Empress of Blue Flower Mountain - Chapter 4：The Value of Love

After he was officially crowned Emperor, Jing came to me. I don’t know how, but by this point he always knew where I was. At first I thought I’d just become predictable, so I’d purposefully hide in places where he shouldn’t be able to find me. But he always did find me. Was he a dog? It’s like he could sniff me out!

Er. Anyway. The important part.

He asked me to marry him. If I’d been drinking anything, I’d have spit it out from surprise. But I’m a spirit, so eating and drinking aren’t things that I do. You know what else?

Spirits don’t have a body. How can you marry someone without a body!? I’ve been around long enough to know at this point, that a body is essential to marriage. And he was the Emperor besides, he needed heirs. You know, children with a physical body that anyone could see!

I told him this and he replied that he didn’t care. Just as long as I would bind myself to him, love him as a wife loves a husband, that would be enough.

What nonsense.

I should have known this boy had a few screws loose, how else could he have seen me all this time? Humans who saw fairies clearly always ended up being a little bit strange.

The sensible thing to do was tell him no and to stop day-dreaming. Instead, I told him I’d need to think about it.

In my own way, I really did like him. I could not like him as a human woman would like a human man, since I was neither human nor did I have a body that can produce hormones needed for such desire. But… yes, I did like him. More than my fairies, more than my first human friend, more than my blue eyed children. He ranked very highly in my mind, though I don’t know from when.

To marry him though, I could not marry him as a spirit. You can’t bind a spirit like that. Even my brother, who had the most influence on me, could not bind me. So Jing definitely did not have that capability.

I thought a very long time about how to solve the problem.

Jing only brought the subject up again once during this time. I told him that if he really wanted me to marry him, he needed to shut up and let me think on it. He took this as an implicit yes to his proposal, so happily shut his mouth and let me think.

During this time, I drifted too and fro, looking for inspiration. Sometimes the solution to problems was out in the open, not stuck in a book or in a corner of a room. I thought best when I was free.

One day, while I was out, I came across a lovely estate. I’d been to the area before, but at the time the housing complex had been smaller and simpler. It’d grown beautiful in my absence. The Lady of the house had excellent aesthetic sense, even her garden impressed me. That was something I loved about humans. Leave them alone for a while, and you never know what would marvelous thing might happen!

In that garden, there was a girl. She was almost a woman, perhaps 13 or 14 years old. She was extremely sickly. I’d seen people like this before. There was something fundamentally wrong with their bodies at birth, and it prevented them from living a healthy life.

I came to her, knowing her time was near. Sometimes when a human is near death, they can see me. This girl was a person like that.

Because I always take care of myself, keeping to the latest fashions, she was naturally quite impressed by my beauty. We spent some time talking to each other, about silks and hair accessories, just as if we were the dearest friends, drinking to tea together.

“I’m going to die soon.” She told me suddenly.

I nodded.

“What really happens to people when they die?”

I thought about it. I’d seen a lot of people die. I’d heard a lot of different theories from humans about their souls.

“When a human dies, they lose something. They are mortal beings after all, made to have a physical form. But the idea of a soul is also true. Those pure souls, when their bodies die, are never fearful. They always look a little relieved, and many joyous. They see something I can not see, they look beyond to a place I can not reach. And then I see them no more.”

She was quiet for a while. “Am I a pure soul?”

“Yes, little one. Ever so pure. When you die, your soul will almost certainly laugh.”

There was a smile on her face, and for a moment I thought she was going to die right then. Her body was shutting down.

“My family,” she strained out unexpectedly. “I’m sad to leave them. Mother… Father… will be… so sad… too…”

“What would you like me to do?”

As I replied, her body finally gave up and her soul was released. Just as I said, she was laughing. She looked at me, and her face shown like the sun.

“Would you look after them for me?” She asked without speaking.

I nodded and she laughed again.

Then she was no more.

A servant found her body, her parents came and wept over her cold, hardening form. They called a Physician, even though it was obvious she was dead.

I sighed. There is no way a human doctor could bring her back. I could fix the body, force air into it, but without a soul it would be an empty shell. So obviously a human could never—

…

…empty shell…

Hm.

Fixing her body would be difficult and the amount of energy to do it was nothing to sneeze at. I’d basically be cutting my life in half to do it. I turned to my fairies and asked them what they thought.

Being the sort of free spirited creatures they were, they told me to do what I wanted. We were all doomed to waste away in the end, so whether it was now or later, it didn’t matter much. And if we were going to go, we might as well do it in the most interesting way possible.

This is why I liked my fairy children. They understood me so well.

