Estranged - CH 125

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For Hua-Shan, this hesitation lasted for a brief moment, but for Changming, it seemed like thousands of years had passed by, long enough for a sea to be filled instead with sand.

Many things were written in the notes, and the handwriting was small. When he looked through the notes, he learned a lot. Many years had passed since that day, and Changming would have never thought that all of this would still remain in his memories.

In a flash, he glanced upon many things from his past.

The memories were not only Yun Weisi’s, but also his.

—Daoyou He Yunyun and shidi got down on their knees in front of the temple shishu and begged him. Shishu told them that although he is the temple master, he can only give a verdict after discussing it with his shixiong. They went to shizun. At that moment, shizun was cultivating and did not leave his abode for days. They stood there for a day and a night, holding hands, and did not let go. Many of my fellow disciples envied them, saying that couples that are akin to mandarin ducks are better than immortality. But I was just puzzled and listened to their discussion quietly.

Couples of mandarin ducks are better than immortality: finding your soulmate is the most important thing in the world

—It’s nighttime. The moon is round, and the wind is fresh. When one cultivates under a waterfall during a night like this, they would gain understanding from the spiritual energy of the sky and the earth.

—When shizun left seclusion and listened to shishu’s explanation, he immediately gave his consent. We all thought he would be against it and we would hear shidi and He Yunyun cry and beg him, but, unexpectedly, everything was resolved so easily… Shizun also said that cultivators live much longer than common people, and being daoist partners is not just a status, but, primarily, a contract sworn upon the heavens and the earth. Thus, you can’t change your mind and back out halfway, so the two of them should consider this in a mature way. I always thought that these words contained some hints, but I never managed to decipher them. Shidi and He Yunyun thought that shizun was testing her and quickly put forward their feelings. They pointed to the sky and swore upon the sun that they would never regret this decision.

Pointed to the sky and swore upon the sun: take a resolute oath

—I left my ten-day seclusion just in time to make it to their wedding. The temple master personally watched over the ceremony of making vows to the heavens and the earth for them. Shizun was also present, which happens rarely, and drank a couple cups of wedding wine. Our Daoist temple that was usually so solemn was extraordinarily lively today. All my shidi drank a lot and were intoxicated. Usually, they say stubbornly that their hearts are set on the Great Dao only, but today, watching the newlyweds in harmony as if they were a pair of zithers singing, they actually envied them. Everyone said that they also wanted to go down the mountain to gain experience. As I see it, a drinker’s heart is not in the cup, but I didn’t expose them.

A drinker’s heart is not in the cup: …but instead dreams of the life in mountains and creaks: to have other things in mind, meaning they want to descend the mountains to find their soulmates

By this time, Yun Weisi had already set aside his plans of avenging his massacred family and slowly blended into the Yuhuang Temple. He had gotten used to the routine of exercising in the morning and cultivating till night.

There were many disciples in the Yuhuang Temple, but it was normally peaceful and quiet. The Daoist sects preached the doctrine of non-interference and urged their disciples to follow the Heavenly Dao. And the Heavenly Dao was heartless. Although finding a daoist partner was not prohibited, seeing Jiufang Changming, who liked silence, the disciples put their hearts to cultivation as much as possible and kept quiet. Changming also remembered that wedding, and, when he recalled it now, he realized that it was indeed unusually lively.

But there is both grief at separation and joy in union in this world, and misfortune lurks in happiness. Changming had long anticipated what could happen in the future, but the disciples had failed to take the hint he provided when he gave his consent. Even the quick-witted Yun Weisi had been confused by it, and had not guessed at what Changming had meant even after a long time. He still needed to step into the human world to understand it.

