily solved and a good learning experience for both of us. You should have immediately brought any problem or query you had to me, and I would have given you new orders or cleared up any misunderstanding.

From now on, if you are unable to solve a problem yourself, or need my help or permission, you are to bring it to my attention at once. Not doing so only makes the problem worse. In this instance, the pregnancy problem is actually a blessing. However, because you were worried about upsetting me by bringing it to my attention, you have only caused yourself grief and inconvenienced the other elves by having them hide.

The easiest way to solve this problem is to recall all our elves and have a meeting. Don’t worry Boppy, you are not in trouble. Just make sure to learn from this misunderstanding.” Chad had patiently explained to the devastated elf.

It had taken a fair bit of effort to stop the little guy from turning into a ‘Dobby’ and punishing himself in some horrific way, but eventually, he was back to his old self. Chad was more annoyed with himself for not noticing his house-elves welfare than Boppy not bringing it to his attention, so there was no need for any punishment. He had been doing an excellent job so far, and this minor fault was nothing but stupid wizard logic influencing Boppy.

Two days later, and Chad was admiring his assembled minions.

21 Chefs.

33 Gardeners.

52 Miners.

1562 Ninjas.

2 Head-elves.

A total of 1670 House-elves that served him with absolute loyalty. Looking out over the see of house-elves, Chad was once again reminded of the versatility and overpowered bullsh*t that magic was capable of. They were in the Godric’s Hollow base that had been expanded again to accommodate for the growing elf population and the need for storage space for cash, jewellery and weapons collected by ninjas. Not to mention the auditorium that had been constructed between the storage space and the house-elf community. It was basically an underground town created and strengthened by magic to stop it collapsing.

“My loyal and hardworking house-elves, today you are gathered here to address some concerns that head elves Boppy and Kreacher have brought to my attention.” Said Chad in a magically enhanced voice to reach all of his elves. He also didn’t forget to use this opportunity to boost the head-elf status to help him manage his minions.

“They have mentioned that a few elves have developed relationsh.i.p.s and started a family, and asked for my blessing. To all those gathered here today, know that every elf that works for me has my approval to marry and have as many children as they want. All I ask is that you do not overwork yourselves or think you need to have children, I am pleased as long as you are happy!

You are my house-elves, and I want you to be well rewarded for your faithful service. As such, I was horrified to find out that you are having to eat muggle leftovers! I am not like those other trash wizards that do not appreciate your hard work and loyalty! You have served me devotedly and performed exceptionally, this must be reciprocated in kind with my appreciation.

No more are you to scavenge for food like unappreciated slaves, you will be fed the same as all faithful family retainers of House Peverell. Three full meals prepared by our Chefs with the same ingredients that I, your Master, eats!” As Chad expected, there was a fair bit of kickback from among the assembled elves.

Things like ‘the same as Master… we are not worthy!” or “a good house-elf should not waste propper food!” was shouted out by the brainwashed elves. They had been conditioned for hundreds of years, and it was passed down in house-elf family lines and into their core values. Which Chad could only thank the wizards for! House-elves were the perfect servants, but Chad was not going to let them eat food out of the trash like animals. That was way too excessive.

Just like their uniforms and weapons, decent food would be seen as their reward for loyal and dedicated service. The trick was not going too far and giving them ideas to rebel. Luckily, magic bonds and a lifetime of servitude removed that possibility, Chad would just be seen as the God of house-elves.

“Anyone that works for me needs to be well-fed and healthy to carry out their duties. You, my house-elves, need to eat well so that you can have enough energy to enjoy your work! If you are tired and weak, how can you savour a job well done? Just like your uniform and assigned tools, eating proper meals is a reward for my house-elves being the best in the world!

You are the most loyal house-elves a wizard could ask for, please allow me this selfish request as your Master.”

Even Boppy and Kreacher had tears in their eyes at the thought of their Master treating them the same as wizards and allowing marriage and children. Before he could be mobbed by teary-eyed fanatical house-elves, Chad had Boppy teleport him back to the Dursely’s house. After giving instructions on dealing with the celebrating house-elves at Godric’s Hollow, Chad also instructed Boppy to start the new training for house-elf Chefs to bulk-buy ingredients from muggles. Training them to use credit cards and pull off believable illusions was key to his new house-elf dietary needs.