Defeated By Love - Chapter 44

“…” Shunen looked at him blankly, breathing in his mouth, and the white mist waved in the air. The field of vision seemed to be blurred, the background turned into color blocks, and nothing could be seen clearly, only his appearance was clear as usual.

The sound of the majestic rain seemed to be broken, and the world was quiet.

Shunen could only hear the beating sound of her heart, magnifying it in her mind, overwhelming all her reason. At this moment, she didn’t want to think about anything, and didn’t want to make herself tremble in front of important people.

I don’t want to like the rights of a person with so many conditions.

She just wanted to listen to her own heart, wanted to grab his hand, smile at him, and tell him honestly—

No need to chase, I like you too.

I have secretly liked you for a while, but I am worried that you like other people, and I am worried that you don’t like me, so I dare not tell you, for fear that you will stay away from me when you know.

Fortunately, you like me too.

I am very happy.

Shunian wanted to tell him that.

She wanted to tell him that.

But when a person has been cowardly for a long time, it is extremely difficult to muster the courage again. She will consider a lot, imagine hundreds of possibilities in the future, and fear that kind of future.

The impulse that comes from desire may not be a new way out.

It’s a dark tunnel with no end.

It was a dark day that belonged to her alone, and Xie Ruhe should not be pulled up.

He just likes her and is not obligated to be her savior.

Shunian gave up such an answer and looked at him, his eyelashes trembling, his round eyes were stained with mist by the rain. She squeezed her sleeves tightly, her chest was blocked, and her throat choked inexplicably.

He should be rejected.

The most sensible move is to reject him.

As long as this kind of feeling is interrupted in time, as long as this sign is cut off, the unpleasant things that may happen in the future will not happen again.

Xie Ruhe didn’t seem to notice what she was going to say next. He still looked at her, his expression was patient and gentle, with some tension and unnaturalness, like a big boy.

Shunen was suddenly speechless.

If she refused him and told him not to do this kind of thing anymore, he would be unhappy. His emotions have always been restrained, and she must have shown signs of liking before he would say such words.

Shunian didn’t want to make Xie Ruhe’s courage worthless because of her timidity.

She didn’t want this.

Probably because she did not respond for a long time, Xie Ruhe gradually understood what she meant. He touched his neck, looked at the rain outside, and stubbornly broke the subject: “The rain is getting lighter, I will send you back first.”

“…” The awkward atmosphere dissipated in an instant.

Xie Ruhe looked down and wanted to open the umbrella.

The next moment, Shunian grabbed his wrist suddenly.

Xie Ruhe paused and looked at her sideways.

“It’s…” Shunen didn’t know what to say, only felt that he couldn’t turn this matter over, and wanted to try his best. She wanted to tell him everything she wanted to say, she wanted to say everything.

Xie Ruhe is still waiting.

Shunen sniffed and let go of his hand gently. She didn’t dare to talk about those feelings, she didn’t dare to confess, and in the end she just said very humblely: “It’s just… I have a mental illness.”

“…”

She also wanted to fight for herself.

It doesn’t work anyway.

If it doesn’t work, there seems to be no loss.

Shunen lowered his head, and his voice was extremely low, like a timid little milk cat: “I think you can think about it again… Do you like me…”

Upon hearing this, Xie Ruhe looked stunned.

“I think I didn’t understand it wrong.” Shunen was so nervous to death, her palms were sweating, and her words made no sense. “That is, when you said chasing me, you should mean liking me…”

Xie Ruhe’s Adam’s apple slipped down and suddenly called her: “Shunen.”

“Huh, huh?” Shunian dared not look at him, and added in a low voice, “It’s okay if you mind…”

Xie Ruhe asked with a hoarse voice: “Can you tell me what’s wrong with you?”

“PTSD.” Shunen explained honestly, “it is post-traumatic stress disorder.”

Post-traumatic stress disorder.

trauma.

Xie Ruhe did not know the severity of the disease. But looking at the way Shunen was before, I always felt that bad things had happened, so bad that he didn’t dare to think about it.

Xie Ruhe almost couldn’t breathe when she thought that she had experienced such a desperate situation.