The Physician had arrived and knew even without taking a pulse that the Young Miss was dead. Seeing the parents so distraught, he decided to at least make the attempt, hoping that it would help give them a sense of finality.

Right in the middle of his pretend pulse taking, he realized there was actually a pulse. He stared at the girl in dumbfounded amazement. Her skin’s color was returning and her limbs were loosening. This girl was coming back to life right before his eyes.

She suddenly opened her eyes and looked straight at him. For a moment, he saw a flash of blue. It was so fast he wasn’t sure he’d actually seen it. And then she blinked and they were a dark brown again.

Her, my, parents were overjoyed. She, I, was alive. And for the first time, I was mortal. What a curious feeling!

I had vague memories, impressions left behind in the girl’s mind, of my parents, the house, the servants. Even the Physician. They had a sense of familiarity and foreignness at the same time.

A body that feels the air, the grass, even itself. Smells and sounds and even taste. It was all new to me. Even though I’d been imitating the human body for an extremely long time, I realized I had no idea how to walk. Talking was a problem too. All the things I’d seen, I’d only known in theory.

The Physician was run ragged. He’d never dealt with someone randomly resurrecting, much less forgetting how to function (in every sense of the word) after coming back to life. Finally, he declared that my near-death experience had clearly rattled my brain and affected my body and my parents should just treat me like a toddler. I was clearly intelligent, I just seemed to have forgotten some of the basics. Like standing.

My parents were a little dubious about the diagnosis, but he’d been my doctor for my entire life. He specialized in rare sicknesses. If he didn’t know, no one knew. So they went along with it despite their doubts.

Treating me like a toddler worked surprisingly well.

Sorry, beloved human parents, when it comes to the body, I’m probably more ignorant than a toddler! But I’m eager to learn!

I won’t even say how long it took me to get the hang of my new human body. What I can say is that it’s a good thing I’d fixed all the major health issues this body had when I resurrected it. Because I ended up being quite rough with it in my ignorance.

Despite my obvious awkwardness at the most simple tasks, my parents noticed that I was healthier. The uneasiness over my ignorance and change of personality was relieved quite a bit by the fact that I wasn’t weak and sickly anymore. I could now run, and jump, and laugh without getting tired or becoming ill.

By some stroke of luck, my new name was Ya Xuilan (graceful, beautiful orchard). I liked the orchard bit, since it reminded me of my flowering trees. I was a 14 yr old girl. The Ya family was minor nobility, being distantly related to the Emperor a generation or so back. Unlike most nobility, my parents depended on trade rather than land ownership.

Apparently, my Father’s family was considered “poor Nobility” or “Nobility in name only”. To get money and pay off their debts they’d married their son off to the wealthiest Merchant family in the city. This was scandalous at the time, creating an even further distance between the other nobles and the Ya Family. But the Ya’s got their money and a cushy life, so they tolerated the shunning.

Isn’t that splendidly dramatic? I wish I’d known about it when it was happening, I would have watched. The best part is it turns out my parents got along very well indeed, and even before they got married they realized they loved each other and have been smitten ever since.

How lucky for me! Not only did I get a human body, I got a loving home too! I didn’t even have to worry about siblings, which was great for me. Having one brother was enough of a burden, I didn’t need more.

In two years time, both my health and ability to walk in a straight line had improved enough that I could be introduced to the public. My parents were overjoyed to even have the opportunity to throw parties that I could attend.

For my part, I was eager to have some new company. Even though it’d been my own choice, being trapped inside this estate with only servants and family to talk to was driving me crazy.

Xuilan did not have any friends, being too sickly to go anywhere and too weak to do anything but talk. Most girls her age would have found her lifestyle extremely boring, so they avoiding visiting unless their parents forced them into it. This made Xuilan shy and introverted.

I, however, was no such thing.

At first, my mother planned the parties and picked who to invite. After the first few such parties, I got a sense of who would be good friends or whose families I should strengthen ties with to the benefit of my parents. My mother was amazed at how good my instinct was for connecting to the right people, and picking good quality girls to be friends with. Her confidence in me grew, until I could host my own parties and invite my own guests.

It’s boasting but it’s true, I became the most popular girl in my age range and class. My parties were elegant, but also a lot of fun. Rather than being a boring social gathering to strengthen connections for business, girls had a genuinely good time. There was no bullying or snobbery either, so less popular girls felt safe there. All in all, every girl and woman who could come, tried to come.

My Mother was happy for my new found popularity, but a little worried too. I was more popular with girls than men. And I paid no attention to men in the romantic sense. My Mother tried to gently probe and find out if there was any man I was particularly interested in, but my flippant responses left her feeling hopeless.

