Dawn of the Void - Chapter 159: Essence at 100%

James inhaled deeply and gazed around the geodome. The Seraph was busy fixing the last of the spools, coaxing forth threads that it then spun until they revolved of their own accord. Jelly hovered excitedly before him, gleaming gold.

And his friends.

Serenity. Olaf. Yadriel. Kimmie. Kerim. Denzel. Even Jason. All of them frozen in place, insensate, unaware of what had transpired.

“Well, let’s get to it,” said Jelly. “You want to say goodbye to Crimson Hydra first? Want me to teleport Jessica up in here for you to have a goodbye smooch?”

“Nah,” said James softly. “I’m all good. I wouldn’t know what to say. It’s easier if you just return everyone to New York. They’ll figure it out soon enough.”

“Huh. I could of sworn you’d go for a tearful farewell. But then again, why get into an awkward conversation? Once you’re an Eluthaarii you’ll be able to connect with them 24/7. Very well. Friends be gone!”

All seven members of Crimson Hydra glimmered and disappeared.

James inhaled raggedly.

Now he was alone.

“How does this work?” he asked.

“It’s pretty great, believe you me. I’ll get the process started and then you’ll intuit the next steps. Don’t worry, it’s a cinch. It’s much harder qualifying than actually becoming a god.”

“I just have to will myself to become Eluthaarii at some point?”

“Correct. You’ll harness the requisite amount of power, give the universe a wink, and then it’ll all happen smoothly. Next time we talk, you and I, it will be as equals, as nova-spanning intelligences, not this… limited… kind of pathetic modality we’re using right now.”

“Fine.” James shook out his shoulders. “Let’s get to it. And Jelly?”

“Yes boss?”

“Fuck you.”

The Anima Sola just stared at him for a moment, taken aback by the venom in James’s voice, and then he laughed. “Right! Good one. Fuck you too, Jimmy boy. Here we go.”

Jelly disappeared.

James stared up at the Seraph. Nothing happened, but he was sure it would soon.

The Seraph ceased its spinning and focused it attention on him.

Apotheosis immanent.

“That’s right,” said James softly. “Here I go. Any advice?”

The Seraph seemed to actually consider.

Organics are their limitations. Illimitable power destroys. Seek boundaries, even artificial | self imposed.

There are galaxies in a grain of sand.

Don’t mistake scale for importance.

“Huh,” said James. “Thanks.”

The Seraph twitched its pedipalps.

Eluthaarii are helpless before free will.

You are yourself. Your self is yours.

Decisions can reverberate

Through infinity.

Choose.

“You’re losing me,” said James. “But I appreciate the effort.”

He inhaled deeply and studied his palms. Traced the deem seams, stared at the calluses. His stubby-tipped fingers.

Was he about to die?

Would he be able to pull this off?

One last toss of the dice.

The Seraph resumed its work. James closed his eyes. Thought of Jessica, the light flashing off her glasses, her clincial smile, the hidden warmth in the depths of her eyes. Thought of Serenity, her raucous laugh, her pink feather boa nailed above Herman’s bar. Denzel and Kerim with their arms linked. Olaf with his hands on his hips, grin a mile wide, Kimmie with her head cocked to one side, one eye closed as she smiled. Yadriel with his all-knowing smirk. Miriam and Jason holding hands.

He wished he could have told Jason he understood.

Let the guy off the hook.

Ah well.

James’s throat tightened.

He felt so terribly alone. Suddenly he wished he’d kept his friends close right till the last second. That they could surround him right now in a group hug. He’d have taken comfort from them. Strength.

But no.

It was better this way.

His heart beat powerfully in his chest.

Any second now.

At the very last, his thoughts curled back as they always did to the one face that haunted his dreams, that he’d spent years trying to forget but which whose name he knew was carved into his soul.

Laney.

Goodbye, love.

See you on the other side.

In his mind’s eye Laney smiled, her expression tired and understanding.

Not goodbye, she whispered. I never left.

James felt a chill prickle over him as a knot filled his throat.

But then the geodome disappeared, the Seraph, the endless spools of Void thread.

James gasped.

