Enlightened Empire - Chapter 490: Fools

“If you cannot pay, rube, then simply disappear from this place,” a rude voice with a foreign accent interrupted Sami from behind.

Before he could even turn to face his detractor, a second voice had already added to the first: “Maybe the squalor of the commoner huts outside would be more fitting for a poor sod like this.”

When Sami finally turned, he saw a thin man with a mean face sneering at him. At least Sami thought he was sneering, since most of the man’s face was covered by a long, black beard. Not only he, his companion next to him was also bearded, and looked like an overall enhanced version of the first. It wasn’t just that he was half a head taller and maybe twice the weight of the first man, his face was also even meaner than the first’s, completely looking down on Sami, both literally and figuratively.

Based on the fancy, white robes the pair wore, it seemed like they were rich men, so it was no wonder they were belittling an obviously poor commoner like Sami. Still, being insulted like this didn’t feel good, especially when he had just mustered a modicum of confidence by learning the operation of the stock exchange.

“Even if I can’t buy anything, it would only be to your benefit, masters, as you would have less competition. Surely, there’s no need for your animosity, to the point of denying my mere presence,” he replied in a dry tone which was calmer and more confident than his actual feelings.

Before the two strangers could reply, Sami turned, to once again study the prices of the ships. Maybe there was a cheaper offer he had overlooked. However, the mean voices returned and forced him to turn around again.

“Truly as expected of the poor southern barbarians. No wonder you people have no courage to send a single man beyond the Narrows,” the big stranger said.

“Yes indeed, only the unlearned would fail to understand that the mere presence of a fool would diminish the quality of a room,” the skinny stranger added.

No wonder these people look so strange. They’re outsiders from the north, Sami concluded based on their statements. Even so, despite their insults, the craftsman wasn’t willing to fight back. While he wouldn’t bow down to cheap provocations like this, he also couldn’t start a fight and get kicked out of the exchange on his first day. After all, he didn’t want to ruin his future over a squabble.

“So it seems like you’re valued guests to our lands,” Sami thus said to calm things down, before he hinted: “In that case, I suggest you should try to respect your hosts a bit more. Wouldn’t such behavior be more appropriate for higher status masters such as yourselves?”

The two foreigners were either fools or confident in their skills, since they didn’t even flinch in the face of the local’s warning.

“Hah! What respect do barbarians command?” the big one offered a fake, derisive laugh, before the skinny one added: “Listen well, rube. This master is a true scholar, who has studied the classics and proven himself among his peers.”

So they are fools then, Sami concluded.

Didn’t these two understand that offending the locals like this would only get them robbed or killed? Not that he himself would do something to them, of course. He wasn’t so easily offended, but others wouldn’t be so kind. His friend Chanca for example would rip them apart if he heard them talk like that. Even the friendly-to-indifferent desk man next to Sami now wore a sour face, surely a poor initial condition for a business transaction. Whatever fees had to be paid in this place, they would no doubt double or triple for these fools.

Of course, none of that was Sami’s business. He didn’t care if the foreigners were eager to pay extra, or die an early death. Even so, while these two were still alive, they could be a valuable resource.

Rather, it was better that they were fools. It only made them more valuable. The nice thing about fools was that they were easily led. Back when he had worked as a barman at Ekkoko’s tavern, Sami had managed to extract much useful knowledge from his simpler patrons by leading them on in just the same way. Although these fools weren’t drunk, surely, they would also have some useful — or maybe even valuable — information to extract.

Who knew, maybe they were even foreign spies. In that case, if Sami could uncover their true identities, he could collect a heavy bounty and solve his money problem immediately. Thus, with nothing to lose and nothing better to do, Sami decided to give it a try.

“Right. In that case, why is such a great scholar wasting his precious time among us barbarians?”

Although Sami’s tone was biting, he also tried to sound bitter at the same time, all in an attempt to act out the role of a defeated, yet defiant loser. In the face of such pettiness, these guests from afar would be eager to show off their perceived greatness some more, while showing their hands in the process. At least they would if they truly were fools.

To his surprise, Sami’s plan worked much better than he ever could have hoped. For a second, the self-proclaimed scholar looked embarrassed by the question, before he seemed to regain his confidence and puffed out his bony chest for a reply.

“Of course, this great scholar is here on an important mission entrusted to him directly by the Scholarly Council,” he claimed.

So baffled was Sami by the statement that he could only stare in response. The awkward silence lasted for a few seconds, until the carpenter regained his wits.

“Are you sure you should be telling me that?” he finally asked. Had this fool really just admitted that he was the agent of an enemy country?

Sami’s question wasn’t intended as a warning this time, nor as another bait. Instead, he was genuinely concerned about this fool’s mental health. Though on the other hand, he could already hear the silver fall into his bag. Were these two really spies?