I was 17 when they came to me with a select list of eligible bachelors to pick from to marry. I’m not going to lie, I was having quite a lot of fun as a young human girl, dressing up, drinking tea, and generally living a carefree—if slightly restricted—life, that I totally forgot about marriage. This included Jing.

I’m sorry Jing. Apparently turning human affected my memory and ability to concentrate. I’ve become a bit ditsy in my humanity!

Most girls at least got engaged at 15, so I was a late bloomer. It couldn’t be helped because of my health, but my parents were anxious. They’d wanted to give me more time, but if I didn’t get an official engagement by 18, respectable families would think there was something wrong with me and refuse any matchmaking talks.

They tried really hard and I admire their dedication for finding wealthy, good looking bachelors with stellar reputations. But seriously, these guys… Some of them I knew, having met them before, but others I only had a painting to go by. Even so, compared to Jing… They weren’t anything special.

I feel a little bad being so harsh. As a spirit, I hadn’t dwelt on Jing’s looks. They weren’t important to me. But as a human, thinking back on it, Jing was actually quite the looker. And because he studied my martial arts, his aging had slowed significantly. (Though he’d still age faster than my blue eyed children.) Even though a few years had passed and he was in his thirties now, he probably didn’t look a day older than 20.

What to do? I had to turn these proposals down, but if I did it bluntly I’d scare my parents. They might do something stupid and try and force me to wed. So I took the pictures and summaries of each man and told them, with a very grave and serious face, that I needed time to think about it. They naturally allowed me some time to think.

I needed to meet Jing. Since I was human, I needed to figure out how to do it naturally too. Just leaving the Estate and trying to enter the Palace wouldn’t work.

I discussed it with my fairy children. While I was human, I let them do whatever they wanted, sometimes causing mischief, sometimes helping out. They had a lot of impractical ideas, but a few good ones too.

A big party, they suggested. The Emperor needed to throw a big party, and then invite all his extended family. Even the Ya Family must be invited and attend.

When would be a good time for that? His birthday was coming up. He was a miser and hadn’t thrown any parties outside of his Coronation and New Years. People would be really surprised if he threw a birthday party, they’d definitely attend.

Alright. I asked one of my fairy children to go pass on that message.

Actually, I hadn’t contacted him once since I entered this body. I think the body was hiding my scent or something, because he never came looking for me or visited. If he had, I would have quickly remembered my original purpose. As it was, he was probably going to be annoyed that I’d taken so long to get back to him.

Yes, he was annoyed. The fairy came back looking quite frazzled. Jing wanted to know where I was, what I’d been doing, why hadn’t I contacted him, etc, and so forth. I was touched that he worried for me so.

…

Let’s give him a hard time.

I had the fairy relay one final message: Throw the party, invite everyone, no matter how distantly related they are to you. I will be able to attend. If you can find me in the crowd, then I know your love is true. If you can’t find me, then I will consider us fated to be apart.

My fairy messenger looked at me wearily. All my fairy friends knew Jing fairly well at this point. They knew how he’d take such a message.

I promised I was only joking and I wasn’t going to just up and leave him. My fairy children all liked a good laugh, so they went along with it. The fairy messenger still resented having to be the one to deliver the “joke”.

Within a week, Emperor Shu (for he did not take a new name as prior Emperors typically did) announced he was throwing a birthday part and that everyone related to him, no matter how distant, was to attend. The week following that, invitations were sent out to all the extended families. Including the Ya Family.

My parents were absolutely astonished to get an invitation, as they were VERY distantly related. Even though the announcement had been explicit they hadn’t expected an invite. What’s more, I was included as well.

They were quite excited that I got to go along. Chances like this were very rare. Even though it was very unlikely any of us lower nobility would get to talk to the Emperor or Imperial Family directly, high nobility and government officials would be accessible. And single men with potential would definitely be there in great numbers.

My parents went all out in dressing me up. From my hair to my toes, they spared no expense to improve my looks. My Mother had a great sense of style, so between the two of us I transformed from “the girl next door” look to “Young Miss, Flower of the Empire” look.

I’m saying I was gorgeous. But of course I was! I’ve never been modest. Even if Xuilan had been on the slightly ugly side, I could have made her good looking. As it was, Xuilan had a pleasant enough face, almost like an empty canvas, that was easy to improve upon.

My Father broke into tears at the sight of me, saying girls grow up too quickly.

…

Dear Father, didn’t you, just two weeks ago, ever so gently hint that I was a border-line Old Maid? Did you not push a pile of potential suiters onto me, wanting me to pick someone before I turned 18? Who grew up too fast, I want to know? Isn’t this your fault?