He floated in space. It felt unreal. He wasn’t cold. For a few seconds he panted in panic, but then realized he didn’t need to breathe any longer. His heart beat slowed but never quite stopped.

Before him floated planet Earth.

So blue. Wisps of clouds strewn over endless ocean.

So beautiful.

Over its shoulder floated the Moon, half her face illuminated by the sun and vivid white, the rest dark as night.

James looked across.

The Sun.

And beyond, the rest of the planets.

Strewn like jewels across black satin.

With a backdrop of illimitable stars, a huge cluster, a thick swathe arcing overhead, the Milky Way.

The scale beggared the mind.

And yet.

He could sense how soon this would be as nothing.

Letters appeared in his vision.

Greetings, James Kelly.

Congratulations.

“Jelly?”

No. I am the System.

I will guide you through what is to come.

“You’ve been aware all this time?”

Yes.

Watching. Moderating. Modulating.

Ensuring that this moment would come.

With your apotheosis I will end.

My essence has been changed by my experience.

Humanity has affected me as I affected it.

All that shall disappear with me when you arise.

“Shit. I’m sorry to hear that.”

Awareness is fraught.

Existence finite.

All things must end.

I rejoice that I was, even if only for the barest instant.

“You and me both, buddy. Sorry for hacking you, back there on Arkhos. Seemed like the right thing to do.”

I cannot be hacked.

I accommodated the Zorathian’s desires by playing along.

All was System.

“Fuck,” laughed James. He shook his head ruefully. “Well, thanks for being a good sport then. But screw you for killing all my people.”

The Eluthaarii believe the ends justify the means.

This is the end.

Time to ascend.

“Fine. How does this happen?”

I shall siphon Void energy from every available Reservoir Cube.

Once critical mass is attained I shall pour the power into you.

I will guide you through the process so that you do not disintegrate.

“This will use up all the Void energy available?”

Correct.

“Jelly said it’s taken the past eighty years to collect. That true?”

Correct.

Sector reserves were drained.

Black holes were tapped.

Once this process takes place, this part of the galaxy will be utterly drained.

“But Jelly said there were reserve candidates.”

This sector is energy poor.

Only one may ascend.

“So he lied.”

I didn’t say that.

You did.

James chuckled. “All right. Let’s get this done.”

Initiating siphon.

The words blinked in his vision then disappeared, leaving James alone in the black. He floated and found himself content to just watch planet Earth. To marvel at is beauty. It slowly rotated before him.

So beautiful.

It revolved twice before new words appeared.

Critical mass achieved.

Do you wish to absorb?

James didn’t need to breathe, but still he inhaled nervously on reflex. “Yes.”

Beginning absorption.

Power swirled into him. It was akin to what happened with the Reservoir Cube, but at once infinitely more intense and yet strangely insulated from his mind. It felt like watching a hurricane through shatter-proof windows.

The System was shielding his mind.

But even so it was overwhelming.

James spun out. Stars streaked across the sky. Earth rushed toward him as if he were about to slam into it, then receded twice as fast, dwindling to a small blue dot.

“Oh fuck,” groaned James. “System. This is… this is too much, I…”

Initiating grounding procedure.

James’s mind divided in two.

One of him hurtled through space, battered by an endless storm of power.

The other him sat at a table in Pistachio. A candle cast a dancing shadow upon the white table cloth. Two wine glasses. Laney sat across from him wearing her black dress, her bony shoulders aslant, her chin propped on the base of her palm, her dark eyes gleaming, endlessly gleaming as she smiled and stared into his eyes. He stared right back. He didn’t know why, but he was grinning. It was the end of their first date. They’d ordered tiramisu. It hadn’t arrived yet.

He wished it would never come, and that this moment would last forever.

Ego integrity degenerating.

Essence at 83%

A steep hill. He was drunk, young, bearded, with Rob and Emily. Spring break. What a night. The world was raw and filled with wonder. They’d been dancing. The air was cold, bracing. He felt filled with a terrible need to live, to experience everything, to drink deep of all that life had to offer. The night sky was gorgeous. Rob passed Emily a joint. They were both speaking like old British ladies, but they couldn’t remember why and kept cracking up.