“Shu Nian, what happened to you.” Xie Ruhe tried his best to make her voice gentle and not frighten her as much as possible, “Can you tell me?”

Shunen was silent for a few seconds and shook his head.

Xie Ruhe understood all her concerns and did not continue to ask: “Okay. It’s too cold outside, let’s go back first.”

“You will be unhappy.” Shunen said suddenly, “I don’t want you to be unhappy.”

Xie Ruhe stretched out his hand to open the umbrella, thinking that he had heard it wrong, and repeated inquiries: “Will I be unhappy?”

That scar is not just for her alone.

After speaking out, maybe Xie Ruhe’s scars will be uncovered.

That was not the scene she wanted to see.

Shunian suddenly thought of the first and only time he saw Xie Ruhe’s tears. She was a little lost, nodding her head subconsciously, and murmured: “You have been like this forever.”

Hope that any suffering will not haunt you again.

You can laugh freely, you can meet the people you want to see, you can do what you want to do; you will no longer be tortured by nightmare, there will no longer be the moment of falling into the abyss, and you will never remember that scene again.

May you be free from **** and reborn.

You will never regain the memories of the past, and will never see the people who made you feel painful again.

Never again, listening to others mention your painful memories.

…

On New Year’s Eve, Ji Xiangning left Xie’s house with Xie Ruhe and moved to the apartment at the corner of the street. While thinking about going back to Ruchuan to find Ji Xinghuai, she talked about divorce with Xie Ji.

For an unworthy man, Ji Xiangning broke contact with his family and never contacted his father who regarded himself as the jewel in his palm. She hesitated for a long time, still not determined to call Ji Xinghuai.

Ji Xiangning respected Xie Ruhe’s opinion and discussed it with him. Finally decided to wait for the end of his senior year, and then take him to Ruchuan City.

Xie Ruhe told Shunian about this matter.

During that time, Shunen’s mood was always dull.

On the one hand, she is happy for Xie Ruhe, she can leave this place, go to a better environment, and learn the music she likes; on the other hand, she feels reluctant and sad because he is about to leave.

Aware of her emotions, Xie Ruhe didn’t say much, just told her: “Don’t be unhappy, I will come to you.”

the other side.

From Ji Xiangning’s attitude, Xie Ji realized the seriousness of the matter and became panic and anxious.

He was extremely afraid that Ji Xiangning would leave him.

In the past, no matter how serious things happened, no matter how Xie Ji hurt her, no matter how bad things were said, Ji Xiangning never mentioned the word “divorce”.

After a long time, Xie Ji thought that Ji Xiangning had no bottom line for her.

Only she can bear everything about herself.

Xie Ji begged her many times, only to kneel. But Ji Xiangning’s attitude was determined, and there was no previous obsession and love in his eyes, only a pool of stagnant water.

This saw-saw lasted for almost two months, and Xie Ji even forced it to death, and it was still useless.

Finally Xie Ji compromised.

The two agreed to go to the Civil Affairs Bureau for divorce.

But that day, after Xie Ruhe returned to the apartment from school, he did not see Ji Xiangning. He waited at home until it was dark and felt something was wrong, so he called her.

But got the news that the other party’s mobile phone was turned off.

Xie Ruhe called Xie Ji and learned that he had drunk one night yesterday, and he was still drunk at the moment and did not go to the Civil Affairs Bureau.

His eyelids jumped and he had a bad premonition inexplicably, and he went around where Ji Xiangning might go.

Still not found.

At that time, Xie Ruhe was just a child.

He didn’t know what to do when he encountered this kind of thing, only that he was looking for help from an adult. But his father was so drunk, he could only go to his grandparents for help.

Grandparents were still dissatisfied with Ji Xiangning’s divorce, and only said that he made a fuss.

Tell him, don’t worry, Ji Xiangning will go back later.

Xie Ruhe felt uneasy, so he went to Shunian.

The town is so big, how can there be no one. Besides, Ji Xiangning has always been a very organized person. She will consider many things when she does, and will not worry other people.

After hearing what he said, Shunen was also very worried, and immediately ran home to tell Deng Qingyu.

Although Deng Qingyu didn’t like Shunian playing with Xie Ruhe, he was also worried about what was going on, and quickly took the two children to the police station to talk about the general situation.