The day of the Emperor’s Birthday finally arrived. The Palace entrance was one carriage away from disaster. It was obscenely busy. When I’d suggested this party, I’d not anticipated the Emperor to have so many relatives! Was half the city related to the Imperial Family?!

It took a long long time to get into the Palace, and once we were there, we were hustled about into different groups and lines. I saw several eunuchs and servants looking like they wanted to cry and at least one that was one step away from murdering the guests he was suppose to be guiding.

I’m sorry, Imperial servants! I beg your forgiveness! This seemed like a really good idea at the time!

It was expected that the families who arrived would give the Emperor a gift. The invitation had said that anything would be fine, but it could not be money nor could it be a family heirloom and it must be given to the Emperor in person. Naturally the guests, especially the lower ranking ones, sweat bullets at this news.

Exactly what do you give to the man who has everything? My parents almost lost their minds with worry over thinking about the Emperor’s gift. In the end, I suggested a gift idea, which they hesitantly agreed to. In terms of money, it was not that valuable. But in terms of rareness, it was absolutely unique.

I held the gift, which was in a deep porcelain bowl, covered by a thick cloth. It may have been tiny, but it was easy to carry. People who’d gone for a big gift were regretting it, as they had to haul it with them while they waited.

We had come early in the morning, and stayed until late in the evening. Fortunately Emperor Shu was not heartless. It was his birthday and it was technically a party. Every hour, on the hour, entertainment, food, and drinks made their way through the lines and groups of people. Even if it was tiresome to wait, at least he tried to make it entertaining.

Finally, dusk had settled across the sky and we’d arrived at the throne room. Jing was sitting on a raised red and gold platform, wearing an intricately designed red and gold outfit to match. Auspicious sayings were painted on banners around him in celebration of his birthday. To his left and right were piles upon piles of gifts he’d already received.

He looked bored out of his mind.

My family was announced and we stepped forward, eyes lowered as was proper. My Father stepped forward and spoke on behalf of the Ya Family. After he’d finished, he nervously motioned me forward to present the gift.

I walked a few steps forward and got on my knees. Very carefully, and without looking at him, I took off the cloth hiding my gift.

It was a tiny tree, filled with tiny flowers. I’d been cultivating it since I took over this body. I was substantially weakened by the healing of this body, but not to the point that I’d lost my touch with plants.

Each flower was a different shade of blue.

And they glowed.

Emperor Shu practically jumped out of his thrown chair, his rather ridiculously-shaped square crown almost falling off his head. Everyone, the guards, my father, the high ranking guests, jumped in fright at his sudden movement.

The Emperor attempted to put his crown back on, but it kept sliding off in the most ridiculous way, as if to mock him in that moment. Disgusted, he took it off and threw it on the ground. He’d never wear such a stupid shaped crown ever again after that.

He then marched off his raised throne, right up to me. My Father gibbered out an apology, thinking our gift had offended him. The Emperor raised his hands, silencing everyone, not just my Father.

Well, Emperor Shu did look quite angry so I can’t blame Father for thinking he needed to apologize.

The Emperor stood there in front me, breathing heavily, and not saying a word.

“How may this lowly subject be of service to his great Imperial Majesty?” I asked first cheekily, with my eyes to the ground and kneeling, still holding my potted tree.

Two hands reached out and covered my own. They were warm and a little rough. He mostly likely still practiced his Martial Arts and Sword skills, even though he had body guards and warriors to fight for him.

How strange. I’d touched other human hands before, but when Jing’s hands touched me, I felt my whole body warm up and my heart sing.

“This Emperor wants to know…. This tree… Did Miss Ya grow it?” He asked in a low, tight voice.

“Replying to his Imperial Majesty, this lowly subject has been cultivating this tree since… let me see… exactly three years ago.”

“Tell me,” He said, dropping all formal speech, “what do you think of the ocean?”

“The blue is beautiful and the salty waves entertaining,” I replied casually, stunning nearby listeners by also dropping my formal speech. “But I find I suffer from severe motion sickness if I attempt to travel across it.”

My parents, beyond being terrified at my ill manners, were absolutely confused by my response. Their little Xuilan had never traveled outside the city, much less in a boat on the ocean. Why had I lied, to the Emperor no less?

Two masculine hands trembled on top of mine. He leaned forward and whispered, so that not even my parents could hear, “Xuiying?”

This time I looked up, a rather mischievous smile on my face, replying in an equally secretive way, “Little Jing, we meet again. Well done on passing the test.”