Eve Of Gods - Chapter 1 Pato Correction

First of all, this is an auxiliary chapter correcting some of my errors!

New Readers? Skip it. You don’t really need to read this chapter.

Now, for old readers, why did I have to post this chapter?

Well, personally, I love constructive criticism from readers where they point out my errors in logic or what I am not doing right. There was this great kind hearted reader named “Pato” on Royal Road, who helped me by taking out enough time to give advice to me on a whole bunch of things I could have done better. That is why, I didn’t post a chapter yesterday. I read all my chapters again.

I have now re-edited a lot of them. I changed a lot of things, so I am making a list of all the changes in this chapter so that you don’t have to go and re-read.

In Prologue:

Also, hundred years in the future, Computer Science has changed. There are no more real programmers. That is the job of AIs, Ahan was doing B.E in Virtual Reality.

These changes were what I had already planned to make!

In Chapter One- New God Maugus:

Pato Corrections begins. He pointed out there was no explanation of Ahan’s skills as a God.

Why he was able to travel between two different worlds? I also realized that I made him just wave his goddamned shining hands with white light with no explanation and BAM! He was in the other world. So, this what I have changed in the first chapter:

“He fought them both, so that all the races of this world could take their fate in their own hands, whether they destroy themselves, or continue to prosper. He lost in this war of faith, and reincarnated as Ahan in the other world called Earth, to save his life. Though, apparently this disaster came as a blessing in disguise.

As now his Earthling body was imbued with all the divinity of his previous body of a god from this world. His unprecedented situation granted him an ability that no God in this world would ever possess; the ability to be able to travel through the void between two different worlds without losing himself in the process or suffering from the suppression of the will of the other world.

As a god from a different world, if he entered another world he would inevitably have to face suppression from the will of that world! But, now he had a body of an Earthling which had a soul from the Other world. Technically, he was an anomaly who belonged to both worlds.

This loophole granted him abilities which were beyond the imagination of all the Gods of this world. Though, now that he was back in this world, his Divine Kingdom was shattering and on the verge of destruction and the divinity that he had been imbued with was already borderline unstable, to the point where after a while he might not even be able to maintain his form and die.”

The white shining light signified the use of Divinity in my mind. So, to the next chapter!

In Chapter Two- Game Development:

Pato also gave a lot of suggestions on how I could have improved the Game Development chapter.

1. How the readers could get a feel for how much time and effort was spent creating this framework in order to allow the souls of players from Earth to be transported to and from the Mortal World?

2. What is a battle server? How I should explain the meaning behind my made-up term!

3. How my players should not have infinite re-spawning anymore.

Quoting Pato: “Ahan must recoup the energy spent respawning them somehow.”

So after applying his suggestions, I have made the following changes:

“What is a battle system, you would ask? Well, the entire gaming company he was about to make would have only one person; him!

A battle server was something like a cloud-based server-hosting service that was specifically tailored for his fake VR game by his faith energy. As he could neither afford to purchase nor maintain his own server bank, he would conveniently use his faith energy to do it!”

Another change:

“But, after dying, the players would have to pay the cost of their re-spawn corresponding to their level and they would have to face a two hour time-span for re-spawning, so that when their souls return to their rightful bodies, there are no permanent side-effects to their mind.

Ahan was also unable to infinitely re-spawn the players so he decided to adopt this method of taking a corresponding amount of faith coins to their level to re-spawn. The amount of faith coins needed for re-spawning would be so significant that the players would dread dying and would be more careful. This way Ahan could avoid having to re-spawn them again and again to a particular point.”

Another change:

“The image was a square formation with an Om(Aum) symbol on the inside in the other world’s calligraphy, making it look extremely mysterious. With this, when the player download his game, the content of the fake game will be sent to the virtual reality headset of the player. Then, the image of the formation with the symbol of Om will automatically appear in the soul of the player, branding him/her and their spirit will be sucked into the battle server.

In the battle server, the soul of the players will be imbued with a tinge of his faith energy, which would make their souls, technically, a native of The Mortal World as well. The souls of players, once branded and imbued with a tinge of his faith energy, would be able to travel through the void between the two worlds without losing themselves in the process.

Next, from the battle server, their souls will be sent straight to his Divine Kingdom where they will configure their avatars and descend unto the Mortal World. With this secure plan, there was no way that the players from Earth would ever know that they were in an entirely different world. They would just think that it was all part of the VR game with very realistic graphics and perfect simulation.”

