Empress Of The Lost Kingdom - Chapter 228

“Nooo, she…she..is real…,”

Li Juan’s whimpering voice echoed within the four walls of the consulting room, as she withered into tears,

“My Queen, she appears when I am in trouble. She talks to me…helps me..she is real,” Unable to believe whatever she just heard, Li Juan frantically argued with her psychologist.

“Yes, she appears when “you” are in trouble,” Wan Qi Wen tried to reason Li Juan’s arguments in a calm and collected voice, “She appears when you need her. Everything she speaks is what you want to hear from others. Your subconscious mind uses the queen as an excuse to talk about things you refused to open up to others,”

However, even after hearing Wan Qi Wen’s explanations, there were any changes in Li Juan as she refused to believe her psychologist and continued with her arguments,

“I…I saw my baby with her. If the queen is a creation of my messy brain then why would my child appear along with her? my poor baby…she promised to meet me again,” She spoke as the rims of her eyes got filled with tears,

“She said that she-” Li Juan’s hysterical words got stuck in her throat when she caught the sight of the man who sat beside her with a pair of agonised eyes as if he is undergoing a drastic amount of pain and torture.

“Yangyang,” She called in a trembling voice and grabbed his arms tightly, the streams of tears travelling down her cheeks,

“You do believe in me, right?” Li Juan sought an affirmation from the person whom she considered as her biggest supporter. No matter how absurd her thoughts and dreams, she believed that Lee Tae Yang will trust her.

However, this time she was proved wrong when Lee Tae Yang painfully chose to break her blind trust.

“No.” He sounded desolate as he refused to agree with her, putting Li Juan at a complete loss of words,

“I will believe every single word you say but not this one,” He stated in a hurt voice as he pressed her shaking palms,

“Xiao Li, you need to listen to the doctor. Whatever she said is true. No matter how much you try to find excuses, the woman whom you see in your dreams is just a fragment of your sub conscious mind,” Lee Tae Yang sounded so gentle and feeble as he tried to convince Li Juan who appeared petrified by his words,

“I won’t ask for anything else, but please… please listen to the doctor for once,” Lee Tae Yang requested her and continued,

“She is here to help you, Xiao Li,” He reminded her once again,

Li Juan slowly averted her gaze to Wan Qi Wen with her face plastered with a conflicted look. Well, it was true that for a moment she forgot the reason why she sought medical assistance.

“You know, Li Juan, we don’t have to continue like this. I don’t expect you to talk about everything within a session or two. You can take your time,” Wan Qi Wen suggested and removed her glasses that rested on the tip of her nose as she intended to conclude the session.

“I’m sorry for acting on impulse,” Li Juan honestly admitted her mistake,

“There is no need. Denial is also part of handling grief,” Wan Qi Wen smiled softly and continued in a comforting tone,

“However, you should keep an eye on the intensity of your impulses. Right now, it was just frustration and tears, but it may not be the case always. With your personality, there is a high chance that you will end up choosing violence over breaking into tears. But you don’t want to hurt anyone, don’t you?”

Hearing her question, Li Juan’s mind just rushed back to her childhood when everyone treated her as a trouble maker.

Well, she was never a delinquent, but was a kid who occasionally had outbursts when other’s torture crosses the boundaries.

But her circumstances and wrong decisions made her guilty of ruining a bunch of lives, including her unborn child,

” As I mentioned earlier, the reason why you saw your child with the queen seems to be a coping mechanism to save yourself from your emotional baggage,” Wan Qiwen’s words broke Li Juan’s line of thoughts and pulled her back to reality,

“You grew up without much parental care and obviously wished that your child may not go through the troubles that you’ve gone through. You had hoped for a better future for your child along with doctor Lee who apparently grew up without parents. But unfortunately, none of your dreams got fulfilled and you held yourself accountable for the loss of your child as well as a future which both of you dreamt of,” Wan Qiwen elaborated in a steady voice that was capable to create storms in Li Juan’s head.

Just as her psychologist expected, Li Juan had no objections nor any arguments for whatever Wan Qi Wen pointed out.

It was indeed true that Li Juan considered herself accountable for their loss.