In response to Sami’s question, the lanky fool’s embarrassed expression returned again as he fell silent, clearly aware that he had said more than he should. Somehow, his ridiculous behavior managed to calm Sami down even more. If these people were this incompetent — possibly even spies sent on an important mission — then surely they couldn’t be that much greater than him, even with all their money, even with their government support.

“No, please don’t let me stop you. Do go on,” Sami added with a grin. For a moment, the expression on the skinny foreigner’s face froze as he realized that the ‘rube’ was making fun of him, before his eyebrows pulled together in anger.

“It matters not,” he huffed and threw his hand around like he was trying to swat away a fly. “There is no need to hide the truth, for the wise scholar king’s plans cannot be stopped by the mere thoughts of a common man.”

Right. Sounds like you’re just making excuses, Sami thought, and looked over to the tall foreigner. Though it seems like your friend doesn’t mind.

Next to the skinny scholar, the tall man’s face retained the stony sneer from before. Since neither of these two seemed to understand the gravity of their situation, Sami decided to take the chance and ask a few more questions. The better his information, the more money he would receive for it later.

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“Is that so?” he thus asked in a snide tone. “What is your wise king plotting, then? I’d love to see if he really is as brilliant as you claim.”

“No need to tempt us, rube,” skinny sneered, and looked mightily tempted to just babble on. Yet before he did so, he looked over to his tall friend, who thought for a second, before he shrugged. Only then did skinny continue. “As the Scholarly Court’s plans cannot be prevented, this scholar shall indulge your insolence. After all, this conspiracy is no conspiracy at all, for it merely takes advantage of your foolish king’s idiocy, open and aboveboard. This so-called miracle king of yours has spent so much coin to build this new market of his, all to sell his ships to the cheap commoners under his estate. Yet rubes such as you have no wealth to take advantage of such gifts. Just look at your dress.”

Sami simply smiled at the insult and patiently waited to hear their actual plan, ready to tell the first policeman he saw later. Not long after, the arrogant foreigner indeed continued.

“Yet when your foolish king made his foolish plans, he forgot to exclude from purchase those from other lands. Rather than the local poors taking advantage of your king’s generosity, it will be the wise scholars of northern Medala who shall travel here to buy anything of value for cheap. With these ships, we shall travel back and forth between the kingdoms of Medala, and thus extract all remaining wealth from your cheap lands, until you are all destitute, your lands laid bare for the wise scholars of the north to liberate you from barbarity.”

And most likely, you’re after our ships’ construction methods as well.

While Sami didn’t know much about such things, at least he knew that the new, oriental ship designs of Saniya’s craftsmen were far superior to traditional medalan warships. Not to mention, most northern warships had been sunk in repeated conflicts with the southern kingdom, so there was a need for them to replenish their fleets.

The more Sami thought about this plan from the northerners, the more he thought it made sense. By buying these ships, they could steal Saniya’s superior technology, while also taking advantage of the miracle king’s favorable sales conditions. Worst of all, this was indeed an open conspiracy. Even if he went to the police with this information, they wouldn’t be able to do much, since these northerners weren’t — strictly speaking — breaking any laws.

Upon this realization, Sami could feel the unfamiliar fire of rage rise within his belly. Here he was, thinking he would make a fortune on spies, and then he found out they were just particularly foolish merchants, wasting his time with their nonsense. As he felt the silver in his pocket float away, real anger replaced the previous, fake derision.

“Sounds like you guys are just afraid of the southern kingdom. Instead of fighting us upright — like proper Medalans — you sneak around the back and try to pick our pockets,” Sami complained while he sported a sneer designed to enrage the fools as much as their antics had enraged him.

“A wise man would never attack a castle’s strongest point. How could a rube understand the wisdom of the scholars?” the tall fool quibbled, before the skinny fool added: “Why waste any more time with such rubes?”

By now, Sami’s anger had washed away his feelings of inferiority. Thus, it had also restored his usual confidence, and with it, his analytical mind. After thinking about the northerner’s plan for a moment, he realized that it was nothing short of ridiculous. By now, he no longer wanted to avoid conflict, and his expected bounty was also long gone. Yet if nothing else, at least he would make sure that these foreigners would leave this place in as poor a mood as himself.

Just as the two scholars wanted to turn and leave, Sami couldn’t help himself any longer and shot back: “Right. So in order to extract the wealth of Saniya, it sounds like you guys will spend a fortune in silver to buy our ships.” Sami sneered. The more he thought about their plan, the more ridiculous it seemed. “Then, you will use those ships to run the trade routes in the Verduic Sea, which means that every time you dock, load or unload anywhere in southern Medala, or on any of the Verdant Isles, you will hand even more silver to that barbarian kingdom in the south, the one you despise so much. If your plan was to take our wealth, then I doubt you thought it through very much.”