Although Xie Ruhe hoped that he thought too much.

Maybe Ji Xiangning just ran out of battery, stayed in the supermarket for too long, or couldn’t wait for the small bus in the town, or met someone he knew and talked a few more words.

But this is not the case.

Things seem to be going to the worst.

That night, Ji Xiangning did not go home, and there was no news at all.

When he was still in school, Xie Ruhe didn’t go to school and looked for Ji Xiangning everywhere. Shunen understood his feelings, and resolutely skipped class and followed him to find it.

Although the two stayed together, there was basically no conversation.

Shunen didn’t know how to comfort him, nor dared to tell him that other people were discussing his mother’s disappearance. They said it was probably the murderer who killed Chen Xiang who had arrested Ji Xiangning.

Will somehow think of the big event back then.

After all, until now, the murderer has not caught it.

A week later, the rumors came true.

The police finally got news and found Ji Xiangning’s body beside the trash can on the Wenhua Street.

Shunian followed Xie Ruhe to the scene, accompanied by his side. She spent that difficult time with him, and she would never forget how he saw Ji Xiangning lying on the ground coldly.

At that moment, Xie Ruhe collapsed completely, and there was an extremely desperate cry from his throat, hysterical, tears falling down, as if bloodied. He seemed to have no idea of ​​wanting to live, and the look in his eyes disappeared in an instant.

It was the first time Shunian saw him cry.

A sixteen-year-old boy is about to get rid of his demon-like father, and about to get rid of such a family, and follow his mother who has suffered so much to lead a good life.

Obviously a new life is about to come.

Ji Xiangning left the world in this way before his eyes.

At that time, Xie Ji was also nearby. Seeing Ji Xiangning’s body, he froze unbelievably on the spot, then knelt down to the ground in despair, and burst into tears.

Noting his presence, Xie Ruhe’s gaze paused, and he rushed over to pinch his neck, full of hostility.

My mind is full of what Xie Ji said to Ji Xiangning on New Year’s Eve.

—— “You’re **** crazy, get out of me! I’ll tell you! You **** don’t let me deal with the dog man next door, dare to betray me! I will kill you directly! I will kill you directly!! !”

Xie Ruhe’s eyes were red with blood, and the hatred in his eyes seemed to die with Xie Ji. He gritted his teeth and said every word: “Did you kill her?”

…

…

Xie Ruhe sent Shunian downstairs.

Along the way, the two had no other conversations. Xie Ruhe didn’t follow Shunian upstairs, he stood outside the gate and looked at her, as if to watch her enter before leaving.

Shunian pursed her lips and fumbled for the key in her bag.

She stood still, her mind kept on asking Xie Ruhejie if she was mentally ill, but he didn’t answer. Shunen felt that after today, she must have no courage to mention it again.

Shunen couldn’t help but look back.

Xie Ruhe was still standing at the gate downstairs, wearing a self-cultivating coat, watching her quietly.

The two are opposed, one tall and the other short.

Seeing her look over, Xie Ruhe asked, “What’s wrong?”

Shunen shook his head quickly: “It’s okay.”

Perhaps it was the fascination of the night, Shunen always felt a little bit unwilling, even though she felt that this distance was the most suitable for two people.

After a pause, she took a deep breath and repeated it as if she wanted to go: “What I just said, you can go back and think about it again… That is, what your choice is, I don’t think it matters…”

I just feel that I will fight for myself now.

When I think about it in the future, I might not regret it so much.

Xie Ruhe’s expression paused and suddenly remembered this. He put the things in his mind behind his head, and walked over to stand one stairway from Shunham.

Frightened by his sudden approach, Shunen quickly said: “You don’t need to rush to answer me…”

Xie Ruhe lowered his eyes, deep and bright: “Can I only go back and think about it?”

Shunen said cautiously, “No, you can even if you don’t want to…”

Xie Ruhe raised his hand and hooked the key in her hand with his slender fingertips. After a while, he seemed to feel a bit unspeakable, but he quickly recovered his expression, his voice lowered, inexplicably ambiguous.

“Can’t I go to your house and think about it?”