“And your subconscious mind handled the pain and guilt just like how it did earlier, by invoking an alternate reality- that your unborn child is safe with the queen who always saved you and even made the promise to meet again,” Wan Qi Wen pinned down her last explanation based on her analysis of Li Juan’s strange dreams,

“Hmmm,” Li Juan agreed without any reluctance as she readily accepted the truth without putting up an argument.

“Does it concludes that I’m beyond rescuing and incapable of leading a normal life?” She bitterly asked while keeping her eyes downcast, unable to look in Lee Tae Yang’s direction.

“Just tell me one thing, have you ever seen the queen in your dreams while you were living with Dr Lee?” Wan Qi Wen inquired rather in a hurried tone,

“No, I don’t think so,” Li Juan replied right away,

“Well, that itself proves that you can get over your issues with the right help,” Wan Qiwen informed with a beaming face and fixed her eyes at the couple who sat across her,

“With Dr Lee, your mind feels at peace. His presence fills out the void left in your life, a friend, family, a mentor…he was there to help and watch you fulfilling your dreams and goals. He literally completes your world and thus reassures your subconscious that you are not alone. No worries, no appearance of the queen,”

As soon as the words fell from Wan Qi Wen’s mouth, Li Juan gazed at the man who was already looking at her.

“I’m not saying this to Li Juan, but also to you, Dr Lee. As long as you are willing to rely upon your dear and near, there is always a chance to lead a better life,” Wan Qiwen stated as the corners of her lips tilted up into a reassuring smile and continued to advise,

“Sometimes, all it takes a heartfelt conversation to solve our problems and Li Juan, you are lucky that you already got someone who is willing to listen to you,”

——————-

As the night falls, Lee Tae Yang’s tungsten silver Aston Martin sped through lively streets of the H city.

The bright neon lights of the buildings on the sides illuminated the man’s countenance as he took the steering wheel,

The moment they left the counselling centre, Li Juan chose to remain quiet, placing a high guard between her and Lee Tae Yang, who also refuse to break the silence.

As she watched the flickering neon lights fade, Li Juan realized that their car was taking a de route from the main city,

She thought they were returning to Dai Jin Long palace, however to her surprise, they weren’t,

Li Juan slowly turned her head and looked at the silent man who was very much focused on the road,

“Yangyang,” She called him in a low voice,

“Hmm,” He gave her a casual sidelong glance,

“Where are we going?”

“You will know in a while,” He added with a soft smile, “Are you tired? Do you want to go home?”

“No, I’m not tired,” She replied and turned leaned on the seat with her body facing him,

Her pitch-black eyes tracing every bit of his stunningly handsome face,

When Lee Tae Yang felt her gaze on him, he lifted his left arm and gently caressed her cheeks,

“If you want to take a nap, go ahead, I will wake you when we reach there,” He suggested,

“It’s fine, I’m not tired,” She repeated and buried herself into the seat like a sleepy cat,

Though Li Juan said that she is not tired, within the next few minutes, she began to doze off and finally drifted into sleep,

After thirty minutes, the car turned to an empty road bordered with the ocean on the right side, mountain on the other,

Lee Tae Yang pulled the car in front of an old lamp post and gently waked Li Juan who was asleep on the passenger seat,

“Did we reach?” She rubbed her eyes and slowly stretched her cramped up legs,

“Yes,” He replied and unlocked the seat belt, intending to get down from the car,

As the sleep left her tired eyes, Li Juan looked out the windowpane, only to see the roaring sea illuminated by the headlight beams of their car,

“You brought me to the beach?” She inquired, as her eyes sparkled in curiosity,

“Why don’t you step outside and take a better look?” Lee Tae Yang told her as he stepped down from the car,

After a momentary daze, Li Juan also followed his suit, only to realise that they were standing at the foot of a lighthouse,

“Yangyang, why are we here?” Li Juan asked as her ears filled with the sounds of the waves and the sirens of ships docked in a nearby harbour,

“I want to show you something,” He said and reached out to hold her hand as he began to walk in the direction of the beach,

“Hmm,” Li Juan agreed and tightened her grip on his hand and walked beside him,

As they reached the seashore, Lee Tae Yang released her arm, giving Li Juan to enter the water,

The moment the slightly cold briny sea breeze caressed her face, Li Juan forgot her tiredness and removed her heels in an urgency to touch the seawater.