—During the Lantern Festival, our temple was also more lively. Several disciples couldn’t contain themselves and secretly descended the mountains to look at the colorful lanterns. The temple master turned a blind eye to this. At first, I was going to return to my room and meditate, but shizun called me and asked me whether I wanted to travel down the mountains with him. Of course, I agreed without thinking twice. To be honest, I’ve been studying for many years already, and every day, unless I’m listening to the teachings preached at the temple, I go behind the mountain to cultivate under the waterfall there. I’m almost able to recall every vein on the leaves of the trees there. Shizun and the temple master don’t prohibit us from going down the mountains and traveling, but I’ve already seen the splendor of the human world that indulges in luxury and decadence. Every time I think of it, I remember the hatred I have for my family’s murderers, so I wasn’t going to go down there in the foreseeble future. However, when shizun asked me, I found myself looking forward to this trip.

The Lantern Festival: 15th of the first lunar month

—Although the town is small, there is everything one would need. The streets that were selling festival lanterns were full of people. They were displaying lanterns that have been popular in the capital for the past several years, and those fashions of the capital have finally reached this town. I saw a lantern made in the shape of a rabbit and recalled the lantern festival I had attended with my family when I was seven. Dad had bought me a lantern like this. At that time, my mind was full of swords and clubs, why would I like such a refined thing? Of course, I didn’t spare it a single glance. Now, everything has changed, and I looked at the same lantern with regret. However, I was no longer with the same people. Shizun bought the lantern and gifted it to me, saying that he saw me staring at it. He thought that I didn’t have enough money. I felt a mixture of things. Perhaps, after you set out on the path of cultivation, your heart really becomes more numb. Even the sadness of the past leaves your heart. We passed through the street that was selling lanterns along the river. The street is short, but it felt as if we were walking for a long time. When I looked at shizun, for some reason, I recalled the question shidi asked me back then, and suddenly an audacious thought struck me: if shizun agreed, I would be willing to give up cultivation and travel with him. This thought was so daring that it even startled me. Even though I calmed down a bit afterwards, my mind was in a turmoil. Shizun called for me several times, but I didn’t hear him. He thought that I just missed my family.

—During festivals like the New Year one, and especially during the Lantern Festival and the Double Seven Festival, the people in the human world would light up lanterns. Today was no exception. Many people in the crowd near the river were lighting lanterns, so I asked shizun whether he wanted to join in. He stood with his hands clasped behind his back and shook his head, saying that people light lanterns to place their hope on them because they have something they yearn for. However, he has no desires or wishes, so he doesn’t need the lanterns to help him. I asked him whether the pursuit of immortality via the Great Dao was not a wish. He said that one should pursue the Great Dao with their own efforts, while the illusory wishes of the common people were but an attempt to comfort themselves, and cultivators would never believe in it. In the end, I still put my lantern in the water because there is something I want.

The Double Seven Festival: the 7th day of the 7th month, Chinese Valentine’s day

—Recently, when I have free time, I read books in the library of the Yuhuang Temple. I noticed that there were not only books related to Daoist sects, but also many books from other clans, even Buddhist and Confucian ones, or on the yin-yang and geomancy. Some of them are even on some of the cultivation techniques of Demonic sects. I heard that those are what shizun has found recently. Although these are no secret and unique sacred teachings, they are very rare scriptures from all kinds of sects. No wonder shizun doesn’t allow new disciples to enter this place. He must be afraid that their unstable hearts would be perturbed. That said, why would shizun suddenly get so interested in teachings of other clans? Could it be that the more progress you make, the more open-minded you should be, like a sea that has many rivers running into it?

—I chatted with shizun today. I asked him the question that was bothering me yesterday, and shizun told me that he has gained some insight while cultivating and wants to open a new path. He said that I’m not obliged to stay under his influence and can continue taking the road I have been following in my cultivation. Although he cleared up my confusion, I’m even more puzzled now. I think that there is more to shizun’s words than it seems.

—I went to the library today and saw that all the books related to other clans have been hidden. The disciple that guards them said that shizun ordered to not let anyone who is not at the master level read these books. That was too much of a coincidence. I shouldn’t have asked him about it back then, now, it seems that I’ve walked into my one trap.

Blood was slowly dripping from the corners of Changming’s mouth, leaving a small, dark trace on the snow beside his feet. Even the freshly fallen snow could not cover it.