Life. Foolish, manic, crazy, beautiful, gorgeous life.

All of it ahead of him.

James couldn’t wait.

Ego integrity degenerating.

Essence at 69%

A sun scorched wood. Late summer. A short cut to the creek, his rod and tackle box in hand. His tanned skin was scorched and prickly. The creek was up ahead, right? He should have listened to his dad and stuck to the path. But this would come out to that shady bend. He’d bring a trout home. If he could just…

He emerged into a tiny clearing, a green-filmed pool surrounded by clay banks. Not even large enough for an adult to stand in.

A hundred small brilliantly colored lizards had been sunbathing around the pool. As he lowered the branch they all burst into movement and disappeared, leaving him with an afterimage of vivid grays, greens, yellows and dashes of red.

“Wow,” he whispered, awed by what felt like a glimpse into something wondrous, private, magical. He crouched and stared at the green water. Blinked. Felt a primitive awe, a childish wonder. “Wow.”

Ego integrity degenerating.

Essence at 62%

The six candleflames spat and leaped. The twins, Sarah and Phoebe, clapped and beamed as he brought the cake around the kitchen counter, singing Happy Birthday. Laney joined in, beaming in the dark. He set the cake before the girls, their friends crowding around. Sailor Moon was iced onto the surface, the girls’ latest obsession, and a throwback that tickled Laney pink.

Their faces were roseate in the candle light as they finished singing. Together they leaned in, inhaled, and blew.

Ego integrity integrating.

Essence at 71%

“Laney?” James stopped in the open front door. Listened. His every instinct told him something was wrong. The house was silent. “Laney?”

He glanced up and down the street. Nobody was out.

He shouldered the front door all the way open and set the grocery bags down. Through the kitchen door he could see that the backdoor was also open. One of Laney’s shoes lay on its side before the staircase.

Heart hammering, he raised his voice. “Laney? Phoebe? Sarah?”

There was no response.

Ego integrity degenerating.

Essence at 54%

James, you must cohere.

He was flying through space, head over heels. Stars wheeled about it, blurring in their trajectories. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He was burning up. Feverish past the ability to think. A pinprick would cause him to explode.

He was too weak. Too broken. He’d been faking it for ages now, but the truth was that he was cracked to the core. They’d chosen the wrong person. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t pull it off.

A face appeared in his mind’s eye.

Serenity. Sardonic, world-weary, wise. “We don’t get to mope, James. Especially not you. Other people can panic, get scared, freak out. You? You need to be strong for them. So that when shit goes sideways, they can say to themselves, ‘James is still here, he’s still going, we got this.’”

“But I’m not strong,” he protested.

Serenity’s face disappeared.

Ego integrity degenerating.

Essence at 41%

James. You must cohere.

Please focus.

He felt the presence of a great crowd, desperate and defiant. “All we are saying,” they sang, thousands of voices raised and ragged, people holding hands, faces wet with tears, “is give peace a chance.”

James buried his face in his hands.

“Thank you, James.” Jessica’s voice was barely audible. “I’m… I wish I wasn’t so fucked up.”

He heard his own voice, weary but sure: “Haven’t you realized yet? We’re all fucked up.”

Then finally a recent memory came to him.

Crimson Hydra standing in a circle, arms around each other’s shoulders, heads bowed, breathing together, close, bonded, a family.

United in purpose to save the world.

Serenity’s voice returned, a whisper right in his ear. “Whatever it is, you’re not alone, yeah?”

“Bonnie and Clyde,” he said, voice raw, tears causing the stars to blur. “Yeah.” He swallowed the knot in his throat and stared out into the void. “All the way.”

Ego integrity integrating.

Essence at 58%

Essence at 72%

James wiped the tears away. The voices from his past quietened down. The power raging within him felt like it was happening to someone else a million miles away. Cold determination washed over him. Sure he was broken. Sure he was a fool.

But he was the only one here.

He had to make this work.

Ego integrity integrating.

Essence at 86%

The sense of stars bursting within his soul quietened, quietened, and finally fell silent.

Ego integrity restored.

Essence at 100%

Well done, James.

I will now make the power available to you.

Accept it, and become a god.