Death Is My Only Option - Chapter 1 Death

I looked into the sky as I walk home. I sadly smiled. I need to remember everything, the amazing scenarios that I wanted to share.

I am a millionaire. After I graduated from college, I worked hard to where I am right now. I have everything that I need but why do I still feel the pain inside me. Why?

That’s why today I am going to visit my family.

I knocked on the door to my parent’s house. When it opened, my father smiled and greeted me. “Hello to my Precious Daughter. How is your day?”

“I’m fine,” I said but I am not actually fine. You see, my father may look like a very good person but in my perspective, he is not.

I remember how he shouted into my face how a useless child I am. He was mad that time because his favorite nephew who he financially supported dropped out from his college because of absences. I ran into my bedroom and cried a lot to the point that I called my mother. It pains me that my own Father chooses his siblings and nephews, nieces who just use him for money. He is blinded by those fools.

I trembled as I hold my phone at that time. I couldn’t breathe, or talk properly.

But even if I called my mother…I lost my faith in her. I am so mad at myself. How could I lose faith to my own mother? I cried every single night. Wishing that someone could see how I am hurt. It’s hard for me to tell it to people. It’s not easy as you think it is.

I tried to talk to my little brother who was the reason why I still live but he just pushed me away and mocked me.

“Hey! Dad. Where is Mom?”

“She’s out. Shopping probably.”

Shopping huh? Now I thought about it. I had lots of doubts about my mother. How could I not? Would a married woman go home at 2 am in the morning? Would a married woman talk to a young man on the phone every time? What’s worse is that I was always there with her but she is kept on talking to him on the phone.

Sad that my mother would let her anger out towards me even though I did nothing wrong. I just wanted to hug her but she kept on shouting. She felt guilty and that is why she buys me everything that I wanted. It’s as if that is her “payment” for what she did to me. I actually don’t need those things. I only need a mother that could understand my feelings.

I smirked as I enter the room. “I’m just here to give something to my brother,” I told my father and went straight towards my brother’s room only to find him sleeping.

I couldn’t wake him up and so I pulled out the letter that I wanted to give him and placed it under his laptop. It’s all of my property. The money that I worked for years. I am giving it to him. I kissed his forehead and whispered goodbye. I still love my little brother.

I tried my best not to let my tears out.

I walked out of the room and cooked something for my father. Bacon and eggs. Dad smiled at me as I served the food.

“It’s delicious but why did you cook this? At midnight?”

“Thanks, Dad. I’m just hungry.” I looked at the time and it is currently 12:45 am. Still no sign for my mother. I sighed.

“Dad. I’m going home. Tell mom that I will call her later on.”

“Oh, sure! Be careful on your way home.”

“You too, Dad. Be careful always.”

I left my parents house and went home to my apartment. I sat on the floor. Holding my phone and trying to call my mother.

10 calls and she is still not answering the phone. I became frustrated that I threw my phone away. Tears flow out from my eyes. Why can’t she answer her phone when I need to talk to her?

I took my phone again and texted. “Hi, mom! I just wanted to say that you need to be careful. Stay healthy.”

I wanted to type the words ‘I love you’ but I couldn’t. I couldn’t. It’s hard. It’s really really hard.

Sad that I couldn’t even talk with my mother personally or hear her voice.

I wondered before that if I die, would they be happy right now? After all, I am a useless child.

I got my answer now. Even if I die, they are too late. Too late to save me.

Especially that today is the day that I going to die. I am deeply in pain and no one can heal it anymore. That is why Death is my only option.

The shame of me to smile while holding a gun and pointing it towards my head. I’m tired but I shouldn’t shot it on my head but my stomach. So I could still look at the pictures that I took since 17.

I shot myself and grabbed the photos.

I chuckled as I looked at the pictures. Tears are destroying it and so I sat on the couch and cried with all my heart. Stupid me. I should have gone for the head. Why did I choose to suffer like this again?

Sad.

Very sad.

I regret not living to the fullest and I am going to miss out everything.

But I am so tired.

I should sleep now.

I badly need it.

Because no one can save me anymore.