A-Rong was shaking Changming gentler now, and her voice had gotten weaker. It seemed that she had stopped struggling and given in to her inner demons.

A smile crawled across her lips. That’s right. Where in this world could one find a person that would willingly let an opportunity like this escape their hands and follow the noble and moral path? Fox spirits had always been self-serving, and only A-Rong was different. Now, it was time for this different A-Rong to come to her senses.

“Get out of my way and let me settle the score. I’ll share half of his spiritual powers with you.”

First of all, Hua-Shan should take his spiritual powers. Whether she would actually give A-Rong half of it or not was in her power.

Hua-Shan was speaking, using her gentlest voice. She did not believe that A-Rong could disobey her.

Yet A-Rong did not step aside and even dared to raise her head and talk back.

“Sister Hua-Shan, Senior is a good person. He saved me, so I can’t repay his kindness with betrayal!”

Repay kindness with betrayal? As if Hua-Shan heard an excellent joke, she laughed.

“He got closer to you, using a false identity, and rescued you with an ulterior motive. You’ve always been foolish, but why do you stay so naive even after being used by a human?”

“Didn’t Sister Hua-Shan call me here to kill me as well?” A-Rong answered suddenly. She was biting her lip and stressed every word.

“Nonsense!”

Hua-Shan’s expression did not change, but she quietly clenched her hands under her sleeves. She did not understand how she had slipped up that would let A-Rong guess at her real motivations correctly.

“Sister Hua-Shan did not call for anyone except for me. When the young master attacked me, Sister didn’t stop him, and it didn’t seem to be an accident. Obviously, you already knew what was to happen. Perhaps, it was you who suggested the young master kill me—but why? I did nothing wrong, so why does Sister hate me so much?”

Hua-Shan squinted. She had always looked down upon this child and thought that A-Rong was foolish and clumsy. She had not expected A-Rong to be a wise person who only appeared to be slow-witted.

“Why do I hate you? Silly child! It was the young master who wanted to see you. I didn’t know why. I thought he liked you, how was I supposed to know… Ai! If only I knew, I would have done everything to stop him!”

It was hard to tell whether she was lying or not, and even Hua-Shan had almost believed it herself.

“A-Rong, remember this: we’re the same clan. The person behind your back is different. The young master vowed to be our ally, but, obviously, I won’t work with him now that he has attacked you. I should get stronger for the sake of protecting you all. Wouldn’t it also benefit you if I absorb this person’s spiritual powers?”

Hua-Shan felt that this argument was surely enough to change A-Rong’s mind. But the letter still shook her head.

“The young master wanted to kill me. At first, Senior didn’t want to appear, but he did for me. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have suffered such severe wounds today. Sister Hua-Shan, please, respect the fact that we’re one kin and don’t hurt Senior, will you?”

Hua-Shan frowned, looking at the small thin girl in front of her.

She had never felt that A-Rong was such an eyesore.

He was of another race, so obviously, his thinking was different, yet A-Rong had been protecting this outsider despite all this.

Since this is the case, go die together with the outsider.

Hua-Shan raised her hand ruthlessly to put a seal directly on Changming’s heart, and even then A-Rong did not step away.

Die along with him then. Hua-Shan did not so much as blink, keeping her heart as hard as stone and iron.

But this attack was suddenly interrupted!

Or rather, the person in front of her eyes was gone!

Hua-Shan was stunned.

In a flash, she felt a sharp pain in her back. Alarm bells rang out in her consciousness, and she dashed forward with all her might.

That man had not died!

Not only had he not died, but he even had the strength to retaliate!

Could it be that he had been testing her?!

Confusing thoughts flew through her mind at this moment, and Hua-Shan did not even dare to look back.

She had just seen this man fight against the young master, so his strength was fresh in her memories. The same dread formed in her heart, and she even started to regret her rash decision to leave things to luck and attack him. Maybe he actually did not attack her first to learn her plan.