She rolled up her jeans and stepped into the wet shore, without any delay.

As she stood there, watching the straight beam of light illuminates the horizon of the sea, an unknown calmness filled in her heart as if

the chaos in her mind slowly faded into nothingness.

The oceans and mountains always brought tranquillity to her, was this is also Lee Tae Yang’s plan to ease her tensed up mind? Li Juan wondered for a moment,

“Yangyang,” She uttered his name sweetly and turned around, but he was nowhere to see,

It was just her, standing alone in the empty seashore.

“Yangyang, where are you?” She raised her voice and called out for him as she stepped away from the waves, with an unknown fear creeping into her brain.

“I’m here, Xiao Li,” Lee Tae Yang’s loud voice heard from the place where they parked his car,

“What are you doing here?” She asked the man who was striding towards her with a placid smile, holding a small paper bag in his hands,

“You almost scared me,” She complained in a feeble voice, however, when her eyes caught the sight of the paper bag, her eyebrows perched up in curiosity.

“What is in your hands?”

He extended the paper bag to Li Juan without replying to her,

She took it from him and checked out what is inside,

It was a small lotus lantern,

Li Juan raised her eyes and looked at the man as she washed our by a huge wave of sorrow.

“It is for our child,” He said in a brittle voice, almost cracked in melancholy,

“We never had a chance to bid farewell to our little bean,”

It was true, the normal funeral rituals were always for human souls who were born and lived in this world, however, their child who was a bunch of cells with a heartbeat was never considered as a human by anyone, except them.

Unlike others, no funeral rites or mourning has been held for their little one.

As time passes by, the little happiness that filled their lives will gradually be left into oblivion, maybe after a while, other than them, no one else would remember about their child,

“We should do it, Xiao Li…Let’s send our child to a better place,” Lee Tae Yang proposed honestly,

“Hmm,” Li Juan agreed with a pair of teary eyes and looked at the beautiful lotus lantern in her hands, “We should,”

He sighs an exceedingly small smile that held pain and guilt. He reached out to hold Li Juan as they carefully walked into the sea that seemingly calmed down,

As the water level reached his waist, Lee Tae Yang stopped walking and found his footing in the mushy sand,

After helping Li Juan to stay steady, he picked up the lighter from his chest pocket.

With a gentle flick, he lit it up and carefully passed the flame to the candle wick inside the lotus lantern that rested in Li Juan’s hands,

“I pray to you, the almighty dragon king who wields the seven seas and the vast sky, please take care of our child in this journey and lead our little bean to a better place,” He chants with closed eyes. His voice so humble and crystal clear smoothly glides over the waves.

He was never been a strict religious person, but for the sake of Li Juan’s peace, he chose to recite the prayers for the dead in the Guan family, for their lost child.

With her eyes brimming with tears, Li Juan silently listens to his words as she gently holds the lantern as if she is holding something precious and delicate,

Though she refrained herself, unknowingly Li Juan slipped back to the dream where she met her little girl and made the promise to meet again,

“As this is not a goodbye forever,” She almost whispered, forgetting the whole conversation she had with her psychologist for a mere moment,

Even if it was an absurd dream, she wished to hold onto it one more time as she bid farewell to the child.

“Because we will meet again,” Lee Tae Yang finished her words and gently touched the paper lantern while looking at Li Juan’s perplexed face,

She never expected anything like this from someone like Lee Tae Yang who opposed the idea of afterlife and rebirth.

“If true love has no bounds, I pray that in next life, you will be our child again,” He mumbles and together they place the lotus lantern on the water, allowing it to travel in the hands of gentle waves,

Li Juan stares at the little light that drifts away from her as it moves in the direction where Sun had disappeared,

“Xiao Li,” Lee Tae Yang’s deep voice fell on her ears and urging Li Juan to turn her gaze to the one who brightens up her dark ominous world,

The things she learnt about herself might be true, but that doesn’t mean that she will be able to forget everything in an instant.

The conversations with the queen, her strange dreams, bizarre visions and lastly her child- it will definitely take some time.

However, one thing Li Juan was sure,

At the end of this dark night, a bright morning awaits with new opportunities.