Another one:

“[ Eve of Gods : Visit the World of Maugus, a land of pure magic, mystery, gods and mythical creatures.

Tread the path of a Champion of God Maugus who seeks glory and power! Battle for your right to exist!

This game has been carefully developed by this website for a period of 3 years, almost achieving a 100% near perfect simulation.

Genre: MMORPG

Price: (Beta-version) Free to play

Storage required: 5 TB ]

All that “game data” was stuffed in by Ahan randomly, and the Eve of Gods on the game platform was just a farce to cover up the fact that it was fake VR Game. Only once the players have successfully gone through the process of soul branding would they be able to log-in the game i.e only when their souls had arrived in their respective Avatars would they be able to actually start the game!

Ahan checked everything for the last time and pressed on the ‘Enter’ key.

In a split second, Ahan’s game had been successfully uploaded onto the internet platform.”

Last one:

“[You have died in the game, please wait for 2 hours to re-spawn.]

[You are a Bronze Grade player. The cost of your re-spawn is 100 faith coins.]

[NOTE: With every increase in Grade, the cost will multiply tenfold(10x).] ”

So, these were the important changes I made. I have also applied these important changes to all the other chapters. To all readers, your constructive criticism is always welcome.

For all we know, YOU might be the next Pato who motivates me(forces me) to re-edit all my chapters!

P.S: For anyone who wants to read, here is the copy of his pro-level contructive criticism. I absolutely love this comment, it could have been a great review. Lmao.

“Hey, that’s great! Authors who can take constructive criticism are less likely to stop writing. I’d like it if you didn’t stop writing.

I think you ought to work on the explanation of Ahan’s skills as a God. Currently, all I know is that he waved his hands around, and the game’s system appeared out of nowhere.

Even if it’s not that detailed, I think it would be better if the readers could get a feel for how much time and effort was spent creating this framework in order to allow the souls of players from Earth to be transported to and from the Mortal World. Just adding something like “The souls of players, once branded, would be able to travel through the void between worlds without losing themselves in the process.” would be better than leaving the explanation as what is written here:

Then, the image of the formation with the symbol of Om will automatically appear in the soul of the player, branding him/her and their spirit will be sucked into the battle server. From there, it’ll be sent straight to his Divine Kingdom.

Also, what is a battle server? This is never explained, and I don’t know if it exists in real life or if it’s an Indian thing or if you just made up the term and it actually has no meaning. If you make something up please at least give readers a vague idea of its function.

Based on what you use it for, I imagine that a battle server is something like a cloud-based server-hosting service that is specifically tailored for use by game companies that can’t afford to purchase and maintain their own server banks. Obviously doing something like that isn’t cheap, so it’s probable that many independent developers and small companies would use this service.

He registered a gaming company with the name of “Pantheon” and developed a gaming website which he connected with his system and battle server. He pulled up the back-end management system of his gaming website, keyed in the QR Code of his battle server, and while he was at it, he specially added an image.

It gets a bit confusing when you refer to the “game” as an actual game here, since it’s told to us that what Ahan programmed definitely isn’t a video game; it’s more like a soul branding and transportation algorithm powered by his divine energies. The “content” of the “game” exists in reality somewhere else, so it’s not like any of the “content” needs to be downloaded; only the player’s soul needs to be tampered with in any manner.

Maybe you should also explain how exactly Ahan’s God powers interact with the code he wrote for the game files. Are they somehow infused with his power because magic is magic, or are there many codified prayers to Maugus interspersed throughout the code? I think the latter is a more satisfying explanation, if you plan to go 100% supernatural with the magic and divine abilities in this story. Often, supernatural powers operate on logic that doesn’t hold up to rational investigation, but sounds fine if you know something about folklore and fairy tales.

The image was a square formation with an Om(Aum) symbol on the inside in the other world’s calligraphy, making it look extremely mysterious. With this, when the player downloads his game, the content of the game will be sent to the virtual reality headset of the player.

TL;DR it would be fantastic if you could expound further on Ahan’s abilities as a God, the process by which he created his fake VR game, and how his power interacts with the souls of players.

You should probably also consider making it so that Ahan is unable to infinitely respawn players with the same two-hour waiting interval, since it doesn’t make sense that transporting souls to and from a different world takes zero energy investment on his part. Since this entire system is based upon his power as a God, it ought to consume his power to perform its functions.

Maybe the respawn timer becomes lengthier if you die multiple times within one day or something. Or players lose some of their divine energy (levels) when they die, because Ahan must recoup the energy spent respawning them somehow.”