Much unlike Sami’s earlier, calm response to the constant insults, the skinny fool’s face turned redder and redder in response to Sami’s sarcastic rant.

“What would a poor rube understand?” the scholar shouted, wide-mouthed and uncontrolled. Finally, Sami was thankful for the man’s beard, or he would have surely experienced rain indoors. Just as he wanted to return some more harsh words and then leave the fools to themselves, his plans were interrupted by a surprise visitor.

“What’s going on here? You making new friends?” Chanca asked, as he pushed through the modest crowd which had formed around them to watch the excitement.

“Not exactly.” Sami waved away the question, before he changed topics.”Did you find anything good?”

“Yeah, I looked around a bit and found a ship that would be perfect for us. The guy says we’ll get a good deal on it, if you know what I mean.”

As far as Sami was concerned, he rather wouldn’t know the details, but he would still gladly come with Chanca to look at their prospective ship’s cost. He was done with the fools anyway, so he was glad that their conversation would lead them away from here. Yet just as he was about to ask Chanca to show him in detail, the fools shoved their way right back into their private talk.

“A ship? As in a single one?” the skinny fool shrieked, as if he wanted the entire hall to hear. In a horrible acting job, he laughed a fake laugh, before he turned towards his tall companion. “Oh, why would this scholar ever waste his breath on these poors?”

“Indeed. If this is the best these poors can do, then the north will soon overwhelm the south again,” the tall one added, surely content that they could embarrass their adversary in front of a crowd. Unfortunately for them, Chanca wasn’t half as patient as Sami.

“Who’re you calling poor, bozo!” Chanca shouted back. With his gangster’s pride triggered by the dismissive tone, he clenched his fists and stepped forward to teach them a lesson, but Sami held him back by the shoulder before he could get them all thrown out of the building.

“Calm down. There’s police present,” he said, and nodded in the direction of the uniformed men around the premises. In response, Chanca snorted dismissively and threw off Sami’s hand with a shrug of his shoulder. Still, at least he no longer tried to rush the two fools head-on. Unfortunately for the fools, they seemed to mistake restraint for fear and kept pushing their luck.

“Yes, calm down, boy. Lest you truly offend us, and then get hurt once we meet at sea,” the tall fool claimed in a booming voice.

Again, Sami worried that his friend would explode in anger, yet this time, Chanca simply raised his shirt and revealed a pistol underneath. While Sami was still panicking, looking around the room to check if anyone in the crowd had spotted Chanca’s covert action, his gangster friend had already hidden the weapon again.

“You better stop talking and start walking, smart ass,” he said. “Or I’ll scalp that scraggly beard as a trophy.”

Finally, the two fools seemed to have understood that they were in a weak position here, and that their big mouths were about to get themselves killed. For a few, endless seconds, they stared at Chanca with horrified eyes, before they turned around to leave. Though even then, the bigger of the fools couldn’t refrain from making a comment.

“Hmph, truly a rube,” he said towards his fellow scholar. “Well then, let us go. We need to take some time to put together our fleet. After all, we will need to be informed if we wish to purchase more than merely a single ship.”

In response to their repeated provocation, Chanca once again took a step to catch up to them. Yet again, Sami held him back.

“Leave it. They’re not worth it,” he said. This time, he didn’t have to work hard to hold back his friend. Rather than angry, Chanca’s scary smile made it clear that he was looking forward to their next meeting with the fools. It looked like he was ready to cause pain to someone.

“They best hope we never meet them out on the water, or they’ll get what’s coming to them,” Chanca said. “Look at this.”

As he spoke, he pulled from his pocket a rolled-up piece of paper. Although he acted like he wanted to show Sami, he barely flashed the contents of the scroll before he put it away again. It certainly wasn’t long enough for Sami to read anything.

“What was that?” he thus had to ask, which prompted an even nastier grin from Chanca.

“It’s a privateering license,” he whispered back, as he looked around to make sure no one in the dispersing crowd was close enough to hear him. “Father got it for us. If we ever come across those guys somewhere out there, we’ll just hold them at gunpoint and rob them blind.”

“Wait, I thought the plan was to be merchants,” a shocked Sami shouted, before he caught himself and completed in a whisper: “not pirates!”

However, Chanca only slapped him on the chest and said: “Come on, let’s go check out our prospective ship. I got no idea about those things, so I need your keen eye to help me out,” before he walked towards the entrance of the hall.

As he watched Chanca’s confident back, Sami suddenly began to worry for his future again. Whether they would act as merchants or pirates in the future, he felt like his friend was far too eager for either, and far too quick to start trouble. As he imagined all the problems they would cause out at sea, his confidence took a hit once again.