Had Hua-Shan turned her head to look back, she would have known that her guess was completely wrong.

If Jiufang Changming had any strength left, this strike would have definitely reached her weak point, and she would have no energy to flee.

He had already spent all his spiritual powers and leaned on A-Rong weakly, still submerged in the chaotic memories of the past.

A-Rong buried her face in her hands, afraid that her teary face would betray her grief.

She was crying over Changming’s wounds, but more importantly, she was crying over herself.

A stranger she had met completely by chance was more willing to lend her a helping hand than her own kin. Even more so, her clan wanted her dead. Only this senior had come to her rescue.

A-Rong was slow-witted, but she was not stupid.

Even if Hua-Shan was right and Changming only wanted to use her in the beginning, he could have stayed hidden when the young master tried to kill her instead of hurrying to help her.

“Senior, Senior!”

She could only raise her voice in a futile attempt to wake him up as she dragged him with difficulty to a more concealed location.

At some point, Hua-Shan would realize what had happened and come back. If this senior was not fully conscious by that moment, the two of them would be in grave danger.

The young master was even more frightening.

A-Rong gritted her teeth. Her weak body could not use much spiritual power, so it was even difficult to support Changming. The two figures, one small and one big, were slowly moving forward through the snow.

Many confusing events of the past were reconstructing themselves in Changming’s delusional mind, following the notes.

—I didn’t expect shizun’s prediction to come true. When shidi left the mountains to train, he encountered a powerful enemy and met his end. His traveling companion told us that he chose to sacrifice himself in order to protect He Yunyun. Before he passed away, he asked his companion to come back to our sect and convey his last words. He asked shishu and shizun to not blame He Yunyun. When the disciples heard this, they all sighed and groaned for many days, sorrowful over the fact that shidi died an untimely death. After all, shishu used to say that although shidi’s talents were not comparable to mine, he was also one of the best. If it was not for this accident, he would have reached the master realm, and would even have had a chance to have a glimpse of the grandmaster realm. Unfortunately, the water has flowed to the west, and it was all in vain.

The water has flowed to the west: you can’t turn back time

—Haven’t written for a long time. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened in the past few days, but today at noon shishu announced the news that startled everyone: He Yunyun became the daoist partner of the new master of the Donghai Sect. Even though daoist partners should follow each other everywhere since they have sworn upon the heavens and the earth and you can’t easily get rid of this connection, if one of them dies, the relationship is severed. No one made He Yunyun’s life difficult even after shidi’s death, and she was free to live like a usual person while remaining a widow for shidi. However, He Yunyun found a daoist partner so quickly right after shidi’s death, so everyone couldn’t help but become suspicious. It wasn’t exactly that they loathed her for this, they just recalled shidi’s premature death and wondered: if he knew what would happen, would he still sacrifice his bright future for such an ending? My fellow disciples were thinking about this, and so did I. If it were me, would I regret this?

—This question has been torturing me for many days. I even reflected on it while cultivating, and it almost made me have a qi deviation. I could only stop cultivating and go under the waterfall to spend my night sitting there. In the morning, shizun came looking for me himself. He didn’t come near me and just stood far away on the top of a peak, watching over me. I also looked at him. At this moment, I thought that I found my answer.

Did Changming understand Yun Weisi’s mind back then?

Changming thought that he probably did.

He knew, but never showed it. He had hoped that Yun Weisi would understand everything himself—that he would see that love affairs would only cloud one’s eyes, making people stop in their progress, leaving them no chance to come any step closer to the Heavenly Dao.

Unfortunately—

Unfortunately, Changming could not predict what would happen in the future, not even how his heart would change. In the end, he lost control.

In truth, he remembered everything. He had just buried the memories deep in his mind and refused to face them.

They were hidden for such a long time that he thought that they had already disappeared, yet a random set of circumstances had broken the seal on these memories when Changming was in grave danger. They broke through like seeds sprouting and breaking through the earth and bloomed right in front of his eyes.